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What is the worst breach of etiquette you've ever seen?

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Re: What is the worst breach of etiquette you've ever seen?

  • syoun1njsyoun1nj member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I've discussed this before but I always enjoy these stories so I'll share again:

    -B&G did not block any hotel rooms to get us any discounts (not required, I know, but would have helped with the events in the city that week)
    -Cash bar (they made magazine cutout "rock the cash bar" signs
    -Only fried food on the buffet. I avoid gluten but needed to eat, so I did. I was incredibly sick and had to cancel brunch with husband's family the next morning. Not really their etiquette breach but kind of strange for wedding food...
    -But then, it WASNT a wedding. It was a PPD. Weddings are a huge waste of money and soooo stupid (As the "groom" made sure to announce to my father and husband at our wedding). Yet it had a guestbook, photog, DJ, wedding gown, first dance, "Vows," cake, etc.
    -about 15 chairs, 3 tables, and a bar and 10 hightops for 80 people. If you had a purse on a chair, someone would move it. 
    -We thought they weren't doing thank yous, but we finally got one a couple weeks ago. The event was in March.

    I havent spoken to the groom since (Don't particularly like the bride. none of us do. do wouldnt talk to her anyway). Not just because of this, but has a lot to do with it, and the aforementioned behavior at our wedding.
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  • l9il9i member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    This certainly isn't as horrible as some on here but...

    We were invited to a wedding last year as (FI and Guest) we were engaged and living together then too.  I dismissed because it was a "shotgun" kind of wedding due to a baby.  Not the best reason to rush a marriage, but their choice, not mine.  I figured it was just rushed and dismissed since I never met the bride, only the groom and only a handful of times.  Since they were doing the whole marriage, move in, baby thing at once and pretty quick we got them a nicer gift than most because I guess we felt bad because they would really need it.  Talking to the couple after the fact they didn't get many gifts so I'm glad we got them something to start their life.  The poor etiquette comes in when we never received a thank you note, and if they truly didn't get many gift how long would it have taken??  A month after the wedding I receive an invte to a baby shower (surprise!).  I followed the directions and declined to the host.  I did not give a reason but declined due to the fact I met her once, at the wedding, and I never got a thank you note which I thought was poor.  She then calls me AND FI leaving us both voicemails asking why specifically I declined and had a major attitude in her voice.  Needless to say we haven't talked to them since - so tacky!

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  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I was in a PPD, my friend got married about 9 months before her "wedding" to get her husband on her insurance and lied to everyone. I was in the "wedding" and I had to buy a $300 BM dress, matching shoes, jewelry was our gift. She required us to have our hair and makeup done. We spent a lot of money on her "bachelorette" party and "bridal" shower. 

    I didn't find out the truth until years later and am still pissed about it to this day. And irony of all ironies, she is being a brat about coming to my shower and bach, because she had a falling out with my MOH over the authenticity of MOH's E-ring. WTF?
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    LondonLisa said:
    One of fi's high school friend's wedding was such a nightmare. I will only go into the reception part because the ceremony was fairly straight forward (except for the part were they did a pass the plate collection to pay for the church.... yeah... seriously).

    Legitimate question. Was the plate passed for a fund to pay the fee to get married there, or was a full mass held?  I haven't seen it at Catholic weddings I've been to, but at regular masses of a Christian denomination, the plate is often passed to support the parish.  I'm not sure if the plate passing was part of a normal mass or not. 

    If not............. holy tacky city. 
    ________________________________


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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    thisismynickname said:
    FI and I just received an invite to his friend's wedding. "FI and Guest." We're getting married three weeks after they are. We saw them the week before the invite arrived. Wtf. Seriously, do people do that figuring if one person can't come, the friend can bring someone else? FI figured his friend was too embarrassed to ask how to spell my last name. It's not on FB.
    What's so embarrassing about that? People ask me how to spell my (very difficult) name all the time.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @syoun1nj I'm dying over the "rock the cash bar" thing! Tacky yet... hilarious? I also thought of something rude I experienced at a wedding, but not sure how "etiquette" bad it is. I was a B-list guest (not even the part I'm writing about) and FI and I were seated at the last table in the corner, along with a couple S/O's of the bridal party (again, not the part I'm writing about) and the DJ while he was on dinner break. We were supposed to have several other of the bride's coworkers at our table. Guess what? They took their plates and silverwear and crammed themselves at the neighboring table with the rest of the coworkers. Soooo sorry we weren't cool enough to socialize with them. Jerks.
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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    Over 10 years ago, I went to a wedding of a friend. We weren't the best of friends, so I didn't expect to be a bridesmaid, and I wasn't. Totally fine with that. Instead, she wanted me to write an original reading about marriage to read at the ceremony. She specified that the reading should be 5 minutes. Fine. I labored over this and wrote a five-minute piece about marriage (I wasn't even married yet, so not sure why she wanted this from me, but I complied). Get to the wedding, and it turns out that all the other readings are 30 seconds, max. So I end up feeling like I'm going on and on and people are getting bored. I would have cut myself off, but had stage fright and didn't have the wherewithal to find a natural ending. Before the wedding, she insisted that I come to the bridal suite and get ready with her and her bridesmaids (none of whom I had met). I get there. She doesn't acknowledge me, and the other girls look at me like I have three heads. I'm standing there clutching my dress and shoes, not sure what to do. In hindsight, I should have simply left, but I had no other place to get ready except for in the car. The photographer tells me to step aside and get out of the way because she's taking pictures and none of them will include me. I ended up sneaking into a bathroom and getting ready there. I get that she was otherwise occupied with her BFFs, but then why insist that I be there? Really, I felt like an old discarded shoe.
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  • csuavecsuave member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I have never been invited to a wedding that included anything highly offensive.  "Worst" were:
    1. The small dinner party reception where they did not have assigned tables and was tight on space.  Family sat at one table and friends at the other two tables.  When all was settled there were two empty chairs for DH and I at two different tables (where we didn't know a single person at either table).  Groom quickly corrected the situation by squeezing 2 chairs for us at the family table.  Not that bad and not really a breach of etiquette but it made for a major moment of awkwardness.
    2. Hosted wine and beer with cash bar right outside the door.  Beer ran out 45 minutes into the reception.  It was tacky but I drank wine all night and since that didn't run out I didn't care much about the overall drink situation.  Maybe I was also chill about it because I was self serving the wine and I am a generous pour.
    3. The majority of the weddings I go to have a gap, most are about an hour.  This actually doesn't really bother me but I know it bothers others.
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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    csuave said:
    I2. Hosted wine and beer with cash bar right outside the door.  Beer ran out 45 minutes into the reception.  It was tacky but I drank wine all night and since that didn't run out I didn't care much about the overall drink situation.  Maybe I was also chill about it because I was self serving the wine and I am a generous pour.
    3.
    LOL. Good move. You were feeling no pain. I have occassionally weathered a wedding in this way.Then all is happy and right.
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  • luckysnorkelluckysnorkel member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    thisismynickname said:
    @syoun1nj I'm dying over the "rock the cash bar" thing! Tacky yet... hilarious? I also thought of something rude I experienced at a wedding, but not sure how "etiquette" bad it is. I was a B-list guest (not even the part I'm writing about) and FI and I were seated at the last table in the corner, along with a couple S/O's of the bridal party (again, not the part I'm writing about) and the DJ while he was on dinner break. We were supposed to have several other of the bride's coworkers at our table. Guess what? They took their plates and silverwear and crammed themselves at the neighboring table with the rest of the coworkers. Soooo sorry we weren't cool enough to socialize with them. Jerks.
    That's atrocious.  I'm annoyed on your behalf!
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    mimivac said:
    thisismynickname said:
    FI and I just received an invite to his friend's wedding. "FI and Guest." We're getting married three weeks after they are. We saw them the week before the invite arrived. Wtf. Seriously, do people do that figuring if one person can't come, the friend can bring someone else? FI figured his friend was too embarrassed to ask how to spell my last name. It's not on FB.
    What's so embarrassing about that? People ask me how to spell my (very difficult) name all the time.
    Well, exactly. Hence my annoyance :(  Seriously, if FI's friend thought I couldn't come for any reason and that's why she put "FI and Guest" so he could bring whomever then fine, I get it. But to not ask my name... come on. 
    ________________________________


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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Worst breach I've seen: my boss did not invite any guests' SOs to her wedding if they weren't already married. Even still, she told me of one her guest's wife would not be invited because she "can't stand her." Anyway, that's not even the worst part. What makes this awful is that this decision not to invite SOs was due to money/space issue; the room they chose at their venue wouldn't hold everyone plus SOs, and it was way too much money to upgrade to the bigger room.

    Oh, but you chose a fancy yacht club for your reception. And you chose Surf & Turf (filet mignon & stuffed lobster tail) as your entree. And you had cash bar only so you spent nothing on beverages. But you're so strapped for cash that you can't treat your guests respectfully. UGH.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    thisismynickname said:
    LondonLisa said:
    One of fi's high school friend's wedding was such a nightmare. I will only go into the reception part because the ceremony was fairly straight forward (except for the part were they did a pass the plate collection to pay for the church.... yeah... seriously).

    Legitimate question. Was the plate passed for a fund to pay the fee to get married there, or was a full mass held?  I haven't seen it at Catholic weddings I've been to, but at regular masses of a Christian denomination, the plate is often passed to support the parish.  I'm not sure if the plate passing was part of a normal mass or not. 

    If not............. holy tacky city. 
    No, this was a simple 20 minute Church of England ceremony not a full Catholic mass. They simply did not want to pay the Church fees to get married so they did a collection. I have no idea what would happen had they not received enough. At this same wedding, we also found out that the people who stayed on site at the venue (it was also a small hotel) were purposefully charged a higher room rate by the hotel at the request of the B&G to help pay for the cost of hiring the reception room.... 
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    LondonLisa said:
    thisismynickname said:
    LondonLisa said:
    One of fi's high school friend's wedding was such a nightmare. I will only go into the reception part because the ceremony was fairly straight forward (except for the part were they did a pass the plate collection to pay for the church.... yeah... seriously).

    Legitimate question. Was the plate passed for a fund to pay the fee to get married there, or was a full mass held?  I haven't seen it at Catholic weddings I've been to, but at regular masses of a Christian denomination, the plate is often passed to support the parish.  I'm not sure if the plate passing was part of a normal mass or not. 

    If not............. holy tacky city. 
    No, this was a simple 20 minute Church of England ceremony not a full Catholic mass. They simply did not want to pay the Church fees to get married so they did a collection. I have no idea what would happen had they not received enough. At this same wedding, we also found out that the people who stayed on site at the venue (it was also a small hotel) were purposefully charged a higher room rate by the hotel at the request of the B&G to help pay for the cost of hiring the reception room.... 
    That is seriously unethical behavior on the part of the hotel. I hope word got out that they did that.  
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  • OnceUponAVineOnceUponAVine member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh let's see...
    -The location for the ceremony & reception changed due to something outside of the couple's control. I only found out (4th hand) because my sister (also a guest) happened to mention it in passing.
    -Before the ceremony started I got a text from the maid-of-honor asking if I would handle the music for the ceremony and reception (fyi no, I'm not a DJ and even if I was I'm a guest).
    -Then the ceremony started 45 minutes late. No explanation. We were sitting in the sun with zero shade available and while it was a pleasant day I started to burn.
    -It was a dry wedding (totally fine) except the family tables and sweetheart table had bottles of champagne for toasting. The rest of us had water or whatever soda we had gotten earlier.
    -The food was barely warm by the time we got it from the buffet and pretty much cold by the time we got seated again to eat it.
    - It's been 8 weeks and no one has received a thank you card. It was a small wedding (MAYBE 50 people) and they took a 3 day honeymoon. I'm not going to hold my breath on ever receiving one.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    -No thank you note to be seen anywhere for anything for any reason
    -Friend got a thank you note that says "Thanks for the stuff."
    -Ran out of food
    -The B+G played jeopardy about each other for 3 hours while the guests got to sit and watch
    -Not enough seating
    -Seating strangers together for mingling
    -Forced to watch half hour long slideshows of pictures of the B+G
    -B+G got mad when my group left early and sent us angry emails. We left to get dinner because they didn't provide enough dinner for everyone at dinnertime.
    -The bride threw a fit that a bridesmaid got a piercing and dyed her hair without asking her
    -B+G never bothered to come around to everyone and thank them for coming, or even say hi. 
    -Some S/O's weren't invited

    This was all one fabulous, glorious wedding. There is a lot more to it that happened, and not all of it was etiquette related, but I think my brain is begginning to black out the memory. We don't talk to them anymore.
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  • hales2010hales2010 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    The rudest thing I encountered was this fun situation...

     

    I had a friend getting married right after we were out of high school. She sent me an invite and everything. After getting her a nice gift for her shower(literally got her one of the more expensive things on her registry), buying an outfit for the wedding, and requesting off from a job that I had just got....I found out through a friend she ended up having to cut the list due to some budget costs and that I was no longer one of the ones invited...a week before the wedding. I would not have been as mad if she would have been the one to tell me.

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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    LondonLisa said
     At this same wedding, we also found out that the people who stayed on site at the venue (it was also a small hotel) were purposefully charged a higher room rate by the hotel at the request of the B&G to help pay for the cost of hiring the reception room.... 
    Wha?!! So what you're saying is that the B&G colluded with the hotel to raise prices in order to fund the reception. So the guests were expected to subsidize both the ceremony and reception in addition to getting gifts and going to the expense of attending the wedding. Nice racket.
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  • offensivekitten2offensivekitten2 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Hrm... worst I've ever personally seen.... Has to be my SIL. She wanted to host the bridal shower, and I didn't know her well enough to decline at the time. She asked me if there was a special item I wanted, and I replied that I could really use a camera for the honeymoon. Little did I know that she immediately printed up shower invites ASKING FOR CASH. I was mortified.



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  • twitterbirdtwitterbird member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its

    No seating plan so it was a free for all. Mom and I (I didn't have a SO at the time) ended up at a table by ourselves and left before the first dance. Mom was very upset by it. It was the wedding of the son of one of her very good friends. Mom wouldn't speak to her for months over it in fact.

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  • rockchalkweddingrockchalkwedding member
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments
    I received an invite to a former co-worker's wedding that had moved out of state on Facebook.  No clue that she had met the love of her life and was planning a wedding.  The wedding (1500 miles away) was 2 weeks away, on a Wednesday afternoon, at a park.  The FB invite explained that the Wednesday afternoon was necessary due to the tight budget.  Super annoying, no way I could arrange to attend, but ok.  THEN, the FB invite went on say that also due to budget constraints, anyone wishing to go needed to pay $20/person at the door for food and punch.  Also, they would like cash gifts. 

    ....
    ...
    ..

    WHAT?!  I was so appalled that I didn't respond, which in hindsight was also rude, but I just couldn't take it seriously.  Have not seen or heard a word from her since.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    rockchalkwedding said:
    I received an invite to a former co-worker's wedding that had moved out of state on Facebook.  No clue that she had met the love of her life and was planning a wedding.  The wedding (1500 miles away) was 2 weeks away, on a Wednesday afternoon, at a park.  The FB invite explained that the Wednesday afternoon was necessary due to the tight budget.  Super annoying, no way I could arrange to attend, but ok.  THEN, the FB invite went on say that also due to budget constraints, anyone wishing to go needed to pay $20/person at the door for food and punch.  Also, they would like cash gifts. 

    ....
    ...
    ..

    WHAT?!  I was so appalled that I didn't respond, which in hindsight was also rude, but I just couldn't take it seriously.  Have not seen or heard a word from her since.
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    $20 cover charge? MM-MMM. NOPE. NO MA'AM.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Some of this is not etiquette per se, or maybe it is. In thinking about wanting a small wedding myself, it is a series of events that keeps going through my mind. 

    My dad comes from a large family -- uncles, aunts, cousins and their spouses comes to 25 people. A couple years ago one of my cousin's got married. I knew the month and year of the wedding from general chatter, but was never told the date, and never received a save the date. I heard a lot of excuses -- they got lost, they got lost in the mail, they forgot to send them, etc. including a facebook message from the bride saying those things and telling me I was invited (though she never told me the date of the wedding). Whatever. Less than a month before the wedding I finally got an invitation. The wedding was half way across the country from me and at that point I had work commitments (it was a Friday wedding) I couldn't miss without causing a lot of problems, so I declined and ordered them the kitchenaid mixer off their registry. 

    My sister (who also lives far from where the wedding was) and I figured we were B list invites. That is no biggie to us but we both decided not to go. Then we started getting phone calls from our the bride's parents and nasty messages FROM OUR OWN FATHER about not attending the wedding. How could we miss a wedding in our family? My dad actually told us that we were tearing our family apart. WHAT?!? I hadn't seen these people in three years. I am not obligated to go to a wedding 700+ miles away. My dad did not go to the weddings of TWO OF HIS OWN SIBLINGS. Why has this suddenly become an issue?

    Anyway, huge fall out, kind of wrecked my relationship with my dad honestly because rather than having my back with his family and explaining that I had work commitments, he threw me to the wolves. My sister ended up giving in and going to the wedding. She said as expected she barely saw the bride and groom and most of the cousins were ignored all night. 

    Fast forward to my sister's wedding, she and her hubby felt extremely pressured to invite that whole side of the family to the wedding -- 25 people, which was almost a quarter of her guest list. Only half of them made it. They still say nasty things about me for not going to that wedding. 
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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh, I might add, my dad did not pay for one cent of my sister's wedding but still insisted his 25 person family needed to be invited. My sister can't help it, she is too nice, I would have said no. 
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  • danamwdanamw member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    This happened when I was 7 years old! My parents and I went to my cousin's wedding, in a Catholic church in the morning. Then there was a gap of about 6 hours, me and my parents went home.

    Here is the horrible part: my mom had me change into regular clothes and hang up my dress, then she made me stay in the house and do nothing until it was time to get ready to go to the reception.  She didn't feel like cleaning me up. So I had to stay in the house, on a Saturday afternoon, in the spring, in 1963, in Philly.


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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    I once knew someone who was literally charging his/her guests for their dinner! The invitation noted how guests could pay ahead of time or could pay on the night of.
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