Would you be mad if I addressed your invite this way?

climbingsingle · July 2014

I can understand being traditional. What pisses me off is making a snide comment to my FI about it, and in front of people that were not invited. This guy is a jerk!

SBmini · July 2014

AlexaF2014 said:

Yeah, I'm doing invitations wrong too. "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith" It's a mouthful (envelopeful?), but I like including the woman first name. Also, I enjoy my handwriting, so the more reason to write the better!

As to the "your last name is a man's name" thing; no, my name is my name. My last name may be the same as my father's, but it is also the same as my sister's. It is the name I was born with, and in its entirety is uniquely mine. If I keep my last name, I choose to keep MY name, not my great-great-great-great-great-great (ad infinitum) grandfather's. That being said, yeah i'm taking FI's last name, but then it becomes my name. Doesn't matter if it's the same last name as a man, woman, hermaphrodite, whatever. We choose our identity and it become us.

That's how I addressed mine, because I read online that it was the right way to address invitations.

Kauris · July 2014

The only thing that would make me mad is if my name was misspelled. I would have to look up online to figure out if you had addressed it correctly or not, but if you outright misspell my name, yes, I will be upset. I won't tell you I'm upset, I will just reply back with my name spelled correctly.

sophhabobopha · July 2014

I think when Fi and I get married, I'll have us introduced as Mrs. and Mr. Sophha Ourlastname. It sounds nicer. (; I hate the traditional way, and boat guy is a douche.

ohannabelle · July 2014

AlexaF2014 said:

Yeah, I'm doing invitations wrong too. "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Smith" It's a mouthful (envelopeful?), but I like including the woman first name. Also, I enjoy my handwriting, so the more reason to write the better!

As to the "your last name is a man's name" thing; no, my name is my name. My last name may be the same as my father's, but it is also the same as my sister's. It is the name I was born with, and in its entirety is uniquely mine. If I keep my last name, I choose to keep MY name, not my great-great-great-great-great-great (ad infinitum) grandfather's. That being said, yeah i'm taking FI's last name, but then it becomes my name. Doesn't matter if it's the same last name as a man, woman, hermaphrodite, whatever. We choose our identity and it become us.

This cracked me up. I did exactly the same. Yay, I'm loving my pretty calligraphy pen! Woohoo, one more name I can write!

I varied. For older and more traditional people, I followed the CMGragain/Miss Manners/Crane's uber-traditional forms of address, because I genuinely love tradition, and it's always good to know the traditionally correct way to do things, and is appreciated by tradition loving guests.

Many of the invitations would have been acceptable to Carson at Downton Abbey.

There are non tradition loving guests and non traditional couples as well, though. And Lillian Artsy Cool wouldn't at all appreciate Mr. And Mrs. Andrew Artsy Cool. It would piss her off. Andy Artsy Cool really really genuinely hates being called Andrew, for that matter. He's Andy, and reading Andrew would give him a pain in the ass. They would not enjoy a "correct" invitation.

So I went ahead, weighed common sense and consideration for each guest's feelings against traditional protocol, and made what I felt to be the best decision for each envelope.

Know your guests, and trust your own common sense.

(If you have no common sense, trust CMGragain, because she is wise and knows many things about written material, and you'll be technically correct in every way.)

VulgarGirl · July 2014

I'm addressing all the invitations as "Occupant" or "Current Resident".

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

climbingsingle · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

Honestly, it's her own fault for having two Ns!

Seriously though, I wouldn't be pissed. My name is hard to spell and people get it wrong all the time.

lyndausvi · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I don't think I would ever get to the pissed stage. If it's an immediate family/ close friends member I would roll my eyes. I know they know I'm an "y" not an "i". It's just laziness.

If it was someone on the outskirts of my social circle then I wouldn't think twice about it. DH's nickname is more commonly spelled with an "i" then "y" like myself. Once we got an invite that had his nickname as an "i" and my name with an "i". It looked so weird, like it was for someone other than us. But honestly I didn't hold it against them.

I just do not get that uptight over addresses on an envelope. I know most are not done out of malice. Some people use tradition, some people just don't know. Some people know but like someone said muscle memory makes them spell the name wrong even though they know it's different.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

Who spells Erin with two N's? Poor dear has probably been misspelled all her life.

Personally, it depends on how close I am to the person.

What annoys me more is people who know I didn't change my last name and decide they will address the invite as Mr. and Mrs. HFirst HLast... Um. That's not even close to the right spelling.

thisismynickname2 · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

My last name's awful, so I wouldn't be offended at all. I don't list it on my Facebook account either (though it is on Linked In, but any of FI's friends/family wouldn't be aware of that).

I'm more annoyed that I got an envelope addressed to "FI and Guest" when we're getting married the month after this couple is. FI suspected it was literally because his friend didn't know my last name, much less how to spell it, and was too embarrassed to send a simple a text message.

luckya23 · July 2014

Be careful with using Facebook last names - I use a shortened version of my middle name on there, and I received a wedding invitation from my fiance's friend using it! lol

My future BIL also assumed that was my last name, and he addressed me by it one time and I was like "Ehhh???" I have only met him once though, and this was beforehand.

lyndausvi · July 2014

Kelani23 said:

Be careful with using Facebook last names - I use a shortened version of my middle name on there, and I received a wedding invitation from my fiance's friend using it! lol
My future BIL also assumed that was my last name, and he addressed me by it one time and I was like "Ehhh???" I have only met him once though, and this was beforehand.

I know many people who use different spellings or omit names altogether on FB. It's not fool proof.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I wouldn't be pissed but I would be thinking "Dude, really?" I mean if you are inviting me to your wedding then you or your FI should know me and know how I spell my name or at least asked if you weren't sure.

And to touch on the FB thing, my one friend shortened her last name and she has gotten a lot of invites with her FB last name on them. She just laughs it off.

SBmini · July 2014

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I totally accidentally put my friend's new married last name as Diaz instead of Dias on her place card. It was the last drama of the wedding and despite various rounds of checks, the mistake stayed. She took a picture of it and put it on Facebook. I was pretty embarrassed but also a little peeved that she made such a big deal about the mistake. Excuse me for making ONE mistake when writing out 200+ escort cards!

KatieinBkln · July 2014

SBmini said:

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I totally accidentally put my friend's new married last name as Diaz instead of Dias on her place card. It was the last drama of the wedding and despite various rounds of checks, the mistake stayed. She took a picture of it and put it on Facebook. I was pretty embarrassed but also a little peeved that she made such a big deal about the mistake. Excuse me for making ONE mistake when writing out 200+ escort cards!

Ugh, boo on her. If my name were misspelled I'd be a bit annoyed and roll my eyes, but I certainly wouldn't get all Passive-Aggressive Facebook post. Nor would I assume that it's the bride's fault (especially if I were the guest of the groom. Not sure if that was the case here, but it sure seems to fall on the bride regardless of whose friend/relative gets misspelled).

CMGragain · July 2014

The correct traditional wording is "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe".
An alternate correct wording is "Ms. Mary Doe and Mr. John Doe".

The man was right - you addressed it wrong. He was rude to tell you so, therefore he is also wrong.

climbingsingle · July 2014

SBmini said:

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I totally accidentally put my friend's new married last name as Diaz instead of Dias on her place card. It was the last drama of the wedding and despite various rounds of checks, the mistake stayed. She took a picture of it and put it on Facebook. I was pretty embarrassed but also a little peeved that she made such a big deal about the mistake. Excuse me for making ONE mistake when writing out 200+ escort cards!

That's really messed up that she put it up on FB. I would have been embarrassed too.

cupcait927 · July 2014

As far as misspelling my name goes - it all depends on who's inviting me. Close friend or family member? Yeah, I'm gonna be pissed. I've never gone by a nickname, my full name is on facebook, there's no reason to get it wrong.

If it's someone that FI knows that I may not, or I'm being invited as a courtesy, any other numbers of reasons - I'll be slightly peeved but let it go. My name has a million variations on the spelling so I'm used to it being spelled wrong.

doeydo · July 2014

CMGragain said:

The correct traditional wording is "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe".
An alternate correct wording is "Ms. Mary Doe and Mr. John Doe".

The man was right - you addressed it wrong. He was rude to tell you so, therefore he is also wrong.

This. Technically, you did address it incorrectly, but he was rude to make such a big deal over it.

As for the name spelling wrong thing, I am used to it, but it bugs me and if you were close to me I would be ticked off that you couldn't bother to ask or look at an old Christmas card or something.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

Maggie0829 said:

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I wouldn't be pissed but I would be thinking "Dude, really?" I mean if you are inviting me to your wedding then you or your FI should know me and know how I spell my name or at least asked if you weren't sure.

And to touch on the FB thing, my one friend shortened her last name and she has gotten a lot of invites with her FB last name on them. She just laughs it off.

This is what I'm worried about her assuming, that I just haphazardly threw this list together and didn't ask anyone for confirmation on it. (I mean, obviously I didn't think to ask "are you sure Erin isn't spelled with 2 n's?" because COME ON. But I did ask for approval.) Erinn is married to my FMIL's brother; FMIL didn't catch the misspelling, nor did FI or his brother (who did catch which female cousin-in-laws are doctors).

Gah.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

SBmini said:

lolo883 said:

So threadjacking... exactly how pissed would you be if someone misspelled your name? My list went through 3 rounds of proofreading and FI's Aunt Erinn still got addressed as Erin. :-(

I totally accidentally put my friend's new married last name as Diaz instead of Dias on her place card. It was the last drama of the wedding and despite various rounds of checks, the mistake stayed. She took a picture of it and put it on Facebook. I was pretty embarrassed but also a little peeved that she made such a big deal about the mistake. Excuse me for making ONE mistake when writing out 200+ escort cards!

That's really messed up that she put it up on FB. I would have been embarrassed too.

100% bitch move on your friends part.

flyingfoxes · July 2014

Holy crap. I guess I need to pay attention to the front of an invitation envelope when I get it instead of ripping it open excitedly to look at the invitation itself. That guy is an ass - I'd be ticked too about him bringing it up to your FI.

lyndausvi · July 2014

april182015bride said:

Holy crap. I guess I need to pay attention to the front of an invitation envelope when I get it instead of ripping it open excitedly to look at the invitation itself. That guy is an ass - I'd be ticked too about him bringing it up to your FI.

I may or may not just grab the mail, turn the stack around to the backside and just open the envelope without seeing who the letter is even for.

Simply Fated · July 2014

I have recieved two invitations in the mail this month. Both of them have my first name spelled incorrectly. My name has a couple of spellings, but mine is the most basic. I've known these people for years, we're all on Facebook... basically, there's no excuse. It really bothered me.

One of the invitations also had my bf's name spelled wrong, which this particular friend has done for years, every time. I'm out of ideas on how to gently correct her. Now I just don't think she cares.

climbingsingle · July 2014

I guess I shouldn't have following this then, right?

To a Married Couple

On the outer envelope: Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Holt Or Mr. and Mrs. John Holt

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/addressing-wedding-invitations.aspx

D'oh.

CMGragain · July 2014

I use Crane's, Amy Vanderbilt, and Emily Post (most liberal). All are well established authorities. The Knot isn't.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

lyndausvi said:

april182015bride said:

Holy crap. I guess I need to pay attention to the front of an invitation envelope when I get it instead of ripping it open excitedly to look at the invitation itself. That guy is an ass - I'd be ticked too about him bringing it up to your FI.

I may or may not just grab the mail, turn the stack around to the backside and just open the envelope without seeing who the letter is even for.

I've gotten my neighbor's mail in my box quite a few times and opened it without realizing it wasn't for me.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I guess I shouldn't have following this then, right?

To a Married Couple
On the outer envelope: Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Holt Or Mr. and Mrs. John Holt

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/articles/addressing-wedding-invitations.aspx

D'oh.

I like how they address same sex couples but only use a female same sex couple as an example and also make the assumption that of course they won't share the same last name if they are married.

FI is taking my last name once we get married. If, post-wedding, someone continued to use her other last name, I know she'd feel very hurt. For a lot of same sex couples sharing a last name is important as we don't have all the same legal benefits. It's a way to feel united when our states won't let us be. And TK not even suggesting that's a possibility really just drives home the idea that while they pay lip service to being inclusive, they really aren't.

Sorry, soap box, I'm off it now. (TK as in the site as a whole, not the peeps on the forums, ya'll is good)

chibiyui · July 2014

I addressed my invites similarly, mr. SO's and so and mrs. So and so. Some were still addressed as Mr and mrs. Same damn name because that was what I was given/preferred by them. I know how I addressed the majority was "wrong" but you know" change doesn't happen by following the rules.

So. There is nothing wrong with mr. Jack ass in this case mentioning, hey my wife and I prefer to be addressed Mr and Mrs jack asses. There is everything wrong with mr. Jack ass saying you addressed it wrong, I prefer to be addressed Mr and Mrs jackasses.

Would you be mad if I addressed your invite this way?

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