Wedding Etiquette Forum

AARGH! What is wrong with people?

Lowell14Lowell14 member
Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Im getting married in October this year. I have just finalised my guest list. All VIP's and family and friends coming over from North America were given a save-the-date so they had plenty of time to prepare and save.

Fast Forward to last night where a former friend (who I haven't spoken to in 2 years) sent a message to a mutual friend who is invited. Tracey asked Gareth if he was invited. He replied 'yes'. Tracey told him 'that's what Karen said too'. I have no issue with them telling her they are invited. I have issue with Tracey pushing the issue with Gareth.

Tracey is recently pregnant and is going to Europe a month and a half before her due date...and coming over to where I live. Fine. Travel where you like. But she sent a message to Gareth that said 'Im going to Germany and then on to Ireland (where I live). What is Lowell14's favourite charity? Once Im there, I guess I'll find a charity to donate Lowell14's wedding gift too'

Now, Karen has already said she cannot make it over, so im not 100% sure if Tracey thinks I can just slot them in to the 2 spaces left. Also, she hasnt contacted me AT ALL! she just talks to Gareth which I feel bad about. But Gareth told me not to contact her unless she contacts me.

She just vaguebooks me 'I see you posted a ring on your wall. Do you have something to tell me?' (Why yes, My uncles a jeweller and his rings are beautiful). I congratulated her on the pregnancy (as I would any friend, irl or fb) she then posted on my wall 'You have a countdown too!' 

So far as I know, she doesn't know the time and venue for the wedding. I cant be 100% of her not knowing the date. Part of me is debating sending a private message to our guests and asking them not to post anything wedding-related on my wall...but that may be too much lol

Again, I ask 'What is wrong with people?'


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Re: AARGH! What is wrong with people?

  • She is behaving ridiculously, but you don't have to do anything. She hasn't asked you outright, and you don't know if she is planning on attending. If she just showed up, she would look a fool. Asking about your charity and wanting to get you a gift is really nice. I have given small gifts to friends/ coworkers who have gotten married when I wasn't invited to their weddings. It didn't mean I was asking for an invitation!

    Just leave it be. Don't send a private message, as that is just engaging in dialogue and starting the debate (there is nothing to debate, she isn't invited!). She may just be excited about your wedding, it doesn't mean she would crash your wedding. 

    The best course of action is to ignore it, and if she shows up (which I highly doubt), have the coordinator inform her that she was not invited and will need to leave. 
  • Am I on crazy pills here? I actually don't see her doing anything wrong. So she asked two of your friends if she was invited. Ok, not amazing but I don't really know why those friends had to tell you that. If Gareth is her friend I don't see why he is feeding all this info to you. She hasn't asked if she is invited, she hasn't talked to you about your actual wedding, and she may donate to a charity to celebrate your wedding. Just chill

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  • Lowell14 said:
    What is Lowell14's favourite charity? Once Im there, I guess I'll find a charity to donate Lowell14's wedding gift too'


    Maybe it's just me, but this sounds more like, "I have a gift, but since I won't be at the wedding, I'll find a charity to give it to instead of to Lowell14."

    That seems like the crazy part to me!
  • Turns out, she assumed she was invited. I just got a message on fb ' I'm saddened I wasn't invited in October. I'll still enjoy my time in Ireland.'


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  • Lowell14 said:
    Turns out, she assumed she was invited. I just got a message on fb ' I'm saddened I wasn't invited in October. I'll still enjoy my time in Ireland.'

    Are you going to cave or stay strong?
  • Lowell14 said:
    Turns out, she assumed she was invited. I just got a message on fb ' I'm saddened I wasn't invited in October. I'll still enjoy my time in Ireland.'
    Don't respond to this! Or if you must, just say "I hope you have a wonderful holiday!" and leave it. Don't talk about your wedding. She sounds a bit passive aggressive so don't let her manipulate you into allowing her to attend. This sounds like her way to guilt trip you or start the discussion about attending. 
  • I'm not engaging. If she was invited, she would have been given the basic info a long ago. She can guilt all she wants. She has been passive aggressive before but I don't respond.


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  • Lowell14 said:
    Turns out, she assumed she was invited. I just got a message on fb ' I'm saddened I wasn't invited in October. I'll still enjoy my time in Ireland.'
    Wait, did she include Ireland as part of her European trip during your wedding thinking that she was invited?
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  • I'd just ignore it.  She's being annoying, yes, but don't invest any more emotion in her messages.

    As for the charity thing, does Lowell even want a donation made to charity as a gift?  This annoys me.  And if so, how would she even know what charity to donate to?  
  • I had a similar situation happen to me- someone I'm not close to assumed they'd be invited and talked to mutual friends about it. 

    It made me very uncomfortable at the time, but you know what? She stopped saying anything, and I stopped caring.  This will all pass.  Don't worry.  
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  • This is so freaking crazy. Who plans a trip based on a wedding they don't know if they are invited to or not?! 
  • My sister has invited herself to 4 weddings that I know of and for each of them they were wayyyy out of town and meant she had to book a plane ticket. Some people are really crazy enough to book a trip for a wedding they aren't invited to.
    Soon-to-be Mrs Urbanowicz Wedding Countdown Ticker
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