H and I are seriously considering not having kids. Not just "not right now", but not at all. We both go through phases of wanting to fill up all the bedrooms in our house and in 30 years have huge multi-generational holiday gatherings.... and then picturing ourselves traveling several times a year without a care or obligation in the world. Right now, we're in a "no kids" phase.
Did anyone else go through this and decide one way or the other? If so, what did you decide and why?
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Re: To be (parents) or not to be
Having kids isn't a decision to rush. Having kids has definitely put a strain on the relationships of my two sisters, one if whom is separated/going through divorce.
I'm now in the camp that I do want to have children, but am nervous that I won't be able to. DH and I had a talk with my ob-gyn recently and we are determining just how far we are willing to go with treatments.
We do want to adopt, though.
Heck yeah lady you are still young you don't need to worry about deciding on that yet...What I would say is if in a few years you are still humming and hawing consider asking a friend with kids if they need a babysitter for an extended holiday...this gives you more time than just babysitting to realize what life with a child is like...or even better if you feel you and your H would be good candidates you could consider fostering children for a little while. My parents did this before they decided to have their own children.
I think this is very common.
A friend and I were just talking about this. She's only 24 and has been dying to get pregnant since she was 22. She knows it's her #1 priority in life. It made me feel almost guilty that I don't feel that strongly about it. I'm 29 and have always imagined my life with kids but I do have many times when I'm just lying around relaxing and think to myself "maybe we should stay like this forever". It makes me feel bad that I waiver about it because I feel like people who were meant to be moms should be like my friend and have no doubts at all.
I don't even know if that makes sense but basically I want them but feel badly that I don't want them "more than ANYTHING in the World".
I went through most of my 20's with the thought that I really didn't want to have kids. I wanted my own life, and to be selfish. It started to change when I met H. I and it's gotten even stronger as I've seen my friends with children and the joy (for the most part lol) of it. I'll be 35 in two weeks and I have pretty bad baby fever. I've been selfish for long enough and I want to take on the challenge of being a parent raising a child to be happy and a productive member of society. I realize there may be some sacrifice to having kids ( I may never get to Bora Bora) but I want to be a parent now more than go on a dream vacation.
I sometimes think if I said to H I changed my mind I don't want kids he would be ok with it. He knows and we've discussed kids are in the plan, we didn't buy a 5 bedroom home for nothing.