Bridesmaids dresses dilemna

Allikat191 · July 2014

Hi all

I'm recently engaged (yay!) and while the wedding date is still 15 months away, I've started to do most of my big planning stuff this summer. I'm a teacher and hope to get all the big stuff figured out now, while school is out for the summer, rather than trying to juggle work and planning at the same time.

Because of this, I started looking at wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses and such. My fiance is Indian, and so I would like to try to incorporate some aspects of his culture into the wedding as well. We will be doing a second ceremony in India at a later date, but still would like to include some touches in the ceremony at home. Our wedding party will be my brother and two best friends (female) on my side and his sister and two best friends (one male, one female) on his side. I would like to wear a saree instead of a traditional wedding dress and would like the female members of the wedding party to also wear sarees. The men will be wearing tuxes (or perhaps nice suits) - kind of a me taking on his culture, him taking on mine sort of deal.

So here's the problem... I talked to my fiance's best woman last night to let her know what the plan is. And her response was "I don't think I can do that. I don't really like dresses." I tried to keep it light and not really push things, because I don't want to start a fight with his best friend. And I don't want to go all bridezilla on her - am going to try really hard to avoid bridezilla with the whole wedding, lol. But my gut reaction was "Wait a sec... this is MY wedding..."

I am not super concerned about the bridesmaids/groomsmaids choices on most things - I don't care what shoes they wear, or how they choose to do their hair or makeup. I don't even want to pick out their actual dresses, other than to say that it needs to be a saree - my plan was to get the four girls to make a choice together and then simply hold on to a veto on my end. As long as they don't choose something hideous (and I really don't expect them to), then the choice of dress is theirs.

But her refusal, without any reason given other than that she doesn't like dresses, has me thrown for a loop. I guess I just need to check in with some other people going through the same planning process to see if I'm being way off base. And if I am.... what do I do about it? How do I still manage the intercultural aspect? If I'm not way off base... any thoughts on how to handle the situation? Its my fiance's best friend so I don't really feel comfortable saying that its my way or the highway but...

Thanks all!

manateehugger · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

Hi all

I'm recently engaged (yay!) and while the wedding date is still 15 months away, I've started to do most of my big planning stuff this summer. I'm a teacher and hope to get all the big stuff figured out now, while school is out for the summer, rather than trying to juggle work and planning at the same time.

Because of this, I started looking at wedding dresses and bridesmaid dresses and such. My fiance is Indian, and so I would like to try to incorporate some aspects of his culture into the wedding as well. We will be doing a second ceremony in India at a later date, but still would like to include some touches in the ceremony at home. Our wedding party will be my brother and two best friends (female) on my side and his sister and two best friends (one male, one female) on his side. I would like to wear a saree instead of a traditional wedding dress and would like the female members of the wedding party to also wear sarees. The men will be wearing tuxes (or perhaps nice suits) - kind of a me taking on his culture, him taking on mine sort of deal.

So here's the problem... I talked to my fiance's best woman last night to let her know what the plan is. And her response was "I don't think I can do that. I don't really like dresses." I tried to keep it light and not really push things, because I don't want to start a fight with his best friend. And I don't want to go all bridezilla on her - am going to try really hard to avoid bridezilla with the whole wedding, lol. But my gut reaction was "Wait a sec... this is MY wedding..."

I am not super concerned about the bridesmaids/groomsmaids choices on most things - I don't care what shoes they wear, or how they choose to do their hair or makeup. I don't even want to pick out their actual dresses, other than to say that it needs to be a saree - my plan was to get the four girls to make a choice together and then simply hold on to a veto on my end. As long as they don't choose something hideous (and I really don't expect them to), then the choice of dress is theirs.

But her refusal, without any reason given other than that she doesn't like dresses, has me thrown for a loop. I guess I just need to check in with some other people going through the same planning process to see if I'm being way off base. And if I am.... what do I do about it? How do I still manage the intercultural aspect? If I'm not way off base... any thoughts on how to handle the situation? Its my fiance's best friend so I don't really feel comfortable saying that its my way or the highway but...

Thanks all!

For goodness sake, if she isn't comfortable wearing a dress, don't make the poor girl wear one - and a sari no less! Just let her wear a tailored pantsuit the same color as what the men are wearing (white?). I'm not sure how her not in a sari ruins the intercultural aspect.

OliveOilsMom · July 2014

Don't make her wear a dress, if she is not comfortable with it. I would not feel comfortable in a sari because to me, they are too form fitting and sometimes show off a small portion of the tummy.

@AddieCake 's WP consisted of all females and the Best Woman, did not wear a dress either (although I think she does wear a matching skirt). She matched the G and looks comfortable in the photo.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

What would she like to wear instead of a dress?

Allikat191 · July 2014

I don't know... maybe I'm more traditional than I thought, or maybe I just like the idea of people matching, but I think it would look strange to have one of the girls in a pantsuit (not that I'm actually sure she would agree to that either - at least not at the tuxedo type level that it would need to be to actually match the gents) while the others wore sarees. Honestly I think she would rather be up there in jeans and t-shirt.

manateehugger · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

I don't know... maybe I'm more traditional than I thought, or maybe I just like the idea of people matching, but I think it would look strange to have one of the girls in a pantsuit (not that I'm actually sure she would agree to that either - at least not at the tuxedo type level that it would need to be to actually match the gents) while the others wore sarees. Honestly I think she would rather be up there in jeans and t-shirt.

Well, jeans and a t-shirt aren't appropriate wedding attire (IMHO) if you are having a formalish wedding, so feel free to say that's not appropriate. What does she wear to work?

And I'm not saying have her go rent a tux. I'm saying see if she is open to a pantsuit cut for women. Or at least a blazer in the right color.

And you aren't having a traditional wedding, so I think it's fine to go outside the box here. No one will care why she isn't in a sari - especially since she wont even be standing on your side. I just don't think your wedding vision should mean shoving someone into an outfit they find very uncomfortable (because, let's be honest, saris are not comfortable for lots of non-Indian women).

Allikat191 · July 2014

Thanks for the thoughts PDKH - you're right, she isn't standing on my side. But she would be standing with another grooms maid who would be wearing a saree. So, in my thoughts, if she isn't going to match the other woman who is standing with her (who will be matching the two girls standing on my side), then she needs to actually match the guys, not just be in a blazer. As for what she wears to work... scrubs. Professional wear is not a part of her regular wardrobe at all.

manateehugger · July 2014

So just send her pictures of a couple women's suits you like in the right color and ask if she'd be more comfortable in something like that.

Seriously, no one will care that she's in a pantsuit - they'll just assume she didn't want to wear a sari. Big whoop! You could even ask the other groomsmaid what she'd prefer to wear - maybe she'll say pantsuit as well.

Also, added note, make sure getting a sari made is within your ladies' budgets. They can get expensive quickly.

Allikat191 · July 2014

Lol, as the other grooms maid is his sister, who lives in New Delhi and is more comfortable in a saree than many other clothing options, I'm not thinking so...

And cost wise it is interesting... it is miles cheaper for me to do a saree than a wedding dress, but it is more expensive for the bridesmaids. Its nice though, because if I'm spending much less on my dress, then I will split the costs of the bridesmaids sarees with them, instead of asking them to pay for the whole thing themselves.

EllieAugust · July 2014

I thought that the only role for the wedding party is to buy the outfit and show up.

I agree that the bride would try to find something that everyone is fairly comfortable with, but I don't think that means bending to the whim of each person. "Not liking dresses' is not a great reason. I don't like pink…would that mean the bride and groom should change their whole plan for me? (And yes I am in a wedding next month wearing bright pink!) Not liking something would be a really good reason for that women to not wear a dress for her own wedding.

I would recommend that you sit down with your FI. Talk about what you guys really want. Then he can speak with his friend about what he would like his side of the wedding party to wear!

manateehugger · July 2014

EllieAugust said:

I thought that the only role for the wedding party is to buy the outfit and show up.

I agree that the bride would try to find something that everyone is fairly comfortable with, but I don't think that means bending to the whim of each person. "Not liking dresses' is not a great reason. I don't like pink…would that mean the bride and groom should change their whole plan for me? (And yes I am in a wedding next month wearing bright pink!) Not liking something would be a really good reason for that women to not wear a dress for her own wedding.

I would recommend that you sit down with your FI. Talk about what you guys really want. Then he can speak with his friend about what he would like his side of the wedding party to wear!

SITB
I don't disagree in principle - which is why I said I think this OP should push back until they can reach a compromise that suits the formality of a wedding. However, I think every bride and groom has an obligation to make sure they are shoving their wedding party into something they find very uncomfortable. That doesn't mean not their taste or style.

For example, I would definitely push back if I was asked to wear a tight spandex black dress with cutouts. I would grin and bear it if I was asked to wear peach ruffles in a tea length cut.

But forcing someone who doesn't wear dresses EVER and feels highly uncomfortable in dresses into a SARI for a wedding is ridiculous. If these people matter to you, don't make them wear something they find to be entirely uncomfortable.

Allikat191 · July 2014

Wow. Ridiculous huh? Thanks for not holding back.

Also... just playing a bit of devils advocate (which is weird, since this was my post to start) but if someone isn't comfortable in dresses to begin with, I'm not sure that it matters wether the dress is a saree, a strapless satin bridesmaid dress, or a tea-length peach ruffled dress - uncomfortable is uncomfortable.

I'm more than willing to work with the wedding party to make sure people are as comfortable as they can be - straps, sleeves, straight cut neck, sweetheart neck, tea length, floor length... but I need more to work with than "I don't like dresses" because that doesn't let me try to find a solution. Outside of a tux that matches the guys (which, btw, I have been trying to look for this afternoon and I can't find a single tux rental place in my area that carries ladies tuxes which would mean having to buy one and will end up costing WAY more than the girls clothes).

Viczaesar · July 2014

EllieAugust said:

I thought that the only role for the wedding party is to buy the outfit and show up.

I agree that the bride would try to find something that everyone is fairly comfortable with, but I don't think that means bending to the whim of each person. "Not liking dresses' is not a great reason. I don't like pink…would that mean the bride and groom should change their whole plan for me? (And yes I am in a wedding next month wearing bright pink!) Not liking something would be a really good reason for that women to not wear a dress for her own wedding.

I would recommend that you sit down with your FI. Talk about what you guys really want. Then he can speak with his friend about what he would like his side of the wedding party to wear!

They also get to have a say in what they are willing to wear and not willing to wear.

slothiegal · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

Wow. Ridiculous huh? Thanks for not holding back.

Also... just playing a bit of devils advocate (which is weird, since this was my post to start) but if someone isn't comfortable in dresses to begin with, I'm not sure that it matters wether the dress is a saree, a strapless satin bridesmaid dress, or a tea-length peach ruffled dress - uncomfortable is uncomfortable.

I'm more than willing to work with the wedding party to make sure people are as comfortable as they can be - straps, sleeves, straight cut neck, sweetheart neck, tea length, floor length... but I need more to work with than "I don't like dresses" because that doesn't let me try to find a solution. Outside of a tux that matches the guys (which, btw, I have been trying to look for this afternoon and I can't find a single tux rental place in my area that carries ladies tuxes which would mean having to buy one and will end up costing WAY more than the girls clothes).

I mean, I can see the difference between not LIKING an outfit ("I don't like peach ruffles") and feeling physically uncomfortable standing in front of people in an outfit ("Tight spandex accentuates all the weight I've gained over the past year and I will be more focused on how uncomfortable I feel than enjoying your day with you").

Have you asked her if she had a different outfit in mind, if she does not feel comfortable with a dress? ETA: Yes, I know you said she'd rather be in jeans. But have an honest conversation with her--I'm sure she's aware that's not appropriate attire for a wedding and has some sort of an idea of what she'd be OK in--and then incorporate that in your vision.

Viczaesar · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

Wow. Ridiculous huh? Thanks for not holding back.

Also... just playing a bit of devils advocate (which is weird, since this was my post to start) but if someone isn't comfortable in dresses to begin with, I'm not sure that it matters wether the dress is a saree, a strapless satin bridesmaid dress, or a tea-length peach ruffled dress - uncomfortable is uncomfortable.

I'm more than willing to work with the wedding party to make sure people are as comfortable as they can be - straps, sleeves, straight cut neck, sweetheart neck, tea length, floor length... but I need more to work with than "I don't like dresses" because that doesn't let me try to find a solution. Outside of a tux that matches the guys (which, btw, I have been trying to look for this afternoon and I can't find a single tux rental place in my area that carries ladies tuxes which would mean having to buy one and will end up costing WAY more than the girls clothes).

"I don't like dresses" is the start of a conversation. Now you continue the discussion by asking her what she feels comfortable wearing, and discussing the formality level of your wedding. It should be a back and forth discussion. A woman's pantsuit in the same color as the men's suits or tuxes is a reasonable alternative. See if she's willing to do that and then go from there.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

15 months out is way too early to be deciding on WP wardrobe. It's too early to have asked them in the first place. Table this discussion until the winter. She's probably not going to be open to suggestion or cooperate with you right now because you're talking about what she's going to wear to an event more than a year away. She's more likely to be reasonable when you get closer to the date.

artbyallie · July 2014

flantastic said:

Matching is overrated.

This. The Stepford Wives bridesmaid look is going out of fashion.

slothiegal · July 2014

PDKH said: Allikat191 said: I don't know... maybe I'm more traditional than I thought, or maybe I just like the idea of people matching, but I think it would look strange to have one of the girls in a pantsuit (not that I'm actually sure she would agree to that either - at least not at the tuxedo type level that it would need to be to actually match the gents) while the others wore sarees. Honestly I think she would rather be up there in jeans and t-shirt.

Well, jeans and a t-shirt aren't appropriate wedding attire (IMHO) if you are having a formalish wedding, so feel free to say that's not appropriate. What does she wear to work?
And I'm not saying have her go rent a tux. I'm saying see if she is open to a pantsuit cut for women. Or at least a blazer in the right color.

And you aren't having a traditional wedding, so I think it's fine to go outside the box here. No one will care why she isn't in a sari - especially since she wont even be standing on your side. I just don't think your wedding vision should mean shoving someone into an outfit they find very uncomfortable (because, let's be honest, saris are not comfortable for lots of non-Indian women).

Also, sorry to sidetrack, but I love this outfit. Very chic.

ETA wtf paragraphs.

Allikat191 · July 2014

It is super early - and I'm more than aware of this. But with trying to coordinate wedding party members in 3 different locations, one of which is on the other side of the world, we are trying to get a jump on the initial plans. Add in that I don't work during the summer and so am, again, getting the basics planned out (which, for me, includes deciding the basics of what we will all be wearing and so what the timeline for actually getting the decisions done is - big difference for us if we do sarees vs traditional dresses) instead of waiting to try to do it while I'm working, and the initial discussions are happening now. I'm not looking for people to decide on an actual dress right now - that's insane. But for me to be able to create the timeline so that we can make sure everything gets done early enough to not freak me out and so that my fiance and I can get an accurate idea of budget (i.e. how much we can help our wedding party out with costs), I need to make some general decisions now.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I'm trying to figure out how you went from her saying "I don't like wearing dresses" to this meaning she also won't wear a woman's suit because she wears scrubs to work. I wore cut offs and 4" heels with a halter top to work today. I would not wear that to a wedding. Even if I didn't feel comfortable wearing a dress to a wedding, I'd wear a formal pantsuit.

Also, don't make her wear the exact same tux a man wears. Women's bodies are very different then men's bodies, they make tuxes and suits to suit a woman's body, let her wear one of those. Many women do not feel comfortable in dresses. Maybe it's a gender identity thing for her, maybe it's how her body looks, maybe it's because she had a dress trauma at some point. The nice thing to do is to listen to her and take her feelings into consideration.

We asked our girls to wear knee length dresses in black. Then the girl standing up with me told me she'd like something a little past her knees, closer to tea-length because she felt more comfortable in that. Done. No one is gonna give a shit, and she's gonna look fantastic. We even discussed her wearing a pantsuit and she tried a few one, then fell in love with a dress. Her comfort in my wedding is important to me becuase she is my friend.

00kim00 · July 2014

Have you consIdered a punjabi suit for either just her or all of your girls? They're formal, she gets pants, and it's clearly Indian. Depending on the length and cut, it can look more like a pantsuit or a dress. Something like: media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d9/b7/bf/d9b7bfdb00bf25409bc876f574e4f2b5.jpg Or www.indiabazaaronline.com/fashion-juice/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/wedding-Indian-bridesmaids.jpg

beethery · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

Wow. Ridiculous huh? Thanks for not holding back.

Also... just playing a bit of devils advocate (which is weird, since this was my post to start) but if someone isn't comfortable in dresses to begin with, I'm not sure that it matters wether the dress is a saree, a strapless satin bridesmaid dress, or a tea-length peach ruffled dress - uncomfortable is uncomfortable.

I'm more than willing to work with the wedding party to make sure people are as comfortable as they can be - straps, sleeves, straight cut neck, sweetheart neck, tea length, floor length... but I need more to work with than "I don't like dresses" because that doesn't let me try to find a solution. Outside of a tux that matches the guys (which, btw, I have been trying to look for this afternoon and I can't find a single tux rental place in my area that carries ladies tuxes which would mean having to buy one and will end up costing WAY more than the girls clothes).

Ask if she'd be ok with a pants saree setup. I know I've seen them. If not, let her and your FI figure it out.

Allikat191 · July 2014

I didn't go from one to the other - was just answering someone else's question about what she wears to work and what she would likely honestly want to wear that day. I don't expect her to wear what she would likely wear to work - that would be silly for almost all of us.

And I don't expect her to wear the same tux as the men - but if she is not wearing something that matches what the ladies are wearing (not stepford wives the same, but similar in style), then I think its fair to ask that she wears something that matches the style and formality level of what the gents are wearing. If they are in a tux, then I don't see a simple pantsuit as matching their level of formality. Same as if 3 girls are wearing satin floor length bridesmaid dresses, the fourth being in a knee-length jersey knit wouldn't be a matching level.

Her comfort is important to me to - but I'm also not willing to make her comfort the biggest part of making a decision in my wedding. And I don't really know how to explain that without sounding like a crazy woman. Because I really, honestly do not want her to feel forced into something she hates or is truly unhappy with. But at the same time, when all I get from her is "I don't like dresses", there isn't a whole lot I can do with that... its a starting point for a conversation but only if there is more behind it - and right now there isn't. She wore a dress to her own wedding - strapless and poofy princess style no less - so I know that this isn't a matter of her absolutely never wearing a dress.

Am looking at tux/pantsuit/menswear inspired options as well, because I don't have an issue with her choosing to match the guys instead of the girls - but am not having a lot of luck. Rentals don't seem to be a real possibility and in terms of buying - well most of what I've seen that would fit in with the planned grooms wear is way out of her price range, especially since much of it is sold as separates.

slothiegal · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

I didn't go from one to the other - was just answering someone else's question about what she wears to work and what she would likely honestly want to wear that day. I don't expect her to wear what she would likely wear to work - that would be silly for almost all of us.

And I don't expect her to wear the same tux as the men - but if she is not wearing something that matches what the ladies are wearing (not stepford wives the same, but similar in style), then I think its fair to ask that she wears something that matches the style and formality level of what the gents are wearing. If they are in a tux, then I don't see a simple pantsuit as matching their level of formality. Same as if 3 girls are wearing satin floor length bridesmaid dresses, the fourth being in a knee-length jersey knit wouldn't be a matching level.

Her comfort is important to me to - but I'm also not willing to make her comfort the biggest part of making a decision in my wedding. And I don't really know how to explain that without sounding like a crazy woman. Because I really, honestly do not want her to feel forced into something she hates or is truly unhappy with. But at the same time, when all I get from her is "I don't like dresses", there isn't a whole lot I can do with that... its a starting point for a conversation but only if there is more behind it - and right now there isn't. She wore a dress to her own wedding - strapless and poofy princess style no less - so I know that this isn't a matter of her absolutely never wearing a dress.

Am looking at tux/pantsuit/menswear inspired options as well, because I don't have an issue with her choosing to match the guys instead of the girls - but am not having a lot of luck. Rentals don't seem to be a real possibility and in terms of buying - well most of what I've seen that would fit in with the planned grooms wear is way out of her price range, especially since much of it is sold as separates.

There are going to be a lot of decisions along the planning process that you/your FI don't have to involve other people's concerns (unless they are contributing money, of course): your attire, his attire, the centerpieces, the favors, your first dance, etc. This is not one of them--you need to make your friend's comfort a priority if you want her to stand with you. Continue a dialogue with her (she's already started it) and go from there.

Viczaesar · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

I didn't go from one to the other - was just answering someone else's question about what she wears to work and what she would likely honestly want to wear that day. I don't expect her to wear what she would likely wear to work - that would be silly for almost all of us.

And I don't expect her to wear the same tux as the men - but if she is not wearing something that matches what the ladies are wearing (not stepford wives the same, but similar in style), then I think its fair to ask that she wears something that matches the style and formality level of what the gents are wearing. If they are in a tux, then I don't see a simple pantsuit as matching their level of formality. You are incorrect. A woman's pantsuit is the same level of formality as a man's suit, and a tux is just a man's suit with satin embellishments. Same as if 3 girls are wearing satin floor length bridesmaid dresses, the fourth being in a knee-length jersey knit wouldn't be a matching level.

Her comfort is important to me to - but I'm also not willing to make her comfort the biggest part of making a decision in my wedding. And I don't really know how to explain that without sounding like a crazy woman. Because I really, honestly do not want her to feel forced into something she hates or is truly unhappy with. But at the same time, when all I get from her is "I don't like dresses", there isn't a whole lot I can do with that... its a starting point for a conversation but only if there is more behind it - and right now there isn't. So go out and have that conversation with her! She wore a dress to her own wedding - strapless and poofy princess style no less - so I know that this isn't a matter of her absolutely never wearing a dress.

Am looking at tux/pantsuit/menswear inspired options as well, because I don't have an issue with her choosing to match the guys instead of the girls - but am not having a lot of luck. Rentals don't seem to be a real possibility and in terms of buying - well most of what I've seen that would fit in with the planned grooms wear is way out of her price range, especially since much of it is sold as separates. Where are you looking?

Allikat191 · July 2014

See that's where we disagree. Her comfort - and the comfort of all the members of the wedding party - is important. But it is not the only consideration - or necessarily even the first consideration. If it was, then we would all just tell our wedding parties to show up in whatever they'd like. And we don't. We all have an idea of what we'd like our wedding to be - so we give guidelines on colour, material, style...

I think where I am at is to say "The wedding party will be wearing sarees and tuxes. I don't care which you choose to wear - your call in terms of what you are comfortable in." If it is a saree, then we'll work together to find a blouse that you're comfortable in, do a saree and leggings if that works, find a fabric that gives you coverage if that's what you want (which was always the way I was handling this - and would/will be doing this with all the girls). If its a tux then I'll do my best to help you find a place that will rent women's tuxes or find somewhere where you can buy one.

BMoreBride6 · July 2014

00kim00 said:

Have you consIdered a punjabi suit for either just her or all of your girls? They're formal, she gets pants, and it's clearly Indian. Depending on the length and cut, it can look more like a pantsuit or a dress. Something like: media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d9/b7/bf/d9b7bfdb00bf25409bc876f574e4f2b5.jpg Or www.indiabazaaronline.com/fashion-juice/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/wedding-Indian-bridesmaids.jpg

STB
OP did you ever respond to the above? I think that could be a great compromise.

JaxInBlue · July 2014

00kim00 said:

Have you consIdered a punjabi suit for either just her or all of your girls? They're formal, she gets pants, and it's clearly Indian. Depending on the length and cut, it can look more like a pantsuit or a dress. Something like: media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/d9/b7/bf/d9b7bfdb00bf25409bc876f574e4f2b5.jpg Or www.indiabazaaronline.com/fashion-juice/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/wedding-Indian-bridesmaids.jpg

This. Ask her if she'd consider churidar or salwar pants with a tunic. She could pick the fit of pants and looseness of the tunic to fit her personal comfort. So it wouldn't be a dress, but it would be more in line with your vision.

And I agree with PPs. While you and your FI get to set the majority of the parameters for your bridal party's wear, it's not an absolute dictate and it should be respectful of what you know makes your best friends and family feel comfortable. Trust me, the pictures will look better if everyone is confident and not in matching outfits than seething but perfectly aligned.

MairePoppy · July 2014

Would she be comfortable in something like this?

Viczaesar · July 2014

Allikat191 said:

See that's where we disagree. Her comfort - and the comfort of all the members of the wedding party - is important. But it is not the only consideration - or necessarily even the first consideration. You're right, we disagree. Her comfort should be foremost in decisions related to what she is going to wear. If it was, then we would all just tell our wedding parties to show up in whatever they'd like. That's just dumb logic. And we don't. We all have an idea of what we'd like our wedding to be - so we give guidelines on colour, material, style...

I think where I am at is to say "The wedding party will be wearing sarees and tuxes. I don't care which you choose to wear - your call in terms of what you are comfortable in." If it is a saree, then we'll work together to find a blouse that you're comfortable in, do a saree and leggings if that works, find a fabric that gives you coverage if that's what you want (which was always the way I was handling this - and would/will be doing this with all the girls). If its a tux then I'll do my best to help you find a place that will rent women's tuxes or find somewhere where you can buy one.
Again, start with ASKING her what she is comfortable with. You're making this a whole lot more drama-filled and harder than it needs to be. Try to remember that these people aren't props, they're you and your FI's best friends. The most important thing is to have them standing next to you when you get married, not that they perfectly match your wedding "vision" or each other.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I want to echo PPs on asking her on what makes her comfortable. No one likes to wear something that makes them feel bad. It doesn't have to be something you like but I know for me that if I was asked to wear a brightly colored green dress with ruffles for a wedding that as long as it was comfortable then I would just deal with it not being my style. If that brightly colored green dress with ruffles make me feel physically uncomfortable, that's a different story and I would hope the bride would be understanding.

Bridesmaids dresses dilemna

Re: Bridesmaids dresses dilemna

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