Confessions, UO, II, etc.

bethsmiles · July 2014

I hate it when people push you to the point where you have to be a bit of a jerk to them. Don't they see how awkward they are being?!

CLoGreenEyes · July 2014

Confessions:

-I am made a stupid, stupid mistake at clinical today. It didn't hurt the patient, but still, ERG. I'm about to graduate - this is not the time for mistakes!
-Apparently I suck at rejecting people. The dude I went on the date with and politely told that I wasn't interested has been texting me about "in case I change my mind" and whatnot. Dude. No.
-I think I ran over a bird on my way home. It was right in the middle of the road, and I slowed down but I couldn't stop because there was another car riding my ass, and I'm afraid I smooshed it.
-I have eaten more cookie cake in recent history than I'd care to admit, and also more Chick-Fil-A.
-I miss C (more than usual?). I've been semi-pushing myself to meet new people and give them a chance, even if only very casually, because I'm not ready to entertain the possibility of trying again with him. But it's so tough, and I'm just a little discouraged about it this week for some reason.
-I read every single one of these posts today during my lunch break, and the only one I remember is @TwoDimes having a good eyebrow and a not-so-much eyebrow (I think it was TwoDimes). In any case, I can totally identify with whoever said that. My right eyebrow is my good one.

II:

-One of my friends has a young daughter and recently got engaged to her daughter's father. She also has a very supportive family. I heard her refer to herself today as a single mother. I can't tell if I'm wrong for being secretly just a tad bit miffed about that. The girl's dad is there, he participates in parenting...I know they're not married, but she's not ALL by herself, KWIM? (Probably I need to just move on, but that struck me as, "Hm," when I heard it.)
-Seriously, dude, enough with the texts and the, "When you're ready, there's no one who will care about you like I do," and whatnot. We went on ONE date. ONE. Like WOW.
-Our school's career center totally fucked up my resume. I had it perfect, then took it in just to have someone check for little stupid errors I could have missed, and walked out with a gazillion "revisions" I had to make. Against my better judgment, I made them. My nursing instructor has informed me that I had it right the first time. DAMMIT I just want a resume I can send out after working on it for longer than some of these careplans!

luckya23 · July 2014

I used to think that too, until I looked it up when my sister had her own e-party. Few people had met her fiance either at that point, so I guess that's why she threw one, although I did not attend so I'm not sure of the particulars of it. She was also welcoming him into her home. My family and SO's family haven't met yet, so that's one of my motivations, but I know my BIL's family did not atttend either, hers was more of a friends thing.

It is also not traditionally a gift giving event, although I have never actually been to an engagement party.

FYI: http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx

http://weddings.about.com/od/bridesandgrooms/a/engagementparty.htm

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230645/etiquette-engagement-parties/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#230763

My aunt wanted to throw us one immediately after we got engaged, but I wasn't sure about the guest list at that point so I put off the discussion. Now I know for sure that I'm not going to be keeping it small! :-P

luckya23 · July 2014

GoldenPenguin said:

Confession: I can't wait to have a bridal shower.

Confession: I already have so much stuff that SO asked if we could have a reverse shower, asking people to take something from the house! lol

bethsmiles · July 2014

Kelani23 said:

I used to think that too, until I looked it up when my sister had her own e-party. Few people had met her fiance either at that point, so I guess that's why she threw one, although I did not attend so I'm not sure of the particulars of it. She was also welcoming him into her home. My family and SO's family haven't met yet, so that's one of my motivations, but I know my BIL's family did not atttend either, hers was more of a friends thing.
It is also not traditionally a gift giving event, although I have never actually been to an engagement party.
FYI: http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx
http://weddings.about.com/od/bridesandgrooms/a/engagementparty.htm
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230645/etiquette-engagement-parties/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#230763
My aunt wanted to throw us one immediately after we got engaged, but I wasn't sure about the guest list at that point so I put off the discussion. Now I know for sure that I'm not going to be keeping it small! :-P

None of those are credible etiquette sources. And in many circles an engagement party is a gift giving event. I've seen about a hundred posts about this on the etiquette board and a lot of people see them as gift giving event. Also, gift giving aside, it's just so tacky to throw a party that is all about you. You don't throw parties in your own honor.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

@kelani23, about.com, theknot.com (the site itself), and Martha Stewart aren't good sources of etiquette. Try Miss Manners instead. And engagement parties are gift-giving events, usually small things like picture frames and bottles of wine, but you don't want to host your own gift-giving party. It looks greedy. Is there a reason you can't have a barbeque with your families instead as a way to meet each others' families without calling it an engagement party?

luckya23 · July 2014

I suppose I could, I don't really see what the difference is. It would be at my house, BBQ type, though I don't really want anyone to have to man the grill (or get a nicer/bigger grill!), so probably just simple catering. I'm not interested in another "venue"!!

I definitellllllyyyyyyy don't need more picture frames or anything like that! SO would die!! lol

phira · July 2014

@blabla89 For a good five years running, I almost always dyed my hair dark reddish brown, so I'm excited that you imagined that I had red hair.

My hair picks up all of the red in hair dye, so I have to be careful to get dye that only has a little red in it. I'm planning on doing just straight brown for the wedding, although I haven't made up my mind yet.

lavenderfields13 · July 2014

@phira I'm glad I'm not the only one that has had to deal with the pushiness about the shower!

@kelani23 I would probably just call it a get together to have the families meet. Obviously you can call it whatever you want if you're Ok with throwing your own e-party but I wouldn't be Ok with that.

I don't necessarily agree with every single little etiquette thing but throwing your own e-party seems very AWish to me.

bethsmiles · July 2014

Kelani23 said:

I suppose I could, I don't really see what the difference is. It would be at my house, BBQ type, though I don't really want anyone to have to man the grill (or get a nicer/bigger grill!), so probably just simple catering. I'm not interested in another "venue"!!
I definitellllllyyyyyyy don't need more picture frames or anything like that! SO would die!! lol

The difference is mostly that you don't come off as a tacky AW.

tuarceatha · July 2014

People throw their own birthday parties. Is that a no-no?

500days · July 2014

@tuarceatha- Here's what Miss Manners has to say about the birthday party scenario: click

ETA: I also think there is a big difference between a party and just going out for a drink after work or on a Friday. I think going out for a drink is more common in my circle of friends. And @Kelani23- listen to what @bethsmiles says, because it's helpful information that will save you from some regrets in the future.

jenna8984 · July 2014

@lavenderfields13 @phira I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want a shower and thinks they are totally AW. I was arguing with my friend about it because I said I don't understand why people double dip for gifts. You're likely getting a gift/card at the wedding so why do you need to have them buy you a second gift? Especially when you've had a stocked house for years? My friend was like well because it's just what people do. I was like well it's rude and outdated! Sure I could use nicer pots & pans but that's not friends' responsibility to furnish that just because I'm getting married.

lavenderfields13 · July 2014

jenna8984 said:

@lavenderfields13 @phira I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want a shower and thinks they are totally AW. I was arguing with my friend about it because I said I don't understand why people double dip for gifts. You're likely getting a gift/card at the wedding so why do you need to have them buy you a second gift? Especially when you've had a stocked house for years? My friend was like well because it's just what people do. I was like well it's rude and outdated! Sure I could use nicer pots & pans but that's not friends' responsibility to furnish that just because I'm getting married.

yes, yes, yes! I love that there are other people out there who get where I'm coming from.

plus, showers are pretty boring. People should be GLAD I'm not having one lol

bethsmiles · July 2014

tuarceatha said:

People throw their own birthday parties. Is that a no-no?

I don't actually know anyone who throws their own birthday party, usually if one of my friends has an actual party for their birthday it's organized by an SO or close friend.

BreMR · July 2014

My FI's family just told me "you need to have an engagement party!" Hey, sure by all means throw me an engagement party, but I am not having anything to do with the planning. I don't really see the point anyway, we've been together 12 years, it's pretty anti-climatic.

II: that I have to have professional photos taken for work tomorrow, I haven't gotten my eyebrows waxed in FOREVER!!!!

Confession: I wore ballet flats today and my feet stink.

Confession: I have not put the moves on my fi in awhile because I hate how insecure I feel, it's so bad lately.. He put the moves on me yesterday and I didn't resist, and I realized that he finds me sexy no matter what and I need to stop being such a baby. (backstory: I'm usually the person who is begging for the lovin' daily, so this is super abnormal)

loves2shop4shoes · July 2014

May I just add... @bethsmiles FTW.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

@bethsmiles FTW as well.

luckya23 · July 2014

I don't think having a BBQ in the fall at our "new" home will be an embarrassment either way, but I will take it's "title" under advisement depending how it plays out. Offering my place as a good location for any party my aunt and mom may be cooking up will surely be better than what they were probably thinking (maybe even a surprise - GAG!).

I never said I was hosting it, I said I was warming up to the idea now that my guest list is closer to being complete - in the beginning I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to have anyone from here anyway since I wanted a small wedding in his hometown.

I would like it to be at my house because there was so much work to do on the place that a lot of my family has not been over yet. Obviously his family hasn't either, and this will be his home soon too. We're finally getting close!! (haha, as if you're ever really done with a house... I'm conveniently ignoring the needed kitchen reno and the deck project...)

I don't care if it's called an "engagement party" as long as I don't ALSO have to have one of those thrown by my family elsewhere.

suzie211 · July 2014

Confession- I iz sads that I actually have to work and have no time to play on TK with you lovelies.

II- People that back pedal from what they say. Own it. If you want to throw a housewarming party do it. If you want to throw your own engagement party, do it. I don't give a fuck. I will, however, side eye you for throwing the latter, and not listening to sound advice. Will it impact your life? Nope, not one effing iota.

Confession- Pretty sure I have bad etiquette when it comes to my adult birthday parties. What can I say cake makes me crazy? I blame it all on the cake. I mean red velvet with cream cheese frosting should be illegal. Next year, I promise to bake my own cake and invite all you beeches to Chicago to help me eat it.

UO- Comparing babies to the size of fruit gives me the heebie jeebies. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to get my daily serving of fruits and vegetables when I'm eating something the size of my child. Ew.

luckya23 · July 2014

Not backpedaling, but it isn't a very big deal to me either if it "looks bad" to some people to have it at my house, and obviously not to a lot of other people. Good enough for Martha is good enough for me!

The "unpopular opinion" part was because of the discussions of not wanting parties before the wedding. I said I'm thinking it would be a good way to introduce the families and have people over to our place. Better than paying crazy prices at a restaurant, IMO!

lovemyrunner · July 2014

II: I hate when people stand to close to me in the checkout line. Climbing into my skin with me won't make the line move any faster. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker has this weird squeak/screech sound that she makes in every movie and TV show she's in. It makes me want to punch her in the face.

UO: I hate the peplum trend. And I totally don't get why women think Leonardo DiCaprio is hot. He always looks like he needs a good shampooing.

Confession: I try to hold it together around BF, but I'm going BS-engagement-C! The women I work with can back me up on this.

suzie211 · July 2014

Kelani23 said:
Not backpedaling, but it isn't a very big deal to me either if it "looks bad" to some people to have it at my house, and obviously not to a lot of other people. Good enough for Martha is good enough for me!
The "unpopular opinion" part was because of the discussions of not wanting parties before the wedding. I said I'm thinking it would be a good way to introduce the families and have people over to our place. Better than paying crazy prices at a restaurant, IMO!

Um yeah, it's not good enough for Martha:

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230645/etiquette-engagement-parties/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser

But that's cool if you want to make up your own rules.

bride2b71614 · July 2014

@Kelani23‌ ... If I had the gif of the honey badger running backwards right now, I would be throwing it in here. Your posts often contradict each other, and each time you attempt to clarify what you meant to say, it gets more confusing.

Either you'd like to follow proper etiquette or you don't. Whatever you choose, as @suzi211 said, just freaking own it.

luckya23 · July 2014

OK... then don't worry about it. I haven't given it too much thought yet myself.

cu97tiger · July 2014

jenna8984 said:

@lavenderfields13 @phira I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want a shower and thinks they are totally AW. I was arguing with my friend about it because I said I don't understand why people double dip for gifts. You're likely getting a gift/card at the wedding so why do you need to have them buy you a second gift? Especially when you've had a stocked house for years? My friend was like well because it's just what people do. I was like well it's rude and outdated! Sure I could use nicer pots & pans but that's not friends' responsibility to furnish that just because I'm getting married.

@jenna8984 - I'm sorry, are you the new Ms. Manners? Where do you draw the line for a couple? If they haven't lived together, is it ok for them to have a shower? Or do they have to be moving straight from their parents' homes into their marital home?

Look, having a shower hosted by friends or family is not rude or AW. It's totally fine if you're not comfortable with the tradition and politely deny the offer. It is not ok for you to slam other brides who took part in the tradition.

jenna8984 · July 2014

cu97tiger said:

jenna8984 said:

@lavenderfields13 @phira I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't want a shower and thinks they are totally AW. I was arguing with my friend about it because I said I don't understand why people double dip for gifts. You're likely getting a gift/card at the wedding so why do you need to have them buy you a second gift? Especially when you've had a stocked house for years? My friend was like well because it's just what people do. I was like well it's rude and outdated! Sure I could use nicer pots & pans but that's not friends' responsibility to furnish that just because I'm getting married.

@jenna8984 - I'm sorry, are you the new Ms. Manners? Where do you draw the line for a couple? If they haven't lived together, is it ok for them to have a shower? Or do they have to be moving straight from their parents' homes into their marital home?

Look, having a shower hosted by friends or family is not rude or AW. It's totally fine if you're not comfortable with the tradition and politely deny the offer. It is not ok for you to slam other brides who took part in the tradition.

I do think it depends on the couple and what they have. I didn't mean to say everyone who's ever had one is rude. I got a bad taste in my mouth from a few people in my life, like my sister in law. 6 months after the wedding she still had all the shower boxes stacked up in her living room, unopened. I was just like why the hell did you bother to register for all this stuff if you weren't going to use it/ don't need it?! Just because it's excuse for people to give you gifts doesn't mean you should always just go ahead and capitalize on that for the hell of it. She didn't even send thank you cards for her bridal shower or baby shower. I'm more than happy to go give a shower gift who someone who actually needs it and is going to be grateful for it. But that's not too many people left nowadays unfortunately.

Blackbird230 · July 2014

On the engagement party topic, FI had scheduled a family meet up to get our parents and siblings together the weekend after he proposed. The night before the get together, my dad got sick and was in the hospital so we're now just doing the "party" in August. However, not once did we call it an engagement party. We just said it was a happy occasion to get the families together and celebrate. We don't want gifts or anything, just a chance to hang out with our immediate families. Our parents have met, but not our siblings. People can meet your FI without calling it an engagement party.