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Kissing Jar/Donations

tcnobletcnoble member
First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So a friend of mine is getting married next weekend and she was telling me last night how instead of the glass clinking, singing, etc. to cue the newlyweds to kiss.. Her and her FI are doing a donation jar, with all the money going to the Humane Society. So if guests want them to kiss, they put money in the jar. She suggested we do something similar with a donation jar to a cancer fund in my sister's name, as we lost her to cancer in October. I have been vehemently against asking my guests to open their wallets for ANYTHING at our wedding, and I can't decide where this idea falls on the etiquette spectrum. For the record, my FI and I weren't going to do any "cutesy" kissing thing, so I don't have my heart set on this idea by any means. Just curious what you ladies would say! Sorry the knot hates iPads and paragraphs.
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Re: Kissing Jar/Donations

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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Nope, it's inappropriate.

    Also, how will they even know when somebody puts money in the jar?  Is it going to have a bell or an alarm or something?  How much money does it take to get them to kiss?  What if some prankster puts a quarter in there every 15 minutes?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Egads, no. I'm not the least bit interested in coercing people to kiss, so I am certainly not interested in paying for anyone to kiss. If I want to donate to a charity, I will. On my own terms, on my own time.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    *eyeroll* No. Why do people feel the pull to do tacky stuff like this?
    *********************************************************************************

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    mysticlmysticl member
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    I think people clinked glasses twice, maybe three times at our wedding.  Yes, the clinking is contagious so once one person starts others join in.  I doubt it would be the same way with a donation jar.  Twenty people aren't going to jump up and throw in a dollar when they see the first person do it.  So like others have said it will be pretty empty jar.  

    Also, people may not agree with the charity. It's not that they have an issue with the cause itself (though they might) but they may have an issue with how that particular organization does business, or they feel that other charities have a more immediate need.  Plus since the bride and groom will be the ones making the donation they will be the ones getting the tax write off even though it wasn't their money. 

    I'm very sorry for your loss.  
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Yeah, no. Your instincts are right. 
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    MNVegasMNVegas member
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    This is a terrible idea. Please do not do this. If a couple wants to make a charitable donation they can use money they receive as gifts to do so. They should not be asking their guests to make a donation.
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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    Junebug2015Junebug2015 member
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    JCbride2015 said:
    Nope, it's inappropriate.

    Also, how will they even know when somebody puts money in the jar?  Is it going to have a bell or an alarm or something?  How much money does it take to get them to kiss?  What if some prankster puts a quarter in there every 15 minutes?
    You can definitely tell you're studying for the bar exam @JCbride2015 (as am I). Sorry if it is out of the blue, as I was a lurker until this morning, but it really made me laugh.
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    tcnobletcnoble member
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    Thanks everyone for validating my instincts!! This is also a bride I couldn't get to browse the boards here if I paid her so there's a slew of other elements that would make you cringe. I know she has good intentions, but I figured that didn't make it any more appropriate.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Jumping on the "don't do it, it's tacky and rude" bandwagon. I have no interest in watching other people kiss-let along doing something "cutesy" to make it happen, and I'm not going to donate money for the purpose. I'll decide what causes I want to support.
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    steph861steph861 member
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    edited July 2014
    mileybangerz said:
    This is a bad idea.  Trust me - I know; I'm the queen of bad ideas.
    I can't tell if it's you or Miley Cyrus saying this ;)
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Junebug2015 said:
    JCbride2015 said:
    Nope, it's inappropriate.

    Also, how will they even know when somebody puts money in the jar?  Is it going to have a bell or an alarm or something?  How much money does it take to get them to kiss?  What if some prankster puts a quarter in there every 15 minutes?
    You can definitely tell you're studying for the bar exam @JCbride2015 (as am I). Sorry if it is out of the blue, as I was a lurker until this morning, but it really made me laugh.
    I'm like those annoying kids who ask "Why" and "Then what?" every 30 seconds.

    Good luck @Junebug2015!
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    steph861steph861 member
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    edited July 2014
    I was actually googling the forced kissing thing recently (because I hate it and want to avoid it), and came upon a threat* on Wedding Wire (I know, I know). As expected, the responses were horrifying. The consensus seemed to be that while donating to charity was a good idea, it would be even better to have guests donate to the honeyfund.

    *facepalm*

    *typo, and it stays
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    tcnobletcnoble member
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    I was also just enlightened by the bride that while guests will be eating steak or chicken, she will be eating ravioli and crab cakes. *headdesk*
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    MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
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    I am willing to bet that her family and friends will all tell her what a good idea this is and not a one will openly tell her that it's a bad idea...and that's why this kind of stuff continues to happen. Also, I just want to add that I hate it when peole force couples to kiss at the wedding it's both awkward and hinky. People are soooo pushy at weddings sometimes...at my own anytime I stepped away from the dance floor to mingle or get a drink I always had my drink taken away and forced back on the dance floor to be with my new husband. I love my husband and of course it was my wedding day but he and I are just NOT like that...we aren't attached at the hip all the time.
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    Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    I personally have always loved the clinking of the glasses a few times at a wedding. Anything more then that, including new and cutesy things then I find it annoying... and of course twice as bad once money comes into play
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    My cousin married a woman who was big into music, so she insisted that if they HAD to do the kissing thing, they'd only kiss if you got a group together and sang a son with the word Love in it.  She didn't understand how musical some of us in the family were, and how annoying.  Because my dad and another uncle took it upon themselves to just sing the reception away.  (Outdoor tented party, no dance floor, ipod playing quietly in the corner.)  The more I drank, the more I joined in.
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    adk19 said:
    My cousin married a woman who was big into music, so she insisted that if they HAD to do the kissing thing, they'd only kiss if you got a group together and sang a son with the word Love in it.  She didn't understand how musical some of us in the family were, and how annoying.  Because my dad and another uncle took it upon themselves to just sing the reception away.  (Outdoor tented party, no dance floor, ipod playing quietly in the corner.)  The more I drank, the more I joined in.
    This sounds hilarious, and all in good fun.  She asked for it!

    PS I could never do this at my wedding because my new coworkers are obsessed with karaoke.
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    MrsDeRuyter87MrsDeRuyter87 member
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    adk19 said:
    My cousin married a woman who was big into music, so she insisted that if they HAD to do the kissing thing, they'd only kiss if you got a group together and sang a son with the word Love in it.  She didn't understand how musical some of us in the family were, and how annoying.  Because my dad and another uncle took it upon themselves to just sing the reception away.  (Outdoor tented party, no dance floor, ipod playing quietly in the corner.)  The more I drank, the more I joined in.
    OMG that is soooo funny! I'm sure she face palmed on that mistake. All I can picture are random people breaking out in barbershop quartet style love songs loudly out of nowhere LOL
     
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    donations and weddings should never be part of the same subject. ------------------ Good instincts.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited July 2014
    MrsDeRuyter87 said:
    adk19 said:
    My cousin married a woman who was big into music, so she insisted that if they HAD to do the kissing thing, they'd only kiss if you got a group together and sang a son with the word Love in it.  She didn't understand how musical some of us in the family were, and how annoying.  Because my dad and another uncle took it upon themselves to just sing the reception away.  (Outdoor tented party, no dance floor, ipod playing quietly in the corner.)  The more I drank, the more I joined in.
    OMG that is soooo funny! I'm sure she face palmed on that mistake. All I can picture are random people breaking out in barbershop quartet style love songs loudly out of nowhere LOL
     
    Yep, facepalm indeed.  She knew her new husband was NOT in any way musical, so she probably thought she'd get a little noise from some of her musical sorority sisters, but certainly not HIS side of the family.  And the barbershop quartet vision isn't too far off.  My one uncle is practically a musical savant and just went through his mental musical roladex for the word Love.  Then us drunken fools joined in.
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    tcnobletcnoble member
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    MagicInk said:
    So you know how I'm always comparing dollar dances to strip clubs? Well, making someone pay to see me kiss, kind of makes me feel like a hooker. 
    A smelly pirate hooker.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    Kahlyla said:
    Yeah, at a wedding I went to, the couple did this. Except the money was not going to charity. It was just going... to the couple. The best man introduced it as "a game" at the bride's urging (he was about to sit back down when she loudly hissed, "tell them about the game!"). He specifically requested that guests put loonies ($1 coins) in the jar to see them kiss.

    Somehow, "that's not a game - that's panhandling" just sort of popped out of my mouth. Luckily we were at the furthest table from the bridal party.
    How embarrassing.  I'm more of a giver than receiver.    

    I can't imagine taking the time to figure out to get money from my guests.  Seriously, at some point these types of couples actually engaged in discussions on "how can we get money from Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob?"






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    mysticlmysticl member
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    adk19 said:
    My cousin married a woman who was big into music, so she insisted that if they HAD to do the kissing thing, they'd only kiss if you got a group together and sang a son with the word Love in it.  She didn't understand how musical some of us in the family were, and how annoying.  Because my dad and another uncle took it upon themselves to just sing the reception away.  (Outdoor tented party, no dance floor, ipod playing quietly in the corner.)  The more I drank, the more I joined in.

    STB
    I was at a wedding where they did this.  One of the tables sang "Love Stinks".  
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