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Attire & Accessories Forum
missteacherlady16
member
This is *probably* a minuscule problem, but...
I'm less than two months from the wedding and the stress is starting to add up so that little problems feel a hell of a lot bigger than they are. I need some help/counsel/advice/words of encouragement/etc
My FI's sister is one of our groomsmen. She is down with wearing a tux, no problems there, but she did request that she not wear the jacket since most places really don't tailor to women (and I knew we'd be going to MW). That wasn't really an issue except that I thought if ANYone should be sticking out, it should be FI, and not one of the groomsmen. So FI and decided that our groomsmen would not wear jackets (vests only) and FI would wear the full tux with jacket (for the ceremony). Crisis averted - yay!
Well, we finally went over the MW and set the group up and go FI fitted/measured. I wasn't crazy about the color ties they had at MW so I am opting to look elsewhere (with the help of my super fantastic and supportive MOH - just figured she deserved a shout out). I mentioned this to the group that I'd be providing them with the ties once I located them. We also decided that FI will don a bowtie while the others wear a standard tie to further set him apart. Except FSIL doesn't want to wear a tie at all...
On one hand, I get it. It's not a feminine look. But on the other hand, I think it will look silly if FI is wearing a bow tie, three groomsmen are wearing a regular tie and she is wearing no tie. I guess I'm just annoyed that so far all the decisions revolving around what FI wears have been based on her preferences, not our own (though to be fair, I suppose it's my preference since FI doesn't have much of an opinion about this stuff).
So I guess...do I talk to FSIL about it and ask her to suck it up and wear a tie (which she can take off after the ceremony and pictures) or do I just ride this one out? The only other thing I was thinking about was having it so that ONLY FI is wearing a tie but I'm afraid it will look too casual if the other guys are not.
Thoughts, comments, advice to preserve my sanity?
My FI's sister is one of our groomsmen. She is down with wearing a tux, no problems there, but she did request that she not wear the jacket since most places really don't tailor to women (and I knew we'd be going to MW). That wasn't really an issue except that I thought if ANYone should be sticking out, it should be FI, and not one of the groomsmen. So FI and decided that our groomsmen would not wear jackets (vests only) and FI would wear the full tux with jacket (for the ceremony). Crisis averted - yay!
Well, we finally went over the MW and set the group up and go FI fitted/measured. I wasn't crazy about the color ties they had at MW so I am opting to look elsewhere (with the help of my super fantastic and supportive MOH - just figured she deserved a shout out). I mentioned this to the group that I'd be providing them with the ties once I located them. We also decided that FI will don a bowtie while the others wear a standard tie to further set him apart. Except FSIL doesn't want to wear a tie at all...
On one hand, I get it. It's not a feminine look. But on the other hand, I think it will look silly if FI is wearing a bow tie, three groomsmen are wearing a regular tie and she is wearing no tie. I guess I'm just annoyed that so far all the decisions revolving around what FI wears have been based on her preferences, not our own (though to be fair, I suppose it's my preference since FI doesn't have much of an opinion about this stuff).
So I guess...do I talk to FSIL about it and ask her to suck it up and wear a tie (which she can take off after the ceremony and pictures) or do I just ride this one out? The only other thing I was thinking about was having it so that ONLY FI is wearing a tie but I'm afraid it will look too casual if the other guys are not.
Thoughts, comments, advice to preserve my sanity?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This is *probably* a minuscule problem, but...
I think the first concession was major and this one you're considering is teeny tiny. Ties are just so unimportant. She's going to look different than the men regardless anything you try to do because she's a woman. Maybe she can just wear some big ole black pearl strands in her open collar shirt. Think coordinating, not matching.
FSIL is wearing a tux because she normally dresses on the masculine side. She has short hair like a man too. I understand her not wanting to wear a jacket and since it's a summer, outdoor wedding, I am A OK with her not wearing a jacket. In fact, I happen to like the look of the vest and dress pants.
Although FI doesn't have many opinions, he is pretty dead set on the bow tie.
To reiterate, I AM NOT forcing her to wear a tux. She wanted to do. Just not the jacket and now, apparently, the tie.
ETA: She hasn't voluntarily worn a dress since high school.
I'm stressed out and being ridiculous.
Thanks everyone!
You said yourself you don't even know what kind of neckwear she had at her own wedding. All eyes were on here and her spouse that day and still you didn't notice. No one will notice what she has on.
ETA -relax! Try not to work yourself up over it. It's not worth it!
No one will care about the lack of tie, but seriously, the mens wearhouse tuxes can be properly fitted for a female body. My partner wore a tux (purchased from mens wearhouse) and the two people standing on my partner's side both wanted to wear tuxes. As you can see in the photo below, they look perfectly fine. The one on the far left was 6 months pregnant.
Personally, I'd ask her to wear the jacket for the ceremony and photos and then she can take it off. The tie is not a big deal to me.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
It's a summer wedding. Even if I had everyone wearing their jackets, they would be coming off directly following the ceremony.
After reading everyone's responses that were actually in regards to the tie situation (and not so much the set in stone decision to not have the GM wear jackets with their tuxes), I have decided that it is fine and I was having a negative reaction to the amount of stress that I am assuming is normal when you are just over a month away from your wedding day.