Cake and Punch Reception Ettiquette

blabla89 · June 2014

Knottie44294618 said:

There are only two diabetics on our guestlist currently. FI's uncle and my grandma (who has an issue sneaking sweets and ending up comatose). FI's uncle usually doesn't do desserts so fruit should be good for him. Just have to keep an eye on grandma.

I think it's great to offer sugar free cake if you can do so. However, I'd still suggest providing enough non-sugary snacks for everyone. Guests who aren't diabetic may still just prefer them.

wandajune6 · June 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

Just had a thought! Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit.

As a diabetic, I'd appreciate some sugar-free cake. I've been to too many occasions where the only thing I could eat was fresh fruit, and after a while I got sick of having nothing else to eat while everyone else there got to eat trays of desserts.

While I totally agree with having a yummy sugar free option for those who need it, don't assume that all diabetics must have sugar free everything. I'm diabetic and I also have a severe intolerance to artificial sweeteners. I'd be hella disappointed if you went to great lengths to plan a special sugar free dessert for me, and then I couldn't eat it. The only cake I can eat is the real thing! (I've learned how to fit the real stuff into my diabetic diet just fine. Most diabetics aren't nearly as restricted to only sugar free things as they used to be. Treatment is so much better now.) So, I'd probably ask around and see who might need something sugar free before you
commit to buying it.

That's actually what I was thinking too. FI is diabetic but doesn't feel well after eating a lot of artificial sweeteners. In general, he'd rather have a bite or two of my dessert and fruit than a sugar free cake. Personally, I just love fruit platters with dessert!

Nikita2013 · June 2014

Are there any other savory options someone would recommened? My fiance and I are thinking of having a small wedding too. About 20 people or so and we would like to do it in my backyard only problem is that I have a small hill so I'm a little worried about the tent set-up.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Nikita2013 said:

Are there any other savory options someone would recommened? My fiance and I are thinking of having a small wedding too. About 20 people or so and we would like to do it in my backyard only problem is that I have a small hill so I'm a little worried about the tent set-up.

QUICHE! I love quiche. or little cups of Marconi and cheese. or grilled cheese. anything with cheese.

ashleyep · June 2014

kitty8403 said:

Most cake/punch receptions I've attended have been one cake choice, homemade punch, and maybe coffee or tea. The fact that you're even thinking about what diabetics can eat or considering adding in apps or other desserts is fantastic. It all sounds lovely. Although, re chocolate fountain: I have one. It isn't huge or overly expensive (mine was a gift but I've seen them on sale for under $50), and it takes like 2-3 bags of good chocolate chips to run. No biggie. Adding biscotti, almond wafers or Milano cookies; fresh fruit; marshmallows; angel food slices, etc as dippers makes for an easy but fun/inexpensive dessert presentation. They can get a little messy though.

You also need a stove to melt the chocolate and mix it with vegetable oil before pouring it into the fountain. maybe you could pre-melt it and try and keep it warm in a crock-pot, but it might harden or get lumpy or burn if not stirred constantly?

annathy03 · June 2014

Nikita2013 said:

Are there any other savory options someone would recommened? My fiance and I are thinking of having a small wedding too. About 20 people or so and we would like to do it in my backyard only problem is that I have a small hill so I'm a little worried about the tent set-up.

Will you have access to a smidge of power for the reception? Crock pots are wonderful for serving meatballs, mashed potatoes (with toppings on the side they can add), pulled pork (with slider buns) yummy dips like artichoke or queso, etc. One can never have too many types of cheese for snacking, and I second @lilacck28 on quiche, or really anything you can premake in cupcake pans for individual servings.

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

Mini spring rolls and pigs in blankets seem to go over pretty well at parties I've hosted. Also, anything wrapped in bacon disappears within seconds of being brought out.

naymerica · June 2014

Simply Fated said:

CMGragain said:

Just had a thought! Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit.

I was just going to say... throw some fruit in there and you'll have several bases covered. Low in sugar and carbs (for the diabetics), gluten free, nut free, AND vegans and I'm sure more, but I can't remember at 4 in the morning....

I'm GF, and let's face it a fruit tray does so not make up for not being able to have traditional cake. That being said, I'd be happy anyone just thought of me at all by having -something- else to nibble on. I support some basic savory snacks/apps with the cake so that people who don't want cake (for whatever reason) can still have some food with their drink and help reduce sugar overload.

ride0rdie · June 2014

I don't think it matter what you serve or how many options you have.
I've been to a wedding where the ceremony was in the drive way and subway sandwiches and potatoe salad was served in the trailer.
no cake. No flowers. No alcohol. But it was sweet and I didn't judge because I was properly hosted.

Nikita2013 · June 2014

Yes I will have access to power at my reception. My fiance loves cheese so quiche will be perfect! These are such great ideas thank you!

lc07 · June 2014

For a local wedding, I think cake and punch sounds fabulous. But if I were flying across the country or internationally I'd definitely side-eye not being hosted a meal. Am I a total asshole?

ride0rdie · June 2014

lc07 said:
For a local wedding, I think cake and punch sounds fabulous. But if I were flying across the country or internationally I'd definitely side-eye not being hosted a meal. Am I a total asshole?

No, I agree with you.

PrincessOfHavoc · June 2014

After the very lovely, but long wedding event I just attended - an afternoon cake and punch reception sounds downright wonderful. But, since I'm an unrepentant cake slut, I'm usually accepting of any event that serves me cake.

Don't judge my cake slut ways.

Fairyjen1 · June 2014

lc07 said:

For a local wedding, I think cake and punch sounds fabulous. But if I were flying across the country or internationally I'd definitely side-eye not being hosted a meal. Am I a total asshole?

I don't think you are an asshole , you feel how you feel. I don't feel the same way, but that's what makes the world go around.

OP didn't say if most of the guest list was local or out of town. Can she put 'light refreshment to follow' in case people are coming from long distance, then they can decide for themselves if it's worth it to come or not?

Sugargirl1019 · June 2014

Instead of sugar free cake, there are lots of delicious sugar free cookies at the store (the little flower shapes ones with a hole in the center??) So tasty.

happynurse92 · June 2014

I'm glad you are bringing this up. Many people have the idea that smaller is somehow not as meaningful.I really feel like this is wedding industry and social pressure. FI and I are doing the same thing, but our cake will already be egg and dairy free for all of the people who we know have allergies to food including his son.

As for the other foods, we love the potluck style idea too. Bring a dish or bring a gift, that way people don't feel like we are trying to fish both out of them. Smaller guest lists reduce costs: bottom line. And my family is more for bigger. If they want to foot the bill fine, but I also feel that the couple, not the family will ultimately deal with the financial aftermath into their marriage. We are doing Financial Peace university and are wanting to be debt free also. Hats off for that. Good luck

CMGragain · June 2014

happynurse92 said:

I'm glad you are bringing this up. Many people have the idea that smaller is somehow not as meaningful.I really feel like this is wedding industry and social pressure. FI and I are doing the same thing, but our cake will already be egg and dairy free for all of the people who we know have allergies to food including his son.
As for the other foods, we love the potluck style idea too. Bring a dish or bring a gift, that way people don't feel like we are trying to fish both out of them. Smaller guest lists reduce costs: bottom line. And my family is more for bigger. If they want to foot the bill fine, but I also feel that the couple, not the family will ultimately deal with the financial aftermath into their marriage. We are doing Financial Peace university and are wanting to be debt free also. Hats off for that. Good luck

Nooooooo!!!!!!! Potluck is NOT appropriate for a wedding reception! Stick to cake, coffee and punch, and host your guests properly! Do not ask them to bring food! Ewwww!

OwningAHome1981 · June 2014

ride0rdie said:

lc07 said:
For a local wedding, I think cake and punch sounds fabulous. But if I were flying across the country or internationally I'd definitely side-eye not being hosted a meal. Am I a total asshole?
No, I agree with you.

Also agree. If i'm sitting on a plane for 5 hours, I'd hope you'd have a meal for me. I think you need to think about your guest list before going this route.

I also agree with posters who suggested fruit or finger foods/apps bc some people don't eat desserts. If I went to your wedding and I flew in 5 hours and all you fed me was dessert which I dont eat, I would be pretty unhappy.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2014

happynurse92 said:
I'm glad you are bringing this up. Many people have the idea that smaller is somehow not as meaningful.I really feel like this is wedding industry and social pressure. FI and I are doing the same thing, but our cake will already be egg and dairy free for all of the people who we know have allergies to food including his son.
As for the other foods, we love the potluck style idea too. Bring a dish or bring a gift, that way people don't feel like we are trying to fish both out of them. Smaller guest lists reduce costs: bottom line. And my family is more for bigger. If they want to foot the bill fine, but I also feel that the couple, not the family will ultimately deal with the financial aftermath into their marriage. We are doing Financial Peace university and are wanting to be debt free also. Hats off for that. Good luck

As the host, it is your job to provide the food - whether that be full meal, desserts, finger foods etc. That responsibility should NEVER EVER fall on your guests. Please do not do the pot luck!

Jen4948 · June 2014

happynurse92 said:

I'm glad you are bringing this up. Many people have the idea that smaller is somehow not as meaningful.I really feel like this is wedding industry and social pressure. FI and I are doing the same thing, but our cake will already be egg and dairy free for all of the people who we know have allergies to food including his son.
As for the other foods, we love the potluck style idea too. Bring a dish or bring a gift, that way people don't feel like we are trying to fish both out of them. Smaller guest lists reduce costs: bottom line. And my family is more for bigger. If they want to foot the bill fine, but I also feel that the couple, not the family will ultimately deal with the financial aftermath into their marriage. We are doing Financial Peace university and are wanting to be debt free also. Hats off for that. Good luck

Potlucks are never appropriate for weddings. It is your job as the host to pay for and provide all food and drinks consumed by those persons you invite-because you invited them.

Not only that, but they often don't work logistically-how the hell are out-of-town guests supposed to bring potluck dishes? And how are people on low incomes supposed to bring enough to feed everyone?

Lose this idea, fast.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

happynurse92 said:

I'm glad you are bringing this up. Many people have the idea that smaller is somehow not as meaningful.I really feel like this is wedding industry and social pressure. FI and I are doing the same thing, but our cake will already be egg and dairy free for all of the people who we know have allergies to food including his son.
As for the other foods, we love the potluck style idea too. Bring a dish or bring a gift, that way people don't feel like we are trying to fish both out of them. Smaller guest lists reduce costs: bottom line. And my family is more for bigger. If they want to foot the bill fine, but I also feel that the couple, not the family will ultimately deal with the financial aftermath into their marriage. We are doing Financial Peace university and are wanting to be debt free also. Hats off for that. Good luck

Potlucks are never appropriate for weddings. It is your job as the host to pay for and provide all food and drinks consumed by those persons you invite-because you invited them.

Not only that, but they often don't work logistically-how the hell are out-of-town guests supposed to bring potluck dishes? And how are people on low incomes supposed to bring enough to feed everyone?

Lose this idea, fast.

Also, "Bring a dish or bring a gift" doesn't really work when gifts are not required.

cinalli2b · July 2014

This is exactly what we wanted to do! I was trying to invite 100 or less ppl and the FIL's are insisting that their Italian family is big and you HAVE to invite everyone. So our list has grown to 210 with 165 expected to attend!!! Right now I have our menu down to finger sandwiches, cocktail meatballs, pasta salad, fruit/cheese and cake! THen this weekend I was told that I'm having homemade cookies, it's unheardof not to have cookies at an Italian wedding!!! Let me remind you that I'm greek, my family is catholic and big as well and we have both been previously married. We told everyone from the start that we were going to be untraditional and not have all the "hooplah of a big wedding"!! Trying to keep it under control is going to give me a nervous breakdown before September gets here!! UGh!!! I feel your pain and I think what you are doing sounds FABULOUS!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

lc07 said:

For a local wedding, I think cake and punch sounds fabulous. But if I were flying across the country or internationally I'd definitely side-eye not being hosted a meal. Am I a total asshole?

No I don't think that's asshole-ish. Assuming people follow etiquette, though, you're going to know ahead of time whether you'll be served a meal or not based on the time of day/wording of the invitation. So you can make an informed decision whether to attend.

What really grinds my gears is when it's a meal time and meal isn't served. THAT would be something to be pissed about if you flew across the country, paid for a hotel, rented a car, etc...

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I think it sounds lovely. Cake and punch alone is great, but I agree with others that a little fresh fruit and some simple, savory options would be much appreciated if you can afford it. Personally, I love the hell out of cake, but otherwise I'm a savory person - I always go for the salt.

Honestly, this sounds really nice.

cherryblossomsbride · July 2014

That's perfectly fine but just make sure to word your invitations so no one expects lunch or a meal. Something along the line of "cake and light refreshments."

7651arty · July 2014

OP, your wedding plans are simply lovely! My one suggestion- don't worry with sugar free cake. As a diabetic, I can promise you that we don't have to avoid all sugar. Fruit, cheese, and crackers are all wonderful options, and any diabetic should be more than able to eat those without any issues. Offering water and unsweet tea would be appreciated, as sugary drinks will affect blood sugar.

And, let's be real...sugarless cake sucks. Like, bad sucks.

Wegl13 · July 2014

Sorry, but if I invited you from OOT and you were pissed I wasn't giving you "the full shebang"... You are part of the wedding industry problem. I invited you because I want you to be there, even though you no longer live in the same state as me. If I'm going to have a casual afternoon reception not at a meal time and not feed you a sit down dinner or provide entertainment- you're still properly hosted, I fed you and had a seat for your buttocks, end of story. A lot of people have OOT guests because people move- I think expecting them to have a dinner wedding just because they invite someone that might have to fly is absurd. On the flip side, if you are deciding if you only want to put in the cash to fly to a wedding based in part on how grand the party is going to be (because let's face it, grand parties are grand)... I get it, and while I will still judge you, I won't judge you MUCH.

Jen4948 · July 2014

wandajune6 said:

Jen4948 said:

CMGragain said:

Just had a thought! Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit.

As a diabetic, I'd appreciate some sugar-free cake. I've been to too many occasions where the only thing I could eat was fresh fruit, and after a while I got sick of having nothing else to eat while everyone else there got to eat trays of desserts.

While I totally agree with having a yummy sugar free option for those who need it, don't assume that all diabetics must have sugar free everything. I'm diabetic and I also have a severe intolerance to artificial sweeteners. I'd be hella disappointed if you went to great lengths to plan a special sugar free dessert for me, and then I couldn't eat it. The only cake I can eat is the real thing! (I've learned how to fit the real stuff into my diabetic diet just fine. Most diabetics aren't nearly as restricted to only sugar free things as they used to be. Treatment is so much better now.) So, I'd probably ask around and see who might need something sugar free before you commit to buying it.
That's actually what I was thinking too. FI is diabetic but doesn't feel well after eating a lot of artificial sweeteners. In general, he'd rather have a bite or two of my dessert and fruit than a sugar free cake. Personally, I just love fruit platters with dessert!

I'm okay with fruit platters-I'd just appreciate that to not be the only sugar-free option when everyone else gets to eat lots of varieties of cake, cookies, pie, etc. Unfortunately that happens all too often.

annathy03 · July 2014

Wegl13 said:

Sorry, but if I invited you from OOT and you were pissed I wasn't giving you "the full shebang"... You are part of the wedding industry problem. I invited you because I want you to be there, even though you no longer live in the same state as me. If I'm going to have a casual afternoon reception not at a meal time and not feed you a sit down dinner or provide entertainment- you're still properly hosted, I fed you and had a seat for your buttocks, end of story. A lot of people have OOT guests because people move- I think expecting them to have a dinner wedding just because they invite someone that might have to fly is absurd. On the flip side, if you are deciding if you only want to put in the cash to fly to a wedding based in part on how grand the party is going to be (because let's face it, grand parties are grand)... I get it, and while I will still judge you, I won't judge you MUCH.

Judge away

I don't side-eye a couple hosting a cake-and-punch affair (unless it's a DW or at a mealtime), I'm just less likely to decide to spend my vacation $ and PTO on going.

I'll admit to judging DWs that don't serve a meal. If getting married on the beach is more important than hosting your guests well, your budget is misaligned. It may not be formally against E but to me that's like getting a 5k dress and feeding your guests spaghettios; it feels like thanking your guests was an afterthought and not a priority. (BTW, that's not the feeling I get from any posters on this thread, C&Ps in general are great!)

Wegl13 · July 2014

Lol no I agree with that, I was talking more about when the wedding is a destination for some of the guests, because, you know, they moved- not like okay everyone we're going to go to Hawaii but so sorry you're not getting any food cuz we spent all out money flying here. I agree with you on that 100% it just ain't nice. But if YOU are a family friend and got invited and moved to Hawaii- well frankly I don't expect you to come back to Alabama for my wedding, but if you do, that's awesome but I'm not going to feed you and everyone else a whole meal just because you came. Just probably thank you A LOT. And ask when we can come visit (kidding not kidding).

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