Is this incredibly rude and just plain awful?

soontobemrshamilton · July 2014

FI has 2 young half sisters, 12 and 14 (his mom's daughters) he is not close to them at all. FI would rather invite another close couple instead of his sisters. I guess you can say we are having a 18+ wedding, but they are family. I just think it's so rude, but I do see his point. They are young, they probably won't have much fun and he isn't at all close to them. So how awful is this? Have you been in a situation like this?

delujm0 · July 2014

Are your future in-laws paying for any of the wedding? If so, this should be their decision. I personally cannot imagine not inviting my siblings, and i'm including my MUCH younger stepsiblings who i don't know very well at all. We also had an adult-only wedding but included my 17 year old stepsister and our 8 month old nephew because we couldn't imagine not having our nephew at our wedding. I would make sure FI's family is cool with not inviting them - upsetting his mother might not really be worth it.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Yeah, I think it's pretty bad, and I'm planning on not inviting two aunts and several cousins, so I'm not one that thinks Blood is what is important.

NYCMercedes · July 2014

soontobemrshamilton said:

FI has 2 young half sisters, 12 and 14 (his mom's daughters) he is not close to them at all. FI would rather invite another close couple instead of his sisters. I guess you can say we are having a 18+ wedding, but they are family. I just think it's so rude, but I do see his point. They are young, they probably won't have much fun and he isn't at all close to them. So how awful is this? Have you been in a situation like this?

They have to be really really really distant for him not to invite his half sisters.

tammym1001 · July 2014

I think it's pretty bad not to invite them. Even if they aren't close, they are still his sisters. Even if your wedding is 18 and over I think most people would make exceptions for immediate family.

manateehugger · July 2014

'd say that's between him, his sisters, and his mother. I do think 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to realize and be hurt by the exclusion. I don't understand deliberately excluding them; he may not be close to them, but I think this could be a step in permanently closing the door on a relationship. They wont be teenagers forever.

I personally couldn't imagine not inviting my siblings and would be crushed to be denied entry to a sibling's wedding, but I am not your FI.

soontobemrshamilton · July 2014

Well, yes, I told him he needs to have a conversation with is mom and she how she feels about it, if he really wants to go through with it. They are not paying for any part of the wedding.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I think it's pretty awful.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

Are two plates really going to blow your budget?

Invite the siblings. If they really aren't close, they might not come. But these kids share a parent with him, so personally I would invite them just to avoid strife with the parent in question.

soontobemrshamilton · July 2014

yes, I know, that's what I'm trying to tell him. I don't want his mom to get upset. They aren't 2 extra plates, he would want to have another couple in their place. We can't add any more people to the guest list due to the max number of people for the venue

lyndausvi · July 2014

Yeah I find that pretty bad. Just because he is not close to them now doesn't mean there can't be a relationship when they get older.

DH is 11 and 13 years older than his half sisters (from mom). They were not close growing up, but now they are getting married, in the work force and such we have more in common with them. Are they best friends? No. But with a common mom everyone feels it's important to have some relationship for her sake.

At 12 and 14 they will definitely feel the burn of not being invites and it could have lasting results. Not inviting them sends a message. And it's not "I think you will be bored at my wedding."

April192002 · July 2014

If you two had children would they be there? I would say the general rule is immediate family and no exceptions after that. If FMIL honestly doesn't care then you don't necessarily have to invite them but if she does care then they need to be invited.

danamw · July 2014

The groom's sisters have to be invited! Come on! It isn't like there is bad blood, and what would his mother, and the girls feel, when Mom heads out the door to his wedding, to which his own sisters were not invited?

Yes, it is awful. This is his chance to do the right thing.

luckysnorkel · July 2014

If they were grown and still weren't close with your FI, I'd feel differently, but the fact that they are 12 and 14 makes me feel like they ought to be invited.

crys-crys · July 2014

I see this two ways. I am a younger half-sister. My half-brothers rejected my sister and I which hurt my sister and I. The cut us out of their lives and made it well known that we weren't important. I did not invite them to my wedding. So I see it is perfectly fine to not invite siblings if they have hurt you but I think that by not inviting his sisters, you FI is the one who may do the hurting.

slothiegal · July 2014

Yeah....I'm going to have to say not inviting them is a bad move. Go out to dinner with the other couple after the wedding to celebrate or something, but I really think the sisters needs to be invited.

lyndausvi · July 2014

PDKH said:

'd say that's between him, his sisters, and his mother. I do think 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to realize and be hurt by the exclusion. I don't understand deliberately excluding them; he may not be close to them, but I think this could be a step in permanently closing the door on a relationship. They wont be teenagers forever.
I personally couldn't imagine not inviting my siblings and would be crushed to be denied entry to a sibling's wedding, but I am not your FI.

@pdkh - who are you responding to? It's not on my feed. So am I'm blocking someone and don't know it? Because I never block anyone, so it would have had to been a mistake.

Or did they block me from seeing them? If so I wonder who and why?

lc07 · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

PDKH said:

'd say that's between him, his sisters, and his mother. I do think 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to realize and be hurt by the exclusion. I don't understand deliberately excluding them; he may not be close to them, but I think this could be a step in permanently closing the door on a relationship. They wont be teenagers forever.
I personally couldn't imagine not inviting my siblings and would be crushed to be denied entry to a sibling's wedding, but I am not your FI.

@pdkh - who are you responding to? It's not on my feed. So am I'm blocking someone and don't know it? Because I never block anyone, so it would have had to been a mistake.

Or did they block me from seeing them? If so I wonder who and why?

I don't see the post in my feed that PDKH is quoting either.

ashley8918 · July 2014

lc07 said:

lyndausvi said:

PDKH said:

'd say that's between him, his sisters, and his mother. I do think 12 and 14 is plenty old enough to realize and be hurt by the exclusion. I don't understand deliberately excluding them; he may not be close to them, but I think this could be a step in permanently closing the door on a relationship. They wont be teenagers forever.
I personally couldn't imagine not inviting my siblings and would be crushed to be denied entry to a sibling's wedding, but I am not your FI.

@pdkh - who are you responding to? It's not on my feed. So am I'm blocking someone and don't know it? Because I never block anyone, so it would have had to been a mistake.

Or did they block me from seeing them? If so I wonder who and why?

I don't see the post in my feed that PDKH is quoting either.

Neither do I

lyndausvi · July 2014

good to know I'm not the only one.

misshart00 · July 2014

I think @PDKH‌ said what she's "quoting" and it somehow got stuck in a box.

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

I think it's really terrible not to invite his sisters in your situation. I can only imagine how upset their mother would be.

JaxInBlue · July 2014

Agree with PPs. If this is a case of not feeling close due to age and/or gender differences rather than being wronged or estranged, I think it's important to invite them. Not for now so much as for their future adulthood and the possibility that they all may be closer then. And, as PPs said, not being the one that causes hurt.

Also, I agree that there's so much potential for FI's mom, not just his half-sisters, to be hurt.

It's not exactly the same, but my bio sister and I weren't invited to the wedding of our step-sister. It still kind of stings that I wasn't family enough to be included in her day, but that we're family enough for her to be hosted at ours.

Teddy917 · July 2014

I think if he's not close to them, it's his decision. I don't think whether or not he might be close to them later is a factor. Yes, the fact that they are at an age this could affect them more than it would otherwise is a factor. But it's ultimately his decision.

Knottie33582919 · July 2014

You and your FI cannot please everybody. If he doesn't want to invite them, don't invite them. I've found that throughout planning my own wedding, around every corner someone is unhappy with some detail. Can't please them all!

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

These are his sisters. They are innocent children who apparently haven't done anything to be excluded from the wedding. They really need to be invited.

mrs4everhart · July 2014

I think this is the reason the advice on choosing a venue is wait until your "must have present" list and your budget is complete before finalizing the location. I say that to hopefully prevent others from making a similar mistake, not to make you feel worse about your situation, OP.

But now that you and your FI find yourself in this unenviable position, I think if it were me, I'd invite the sisters. And honestly, it stinks. I completely understand having friends you're closer to and would prefer the company of. But if his family is close, even if he's not close to his sisters, PP's are right, they're not going to be 'tweens forever and his Mom will always be his Mom. This decision may set up negative family dynamics for years to come.

If your FI is aware of the ripple he'll be sending out in to the currently calm waters of his life and is ready, willing and able to take on that burden, invite who you please. Mr. E has a family with very strained relationships including his half-sister who he stopped speaking to several years ago. She's not invited to our DW and neither are his two step-sisters because when we worked out our guest list, there were in fact friends who we're closer to and wanted there more. If this upsets his Mom or Stepdad, we'll not be adversely affected.

Best of luck!

MNVegas · July 2014

Wow that is pretty bad that your FI does not want to invite his younger stepsisters. A move like that could ruin any future relationship he might want to have with them. Personally I think your FI is being pretty nasty. Like he is telling them they are not good enough to attend the wedding because they are not full siblings.

l9i · July 2014

I really think it depends on the situation and only you both know that. I know at that age I was not close with my brother and knew I never would be. If it were up to me he wouldn't be at the wedding. However, my half siblings are invited, I get along with them better despite the age gap. I'm not one for "I have to like you and treat you special just because we share a parent, relative, etc". IMO I'd pick the closer person, but again there's a lot of variables that come into play such that others mentioned. I wouldn't exclude them simply because they are younger if that's the sole reason.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I for the sake of future harmony, I would say they should be invited. How is his mom suppose to tell them that she's going to their brother's wedding & they can't come. He may not be close to them now, and it's probably more due to the age difference, but if he doesn't invite his own sister's he can forget any type of relationship with them as they get older. Plus the strain it may put on his relationship with his mother.

simplyelise · July 2014

Since they are half siblings and still live in the FMILs home, it really seems like they should be invited. But my FI has a step-sibling we're not inviting. They've only met a couple times and is the son of FI's step-mom who he has never lived with or had a relationship with. And the step-sibling is a trainwreck (daughter lives with her grandparents - my FFIL and his wife). So I suppose I understand that their might be extenuating circumstances. But I agree with PP that it seems like your FI is being a bit ridiculous. Maybe inviting them to the wedding will be the first step in fostering a relationship?

Is this incredibly rude and just plain awful?

Re: Is this incredibly rude and just plain awful?

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