How do you plan for the expenses and schedule changes of having children?

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I was a kid with working parents. After school I either went to an after school program, or to an extra curricular activity until someone could hang with me so I wouldn't burn down the house. Our school had an am/pm program, so you could get dropped off before school or stay later after school, I only went once and I hated it. Basically we were all just in the cafeteria/gym/auditorium and just told to do whatever. It was really lame. So my mom found one that would pick up at my school and let me start going there. I forget who it was run by, but it was a lot better.

And then once I was older I started just going home by myself and hanging there. Like...fourth grade-ish if I remember right. They trusted me to not burn down the house or let in robbers by then.

FI is kind of worried about this. Her mom worked after her parents got divorced but there was always someone home when they got out of school. She's trying to wrap her brain around the idea of our kid just going somewhere else for a little while. The idea is for me to try to schedule clients so that I wrap up by the time the kid gets out, or for her to not scheduel any later meetings and work from home the rest of the day but...reality is our kid will probably be in some kind of program like I was.

LadyMillil · July 2014

MagicInk said:

FI is kind of worried about this. Her mom worked after her parents got divorced but there was always someone home when they got out of school. She's trying to wrap her brain around the idea of our kid just going somewhere else for a little while. The idea is for me to try to schedule clients so that I wrap up by the time the kid gets out, or for her to not scheduel any later meetings and work from home the rest of the day but...reality is our kid will probably be in some kind of program like I was.

My parents both worked. We lived in a rural area and there were no after school programs available. We usually got dropped off with a neighbour (or family friend) that had kids close to our age before/after school. It was about 30 minutes in the am and 1 hour in the pm. Another possible option

grumbledore · July 2014

You are definitely overthinking this OP. There's daycare, nannies, relatives, friends, after school programs, camp, etc etc etc. Most parents have to use some combination of these.

My parents never put us in daycare. We just got off the bus and went home and hung out until they got home. We survived just fine.

My DD, now that she's slightly older, spends about 2 hours home alone after school before I get home unless FI is home or my brother is around (he lives downstairs). It's hardly "depressing" or whatever someone said earlier upthread. She does her homework and entertains herself for a little while and she's none the worse for wear.

ohannabelle · July 2014

"Latchkey kid" is not derogatory, or offensive, or depressing. It's a term like Daycare, and how millions of families with working parents handle the problem. When your children are old enough and responsible enough, it's very nice.

I somehow survived this.

My sister and I got off the bus at 2:30, walked the grueling block home, (yes, uphill!) survived the terrible depression of the empty house by eating cookies or whatever, and having a glass of milk, called Mom or Dad at work to say, hi, we're home, see you at 5, and then we'd draw or read or play for 2 and a half hours. (Gasp!) Oh, and there was usually a note. My dad drew funny pictures on them. My mom left xxxxx and oooooos. It's a wonder we survived.

Actually, we loved our afternoons alone, and preferred being relaxed in our own home to being kept after school or somebody else's house. We had responsibilities and rules to follow. It is a nice way to learn independence and responsibility.

Stigma? Borderline abandoned by our parents? Parents who were never home? Really? Is that what people think? Absurd. No wonder we're raising generations of special little snowflakes, if part of an afternoon alone in your own house is viewed as abandonment and neglect.

SBmini · July 2014

ohannabelle said:

"Latchkey kid" is not derogatory, or offensive, or depressing. It's a term like Daycare, and how millions of families with working parents handle the problem. When your children are old enough and responsible enough, it's very nice.
I somehow survived this.

My sister and I got off the bus at 2:30, walked the grueling block home, (yes, uphill!) survived the terrible depression of the empty house by eating cookies or whatever, and having a glass of milk, called Mom or Dad at work to say, hi, we're home, see you at 5, and then we'd draw or read or play for 2 and a half hours. (Gasp!) Oh, and there was usually a note. My dad drew funny pictures on them. My mom left xxxxx and oooooos. It's a wonder we survived.
Actually, we loved our afternoons alone, and preferred being relaxed in our own home to being kept after school or somebody else's house. We had responsibilities and rules to follow. It is a nice way to learn independence and responsibility.

Stigma? Borderline abandoned by our parents? Parents who were never home? Really? Is that what people think? Absurd. No wonder we're raising generations of special little snowflakes, if part of an afternoon alone in your own house is viewed as abandonment and neglect.

That's great, I'm glad it all worked out for you. I'm not criticizing working parents or their children- I'm criticizing the word used to describe them. It is the word I find offensive, not the practice. This perception I have of the word based on my upbringing and the community in which I was raised. In reading online, it does appear that I am not alone in thinking that using the word latchkey is insulting to both the kids and the parents.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

ohannabelle said:

"Latchkey kid" is not derogatory, or offensive, or depressing. It's a term like Daycare, and how millions of families with working parents handle the problem. When your children are old enough and responsible enough, it's very nice.
I somehow survived this.

My sister and I got off the bus at 2:30, walked the grueling block home, (yes, uphill!) survived the terrible depression of the empty house by eating cookies or whatever, and having a glass of milk, called Mom or Dad at work to say, hi, we're home, see you at 5, and then we'd draw or read or play for 2 and a half hours. (Gasp!) Oh, and there was usually a note. My dad drew funny pictures on them. My mom left xxxxx and oooooos. It's a wonder we survived.
Actually, we loved our afternoons alone, and preferred being relaxed in our own home to being kept after school or somebody else's house. We had responsibilities and rules to follow. It is a nice way to learn independence and responsibility.

Stigma? Borderline abandoned by our parents? Parents who were never home? Really? Is that what people think? Absurd. No wonder we're raising generations of special little snowflakes, if part of an afternoon alone in your own house is viewed as abandonment and neglect.

That's great, I'm glad it all worked out for you. I'm not criticizing working parents or their children- I'm criticizing the word used to describe them. It is the word I find offensive, not the practice. This perception I have of the word based on my upbringing and the community in which I was raised. In reading online, it does appear that I am not alone in thinking that using the word latchkey is insulting to both the kids and the parents.

But that connotation of the word was built by people with negative feelings of the practice.

SmileDamnit · July 2014

**waving hand**

Fellow latchkey kid who survived and thrived.

And OP - I agree with PPs…you're over thinking a bit. Sure, planning is responsible, but you simply can not plan everything when it comes to having a child so don't stress yourself out trying.

SBmini · July 2014

lolo883 said:

ohannabelle said:

"Latchkey kid" is not derogatory, or offensive, or depressing. It's a term like Daycare, and how millions of families with working parents handle the problem. When your children are old enough and responsible enough, it's very nice.
I somehow survived this.

My sister and I got off the bus at 2:30, walked the grueling block home, (yes, uphill!) survived the terrible depression of the empty house by eating cookies or whatever, and having a glass of milk, called Mom or Dad at work to say, hi, we're home, see you at 5, and then we'd draw or read or play for 2 and a half hours. (Gasp!) Oh, and there was usually a note. My dad drew funny pictures on them. My mom left xxxxx and oooooos. It's a wonder we survived.
Actually, we loved our afternoons alone, and preferred being relaxed in our own home to being kept after school or somebody else's house. We had responsibilities and rules to follow. It is a nice way to learn independence and responsibility.

Stigma? Borderline abandoned by our parents? Parents who were never home? Really? Is that what people think? Absurd. No wonder we're raising generations of special little snowflakes, if part of an afternoon alone in your own house is viewed as abandonment and neglect.

That's great, I'm glad it all worked out for you. I'm not criticizing working parents or their children- I'm criticizing the word used to describe them. It is the word I find offensive, not the practice. This perception I have of the word based on my upbringing and the community in which I was raised. In reading online, it does appear that I am not alone in thinking that using the word latchkey is insulting to both the kids and the parents.
But that connotation of the word was built by people with negative feelings of the practice.

Actually- the origin of the word is negative. It has lost its negative connotation over time, not gained one. Latchkey was first used to describe children left home during WWII. Dad was at war, mom was supporting the war effort. It was used as a sad way to describe the new phenomena of kids being home alone. Then, after the war, the word became increasingly negative as a way to show objection to the idea of women in the workplace. It has only recently been embraced.

So I stand by my original statement. I would be offended if my children's school called their after school program latchkey. For one- they are not latchkey if they are being left at school with adults and other children and picked up and brought home by their parents. And secondly- it isn't a nice word. For what it's worth- my mom worked for a good number of my childhood years. I spent summers in child care and most afternoons at school. But I wasn't latchkey.

here's some historical reference of the use of the word:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8704827.stm

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/latch_key_children

http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20083140,00.html

jenna8984 · July 2014

ohannabelle said:

"Latchkey kid" is not derogatory, or offensive, or depressing. It's a term like Daycare, and how millions of families with working parents handle the problem. When your children are old enough and responsible enough, it's very nice.
I somehow survived this.

My sister and I got off the bus at 2:30, walked the grueling block home, (yes, uphill!) survived the terrible depression of the empty house by eating cookies or whatever, and having a glass of milk, called Mom or Dad at work to say, hi, we're home, see you at 5, and then we'd draw or read or play for 2 and a half hours. (Gasp!) Oh, and there was usually a note. My dad drew funny pictures on them. My mom left xxxxx and oooooos. It's a wonder we survived.
Actually, we loved our afternoons alone, and preferred being relaxed in our own home to being kept after school or somebody else's house. We had responsibilities and rules to follow. It is a nice way to learn independence and responsibility.

Stigma? Borderline abandoned by our parents? Parents who were never home? Really? Is that what people think? Absurd. No wonder we're raising generations of special little snowflakes, if part of an afternoon alone in your own house is viewed as abandonment and neglect.

Yea once we were about 10 my mom went back to full time and we also let ourselves into the house and just hung out alone. I loved it, ate all the chips, watched some Jerry Springer, smoked some pot (high school, not 10 y/o). Good times lol

KeptInStitches · July 2014

Latchkey kid starting in middle school (mom was stay-at-home until then). Survived just fine.

theexactlee · July 2014

It's hard to plan where the world of kids will take you. I worked full time when I became pregnant with Jason 10 years ago. My morning sickness was so severe I could no longer hold a job so I took leave (was able to come back when I could). Then he was born with a clubfoot and had to have casts put on his leg once a week every week from the day he was born. Then he had to have a surgery once ever 10 weeks. Then he had to wear these special shoes that no daycare was willing to be liable for. In other words, I could never go back to work.

You could plan it all out and then move to another state. You mom might decide to move in with you to help you full time when you've already planned everything. You really just never know.

One thing you can be pretty sure of though, is if you are already worrying this much, you'll probably be an AMAZING mother and father. So just relax and let it come naturally.

lyndausvi · July 2014

Kids and planning often do not mix. Sure it's okay to have a general plan, but much more than that I think is silly. Way too many variables you just can't plan for in advance. Kids come into this world with their own personalities along with possible physical and mental issues.

I've know women who wanted to be a SAHM who went back to work, hardcore career women end up quitting their jobs and everything in between.

buttercup1958 · July 2014

I guess I was a "latchkey" kid too. My parents didn't come home until 6-7ish and it started when I was about 8? Most of the time either my mom or dad was away for work and the another one was home. Yay military families! Sometimes they had to go on trips for work that lasted a couple weeks. They told my brother and I not to tell anyone. We survived. I think it gave me the push to be independent. I think the afterschool programs would be a great idea. I'm sure my parents would have done that but I was picked on so they thought it was better to let me come home.

Angusaur · July 2014

(I didn't read all of the replies so I apologize for any double advice). Okay so our first child was planned and we didn't plan or account for anything besides monthly finances and had a rough idea with what we would do for daycare. You simply can not choose a daycare before conception. They could be full, rates could change, you could move and it could be further away, they could close by the time you have a child and are ready to return to work. I mean it's a good idea to start thinking if you'll use a family member, or at home daycare, or daycare center, but don't get your heart set on one. As far as pricing you can definitely call around just to get an idea. In both areas I lived in (Baltimore and SW Pennsylvania) infants are about $150/wk and toddlers (18 months+) are $100/wk. My mother was able to watch our son while I worked for the first few years and I paid her $20 a day. We always made sure we had a cushion to fall back on in case anything were to happen where she couldn't watch him anymore. I work now, usually nights. On the rare day I work dayshift, my mom dad or brother takes him until FI gets off to pick him up. He starts school this year, and we'll arrange for after care since we both work into the afternoon/evening. This is something we decided this year, not 6 years ago before he was even born

I know a baby is A LOT to think about, but just focus on things that are the most relevant now. I am now pregnant with #2, and our plan is to use my mom (she's going to limit her work availability to weekends only) and if that was to fall through we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

grumbledore · July 2014

I forgot to mention - we LOVED being home alone after school. We were good kids but a chance to eat whatever snack we wanted and watch MTV? It was heaven on earth.

Senecaf · July 2014

Latchkey is what they called at school after care when I was growing up too. Never thoufht anything of it. The Y had an afterschool program as well that picked us up from the bus stop. We did that for a few years and then when I was about 9 my little brother and I would just go home after school alone and hang out.

I am fortunate that my grandmother retired 3 months before my second child was born and has been watching both of them since the younger one was was 3 weeks old. When they go to school in the fall she will watch them before and after school only.

There are many options out there from personal nannies to large care centers. You will find what works for you. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be thinking about it already. Just don't stress about it. There are so many variables and things that could change between now and then.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I never heard the term latchkey kid until I was done being a latchkey kid. I grew up in a weird neighborhood, about half was middle class to upper middle class, able to have someone at home when the kids were coming home. The other half was working class/divorced parents/single parents, where both parents were at work so kiddo either went to an after school program of some kind or went a chilled at home alone. I fell into the second group. Wasn't a big thing. The majority of my friends had working parents so they had the same situation for after school.

The first time I heard latchkey kid was on TV, I was 17 and had to ask my mom what it was. She said "A kid who comes home from school and lets themselves in because their parents are working" and I said "Oh so like I did?" and she goes "Oh yeah, I guess you were latchkey oh hey so was I".

We both grew up working class, there wasn't an opition of someone being at home to greet you with a snack. Not if you wanted electricity and running water. And I know I did. So badly. I'm a big fan of both of those things.

buddysmom80 · July 2014

My mom was a stay at home mom until I was in 4th grade and then she worked from home. She worked in healthcare so she had a seperate office, so I had to entertain myself, but she was there.

FI was a "latchkey" kid since his mom had to work to support them, he did just fine.

We actually started talking about this the other day. I left a position at my employer because the hours weren't M-F 8-4:30 and I wanted a job that offered that, and took my current postion. Starting August 1st, I'll be back in my old department and possibly back to my crappy hours which doesn't work for us. FI's schedule at work changes every 18 months and it could vary big-time, not like going from 7-3:30 and then to 8-4:30 but more like days off, etc.

So our tenative plan is that if we do get pregnant and my hours are what they are now, after we have the kid, I'll stay here. If not, and they're all crazy, I'll have to resign. Would it suck? Yes. Would it be better cost-wise than hiring a nanny, daycare, etc. Hell yeah. Day cares are expensive here, the crappy one down the street is $200 a week.

The feminist in me is also kicking and screaming about this. But, FI is the breadwinner by leaps and bounds so there really isn't a choice in the matter. We don't have local family that are physically able to watch our kids for free so we would have to pay someone to watch our kids.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

buddysmom80 said:

My mom was a stay at home mom until I was in 4th grade and then she worked from home. She worked in healthcare so she had a seperate office, so I had to entertain myself, but she was there.

FI was a "latchkey" kid since his mom had to work to support them, he did just fine.

We actually started talking about this the other day. I left a position at my employer because the hours weren't M-F 8-4:30 and I wanted a job that offered that, and took my current postion. Starting August 1st, I'll be back in my old department and possibly back to my crappy hours which doesn't work for us. FI's schedule at work changes every 18 months and it could vary big-time, not like going from 7-3:30 and then to 8-4:30 but more like days off, etc.

So our tenative plan is that if we do get pregnant and my hours are what they are now, after we have the kid, I'll stay here. If not, and they're all crazy, I'll have to resign. Would it suck? Yes. Would it be better cost-wise than hiring a nanny, daycare, etc. Hell yeah. Day cares are expensive here, the crappy one down the street is $200 a week.

The feminist in me is also kicking and screaming about this. But, FI is the breadwinner by leaps and bounds so there really isn't a choice in the matter. We don't have local family that are physically able to watch our kids for free so we would have to pay someone to watch our kids.

Dude daycare is so expensive. It's $50 per day per kid here, so $250 a week. And you have to provide your own diapers, and they won't do cloth. I had friends try to work part time and their entire salary went to daycare and taxes so they ended up quitting.

FI REALLY wants to be a stay-at-home dad. I'm sure he doesn't fully realize how much work that entails (neither of us truly does, not having done it before) but right now we make about the same amount of money, and my insurance is better, so it's technically feasible... we probably won't come close to figuring any of that out until there's a real live baby growing though. I'm hoping for some combination of flex hours, grandma, and part-time nanny. Or maybe I'll open a daycare.

jenna8984 · July 2014

lolo883 said:

Dude daycare is so expensive. It's $50 per day per kid here, so $250 a week. And you have to provide your own diapers, and they won't do cloth. I had friends try to work part time and their entire salary went to daycare and taxes so they ended up quitting.

FI REALLY wants to be a stay-at-home dad. I'm sure he doesn't fully realize how much work that entails (neither of us truly does, not having done it before) but right now we make about the same amount of money, and my insurance is better, so it's technically feasible... we probably won't come close to figuring any of that out until there's a real live baby growing though. I'm hoping for some combination of flex hours, grandma, and part-time nanny. Or maybe I'll open a daycare.

Same here! I'm like yea, we all have a $1,000 a month sitting around!!

We keep joking to my brother that he should start daddy day care because his wife is the breadwinner and they have a lot of friends with babies that would utilize it. His wife gets SOO mad because she wants to stay home so badly. She's too jealous to let him actually do it even though it would save them money.

mysticl · July 2014

buddysmom80 said:

My mom was a stay at home mom until I was in 4th grade and then she worked from home. She worked in healthcare so she had a seperate office, so I had to entertain myself, but she was there.

FI was a "latchkey" kid since his mom had to work to support them, he did just fine.

We actually started talking about this the other day. I left a position at my employer because the hours weren't M-F 8-4:30 and I wanted a job that offered that, and took my current postion. Starting August 1st, I'll be back in my old department and possibly back to my crappy hours which doesn't work for us. FI's schedule at work changes every 18 months and it could vary big-time, not like going from 7-3:30 and then to 8-4:30 but more like days off, etc.

So our tenative plan is that if we do get pregnant and my hours are what they are now, after we have the kid, I'll stay here. If not, and they're all crazy, I'll have to resign. Would it suck? Yes. Would it be better cost-wise than hiring a nanny, daycare, etc. Hell yeah. Day cares are expensive here, the crappy one down the street is $200 a week.

The feminist in me is also kicking and screaming about this. But, FI is the breadwinner by leaps and bounds so there really isn't a choice in the matter. We don't have local family that are physically able to watch our kids for free so we would have to pay someone to watch our kids.

That is one of the reasons we decided I would stay home. Most if not all of my salary would have done to daycare and work expenses so it just seemed pointless to find a job……..We moved here 2 months before I got pregnant so I stopped my job hunt once we found out. And up to that point it hadn't been a very successful search anyhow.

How do you plan for the expenses and schedule changes of having children?

Re: How do you plan for the expenses and schedule changes of having children?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards