What happens the day after the wedding?

Sammyantha13 · July 2014

We got a call from FI's dad today, who informed us that FI's aunt is pregnant. (Yay!) He said that she thought of having her baby shower the day after our wedding, on Sunday, since all the family will already be in town for our wedding. So he wanted us to think about it and decide if it was okay with us since it is "our weekend."

I said I have no problem with it, it makes sense since the family will be there, and I don't really know what goes on the day after the wedding--other than people leaving and cleaning stuff up/returning rentals, etc. I did think that maybe FI and I would take our parents to a nice brunch as a way of thanking them for their help. So in that case, should I call up FI's aunt to discuss that plan with her, to kind of ask her to make her shower for the afternoon so we can go to brunch, or is that rude?

huskypuppy14 · July 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

We got a call from FI's dad today, who informed us that FI's aunt is pregnant. (Yay!) He said that she thought of having her baby shower the day after our wedding, on Sunday, since all the family will already be in town for our wedding. So he wanted us to think about it and decide if it was okay with us since it is "our weekend."

I said I have no problem with it, it makes sense since the family will be there, and I don't really know what goes on the day after the wedding--other than people leaving and cleaning stuff up/returning rentals, etc. I did think that maybe FI and I would take our parents to a nice brunch as a way of thanking them for their help. So in that case, should I call up FI's aunt to discuss that plan with her, to kind of ask her to make her shower for the afternoon so we can go to brunch, or is that rude?

Well the Aunt shouldn't be planning her own baby shower, but she or the hosts can plan it for whenever they want, they are not required to consult you. However, they cannot be mad if you or your MIL don't want to attend.

Are you planning on going to this shower? The day after my wedding, my husband and I had to return a couple things and then we had lunch at my husband's parents house, which some of my husband's family came, and my parents and one of my sisters and her husband. It was nice, but very laid back since we were so tired from the weekend. I don't think I would have attended a shower, if I were invited.

AddieCake · July 2014

What happens the day after is very individualized. Some people just want to relax. Others do have brunches, etc. Some leave on their honeymoons. We met up with our OOT guests and went for breakfast and then to do some touristy stuff with them. It's up to you whether or not you want to go to a baby shower.

ETA: I guess the only thing I can think of being a problem is that people may be bothered at having to purchase or travel with multiple gifts at that time.

mysticl · July 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

We got a call from FI's dad today, who informed us that FI's aunt is pregnant. (Yay!) He said that she thought of having her baby shower the day after our wedding, on Sunday, since all the family will already be in town for our wedding. So he wanted us to think about it and decide if it was okay with us since it is "our weekend."

I said I have no problem with it, it makes sense since the family will be there, and I don't really know what goes on the day after the wedding--other than people leaving and cleaning stuff up/returning rentals, etc. I did think that maybe FI and I would take our parents to a nice brunch as a way of thanking them for their help. So in that case, should I call up FI's aunt to discuss that plan with her, to kind of ask her to make her shower for the afternoon so we can go to brunch, or is that rude?

The whole point of the having the shower the day after your wedding is because family will be in town. If she holds off till afternoon they may not be able to attend because they have to get back home. If you want to thank your parents you can do that at any meal so my suggestion would be see when the shower gets scheduled for and then work around that.

ETA: Personally I'd be really annoyed to be asked not hold an event at a certain time on a certain day because it interfered with your brunch plans that only affect a total of 2 or 4 of the guests (depending on if it's a co-ed shower). They may have asked you because they were wondering if you had an actual event planned for the next day (like brunch for the whole family), not because they didn't want to interfere with your personal plans. They may even be assuming you aren't planning to attend since it is the day after your wedding.

Sammyantha13 · July 2014

At this point I don't know if I will go to the shower or not. Part of me says I should, since I'll already be in the state, part of me says I won't want to since I'll be tired from the wedding and just want to relax with FI and my side of the family before they leave. It's also possible that we could be leaving for a honeymoon that day.

@mysticl , brunch could be our only option to take his parents to eat. The wedding will be in Ohio, his parents live in Colorado and we will be living in North Dakota at that point. And this Christmas we were planning on going to my family in Virginia. So we won't see his parents after the wedding weekend until who knows when, sometime in 2015. If they are leaving that Sunday to go back to CO then brunch is our only option. So I guess in that case, his aunt can schedule her shower for whenever she'd like to get the most family there, but FI and his parents and I will probably go to brunch and do our own thing. I guess I know what to do! Haha. Thanks for your thoughts.

emmyg65 · July 2014

We were so tired the day after our wedding. We stopped by the venue to finish cleaning up and then came home and napped.

April192002 · July 2014

That was very considerate of them to ask if you mind the shower being the day after your wedding. It sounds like your future in-laws don't have specific plans yet for when they're leaving. Maybe you could have breakfast before the shower, assuming they would want to attend the shower as well? Do your FI's parents live near Aunt? If so, they might not necessarily feel the need to attend.

lc07 · July 2014

"What happens the day after the wedding"

-You wake up in your wedding hairdo and spend fifty hours pulling out bobbi pins only to find more and more lodged in your head as the day goes on.

-You eat. All the food.

-You want to sleep more.

-You have more sex.

Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

lc07 said:

"What happens the day after the wedding"

-You wake up in your wedding hairdo and spend fifty hours pulling out bobbi pins only to find more and more lodged in your head as the day goes on.
-You eat. All the food.
-You want to sleep more.
-You have more sex.

Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

This is pure brilliance.

lc07 · July 2014

RebeccaFlower said: lc07 said: "What happens the day after the wedding"
-You wake up in your wedding hairdo and spend fifty hours pulling out bobbi pins only to find more and more lodged in your head as the day goes on.-You eat. All the food.-You want to sleep more.-You have more sex.
Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower. This is pure brilliance. ***Quote Boxes Acting Strangely****
Thanks! I should add, that I would not tell the Aunt or anyone else that she shouldn't hold her shower that day. I just personally would not attend. Especially if it was a girls-only thing. No way I'm ditching my husband the day after we get married to go to a baby shower.

melbenso · July 2014

We packed up, checked out of the hotel and then... We slept all day. And we needed it.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2014

The day after the wedding we had brunch with everyone at the hotel who stayed the night, packed up, unpacked at home ( took out the bobby pins the night before) we were exhausted, we napped, opened gifts and had sex. A baby shower make sense since the family is already in town.

VerizonGirl · July 2014

This exactly: Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.

AddieCake · July 2014

VerizonGirl said:

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.

This attitude is absurd. You make it sound like it's the law.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

AddieCake said:

VerizonGirl said:

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.

This attitude is absurd. You make it sound like it's the law.

I agree. While I wouldn't go to a baby shower (especially without my brand new husband), my husband and I hosted a fabulous brunch for our OOT guests in our new home (many will probably never see it again). Everyone was gone by 1pm and we had the afternoon to ourselves.

OP, you can do whatever you want the next day, just don't feel guilted to go to a shower. In my family, they would probably be irritated to have to go to two big events and basically give up the whole weekend.

lizzypoo96 · July 2014

Tell aunt they are more than welcome to schedule a shower, but you hope she'll understand that you may not make it yourself. I'm sure she'll understand.

indianaalum · July 2014

The next day. We hosted a breakfast for anyone who stayed at the hotel ( I think this is fairly common). We then picked up stuff we left at our venue that their staff cleaned up. We dropped it off all at home, and then we drove to another hotel downtown and stayed the night away from home (since we didn't go on honeymoon immediately).

We basically were soo tired, we went to hotel and crashed for several hours! LOL

I second the spending hours pulling out bobby pins! he he

We basically disconnected from the world for a day to have to ourselves, so I definitely would NOT have attended a shower.

Although it is fine for her shower to be that day....truth be told, it might backfire on her anyway. My guess is people who go to the shower will still be talking about your wedding and she will find the attention may not be on her like she hopes. I am guessing she will also have alot of tired people who either are 1) hungover-if that is your crowd or 2) just tired from the prior event so they decide not to go last minute

sarahonlife · July 2014

We got up fairly early, packed up the rest of the stuff from the venue, picked up our dog from boarding, and had everyone over for a massive 4th of July barbecue and fireworks at our favorite park. The day after that was when we hosted a breakfast/brunch (though I guess technically my brother ended up hosting) and eventually kicked everyone out and took a nap.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I say just let them do what they do. The day after my wedding, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was slow-moving, but still managed to have brunch, open presents, and say thank-yous and goodbyes to guests that needed to hit the road. I say take your time, let them plan for whatever time they want, and just let them know that if it's early in the day you might be running late. Most people understand that the bride and groom are going to be tired and won't expect much from you. I've never seen anyone get upset because two people were slow-moving the day after their wedding.

Aray82 · July 2014

lc07 said:

"What happens the day after the wedding"

-You wake up in your wedding hairdo and spend fifty hours pulling out bobbi pins only to find more and more lodged in your head as the day goes on.
-You eat. All the food.
-You want to sleep more.
-You have more sex.

Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

Our pre-marital counselors at church told us that since we'll be stressed on the wedding night and "certain things might not work properly" that we night not be able to "consummate our marriage" until the day after. I couldn't even look at FI while they were talking for fear of laughing. So yeah...sex, apparently is what happens. But honestly it's whatever you have time for/feel like doing.

Sammyantha13 · July 2014

Thanks for the responses everyone!

I will let his aunt know that it's fine by us, we just probably won't attend because of the brunch/doing our own thing. FI's parents can decide if they want to go to the shower after brunch.

@VerizonGirl, I don't completely agree. I know we'll be exhausted but we'll want to see our immediate family off. Like I said, one set of parents lives in Colorado, one in Virginia and we'll be living in North Dakota. So it's not like we all have the opportunity to see each other much, and when we do we make the most of it. The way I see it, the honeymoon is exclusive time for just hubby and I.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

VerizonGirl said:
This exactly: Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.

You make it sounds like the couple just did an Ironman, not a wedding. We got up, had breakfast at our hotel, went to Mass, and hosted a BBQ at our house for friends & family (mostly for the OOT ones whom we get to see maybe every other year). Also, I had time not only for a shower, but a bubble bath in the hotel. It was glorious.

huskypuppy14 · July 2014

sarahbear31 said:

This exactly: Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.
You make it sounds like the couple just did an Ironman, not a wedding. We got up, had breakfast at our hotel, went to Mass, and hosted a BBQ at our house for friends & family (mostly for the OOT ones whom we get to see maybe every other year). Also, I had time not only for a shower, but a bubble bath in the hotel. It was glorious.

She means a baby shower, not a washing up shower.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

sarahbear31 said:

This exactly: Bottom line: Bobbi Pins. Food. Sex. Sleep. Ain't nobody got time for a shower.

You and your new husband will be totally exhausted, but you will push on and get on with your marriage and your honeymoon. No parents brunch, no shower. Just YOU and HUSBAND. Period.
You make it sounds like the couple just did an Ironman, not a wedding. We got up, had breakfast at our hotel, went to Mass, and hosted a BBQ at our house for friends & family (mostly for the OOT ones whom we get to see maybe every other year). Also, I had time not only for a shower, but a bubble bath in the hotel. It was glorious.

She means a baby shower, not a washing up shower.

LOL! I have no idea why I didn't get that. I was like "seriously, she didn't wash the hair product out? " thanks!

syoun1nj · July 2014

Psh my hairstyle did NOT last til the next morning. I wouldnt have been able to sleep with bobby pins stabbing me!

We had breakfast with family at the hotel, packed up, picked up everything from the venue, went home, opened gifts, and collapsed and lounged around the house all day. I wouldnt have wanted to attend a baby shower but I rarely do anyway...

JennyColada · July 2014

We are leaving on an 8:30am flight for our honeymoon the day after our wedding.

I kind of wish I would have time to sleep in and share another meal with our families, but alas.

I don't really like baby showers and don't really attend them anyway.

LDay2014 · July 2014

I remember my first wedding...here was the post wedding sequence of events.

back to the room, and remove 150+ bobby pins
shower
go through envelopes
SLEEP (no sex, too tired)
Woke up
Brunch with hotel guests
Pick up leftover stuff from venue
Drive home
Unpack car from gifts, luggage etc
SLEEP

You're going to be tired, possibly slightly hung over

and likely want to spend some time with your new husband. I wouldn't commit myself to any plans the following day.

schellzinator · July 2014

The day after our wedding - we went to the lobby and had breakfast (not a pre-planned brunch). This was nice because we saw majority of our guests as well who were also having breakfast. Then we finished up - packed up the car (locked myself out of the room at least three times), stopped at the venue and picked up our remaining wedding things. Finally hit the road for the three hour drive home. Once home - we finished packing for the honeymoon (left for three-week trip to Europe the next day) and ordered Chinese food. It was glorious! So nice to sit at home and enjoy quiet time with my now hubby and our pup.

I don't see anything wrong with the family having the shower, but I would probably decline. I don't think my family would mind if I declined. I know that some families are different though...

Maggie0829 · July 2014

The day after our wedding we checked out of the hotel and drove back to our house with my parents. At that point H went to bed because he was hung over and my Mom and I opened up the gifts and cards H and I were given and organized a few things. Then I took a nap. After an hour I had to get up because my Grandmother was stopping by for some leftover cake. Once she left I woke H up because we had to pack for our HM.

I know that I would not have wanted to attend a baby shower the day after my wedding. I despise baby showers on a normal basis but the day after my wedding when I am dead tired a baby shower would have been hell on earth. But that is me and OP you may feel different. Really it is up to you whether or not you want to attend. If you decline your family shouldn't make you feel bad about it because just like for your wedding, a baby shower invitation is just that, an invite not a summons.

kgd7357 · July 2014

We did bagel, mimosa, collect lost stuff.

climbingsingle · July 2014

We're going to be having brunch with the people that stayed overnight at the resort. Then we'll be hitting the spa for some treatments. Personally, I'd skip out on the shower.

What happens the day after the wedding?

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