I hate giving money...

Aray82 · August 2014

No matter how much they spent on a reception, no one is owed a gift of any kind, monetary or otherwise. It is their choice to spend that money on a lavish reception when they could just as well have done a cake and punch reception or had a smaller guest list. I also like to give gifts for weddings, but I never see it as an obligation for being hosted. If I'm very close with the couple and cannot attend, I'll still get them a gift.

For what it's worth, I think $50 is a lot--I'd be thrilled to get that in a wedding card! FI and I typically give $50 because we're currently students and that's what we can afford, especially when a wedding involves travel. We will give more when we're in a position to do so. I agree with beethery that they likely don't know how to work with tone in the English language. I tell a lot of my students to stop using caps and exclamation points because their enthusiasm can come off as sarcasm in certain professional communication.

At least you received a thank-you note--that's something, eh? We've never received thank-you notes from folks who blatantly asked for cash on their website or invitation. Not surprised since they were rude enough to ask for cash. But FI STILL talks about how embarrassed he is that we couldn't give more than $50 for a fancy wedding we went to out of state last year, and wonder whether that's the reason we didn't get a thank-you. I repeatedly tell him that it's not us, it's them. 112% them.

That said, if you want to give more, do so. But I wouldn't let a feeling of obligation or the dopey thank-you card from the last time affect your decision.

MairePoppy · August 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

We're comparing what we give, but it makes no sense to me if we're not looking at the economic background of an area. I think it's safe to say that $50 in rural North Dakota might be a lot whereas $50 in NYC would be seen as cheap.

^^ThiS^^

I live in CT, where weddings are usually fully hosted with 4 or 5 course dinners, open bar and dancing. We almost always give a cash gift at the wedding reception, around $200 for my husband and me, adding more for close family members and close friends.

On the rare occasion that we buy a boxed gift for a wedding, we have it sent to the bride's home. I wouldn't give $$, though, to anyone who was bold enough to request it. I'd buy them monogrammed towels.

edit-grammar

beethery · August 2014

KatieinBkln said:
So...is it deletable? I don't even know how to get it to show up in code (although sometimes it does, just for fun!). I don't know how to computer.

Yup! Click the Show Source button on the far right (little piece of paper with red < > on it). Look for that <span style="font-style: normal;"> highlight, and DELETE IT. Then, look for the last thing that says </blockquote> and start typing after that. Click the show source button again. You'll probably need to add your paragraph spacing.

Ha! And after posting, it happened to me! So I took screenshots!

see how it lies to me in the editor and says it looks normal??? LIES!

So I clicked show source and now I've got this.

So you can see where I highlighted it, and then I deleted it.

doeydo · August 2014

timewellwasted93 said:

I found the poem from the first wedding! It's worse than I remember...maybe it's a good thing we only gave them $50.

Registered we are not,
An established home we've already got.
As we get ready to tie the knot,
Our guests we want to fear not...

Need a gift idea for the Bride and Groom?
Here are some suggestions that will work in any room...
Hamilton, Lincoln, & Washington, (3 of our favorite men),
Gift cards, (Home Depot or Kohl's), always score a perfect 10!

Gifts are not a must,
This you must trust.
The most treasured gift we want to say,
Is having you there to share our special day!

It's just so forced, and unnecessary. All comma errors are not mine, btw, that is an exact copy of the poem. And I guess asking for 10s, 5s, and 1s is better because the denomination is low? Maybe BF is a closet etiquette guru and wants to give his friends gifts, but is punishing them with smaller amounts for asking for money? I'd like to pretend that...
At least for the wedding next month, it wasn't with the invitation.

Dear Lord, people actually sent that out? Seriously?

HobokensFury · August 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

We're comparing what we give, but it makes no sense to me if we're not looking at the economic background of an area. I think it's safe to say that $50 in rural North Dakota might be a lot whereas $50 in NYC would be seen as cheap.

I 100% agree with you. FWIW I've never heard of giving boxed gifts for weddings until I joined TK because around here boxed gifts are given at showers and money is given at the actual wedding.

Sugargirl1019 · August 2014

HobokensFury said:

RebeccaFlower said:

We're comparing what we give, but it makes no sense to me if we're not looking at the economic background of an area. I think it's safe to say that $50 in rural North Dakota might be a lot whereas $50 in NYC would be seen as cheap.

I 100% agree with you. FWIW I've never heard of giving boxed gifts for weddings until I joined TK because around here boxed gifts are given at showers and money is given at the actual wedding.

-------------------------------

Same. My family is from Long Island, and we are used to monetary gifts above $100. So we were very.. flabbergasted to receive a set of towels from 12 people, and a butter dish and rolling pin from 6 people who attended our wedding. Wedding vs shower gifts people!

So it's definitely regional. People in Texas jump for joy over a 50 dollar check, and are used to receiving a set of towels from 12 people for their wedding gift, apparently.

ohannabelle · August 2014

timewellwasted93 said: I found the poem from the first wedding! It's worse than I remember...maybe it's a good thing we only gave them $50.
Registered we are not,An established home we've already got.As we get ready to tie the knot,Our guests we want to fear not...
Need a gift idea for the Bride and Groom?Here are some suggestions that will work in any room...Hamilton, Lincoln, & Washington, (3 of our favorite men),Gift cards, (Home Depot or Kohl's), always score a perfect 10!
Gifts are not a must,This you must trust.The most treasured gift we want to say,Is having you there to share our special day!

It's just so forced, and unnecessary. All comma errors are not mine, btw, that is an exact copy of the poem. And I guess asking for 10s, 5s, and 1s is better because the denomination is low? Maybe BF is a closet etiquette guru and wants to give his friends gifts, but is punishing them with smaller amounts for asking for money? I'd like to pretend that...At least for the wedding next month, it wasn't with the invitation. SIB

If anyone ever ever ever had the nerve to send me a "poem" like that, I would be really tempted to tear it to bits and return it with my decline. The crime against manners is heinous enough, the crime against poetry is so unforgivable that this would be a friendship ending poem.

I never give money when money's requested. I send something stupid and engraved from one of those awful mall stores, so that it's not returnable. I also send my regrets.

theexactlee · August 2014

I'm sorry I stopped reading after (it was exceptionally terrible and I'll have to find it and share with you guys...they said something along the lines of preferring benjamins). because my brain is stuck between shock and awe and rolling laughter.

timewellwasted93 · August 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

We're comparing what we give, but it makes no sense to me if we're not looking at the economic background of an area. I think it's safe to say that $50 in rural North Dakota might be a lot whereas $50 in NYC would be seen as cheap.

I live in the Baltimore/DC area so it's kind of pricey here, but no where near NYC (I think). My best friend that got married a few months ago mentioned it was about $90 per person for a top shelf open bar and a seated dinner of steak or chicken at a very beautiful country club.

I believe BF's brother said it was $100 pp for a not top shelf (for the life of me I can't think of the word for it right now) open bar and a buffet, plus about a thousand desserts, at another beautiful country club.

No idea how much the wedding last year with the tacky ass poem cost. And I don't want to assume about the wedding we're attending in September, but it's most likely a lot cheaper. It's on their farm, and they said it's best to dress casual (yes, this was on the invitation too...). Groom is a pretty simple guy, so is the bride, so I doubt they're having something too extravagant.

KatieinBkln · August 2014

beethery said:

KatieinBkln said:
So...is it deletable? I don't even know how to get it to show up in code (although sometimes it does, just for fun!). I don't know how to computer.
Yup! Click the Show Source button on the far right (little piece of paper with red < > on it). Look for that <span style="font-style: normal;"> highlight, and DELETE IT. Then, look for the last thing that says </blockquote> and start typing after that. Click the show source button again. You'll probably need to add your paragraph spacing.

Ha! And after posting, it happened to me! So I took screenshots!

see how it lies to me in the editor and says it looks normal??? LIES!

So I clicked show source and now I've got this.

So you can see where I highlighted it, and then I deleted it.

THANK YOU! Does this seem needlessly in-depth, and like something TK should fix? Yup. Am I glad I know how to do it anyway? FO SHO.

beethery · August 2014

I don't know anything about .asp or .php or I'd try to even offer a solution

sarahufl · August 2014

I used to be a boxed gift girl until I realized cash is where it's at. None of my friends are young and getting started- we are all in our 30s and don't need anything. H and I have been digging our way through boxed gifts for the past week and we both decided it is cash from here on out when we attend weddings.

Our families are very traditional and MIL kept bugging us to add crap to our registry because there "wasn't enough on it". While we are extremely grateful for everything we got, we don't really need it all. A few people asked what we wanted and I said we didn't need anything, that them being at the wedding was more than we could ask for.

That said, we typically give $100pp, so $200 if we attend the wedding together. If (for whatever reason) we don't BOTH go to the wedding, we give $100. As a couple, we have never declined an invite, but we would probably send the same amount if we were unable to attend the wedding.

I hate giving money...

Re: I hate giving money...

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