Wedding Etiquette Forum

What is the worst breach of etiquette you've ever seen?

13

Re: What is the worst breach of etiquette you've ever seen?

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I once knew someone who was literally charging his/her guests for their dinner! The invitation noted how guests could pay ahead of time or could pay on the night of.
    I've heard of something like that! There was this bride and groom that I suppose really preferred to elope, but had pressure to have friends and family there.  They basically said, "We're going to Vegas. If you want to come, we'll have dinner afterwards and it's $30 per person."
    Though oddly, there was a full bridal party.  I have no idea what the finer details were on this shitshow but heard about that faux pas from a good friend/guest of the bride. 

    This was also the chick who slept with the brother of aforementioned good friend at good friend's wedding.  Classy. 
    ________________________________


  • Reading these comments is making me horrified that someone might thing my wedding is the worst.  :(  I'm going to have nightmares tonight!

    One of my high school friends got married the summer after high school graduation.  She asked one of her college buddies to be a BM, but I guess that person had to back out.  So my (now ex) friend called me to say that the original BM couldn't do it and asked if I wanted to take her place.  I have to admit, I wasn't very surprised at her behavior, but I regret being one of her BM's only because I really can't stand her now.  At least I grew up and now have the balls to decline B-listed BM offers.
  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2014
    xnotbobx said:
    Put me on my mom's invite and misspelled my name two different ways. a) I was 28, and b) No, I wasn't seeing anyone, but you don't know me well enough to know that. They used white labels, too.

    And a dollar dance. And bloody meat. And he had his head up her dress.
    Apparently I spelled my brother's girlfriend's name wrong on both the shower thank you card and wedding invite. I *know* her name is Lindsey with an ey, not an ay, and her name was spelled right in my spreadsheet. I'm not sure how I managed to do that. Twice. Oops.

    Fortunately she was a good sport about it.
    Anniversary
  • levieenroselevieenrose member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Yup, it's hurtful to be invited to a wedding shower and not the wedding. Although I'm not sure whether the bride actually put me on the invite list, or if I was added by a mutual friend throwing the shower for her. 

    The worst in my experience was to have a Facebook invite (to which I never responded, thinking that it was perhaps an accident that I was added--if I replied they might have felt obligated to really invite me to this HS acquaintance's wedding!) followed by a weird invited/not invited dance. Two months before the wedding, I received a message that I was invited but she didn't have my address to send the actual invitation (my sibling had already received an invitation months before and was coming up on the RSVP date, so my earlier presumption wasn't so off). Then she never sent the invitation. Time elapsed, and I wrote to say I was hoping to get the details so I could give her a response before her deadline. Finally I just gave up and apologized for not being able to make it after no invitation and no response were received. It seemed polite to send a card anyway, but the experience was so distasteful I couldn't bring myself to do it. She knew I was getting married a few weeks before she was and never offered so much as a simple five-letter congratulation. 

    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    larrygaga said:
    Can I just repeat the thank you note that said 

    "Thanks for the stuff"

    That's more than I usually get.
    larrygaga
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I actually haven't been to too many bad ones. The worst was when my cousin put my name on my parent's invite. Never mind that I had been out of the house for over three years and they knew I was the only one in my family who could attend. (He called my parents when they set a date and they had a six month or so engagement)

    So I kept expecting an invitation and about a month out, I'm wondering if I was getting one and I couldn't imagine them not inviting me (lived in the same town and I'm close with my cousins). I mentioned something about it to my mom and she said "Oh you were included on ours. We got it a few weeks ago."

    And my then-BF who became my FI a few days before their wedding wasn't invited. (He couldn't come anyway and they would have let him come if I'd asked so that was NBD)
  • larrygaga said:
    Can I just repeat the thank you note that said 

    "Thanks for the stuff"

    That's more than I usually get.
    NWR, but made me think of this:

    FI has a thank you note on his fridge from his teenage cousin for a birthday card with lotto ticket (18th bday). It reads:

    "Cousin FI,

    Thank you for the lottery ticket. I did not win.

    [Illegible Signature]"

    The boy was clearly raised to send thank you notes for everything, which is good, but he's a dry teen, so this is how the thank you note turns out, which is hilarious,
    Not sure how the above quote is going to look. It looks weird on my end, lol. At any rate. I had a coworker whose uncle would give all the nieces/nephews scratch-off tickets for Christmas. Lo and behold, when she was 9 years old the scratch-off ticket her uncle gave her was a $5,000 winner!!! Sorry for the quick tangent :)
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  • My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    thisismynickname2southernbelle0915
  • debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!

    Did you wear the dress?!
    [Deleted User]perdonami
  • debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    Just, wow. Setting aside the fact that that was crazy rude of her, how did she even know what size to buy??
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    perdonami
  • I was accused of horrible etiquette that ruined a friendship :(

    FI's friend was dating someone we all hated, and Dude got engaged to her.  Dude sent out the invitations and I set it aside.  My brother was coming into town that weekend and there were other obligations, so FI and I declined and I put the invite in the mail in the mailbox across the street.  Dude calls FI to follow up, and he explained we wouldn't make it.  To this day, Dude says I didn't mail the invite on purpose.  I swear I did.  I KNOW what I did, Dude!  

    This caused a fragile friendship to break.  Dude distanced himself and went off with the wife we all hate, and FI decided he was too high maintenance and went another way in life.  FI is still friends with a mutual friend of Dude, and we heard Dude expressed regrets of how it all went down.  4 years later and Dude was still lamenting about the RSVP incident.  Move on, man.
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  • We went to a wedding last fall that had a huge gap, and we had driven in from out of town with no place to go, so we sat around the hotel for 3 hours in our fancy clothes. Ok, no big deal. Then we finally get to the reception, and it's a cash bar. Pretty tacky, but ok, still no big deal. We were seated way in the back corner of the room, and my fiance (it was his friend's wedding) literally only knew 1 other guest, who was seated at a different table than us, and he and his date were the only two people at the entire table. They felt incredibly awkward and had no one to talk to, as if it wasn't bad enough being stuffed way in the back corner. When the bride and groom went around to talk to each table, they totally skipped us. Walked right by. To make things even better, before we were even done eating, a staff member came around and told us we had to get up because our table "was being removed for dancing." The venue was too small to seat everyone and have a dance floor, so they took some select tables away. There were elderly people who were forced to stand awkwardly in the corner, along with us. There were no other seats around anywhere, so people had the option to either stand off to the side, dance, or leave. There was nowhere to even mingle or hang out. Needless to say, we did not even get cake, cuz it's kind of hard to eat it while standing and holding your purse. We didn't stay long. The cherry on top was that everything on their registry was INSANELY expensive, and we couldn't afford anything on it so we ordered a custom cutting board and cook book for them instead. I guess they just invited us to get the expensive gift. Absolutely awful night.
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  • Just thought of another good one. We received an invitation last year for a wedding that essentially let us know that we were not allowed to attend the ceremony, people's kids were NOT welcome, it was a cash bar, and they were not serving food (it actually instructed guests to go out to dinner beforehand). Finished off by listing the places they were registered at. It was the rudest, tackiest thing I had ever seen. It was out of town so we would have had to travel there, pay for our own dinner, pay for our own drinks, pay for a hotel room, not attend the ceremony, and give them a gift? They basically should have just had a gift drop-off location and nothing more, because that's really what it was. We did not go, did not send a gift, and I don't even think we ended up sending a card.
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  • larrygaga said:
    Can I just repeat the thank you note that said 

    "Thanks for the stuff"
    I lol'd so hard at this.
    larrygaga[Deleted User]
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    Honestly, I think I would have been so offended that I wouldn't have shown up to the wedding. It takes a lot for me to say that, but if you flew across the country to somewhere interesting with a lot of tourist activities....Well, I'd go have fun myself instead of going to the wedding.  Good grief. 
    ________________________________


  • debbeau said:
    No, I did not wear the dress. It was 4 sizes too big. I really wanted my husband to put it on since it would be his size. We wrapped them up and left them on the gift table. There were 2 other couples she also left dresses for. Guess she thought us Jersey folk had no taste!
    Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssss!
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    larrygaga said:
    Can I just repeat the thank you note that said 

    "Thanks for the stuff"

    That's more than I usually get.
    NWR, but made me think of this:

    FI has a thank you note on his fridge from his teenage cousin for a birthday card with lotto ticket (18th bday). It reads:

    "Cousin FI,

    Thank you for the lottery ticket. I did not win.

    [Illegible Signature]"

    The boy was clearly raised to send thank you notes for everything, which is good, but he's a dry teen, so this is how the thank you note turns out, which is hilarious,
    Okay, that would make me laugh
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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    WHAT
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    debbeau said:

    No, I did not wear the dress. It was 4 sizes too big. I really wanted my husband to put it on since it would be his size. We wrapped them up and left them on the gift table. There were 2 other couples she also left dresses for. Guess she thought us Jersey folk had no taste!

    That is awesome! Did you get them any other gift or just that? I hope just that!!
    [Deleted User]perdonamiluckysnorkel
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    I've been to a ton of weddings and none of them have had any major etiquette breaches.   Sure an occasional  Black Tie optional or registry info, but none as bad as these.

    At my brother's wedding I was ordered to setup the reception during the gap by the MOB. In my green velvet BM dress, in AZ in April. The HT on the stage was way too small that one of the WP members fell off the stage.  But the reception itself was still well hosted.  Just not well organized when it came to setup.

    Well there was that one wedding in ST Thomas.   It started 2 hours late.  Lucky for us the West Indians warned us ahead of time and decide they would let us know when we should drive to the reception.  They told us to just skip the ceremony.   Glad we did, that church is REALLY hot.  

    Once we got to the reception there was about twice the amount of people than seats.   The food was catered by family and friends.   Good and plentiful amount of food and beverages.   The odd thing was everyone comes with to-go containers or foil to cover a plate to take home.  Not everyone had gone through the buffet when people were making to-go plates for their family/friends who could not make the reception.  It was pretty odd, but apparently common for St Thomian West Indy weddings.  Again, there was plenty of food so I guess they plan for all the to-go containers.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    casey8784
  • debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    O M G..This one has GOT to take the cake. OMG..who has the guts to actually do this. I cannot even believe this one
  • Worst breach of etiquette at a wedding was recieving a phone call invite to a coworker's (we are talking high school job while I was in college at the time) church wedding and being told that unfortunately there was not enough room at the reception for me so I was not invited to the reception. The best part the reception was at the restaurant where I was working as a hostess during that time which she knew.

    Being the offended 20 year old I was, I attended with a male friend who also worked with the girl in high school and happened to work with me at the same restaurant at the time of the wedding and get the lovely phone call. We both showed up drunk as could be to the reception just after the dinner which followed a 3 hour gap and proceeded to embarrass her and ourselves by drinking even more and requiring our boss to call us another cab to get home and begging us not to get the restaurant in trouble...

    Not surprisingly the marriage lasted less than 4 months, but we did buy the "happy" couple an expensive bottle of wine!
  • ashleyep said:
    xnotbobx said:
    Put me on my mom's invite and misspelled my name two different ways. a) I was 28, and b) No, I wasn't seeing anyone, but you don't know me well enough to know that. They used white labels, too.

    And a dollar dance. And bloody meat. And he had his head up her dress.
    Apparently I spelled my brother's girlfriend's name wrong on both the shower thank you card and wedding invite. I *know* her name is Lindsey with an ey, not an ay, and her name was spelled right in my spreadsheet. I'm not sure how I managed to do that. Twice. Oops.

    Fortunately she was a good sport about it.
    Muscle memory.  My maiden name is not uncommon and can also be a first name.  However, it has 2 possible spellings and mine is the less common one.  I had to write the other spelling out one time and as I was writing in my head I kept repeating the spelling for that person.  My hand still wrote it the way my name is spelled.  
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    ashleyep
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    debbeau said:
    My DH and DD and I flew cross country for a long time friend's wedding. We had never met the bride. At our hotel there was a dress for me (hooch hoochy, slits up front back etc.) and my 2 year old daughter along with a bill for each dress. The bride said since she did not know us she didn't know if we would be dressed appropriately. For what a porn convention? I am not a prude and bear some cleavage on occasion but I would prefer a dress I can wear some undergarments with!
    Just when I thought I couldn't be surprised by bad etiquette. This one takes the cake.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mysticl said:
    ashleyep said:
    xnotbobx said:
    Put me on my mom's invite and misspelled my name two different ways. a) I was 28, and b) No, I wasn't seeing anyone, but you don't know me well enough to know that. They used white labels, too.

    And a dollar dance. And bloody meat. And he had his head up her dress.
    Apparently I spelled my brother's girlfriend's name wrong on both the shower thank you card and wedding invite. I *know* her name is Lindsey with an ey, not an ay, and her name was spelled right in my spreadsheet. I'm not sure how I managed to do that. Twice. Oops.

    Fortunately she was a good sport about it.
    Muscle memory.  My maiden name is not uncommon and can also be a first name.  However, it has 2 possible spellings and mine is the less common one.  I had to write the other spelling out one time and as I was writing in my head I kept repeating the spelling for that person.  My hand still wrote it the way my name is spelled.  
    Yep.  I've know my BFF for 20 years.  She knows how I spell my name.  Yet just yesterday on FB, with my name clearly highlighted in blue she put down the other spelling.  Most times it's correct, just sometimes she slips.

    At one point one of my dad's admins had my name spelled the other way.   He would write her name my spelling sometimes.  He also once spelled her way on one of my birthday cards.  He said he wrote out the card at work.  Work = the other spelling.    Most of the time when he spelled her name wrong it was when he was working from home.   Home = my spelling.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • debbeau said:
    No, I did not wear the dress. It was 4 sizes too big. I really wanted my husband to put it on since it would be his size. We wrapped them up and left them on the gift table. There were 2 other couples she also left dresses for. Guess she thought us Jersey folk had no taste!

    WAIT WHAT?! she left other couples clothing too? I have never heard of this IN MY LIFE. also among the other posts...I have never heard of people have to pay to attend a wedding/reception. I have heard of the awful potlucks but never where a person had to pay to attend.
  • I LOVE that you wrapped them and added them to the gifts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    perdonami
  • Unfortunately my cousin's wedding was really bad. The reception venue was an hour drive from the church. We had to wait another hour for the cocktail hour to start. Open bar only for the cocktail hour, then it switched to a cash bar. Thankfully the hotel had an ATM. 

    No seating chart or place cards. Just a free-for-all one we got into the dining room. All of us family members wanted to sit together. We ended up having to all squeeze together at one of the really small tables. 

    It was buffet style and they ran out of food. By the time I got to the buffet, there was hardly anything left. 
    This is one of my greatest fears! I think I am going to lie about the guest size and add 5 extra people just to make sure we don't run out of food.  
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