Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guests adding extra people to rsvp

missy5290missy5290 member
10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So I've been experiencing something that has been making my head spin. I've had guests cross out the seat(s) reserved number and add their own. The thing is, we weren't able to give every single person a plus one. We have a huge family and most of our friends and family have spouses or long term partners. When we had spaces left after doing the guest list, we were able to give a few plus ones, but not everyone. Today I got a text from my half sister saying shes sending out her rsvp late and shes bringing 2 extra people......wahhh??? Who does that?? I only gave her one space..... For the most part, I've been telling people that due to space limitations, we are able to add more people to the list, but if spaces open up, we'll be glad to accommodate. I know that not everyone is up on their wedding etiquette, but isn't this just common sense? Has anyone experienced this? How do you deal?
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Re: Guests adding extra people to rsvp

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    missy5290 said:

    So I've been experiencing something that has been making my head spin. I've had guests cross out the seat(s) reserved number and add their own. The thing is, we weren't able to give every single person a plus one. We have a huge family and most of our friends and family have spouses or long term partners. When we had spaces left after doing the guest list, we were able to give a few plus ones, but not everyone. Today I got a text from my half sister saying shes sending out her rsvp late and shes bringing 2 extra people......wahhh??? Who does that?? I only gave her one space..... For the most part, I've been telling people that due to space limitations, we are able to add more people to the list, but if spaces open up, we'll be glad to accommodate. I know that not everyone is up on their wedding etiquette, but isn't this just common sense? Has anyone experienced this? How do you deal?

    Yes, this happened to us with several people. I told them that we were unable to accommodate the extra guests, but were excited to see the guest. None of these guests were in relationships; they just wanted to bring random people.
  • When you say that you gave out a few plus ones, do you really mean that you only invited some SOs? Or that once you accounted for SOs, there were a few extra spaces to add plus ones of some guests?
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  • When you say that you gave out a few plus ones, do you really mean that you only invited some SOs? Or that once you accounted for SOs, there were a few extra spaces to add plus ones of some guests?
    The latter
  • missy5290 said:
    When you say that you gave out a few plus ones, do you really mean that you only invited some SOs? Or that once you accounted for SOs, there were a few extra spaces to add plus ones of some guests?
    The latter
    Then you're under no obligation to accommodate the extra guests. While I haven't been in this situation (yet - knock on wood), I would inform the guest that unfortunately, you're unable to give everybody a plus one. You're not obligated to give a reason.
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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Short of the two extra people being her SO and kid, it's weird that your half-sister would even assume that bringing more than one guest would be ok. Are they just random people she wants to invite?
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    How old is your half sister? Maybe she just doesn't understand how these things work, and doesn't realize this isn't any ol' house party that you can bring your friends to. You're definitely not obligated to accommodate them, unless one of them is her SO.

    I've had a few people write in +1s and I've just been letting it go, TBH. I don't have any fucks left to give at this point, and we invited 50 below max capacity and we're 10 below the number we had in our head for ballpark budgeting purposes. So... whatever.

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    Rosebubblytabathafaye
  • I've covered all the people with partners. Also, I cant keep up with who's dating who. I tried to make sure couples got a plus one. My fiance's friend has 2 babies with 2 different women, now has a new girlfriend hes been with for like a week and had the nerve to say they weren't invited. Invites were sent out in June. Its these random people that guests want to bring. I got yelled at by my grandmother yesterday because her friend wanted to bring her son and I told her we didn't have any spots at the moment.

    My sister is 26 and I assumed most people had enough common sense to know you just cant invite a bunch of people without asking. And no, this is not a SO. I'm just at the point where I don't care anymore. Bridesmaid didn't send in her rsvp, then mentioned at 2am that her friend(who also showed up uninvited at my bday party) was coming along with her grandmother and her daughter(who were invited). 
  • Just say no. If people press, shut the conversation down. "We cannot accommodate any additional guests. No amount of discussing can change that, so please stop bringing it up."
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  • This is happening to us too, and it makes me want to scream ლ(๏‿๏ ◝ლ)
    People have no tact, I swear.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Wow I really need to be grateful that no one pulled this crap on me.
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  • Wow I really need to be grateful that no one pulled this crap on me.
    You should. People are the worst.
    jenijoykthemuffinman16jules3964
  • Plenty of people have NO EFFING IDEA how RSVPs work unfortunately. My dad literally sent his back to us COMPLETELY BLANK. If i hadn't numbered the back of it (and seen the post office marking on the envelope from the city he lives in, where none of our other guests live), i would have had no idea who it belonged to. And he is a grown man. It boggles the mind.
    themuffinman16
  • missy5290missy5290 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited August 2014
    delujm0 said:
    Plenty of people have NO EFFING IDEA how RSVPs work unfortunately. My dad literally sent his back to us COMPLETELY BLANK. If i hadn't numbered the back of it (and seen the post office marking on the envelope from the city he lives in, where none of our other guests live), i would have had no idea who it belonged to. And he is a grown man. It boggles the mind.
    I have one where instead of checking the Decline box, they wrote in "Unable To Attend" on the name line. And no name. No idea who it's from.
    I got one like that last night. Just checked decline and no name. I'm glad the post office stamped the city and state. I almost had a breakdown. 

    How have you dealt with maybes?

    Emma Watson is Annoyed
  • delujm0 said:
    Plenty of people have NO EFFING IDEA how RSVPs work unfortunately. My dad literally sent his back to us COMPLETELY BLANK. If i hadn't numbered the back of it (and seen the post office marking on the envelope from the city he lives in, where none of our other guests live), i would have had no idea who it belonged to. And he is a grown man. It boggles the mind.
    I have one where instead of checking the Decline box, they wrote in "Unable To Attend" on the name line. And no name. No idea who it's from.
    Maybe I'm a control freak, but I wrote everyone's names in for them (except true plus ones since I didn't know their names yet) so that I would know who they were from when they came back.  I figured otherwise I'd get a lot of them filling in Mr. Hislastname and that doesn't tell me WHICH uncle it's from and such.
  • missy5290 said:
    delujm0 said:
    Plenty of people have NO EFFING IDEA how RSVPs work unfortunately. My dad literally sent his back to us COMPLETELY BLANK. If i hadn't numbered the back of it (and seen the post office marking on the envelope from the city he lives in, where none of our other guests live), i would have had no idea who it belonged to. And he is a grown man. It boggles the mind.
    I have one where instead of checking the Decline box, they wrote in "Unable To Attend" on the name line. And no name. No idea who it's from.
    I got one like that last night. Just checked decline and no name. I'm glad the post office stamped the city and state. I almost had a breakdown. 

    How have you dealt with maybes?


    The postmark on this one said "Metroplex Michigan" so it was no help whatsoever. Nearly all mail in MI goes through there (and 90% of are guests are in Michigan). I would have been less ragey if they'd used the checkbox and not forgotten the name, rather than taking the time to write THREE ENTIRE WORDS but not realize they were doing it COMPLETELY wrong. And it's totally an older person's handwriting; they should know better!

    So far we only have 1 maybe (2 guests) and I'm counting them as a yes.

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  • Bridesmaid sent me this today. Thought it was perfect.
    jenijoykblondeejdjfivenineashley8918
  • I ended up counting my maybes as yes.  You had better believe I was on the phone with them the week before the wedding though.
  • I only had one issue like this.  The person added in a guest.  I was tired and over it at that point so I let it go.  NEITHER of those people showed up, never contacted me about it either.  Then a couple days later she texted me and said, "Oops sorry about the wedding, we got busy that day and were too tired to make the drive".  thanks.
  • This craziness has run rampant in our wedding RSVPs. Like, we put the reserved seats for a reason, what makes you think it doesn't apply to you or that we won't notice? We've kindly been telling people that we are looking forward to seeing them, but cannot accommodate the extra guest(s) due to space constraints. I could make that Madea pic my profile in life right now. I'm so over people...
  • I think people just see that it's wedding mail, and they go apeshit.  All tact goes out the window.  All manners are instantly forgotten.  It's insane, really. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wrote everyone's names in for them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    rajahmd
  • AddieCake said:
    I wrote everyone's names in for them.
    That's what I should have done, but I did not have time. My invitation suite was kind of crazy and I just wanted them out of my hands. I'm just glad its almost over...waiting for a few stragglers.
  • When I was waiting for my rsvps, the deadline had passed. I called my Aunt to ask her if she could attend, and she said, "Put me down for Maybe." How do you put someone down for a maybe... and a week after the deadline. I gave people 6 weeks to decide if they could attend or not. To me, it would be just as rude if I was unsure if I was going to have a meal for her or not. She would wonder if she is going to eat, and I would be wondering if I had to pay for the extra meal. She came, bitched about her divorce that happened 11 years ago, and told me she still didn't think she should have come. And kept mentioning the money in the card because she wanted me to thank her. I said thank you, and she did not let it rest until I said thank you for this amount. I hate when people force me to be tacky.
  • I feel all of your pain... TRUST me. Dealing with the same issues... have some people say they're NOT coming because I didn't invite so and so. OMG are you kidding me?! Dictating who I invite to MY OWN wedding and if it isn't who YOU think should be - you boycott. AWESOME - please - humor me. :::facepalm:::

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  • When I was waiting for my rsvps, the deadline had passed. I called my Aunt to ask her if she could attend, and she said, "Put me down for Maybe." How do you put someone down for a maybe... and a week after the deadline. I gave people 6 weeks to decide if they could attend or not. To me, it would be just as rude if I was unsure if I was going to have a meal for her or not. She would wonder if she is going to eat, and I would be wondering if I had to pay for the extra meal. She came, bitched about her divorce that happened 11 years ago, and told me she still didn't think she should have come. And kept mentioning the money in the card because she wanted me to thank her. I said thank you, and she did not let it rest until I said thank you for this amount. I hate when people force me to be tacky.


    :::::::::::::::::::::::STUCK IN THE BOX::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


    What a miserable old HAG your aunt sounds to be!! LOL omg 

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  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I am so, so happy that none of my guests have tried to do this. Granted, I'm still waiting on about 50% of my RSVPs but I'm crossing my fingers that I luck out with this. People are nuts.
  • I think a 'maybe' on a response card is really rude, unless an explanation is given that is important, like ill health or pregnancy or military deployment.

    Those invitees who would just say 'maybe' for no special reason, it seems like they are just waiting to see if anything better comes up on that day, that they would rather do. Or that they will make the decision on attending the wedding, depending on how they feel that morning.

  • I had 2 of these. One was our fault. We didn't know she was still seeing the guy and yes, he should be invited. I apologized and we put him on the list. The other though just happened. We invited the entire family (mom,dad, 2 kids) because the kids were in the wedding. We ONLY invited the kids in the wedding and those from out of town (2 close relatives). We actually talked to one couple and did the "we are encouraging local parents to look at it as a parents night out since we are having an evening wedding". So fast forward... we are just over 3 weeks out. All guests but 4 are accounted for. Couple we invited with kids are getting divorced (and have been since just after the STD went out in February) and it's pretty ugly. So Dad is picking one child up right after the ceremony and Mom informs us that she has invited the daughter of the very couple we talked to as her guest to "babysit" the other child during the wedding and then the child is going home with the invited daughter and the parents for a sleepover! (Not that it matters, but point is the "babysitter" isn't going back to the hotel or invited Mom's house to babysit for an after party or anything) Can I add that she didn't even ask before inviting her- she'd already ok'ed it with everyone but us and then added- "if it's a problem I'll pay for her". Ummm... that isn't the issue. Of course, I put my big girl panties on and just let it slide. But I really wanted to shout "you don't automatically get a +1 because you and your husband split up and ESPECIALLY not a child even if they are a "babysitter". You will be there... watch you kid or send them home with Dad like you are doing your 1st child". So yep... @cupcait927 Agreed. People are nuts. (Probably including me LOL) I think OP, the space limitations is a good answer. "we'd love for them to come but there just aren't enough seats for everyone we'd like to see"
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