Not Engaged Yet

Engagement Ring Freakout

I was previously engaged back in 2012. My ex-fiance gave me the ring I'd been dreaming about for years. It was a 2.25 ct cushion cut with a halo and micropave band. It was absolutely perfect. Thin band so wedding band would sit flush and would fit under the stone. The perfect cushion cut that was elegant and what I'd been wanting for years. I can't even describe how happy I was for this ring.

Six months before the wedding, I found out he was cheating on me and as expected, the wedding was called off. Now two years later I'm happily in love with someone new. I am happier than I've ever been, and we knew immediately that we had found the one in each other. 

We've talked about getting married, and he's told me that he wants to do something completely different from what the last one did. He told me to start looking around online to get an idea of what I'd like. Every single time I try, I end up crying. If he shows me something, I end up unable to sleep. Nothing out there looks good to me. It could be the biggest shiniest ring in the world, and I'd still feel like it wasn't me. 

In my heart, I want something different, and I would say yes to him even if he presented me with a piece of string. However, I know that in the back of my mind, I'll be heartbroken about the fact that I can't have the ring I've always wanted. Am I wrong for wanting the same style ring I had before?
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Re: Engagement Ring Freakout

  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I completely agree with @bethsmiles


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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    I'm agreeing with @bethsmiles as well. Its really up to you on whether you think its wrong to want the same style of engagement ring that your exFI gave you. Its a personal choice.

    The perfect ring should be whatever your FI chooses to give you. If he's wanting your opinion on the ring then give him ideas of what you like, but let him pick it out. Its important that you like the ring since you're gonna be wearing it the rest of your life, but if you are worried that wanting the same ring you've already had is wrong, let him make the ultimate decision.

    My advice is this: Look online at different ring styles. GO TO A JEWELER AND TRY SOME ON. You may be surprised that you like a different cut or style that you hadn't thought of before. Trying on rings is very important IMO. I had no idea I liked thin bands until I tried on wedding rings with FI before he proposed. Pick out several rings you like and let him choose from that.
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  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    Like @bethsmiles I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring one style of ring over others, but I do think that your reactions to looking at other rings are a bit extreme.

    If you want a similar style maybe think about a different cut for the center stone, or even a coloured stone. There are lots of ways that you could do something similar without replicating your previous engagement ring.

    Keep in mind though, your BF might feel uncomfortable getting you something so similar to what your former FI purchased. You said you would say yes to him regardless of the ring, so like PP said, you might want to really think about why that exact style is SO important.

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Like @bethsmiles I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring one style of ring over others, but I do think that your reactions to looking at other rings are a bit extreme.

    If you want a similar style maybe think about a different cut for the center stone, or even a coloured stone. There are lots of ways that you could do something similar without replicating your previous engagement ring.

    Keep in mind though, your BF might feel uncomfortable getting you something so similar to what your former FI purchased. You said you would say yes to him regardless of the ring, so like PP said, you might want to really think about why that exact style is SO important.

    This is a great idea to have something similar but still obviously different. There are a lot of gorgeous gemstones out there that are great for engagement rings!


    Blackbird230
  • I agree with @bethsmiles.

    Also, perhaps he can't afford the same 2+ct diamond you had the first time, so he's going for an entirely different aesthetic so he won't feel like he failed you.

    Also, did you keep the ring from your first engagement?  If you did, maybe you could reuse the center stone in a new setting?  (Not sure I'd love this idea myself, but I'm throwing out options.)
    bethsmiles
  • I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking. 

    I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone. 

    Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

    I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.
  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest member
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    I guess there's something to be said for knowing exactly what you want, but I really do think you're putting too much emphasis on the ring. Also, I would maybe not be so harsh when describing how much you don't like other styles of rings... you may end up offending people on here with those styles. 

    I would sit down with your BF and have a conversation about it. If he's really that uncomfortable with a similar ring to your previous one, then you'll need to figure out a way to compromise. If he's open to the same style, then just stick with what you like. 


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  • I've tried everything, and I think that's why I'm so frustrated. I've seen and tried on everything, but nothing even comes close. You could hand me the biggest, brightest, shiniest ring ever...but I'm still not going to like it. I'm starting to think I would rather not get married at all, and just be happy, then spend the rest of my life staring at something that makes me want to cry.

  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking. 

    I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone. 

    Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

    I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.
    Holy crap! Well let me just go flush my ugly ring down the toilet and tell my husband that our taste in jewelry sucks!
    Same here. Apparently my round diamond is boring and my sapphires look like they belong in a cocktail ring.
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  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I've tried everything, and I think that's why I'm so frustrated. I've seen and tried on everything, but nothing even comes close. You could hand me the biggest, brightest, shiniest ring ever...but I'm still not going to like it. I'm starting to think I would rather not get married at all, and just be happy, then spend the rest of my life staring at something that makes me want to cry.

    Wow. You're seriously missing the whole point of marriage here. Are you sure you're mature enough for this? 


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  • BreMRBreMR member
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    I can't even imagine crying about a lovely piece of jewelry. I agree with @twodimes, just don't get a ring
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Aww, my round moissanite must be especially tacky. It's not even a diamond - how could it be bridal?

    OP, get over yourself. Save up and buy a ring if it matters that much to you.
    [Deleted User][Deleted User]CLoGreenEyesLeiannl
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was previously engaged back in 2012. My ex-fiance gave me the ring I'd been dreaming about for years. It was a 2.25 ct cushion cut with a halo and micropave band. It was absolutely perfect. Thin band so wedding band would sit flush and would fit under the stone. The perfect cushion cut that was elegant and what I'd been wanting for years. I can't even describe how happy I was for this ring.

    Six months before the wedding, I found out he was cheating on me and as expected, the wedding was called off. Now two years later I'm happily in love with someone new. I am happier than I've ever been, and we knew immediately that we had found the one in each other. 

    We've talked about getting married, and he's told me that he wants to do something completely different from what the last one did. He told me to start looking around online to get an idea of what I'd like. Every single time I try, I end up crying. If he shows me something, I end up unable to sleep. Nothing out there looks good to me. It could be the biggest shiniest ring in the world, and I'd still feel like it wasn't me. 

    In my heart, I want something different, and I would say yes to him even if he presented me with a piece of string. However, I know that in the back of my mind, I'll be heartbroken about the fact that I can't have the ring I've always wanted. Am I wrong for wanting the same style ring I had before?
    JIC



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  • justbeingme93justbeingme93 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Alright, I'm not usually snarky. But, I couldn't pass up on this gif. 





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  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    OP - I was going to offer some sincere advice, and even call in other regs that didn't necessarily LOVE their rings, but you don't even deserve that. Geez, I'm sure glad I had a phone call to make before responding…

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    carliealissa
  • I'm agreeing with @bethsmiles as well. Its really up to you on whether you think its wrong to want the same style of engagement ring that your exFI gave you. Its a personal choice.

    The perfect ring should be whatever your FI chooses to give you. If he's wanting your opinion on the ring then give him ideas of what you like, but let him pick it out. Its important that you like the ring since you're gonna be wearing it the rest of your life, but if you are worried that wanting the same ring you've already had is wrong, let him make the ultimate decision.

    My advice is this: Look online at different ring styles. GO TO A JEWELER AND TRY SOME ON. You may be surprised that you like a different cut or style that you hadn't thought of before. Trying on rings is very important IMO. I had no idea I liked thin bands until I tried on wedding rings with FI before he proposed. Pick out several rings you like and let him choose from that.
    Meh, I think I know what you're getting at here, @severmilli12, but I don't agree completely. Traditionally (read: in the olden days), the men picked out the ring and the women just accepted them. In this day and age, women can (and should, if it's important to them) have a big say in what their ring looks like. It's one of my regrets from our wedding process that I didn't have more say in my ring.

    And OP - eff that noise. My round diamond looks effing PHENOMENAL on my hand. My ring has color in it (blue enamel) and it definitely looks bridal, even though I have a thick band. I guess I'd get points for at least having my wedding band sit flush with the e-ring. What kind of entitled brat seriously can't find one other kind of ring that they like? I get it, your previous FI got you an awesome ring. Poor you for having to find ANOTHER awesome ring.
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  • I have nothing to say really but I just wanted an excuse to post Prince

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