Disagreement with MOH

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I had an argument with my MOH (unrelated to the wedding ). In the heat of the moment she told me that she wasn't in the wedding anymore. I apologized to her and tried to make amends but she won't return my calls or texts. It's been five days. What should I do? Even if we do make up, I'm not sure that I want her as my MOH anymore. I need someone that I can really count on. What should I do?

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

aadaah22 said:
I had an argument with my MOH (unrelated to the wedding ). In the heat of the moment she told me that she wasn't in the wedding anymore. I apologized to her and tried to make amends but she won't return my calls or texts. It's been five days. What should I do? Even if we do make up, I'm not sure that I want her as my MOH anymore. I need someone that I can really count on. What should I do?

When is your wedding? And what are you counting on her for?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

My wedding is next May. I'm counting on her to for advice and to be a voice of reason in the midst of the madness. I understand that no one is going to be as excited as I am about my day. However, if we have another disagreement I don't want to hear that she's not going to be in my wedding anymore because she's upset.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

I'd give her space. You have 10 months until your wedding ... no need to rush things. Also remember that if you "kick her out", that will essentially end your friendship.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I would never "kick her out". I just wouldn't want her to be my MOH. We are cousins/sisters/best friends. We have always had disagreements but never as big as this one. I will give her space but I will not let her dictate the success of my wedding because she can't let things go. There's only so much apologizing that I'm going to do.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Thanks! I will take your advice. I'm sure everything will work out in the end.

climbingsingle · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

I would never "kick her out". I just wouldn't want her to be my MOH. We are cousins/sisters/best friends. We have always had disagreements but never as big as this one. I will give her space but I will not let her dictate the success of my wedding because she can't let things go. There's only so much apologizing that I'm going to do.

Holy jeez. This has got to be one of the most idiotic things I've read here. The success of your wedding? How exactly is your MOH going to dictate that? Did your groom show up? Did the ceremony happen? Then guess what? Your fucking wedding was a success.

Maybe you need to take a look at yourself. Your cousin/sister/best friend was so angry with you she told you she didn't want to be in your wedding. What was your role in this fight?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

We both said things that were hurtful, and I've apologized for it. Moving forward. And for ClimbingBrideNY, you might want to have a nice big plate of calm the fuck down. You're way too intense for a message board.

climbingsingle · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

We both said things that were hurtful, and I've apologized for it. Moving forward. And for ClimbingBrideNY, you might want to have a nice big plate of calm the fuck down. You're way too intense for a message board.

That's cute. I'm calm though. You know what's totally intense and over-the-top? Thinking your MOH can dictate the success of your wedding.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

aadaah22, in what way do you think your MOH will (or can) dictate the success of your wedding?

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

Without knowing anything about the fight... I wouldn't feel good about a MOH that will pull that card when we get in a fight. Although again... no idea what the fight was about...

jneen101 · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

We both said things that were hurtful, and I've apologized for it. Moving forward. And for ClimbingBrideNY, you might want to have a nice big plate of calm the fuck down. You're way too intense for a message board.

Yo son the only person who seems to need a plate of calm the fuck down is you. Holy moly.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@sarahbear31‌ she has a strong personality that can be a bit much at times.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@bubblegum1309 that is my biggest concern.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

If she's taken herself out of the wedding, she's taken herself out of the wedding. If she asks to come back in, you can tell her that you think it would be best if she attend as a guest as planned. Your friendship will probably never be repaired, though.

You absolutely cannot replace her or ask her to be a BM instead.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

aadaah22 I'm not sure how intense the fight was but I'm not too sure how much faith I would put on a MOH that would back out of your wedding over an argument. Hopefully it blows over and she realizes that backing out of the wedding is serious, whether she meant it or not. It's not something you say in the heat of the moment. Good luck with everything!

lc07 · July 2014

Wait, she's your sister and your cousin? I've had too much wine, I think.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Lol @lc07‌! Technically we're cousins but raised like sisters.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@awitmer77‌ that's exactly where I was coming from. It's been over a week and we still haven't spoken. I haven't given it too much energy at this point. I'm moving forward with my planning. I still include her in the text message threads that I send to all of my bridesmaids.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@MyNameIsNot‌ when do you think is a good time to address this with her?

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I do not text weekly. Only as needed.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

@MyNameIsNot‌ when do you think is a good time to address this with her?

You don't. If she is really removing herself from the wedding, she'll tell you.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I'm curious. I'm also ten months out from my wedding and there are zero email or text chains going around. What are you sending them group text chains about "as needed?" You said it's been about a week since the fight and you used the plural form, so you have sent out more than one text chain this week-- right?

And yeah, I think you just need to concentrate on your friendship and not mention the wedding to her right now. The ball is in her court about the MOH position. You have so much time before the wedding, just let it run its course.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

@JCbride2015‌ I do not send out weekly text messages. Lol! I just send them pics of bridesmaids dresses and shoes to get feedback and suggestions from time to time.

manateehugger · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

@JCbride2015‌ I do not send out weekly text messages. Lol! I just send them pics of bridesmaids dresses and shoes to get feedback and suggestions from time to time.

Oh man, stop doing this. Like, now. 10 months out, this is one of the most annoying things a bride can do to her bridesmaid. They probably don't care; they've signed on to wear whatever you decide. Wait until closer to 6 months to start talking to them about dresses.

Also, if you're requiring a specific shoe, be prepared to pay for it.

offensivekitten2 · July 2014

Just treat her like a friend. Your wedding is besides the point. Either she shows up or she doesn't.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

@JCbride2015‌ I do not send out weekly text messages. Lol! I just send them pics of bridesmaids dresses and shoes to get feedback and suggestions from time to time.

Already? At 10 months out? If I were a bridesmaid, I'd be super annoyed since there's plenty of time for that.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Good thing you're not a bridesmaid @crabbylucy‌.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

@JCbride2015‌ I do not send out weekly text messages. Lol! I just send them pics of bridesmaids dresses and shoes to get feedback and suggestions from time to time.

Stop doing that. It's obnoxious.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

They don't care about the messages. They comment when they feel like it. Not a big deal. AT ALL!

JCbride2015 · July 2014

aadaah22 said:

They don't care about the messages. They comment when they feel like it. Not a big deal. AT ALL!

I don't think you can really know this unless you're a mind reader, though. Chances are, if you're this far out and sending multiple texts about wedding details already, it's a bit much.

We're not saying you can't talk to them at all. We're just saying you should probably dial it back a little bit because you sound like you might be overwhelming your BMs. These things can add up over time and snowball into your BMs being really annoyed with you and conflict down the road.

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