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"Stag" party?

hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Last night I came home to find an envelope marked "tickets" and asked my fiancé what it was. He said his friend was selling tickets for someone's stag party and left the envelope in his car.

I have never heard of this and asked him to explain what it was. He said this guy is getting married and fiance's friend, who isn't especially close with this person, is selling tickets to what essentially sounds like a fundraiser/bachelor party for the guy getting married. My fiancé isn't even sure if his friend selling tickets is invited to the wedding, he just knows the guy's mom and is doing it as a favor to her.

I just about fell off my seat in shock. My jaw dropped. To me this sounded like the rudest, most tacky thing imaginable. My fiancé said everyone around here does this and he never even thought twice about it. He said someone he graduated high school with recently sent a Facebook invite to every man on his friends list inviting them to buy tickets for his stag party.

I'm from NY and now live in New England in the town my fiancé grew up in. It's really only an hour plus from where I grew up and I have never heard of such a thing. This is absolutely not done where I am from.

Is this a regional thing? Has anyone else heard of this? I'm afraid my fiancé's brother will want to do this for him since his brother apparently had one when he got married. Am I overreacting about this?
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Re: "Stag" party?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    It is pretty regional (northern New England and Canada, I believe).  And yes I have heard of it and  it is extremely tacky as hell.

    And typically, no, even if you buy tickets you aren't guaranteed an invite to the wedding.  Many times these things are open to the public and anyone can buy tickets.  I just find it disgusting that people need to hold a fundraiser to pay for their wedding and are willing to take the money from anyone and everyone, even people that they don't know.

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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    I've heard of it although I don't think it's common where I live, and yes, it is the most tacky thing imaginable.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    It's more common in some places, but certainly never ok.

    It's a fundraiser for the wedding and even if your FI goes, you may not be invited to the wedding itself. Even if you are and wind up attending, don't be surprised if there are all kinds of money grubbing things at the wedding - dollar dance, honeymoon jar, etc. People who do stuff like this seem to have a hard time knowing when to stop asking for money...


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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    edited July 2014
    I am from Central MA and it seems like everyone I know from Western MA does it!!! (I went to college there which is why I know as many people out there as I do!)

    ETA- actually I never heard of it as just a stag party...  its usually a "jack and jill" with both the bride and groom... besides that same thing
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  • hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
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    It's strange because cash bars seem very uncommon in this state. Every single venue we looked at only offered open bars with no option to do cash bars. Yet this stag party thing is pretty common here...
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
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    ahyatt87 said:
    Please do not blame this on Canada! As a Canadian I also find this incredibly tacky and it is not something done in my area of Ontario. DH has a friend who is from rural/small town Ontario and apparently buck and Doe parties are common for that friend (e.g., bride and groom attend, guests pay for admission, there are raffle tickets sold for big ticket items, like flat screen TVs, sporting tickets, etc.). I don't think bad manners can ever be chalked up to regions.
    THANK YOU.
    Yeah, this really grinds my gears. I avoid them at all costs and think they're extremely rude. I've found they're more common when you get more rural, but that certainly doesn't make that okay. 
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    edited July 2014
    Are you in central or western Mass? It seems to be a regional thing and I agree that it's horribly tacky. I've never been invited to one, fortunately. And I don't know anyone in Eastern Mass who have done one though. 

    bubblegum1309 I saw your post after I commented. I know people in central ma who have done it, but I also went to school in Western Mass and saw it there as well like you said.

    Although based on the comment about the open bar, I'm going to assume Connecticut.
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  • stef42188stef42188 member
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    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    stef42188 said:
    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/
    People who are friends or family of the couple doing the rude thing tend to always go along with it because typically your nearest and dearest don't want to hurt your feelings or fluff your feathers by telling you that your idea is rude as hell.

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  • stef42188stef42188 member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    stef42188 said:
    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/
    People who are friends or family of the couple doing the rude thing tend to always go along with it because typically your nearest and dearest don't want to hurt your feelings or fluff your feathers by telling you that your idea is rude as hell.
    Pretty much. I think FI goes to them for this exact reason. This is why they continue to exist and why people still think it's okay to have them - because they've been deluded by others being fake nice.
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  • hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
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    @stef42188‌ I live in CT too. What surprises me is these are unheard of in NY, but so common just across the border in CT. And I had never heard of the dollar dance until I came on here either.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I've only heard about these kind of parties here on TK. Definitely not done in NY where I'm from. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    stef42188 said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    stef42188 said:
    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/
    People who are friends or family of the couple doing the rude thing tend to always go along with it because typically your nearest and dearest don't want to hurt your feelings or fluff your feathers by telling you that your idea is rude as hell.
    Pretty much. I think FI goes to them for this exact reason. This is why they continue to exist and why people still think it's okay to have them - because they've been deluded by others being fake nice.
    Yup.  It is an endless horrible circle of tacky rudness.

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  • daria24daria24 member
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    I wish there was a map with the "Stag & Doe belt on it. Because my friend in Erie, PA says they are very common, yet I don't think they are common anywhere in NY. Then they are common in CT, Western MA, and parts of Canada. 

    HOW DID THIS SHIT SPREAD?
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
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    I had NEVER heard of this tacky phenomenon until TK, and I've lived in the midwest, east coast and now the west coast.  Gross gross gross.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
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    I live in small-town eastern Canada and had never heard of this either. There are often fundraisers that anyone and everyone goes to, but they're for families who have been impacted by an illness or tragic accident - I don't think weddings would count! I asked my mother to see if it was an older/more rural tradition but she'd never heard of it either.
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  • ab6704aab6704a member
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    I live in NH and I had not heard of these until a local Facebook friend recently had one.  They initially posted an invite on FB asking people to attend to help raise money for their wedding.  Then after it was done, went back on FB to post that they really appreciated everybody turning out and that they had "raised $XXXX.XX and hadn't even opened all their cards yet".   

    Just so wrong.

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    New Yorker here, and I only found out about these because of this site. They sound so incredibly tacky.
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  • mrsmagicgeekmrsmagicgeek member
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    I'm from central NY and at least one of our friends did this. I don't know if it's common or not, I just thought it was weird.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
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    I have never heard of Stag and Doe till coming here.

    That said, I have seen a TON of dollar dances in my day.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    My Canadian bridesmaid told me about them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • SuperSweet2014SuperSweet2014 member
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    One of my coworkers (in PA) just went to one a few weeks ago.  It was the first I had ever heard of it and when she was telling me, I looked at her like she was crazy!
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  • casey8784casey8784 member
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    I'm from Eastern MA and I hadn't heard of it until I came on this website. Also had never heard of a dollar dance or money tree until reading threads on this site, either.
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  • lizzypoo96lizzypoo96 member
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    daria24 said:
    I wish there was a map with the "Stag & Doe belt on it. Because my friend in Erie, PA says they are very common, yet I don't think they are common anywhere in NY. Then they are common in CT, Western MA, and parts of Canada. 

    HOW DID THIS SHIT SPREAD?
    I can tell you exactly where the belt is! haha I Live in Rochester, NY and had never heard of them! You drive an hour west to Buffalo (on the way to Erie) and they're expected. 

    BUT- the way it was explained to me is that it's not so much a "fundraiser" as it is more like a "cover charge" to pay for beer and food at the bachelor party. 

    I guess at a lot of these there might be a band (paid for by ticket sales), card tournaments, and raffles. Guys tend to invite as many people as they can, because, obviously, the more tickets you sell, the bigger the party can be. It breaks every rule of "proper" etiquette, but the guys like them- it seems to be an excuse for a good party, even if they don't know the groom well.
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
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    stef42188 said:
    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/



    STUCK IN BOX

    DUDE!!!! CT? I grew up in CT and live here now. I'm shocked to hear that this is common in the state. I had never heard of these types of parties until I came to the knot. And as I plan my wedding, I have not heard them mentioned by any one. And I most definitely find them baffling and tacky. 
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  • stef42188stef42188 member
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    lilacck28 said:


    stef42188 said:

    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/



    STUCK IN BOX

    DUDE!!!! CT? I grew up in CT and live here now. I'm shocked to hear that this is common in the state. I had never heard of these types of parties until I came to the knot. And as I plan my wedding, I have not heard them mentioned by any one. And I most definitely find them baffling and tacky. 




    It's mostly in New Haven county I think. FI says it's an old Italian thing (not so sure about this bc I'm Italian too and my family doesn't do these..). He goes to a few per year out of obligation, and was even asked last year to organize one by a groom. My dad has even gone to some of FI's friend's stags with him "for support" because it's "a thing guys do". I live in Fairfield county now and no one does them here.
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  • stef42188stef42188 member
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    I can't gif on the phone but this whole thread deserves a School of Rock "you're tacky and I hate you" gif
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
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    stef42188 said:
    stef42188 said:
    These are SO common in CT. FI has been invited to like 5 of them in the past year. I think they are so incredibly tacky too. I do think it's funny though how things can be "regional", for example, I've never heard of bridal portraits or dollar dances until I came on this site. But, trust, people in New England do think these are tacky and for some reason go along with it. :-/



    STUCK IN BOX

    DUDE!!!! CT? I grew up in CT and live here now. I'm shocked to hear that this is common in the state. I had never heard of these types of parties until I came to the knot. And as I plan my wedding, I have not heard them mentioned by any one. And I most definitely find them baffling and tacky. 
    It's mostly in New Haven county I think. FI says it's an old Italian thing (not so sure about this bc I'm Italian too and my family doesn't do these..). He goes to a few per year out of obligation, and was even asked last year to organize one by a groom. My dad has even gone to some of FI's friend's stags with him "for support" because it's "a thing guys do". I live in Fairfield county now and no one does them here.
    Nooooo, don't blame the Italians! Never heard of this before the knot. 

    When I was younger bachelor parties were called "stag parties," but they sure weren't fund raisers. 
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