Wedding Etiquette Forum

Would you side eye this ? NWR

So I have a good friend who has two boys that are about two weeks apart. One is 11 and the other is 4. So naturally she does a joint bday party every year.

She recently created the FB invite instead of sending out formal invites, totally fine, and the party is usually fun. For a kids party anyway. So this year she posted in the FB event "suggestions" for gifts for the boys. She included their clothing sizes and what their current interests are. Now I would never show up empty handed and it's not exactly ASKING got gifts but it seems a little presumptuous to me. Am I wrong?
«134

Re: Would you side eye this ? NWR

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yes I would side-eye if I saw that.  It's the equivilent of putting registry cards in wedding invites.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    holyguacamole79doeydo
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SJM7538 said:
    So I have a good friend who has two boys that are about two weeks apart. One is 11 and the other is 4. So naturally she does a joint bday party every year. She recently created the FB invite instead of sending out formal invites, totally fine, and the party is usually fun. For a kids party anyway. So this year she posted in the FB event "suggestions" for gifts for the boys. She included their clothing sizes and what their current interests are. Now I would never show up empty handed and it's not exactly ASKING got gifts but it seems a little presumptuous to me. Am I wrong?
    That is horrible. I am side-eye that so much. My word, how unbelievably shameless. I would definitely be getting a gift somewhere else. And maybe an etiquette book for the mother as a hostess gift as well. 
    doeydo
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are not wrong! People certainly can offer suggestions for gifts, but only after they are asked.
    doeydo
  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2014
    I wouldn't side eye this.  She is pretty much providing information that everyone will just end up asking her.  And typically with kid parties gifts are almost always expected.  I know gifts should never be expected but when it comes to kids birthday parties I have never been to one empty handed or have there been no gifts.
    I feel the same way... You usually want to know what size the child wears or what things they're into. It's not like she's saying you HAVE to get from this list, but in case you want ideas, there they are.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    jdluvr06
  • I would not think highly of it, but it wouldn't be enough to be a friendship-ending move. I agree, it's tacky. But, I then would know what to buy (as I have no experience with male children of those ages.) I'd roll my eyes and move on.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

    doeydolc07
  • No, I wouldn't side eye that.  A kid's birthday party, especially for little kids, is a gift giving event.  Like Maggie said, I would never go to one without a present nor have I been to one where there aren't presents.  It would be incredibly helpful to me to have that information listed since kid's interests can change swiftly and often.  I don't see it any different than including registry info in a shower invite.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would not side-eye it b/c it is an invitation to a child's birthday party. I agree with Maggie and melbellup. People are going to ask her these questions anyway. I just view the etiquette of a child's birthday party invitation, particularly via FB event, differently than I do a wedding invitation. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    jdluvr06PrettyGirlLostknottie83bd5c83a89b9680
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited July 2014
    If it were done tastefully: List in info but not plastered all over the event wall, then I wouldn't side-eye that. But if were a status update, or constant reminders, I would totally side-eye it. I believe it depends on the manner in which it is done.

    ETF: Gosh, I can't spell today



    thisismynickname2
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    daria24 said:
    Meh, it would depend on how specific it is. "John is a size 7, and he loves Spiderman, My Little Ponies, and mystery books?" It wouldn't bother me. 

    "John is a size 7 and here is an Amazon wish list of 50 toys he wants?" Side-eye.
    Exactly. And what Emma said, too. Years ago, heinous cousin had her son register at Toys R Us for his birthday. I thought that was a bit much. She also put together a spreadsheet for themselves and all 4 of their kids for Christmas one year and emailed it to the family. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    melbelleupOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLostknottie83bd5c83a89b9680
  • Yeah, I'm on the side of not-tacky.  As long as it's not the big focus of the invitation, and she's just throwing out helpful suggestions.  

    SaveSave
    PrettyGirlLost
  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I wouldn't give that a second thought. These are questions many people ask when you have children's birthday parties & is probably a sanity-saver for her. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Ok I guess I just thought too much about it! Thanks everyone!
  • AS a non-parent, I would find it overwhelmingly helpful!  My guess, is that previous hers people have asked, so she thought this was a better way to provide the information.  She is offering suggestion, not dictating that you buy them specific gifts.  I always prefer to give gifts that a person (especially a child) would actually want)  Definitely on team not-side eye!
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    scribe95 said:
    Child birthday parties generally require a gift. So I don't have any problem with what she did. I totally would have emailed and asked that. I see it similar as a shower, which is a gift giving event and registry info is okay. Plus she didn't give a list of specific toys, just sizes and interests, which is nice.
    and we wonder why there is a generation of entitled kids?

    Most kids do get gifts, but at no point should it be required.   If it is required when does it stop?    One of the kids is 11.

      I call BS.  If we should teach kids a young age it's good manners to write a TY we should also be teaching them gifts are not to be expected when you give someone an invitation.    Giving out sizes and such is just like sending out registration cards in any other invite.  Tacky.

    Invitations invite people to a hosted party.  They are NOT an invite to bring a gift (with the exception of a shower, but I hate showers too).

    No wonder we have so many newbs coming in with a sense of entitlement.  With an attitude the gifts are required when you invite people to a party it's all they know. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    RebeccaFlowerdoeydolc07
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Not side-eyeing. It helps me get something the kids would want.
  • You are not wrong! People certainly can offer suggestions for gifts, but only after they are asked.
    Maybe she's already had a ton of people ask her so she thought this would be easier on her guests.  This way they have something they can reference if they forget what she told them.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think I would side eye it much. FI and I had no idea what to get his 5 year old cousin a few weeks ago for his bday party. FI ended up reaching out to his cousin asking for suggestions. So it would be helpful info to have.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

  • Having 3 kids of my own I got tired of the endless stream of questions, what do they like, what size do they wear(not all 2 year olds wear 2T for example), where do you shop? And yes to the non-parents on here, you get asked these a lot.  Letting me know little johnny wears size x and little susie likes my little pony is helpful, but not really a registry of get them this, this, and this. It helps me get them something I know they may like. And if I choose clothing, one less thing mom or dad has to take back to exchange because it doesn't fit, that is a freaking nightmare. 

    A birthday party for a child is a lot like a shower, a gift is practically mandatory. Just think back to when you were a kid and had a party. You, general you, would have been incredibly hurt to see a friend show up without a gift. I know I had to go to a party without a gift once and I was embarressed to show up without one. 

    Now a birthday party for teens and adults is a different matter altogether. But for little kids, yeah you show up with a gift.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I would not side eye this. I look at it like putting registry info in shower invites. I've never gone to a birthday party without a gift. I always end up having to ask for clothing size so if someone gives it to me without asking, it saves me a phone call or email to get info anyway. Not a big deal in my book.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I wouldn't side eye this.  She is pretty much providing information that everyone will just end up asking her.  And typically with kid parties gifts are almost always expected.  I know gifts should never be expected but when it comes to kids birthday parties I have never been to one empty handed or have there been no gifts.
    Ditto this exactly. I'd appreciate the info beceause I never know what to buy a kid. 

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    My parents always made us pick out gifts for our friends. And we had plenty of kids show up without gifts over the years. We were taught never to expect them, but always to bring them.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    lc07cowgirl8238
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    scribe95 said:
    Seriously, birthdays and Christmas are like the only times in life kids know they are going to get gifts. I'm not going to think less of them for that. It's reality.
    Hell even adults think this way.  Maybe less with their birthdays but most people definitely assume they are going to get some kind of gift on Christmas.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Yeah I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I actually think it would be helpful. Actually even though I'm not a parent yet I get these questions all the time for nephews and niece. If I'm getting these questions I can't imagine how many people are calling and asking my sister.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I wouldn't be offended by it at all.  It's actually nice to have some guidelines to follow when shopping for kids.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I wouldn't side-eye it. It's a birthday party and usually it's the parents that buys the gifts for the birthday kids, not their kids that are friends with them. I remember my parents always asking me what my friend liked whenever I got invited to a party when I was a kid and my answer was always "I dunno" so it might be a nice guideline thing for the parents who want to get them something.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow, I am seriously surprised at some of the PP's reactions, or lack there of.  When I had birthday parties as a kid, I would make an invite on the computer, print it out, and bring them to my friends when I next saw them.  No registry or details needed.  If they needed ideas for gifts, then sure, they could ask me or my mom.  But that would never make it OK for me or my mom to include details of what I would like for gifts in the invites or somehow else tell everyone that was invited details so they can get me the perfect gifts.  I think the mom should suck it up if "people keep asking her" and not be so presumptuous.  Gifts are not a requirement to a birthday party, ever.  Parents should be teaching their kids not to be self-entitled brats that expect gifts from every guest.
    image
    RebeccaB88lc07
  • doeydo said:
    Wow, I am seriously surprised at some of the PP's reactions, or lack there of.  When I had birthday parties as a kid, I would make an invite on the computer, print it out, and bring them to my friends when I next saw them.  No registry or details needed.  If they needed ideas for gifts, then sure, they could ask me or my mom.  But that would never make it OK for me or my mom to include details of what I would like for gifts in the invites or somehow else tell everyone that was invited details so they can get me the perfect gifts.  I think the mom should suck it up if "people keep asking her" and not be so presumptuous.  Gifts are not a requirement to a birthday party, ever.  Parents should be teaching their kids not to be self-entitled brats that expect gifts from every guest.
    Who said she's teaching her kid that?  She may never have brought up the idea of gifts to the child.  She may be talking to the child about the fact that people may or may not bring gifts to the party. I honestly see this as just her trying to make things easier on people.  


    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    AddieCakemanillabarPrettyGirlLost
  • I definitely think the list would be helpful. It doesn't necessarily mean that the parent is teaching their child to expect gifts. My mom would always tell my relatives and friend's parents what I liked and I made a list for my birthday just like at Christmas. I appreciated anything I got though. And the list was usually generic: Pokemon stuff, horse stuff, books, etc.
    My parents taught me so well that when I was ten and my best friend's mom picked out a set of horse figurines meant for a four year old, we laughed. It said 3+ on the box so she thought it would be appropriate, after all, I was over 3. It played "Farmer in the Dell" when you pressed a pink heart on it's side. My friend was humiliated at having to bring that, but we put it to good use driving my mom crazy on the way to the movies.
    PrettyGirlLostTerriHugg
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards