Chit Chat

Expectation vs Gratituity

I got invited out to lunch with a friend today earlier and we out to eat. Our waiter was alright, the food was alright and everything was going pretty great then check came. She used her card to pay and we got our stuff together and she signed the receipt but never left a tip. I asked if she wanted me to leave a tip and she said "no, I got this" after signing her name. Then we left. I asked her later on while we were getting some krispy kreme donuts, why she didn't leave a tip for the waiter. She told me that their job is to take her food order, get drinks, get other stuff and if she felt the experience was above and beyond she would leave gratuity because she would be "grateful". Tips are gratuity and they should never be mandatory.  She went on to say that when she worked as a waitress in high school, her job was to wait on people and that she was taught to never expect tips. She also mention that she knew coworkers that would do crappy jobs and they were still given gratuity because people felt that they owed their server something. 

Just wondering what are your thoughts regarding her comment with gratuity vs the expectation. 


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Re: Expectation vs Gratituity

  • My thought is that the tip should be a gratuity for at the very least good service. Extra money should never be expected.  However, tipping has become so prevalent (in the US) that the law allows servers to be paid way below minimum wage provided they are able to make the difference up in tips which is where the expectation comes in.  
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  • Now I will say my mother taught me that if the service is horrible you should leave a small tip (like $0.50) so the server understands you are sending a message with your tip as opposed thinking you forgot or just aren't a tipper.  
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  • mysticl said:
    My thought is that the tip should be a gratuity for at the very least good service. Extra money should never be expected.  However, tipping has become so prevalent (in the US) that the law allows servers to be paid way below minimum wage provided they are able to make the difference up in tips which is where the expectation comes in.  
    I always tip because of the bolded. For good, average service I tip 20%, for outstanding service I tip more. If the service is really bad I tip less. The only time I didn't leave a tip at all is when our server told a horribly racist joke and made everyone at the table incredibly uncomfortable.


  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2014

    Both my grandmother and my mom at different times in their lives used to wait tables. Because of this I was brought up to tip at least 20% if the service was good. If it's above average I'll tip more, if its under I'll tip less. I know that servers aren't paid minimum wage so that is why I always tip, except when in foreign countries where tipping is not the usual, or the server is extremely rude.



    I was also brought up to stack plates, and limit garbage and such, but that was just something I think my mom taught me to be polite. I still stack plates if we're done with them and the server hasn't been by yet, the first time I did when me and FI were at a little diner, he looked at me like I was nuts.


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  • As a server, yeah I did expect some sort of tip.   I never expected a certain amount/percentage.   I never got mad if I got nothing.   In this business you have good days and bad days.  As long as they average out to be good I was fine. If the average was bad then it was time to re-think this line of work.

    I currently work at a tip free place (starting per hour rate is $17 per hour). I'm surprised how many of my co-workers are only mediocre at their job. They get paid the same regardless so they don't seem to go above and beyond.    So much so the club  is thinking of maybe going back to tips to see if the service improves.      


    As a consumer, I tip based on service.   Good service gets 20%. Mediocre service gets 10-15%. 
     Bad gets nothing plus a talk to the manager (leaving no tip does not let a server know they are bad because there are people like OP's friends and just never leave anything).      I tend to tip breakfast staff in the 30+% range.  Although this one server always forgets my hot chocolate, I now give her 10%.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I went out one day with my FI. When we went to a cafe and our meal total was about $20.70 and I gave the waiter $25.00. Moments later came back with my receipt and said "Thanks for dining in with us, come again." He pocketed my changing thinking it was his tip.My Fi spoke up asking for the change and the waiter asked how much of it would be like back. He simply said, "all". That was the only time I didn't leave a tip other than having a nasty waiter. 

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • AlexisA01 said:
    I went out one day with my FI. When we went to a cafe and our meal total was about $20.70 and I gave the waiter $25.00. Moments later came back with my receipt and said "Thanks for dining in with us, come again." He pocketed my changing thinking it was his tip.My Fi spoke up asking for the change and the waiter asked how much of it would be like back. He simply said, "all". That was the only time I didn't leave a tip other than having a nasty waiter. 

    We once had a waiter bring our change back to the table and a few minutes later we realized it wasn't all there.  He had already clocked out for his shift so we went to the manager. I don't think he had a job when he came back.  
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  • My usual tip is 20%. I don't go below 10% unless the service is really bad. I have tipped less than $0.50. If you mess up my order, are slow, and don't come back with the check quickly, then it is a high chance you'll be getting less than a dollar. 

    One waiter actually talked about his customers, including me, within hearing distance of my table. He got $0.03. 

    On the other end of the spectrum, I had an Ex that would always tip above 20%. I literally had my plate taken after two bites. The waiter didn't even ask if I wanted a box. And never refilled our water. Ex gave him 20%. I was pissed. 


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  • I generally tip between 18-20% no matter what, unless I receive really crappy service because I have a lot of friends and family who work in the food and restaurant industry, and I know that the laws leave people earning less than livable wages. If I receive horrible service, I usually will leave a smaller tip and write a comment about my experience if I can. I'd rather that person know for sure that reason I'm leaving a small tip is because my experience was terrible not just because I'm cheap or because I just thought they did a mediocre job. 

    The only restaurant I've ever worked at did not allow us to accept tips (it was a private country club) but, I earned close to $16 hour so that made up for it. 
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  • mysticl said:
    We once had a waiter bring our change back to the table and a few minutes later we realized it wasn't all there.  He had already clocked out for his shift so we went to the manager. I don't think he had a job when he came back.  
    Do they not realize that is considered stealing?>

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • AlexisA01 said:
    Do they not realize that is considered stealing?>
    I'm guessing that's why he did it right before he clocked out, probably figured we'd just let it go if he wasn't around.  Moral of the story, never shortchange a man who rips paper napkins in half to save money.  
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  • April192002April192002 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2014

    I waited tables as my first real job, over 10 years ago, and while making $2.13 an hour I totally expected tips - about 15-20%. Having worked that job for a little over 3 years, I tip 18-20% for average service.

    Knowing that the waiter usually has no control over how fast the food or alcohol comes out (especially when I'm sitting in the bar and able to watch the bartender) I still tip my server according to the rest of my service. If my food comes out wrong, I'll tip based on how quick they fix it (if it gets fixed pretty quick, no deduction).

    I'll tip 10% if my service is horrible...and that takes a lot. I either drink alcohol or don't, it's rare that I ask for water with alcohol, so if my nonalcoholic drink sits empty for a while - deduction! If food takes a while to be served without the waiter coming by to check on us (or tell us it's delayed, or should be out soon) - deduction again! Our dirty plates staying stacked on our table (we've had to ask waiters to take away our plates so we have room on our table) - another deduction! If I can see that they're waiting on a large party, who's running them all over the place, I'm more lenient and will tip more than if they weren't.

    It takes someone really special to not get a tip - but it happened once after the manager got involved (and then she too ignored us once we got our food...all we needed at that point was our drinks refilled). We handed cash to the waitress who managed to check in on us in between her tables - so sweet of her. I wrote an email to corporate to inform them of the horrible experience, especially with the manager, and they were kind enough to send a $25 gift card, though I'm sure that's standard.

    If someone goes above and beyond, has a great personality, etc., they'll get 30+% from me...but it's rare (or I'm a regular there with the same waiter/waitress, so of course they give me great service for a good tip).

    I didn't get tipped once - with no explanation. We weren't busy so I saw when they were sat and greeted them within a minute, got their drinks right out and food order, food came out quick and was correct, their drinks never went empty, and I only interrupted them twice when it was absolutely necessary. They asked for togo boxes when they were halfway done eating and their check, which I had on me. They waited about 5 minutes to put their payment out, I ran the card, and they sat there for a little bit more talking (still, no empty drinks and they left fries on their plate that they were still munching on so no dirty dishes sitting there). Tip - $0.00. Awesome! I just paid for them to eat. That is one of the few experiences I remember from that job after all these years.

    IMO, if you're not going to leave a tip, or leave a tip less than 10% (that was the minimum amount we had to claim at the end of our shift), you should talk to the manager. The waiter/waitress may just be having an off day, they might be new, or they could be on their way out and management needs to know there were problems.

    Edited - typo.

  • I waited tables as my first real job, over 10 years ago, and while making $2.13 an hour I totally expected tips - about 15-20%. Having worked that job for a little over 3 years, I tip 18-20% for average service.

    Knowing that the waiter usually has no control over how fast the food or alcohol comes out (especially when I'm sitting in the bar and able to watch the bartender) I still tip my server according to the rest of my service. If my food comes out wrong, I'll tip based on how quick they fix it (if it gets fixed pretty quick, no deduction).

    I'll tip 10% if my service is horrible...and that takes a lot. I either drink alcohol or don't, it's rare that I ask for water with alcohol, so if my nonalcoholic drink sits empty for a while - deduction! If food takes a while to be served without the waiter coming by to check on us (or tell us it's delayed, or should be out soon) - deduction again! Our dirty plates staying stacked on our table (we've had to ask waiters to take away our plates so we have room on our table) - another deduction! If I can see that they're waiting on a large party, who's running them all over the place, I'm more lenient and will tip more than if they weren't.

    It takes someone really special to not get a tip - but it happened once after the manager got involved (and then she too ignored us once we got our food...all we needed at that point was our drinks refilled). We handed cash to the waitress who managed to check in on us in between her tables - so sweet of her. I wrote an email to corporate to inform them of the horrible experience, especially with the manager, and they were kind enough to send a $25 gift card, though I'm sure that's standard.

    If someone goes above and beyond, has a great personality, etc., they'll get 30+% from me...but it's rare (or I'm a regular there with the same waiter/waitress, so of course they give me great service for a good tip).

    I didn't get tipped once - with no explanation. We weren't busy so I saw when they were sat and greeted them within a minute, got their drinks right out and food order, food came out quick and was correct, their drinks never went empty, and I only interrupted them twice when it was absolutely necessary. They asked for togo boxes when they were halfway done eating and their check, which I had on me. They waited about 5 minutes to put their payment out, I ran the card, and they sat there for a little bit more talking (still, no empty drinks and they left fries on their plate that they were still munching on so no dirty dishes sitting there). Tip - $0.00. Awesome! I just paid for them to eat. That is one of the few experiences I remember from that job after all these years.

    IMO, if you're not going to leave a tip, or leave a tip less than 10% (that was the minimum amount we had to claim at the end of our shift), you should talk to the manager. The waiter/waitress may just be having an off day, they might be new, or they could be on their way out and management needs to know there were problems.

    Edited - typo.

    Maybe they don't tip. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they don't feel they should have to pay a person extra to do the job they are already being paid to do.  They may not realize the law allows servers to be paid so low.  I never worked food service, the only reason I know about the law is that my mother is an accountant and she happened to mention it to me. 
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  • I use to wait on an old guy who only tipped $1.    It could be just him or he could be with 6 people.  You only ever got a $1.

    I also use to wait on a guy who always tipped $100.   It could just be him or he could have 6 people.  He would tip $100.  Now if he had more than 6 people he would tip more.

    I find it balances out,  so no point it getting mad about a bad or tip once in a while.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I use to wait on an old guy who only tipped $1.    It could be just him or he could be with 6 people.  You only ever got a $1.

    I also use to wait on a guy who always tipped $100.   It could just be him or he could have 6 people.  He would tip $100.  Now if he had more than 6 people he would tip more.

    I find it balances out,  so no point it getting mad about a bad or tip once in a while.
    My great-grandpa! I can't ever get him to tip more. The good thing is that we convinced him to tip the dollar when I was like 18. Before that was always 50 cents. (We tip after he leaves and hide money under dishes as we are leaving so he doesn't see and get offended)

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  • I always tip 18-20%. For Horrible service I'll tip 15% and talk to the manager. I was always taught to tip for any service someone provides for you. Dining, hair/makeup, nails, tattoos, delivery men (food, furniture, anything). My friends always call me a heavy tipper - but I would rather be known as a heavy tipper than a shitty one.


    Most of the restaurants in my area, the servers have to 'tip out' at the end of the night (give a % of their tips to other workers - busboys/girls, Host stand, bartender, ect.), as well as "Claim" so much for the night in the computer system for tax reasons. So essentially - if you don't tip, the waiter basically has to pay for the fact that they took care of you. And that's not fair. Plus - low wages here too.
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  • LabLove86 said:
    I always tip 18-20%. For Horrible service I'll tip 15% and talk to the manager. I was always taught to tip for any service someone provides for you. Dining, hair/makeup, nails, tattoos, delivery men (food, furniture, anything). My friends always call me a heavy tipper - but I would rather be known as a heavy tipper than a shitty one.


    Most of the restaurants in my area, the servers have to 'tip out' at the end of the night (give a % of their tips to other workers - busboys/girls, Host stand, bartender, ect.), as well as "Claim" so much for the night in the computer system for tax reasons. So essentially - if you don't tip, the waiter basically has to pay for the fact that they took care of you. And that's not fair. Plus - low wages here too.
    True, but (just playing devil's advocate here) that's not the customer's fault and it's possible that the customer is not even aware of the practice.  
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  • mysticl said:
    Maybe they don't tip. Maybe they forgot. Maybe they don't feel they should have to pay a person extra to do the job they are already being paid to do.  They may not realize the law allows servers to be paid so low.  I never worked food service, the only reason I know about the law is that my mother is an accountant and she happened to mention it to me. 
    That is how my friend feels. As I mentioned, she was a waitress before she understand that people do not have to tip since she grew up on her principle about not expecting things. I side eyed her but I while I understand her, I do not agree with her.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • I was at a restaurant once where our server felt the need to complain about us to the table next to us.  Apparently, we were "difficult" because we did not psychically know they were sold out of certain items. We had a chef in our group and he was like if you are going to bitch about a customer do it in the kitchen not in the dining room.  The person picking up the tab did leave a tip but he left it with the manager to be delivered with a talking to.  
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  • lyndausvi said:
    As a server, yeah I did expect some sort of tip.   I never expected a certain amount/percentage.   I never got mad if I got nothing.   In this business you have good days and bad days.  As long as they average out to be good I was fine. If the average was bad then it was time to re-think this line of work.

    I currently work at a tip free place (starting per hour rate is $17 per hour). I'm surprised how many of my co-workers are only mediocre at their job. They get paid the same regardless so they don't seem to go above and beyond.    So much so the club  is thinking of maybe going back to tips to see if the service improves.      


    As a consumer, I tip based on service.   Good service gets 20%. Mediocre service gets 10-15%. 
     Bad gets nothing plus a talk to the manager (leaving no tip does not let a server know they are bad because there are people like OP's friends and just never leave anything).      I tend to tip breakfast staff in the 30+% range.  Although this one server always forgets my hot chocolate, I now give her 10%.
    There are news stories of restaurants opting in on this trend. The owners don't want the patrons to feel like the have to be the ones paying the servers their wages. As for your place of work, why would they want to keep employees who have that mentality? Instead of going back to tipping they should have a staff meeting stating this is the level of service we expect, if it isn't met than people may lose jobs. 
  • mysticl said:
    True, but (just playing devil's advocate here) that's not the customer's fault and it's possible that the customer is not even aware of the practice.  
    I get that, 100% - and I understand that not everyone was raised being made aware of this as I was.

    But this similar to committing a crime because you were ignorant of the law. You would still get in trouble/reprimanded (in most cases) in some way.

    In the case of not knowing about the tipping - you would just be bitched about in the kitchen/amongst the staff. And chances are the waiter(ess) would remember you the next time you're in.

    FWIW - I ultimately agree with your statement. How are you supposed to follow a custom/rule/law/whatever-you-want-to-fill-this-spot-in-with if you're unaware of its existence?? 
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  • LabLove86 said:
    I get that, 100% - and I understand that not everyone was raised being made aware of this as I was.

    But this similar to committing a crime because you were ignorant of the law. You would still get in trouble/reprimanded (in most cases) in some way.

    In the case of not knowing about the tipping - you would just be bitched about in the kitchen/amongst the staff. And chances are the waiter(ess) would remember you the next time you're in.

    FWIW - I ultimately agree with your statement. How are you supposed to follow a custom/rule/law/whatever-you-want-to-fill-this-spot-in-with if you're unaware of its existence?? 
    No. Not tipping is no where close to not following the law. You have to follow the law and therefore there are consequences for non-compliance.  Tipping is not required, you do not have to do it, therefore you should not be consequenced for failing to do something you don't have to do.  I understand complaining about not getting tipped (people complain, that's human nature) but if a server were to give poor service to someone based on their previous poor tip they should face disciplinary action since good customer service should be the expectation of their job.  

    FWIW, I always tip. I just don't think I should be expected to.  
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  • @mysticl - all I meant was you using the ignorance angle . . . . . not the actual not tipping being = to committing a crime.

    Yes, breaking the law is much worse than not tipping.
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  • jenajjthr said:
    There are news stories of restaurants opting in on this trend. The owners don't want the patrons to feel like the have to be the ones paying the servers their wages. As for your place of work, why would they want to keep employees who have that mentality? Instead of going back to tipping they should have a staff meeting stating this is the level of service we expect, if it isn't met than people may lose jobs. 


    **** SITB ****

    It's seasonal work.  It's hard enough to even find people who want to work 4 months out of the year.  Sometimes a body is better than no body.  

    One server was so bad.  Messed up everyday.   She is in college and would often say it's just a paycheck, she doesn't really care.  DH called her out and said "look, I get it.  You are a college student and you do not think this is a real job.  Well let me tell you.  This is my job. I've worked 25 years in the business.  It supports my family.    Now if you keep this attitude up I promise you 25 years after you graduate and get your 'real' job I will make sure some lower level co-worker makes your job hell because they don't take the job seriously."    

    She quit a week later.

    (note - DH does not hire servers. He has to deal with the cards he is dealt.)

    I doubt they will go that route, but they have talked about it.  I like it's non-tipping.    That said, I don't think in terms of "it's not my job to pay them".   As a customer you will pay their salary regardless.  Other industries like repair men you often have a separate labor charge.  One that you do not often have a choice on the amount.   With tipping you get the option of how much.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    You never know, her "real job" could land her right back in a dining room with an apron and a order pad (or whatever they are using to record orders in 25 years).  I know someone who has a college degree and waits tables. Her degree doesn't translate to a "real job" unless she goes all the way to her Ph.D. and gets a teaching job at a university (and there are just tons of those available).  
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  • mysticl said:
    You never know, her "real job" could land her right back in a dining room with an apron and a order pad (or whatever they are using to record orders in 25 years).  I know someone who has a college degree and waits tables. Her degree doesn't translate to a "real job" unless she goes all the way to her Ph.D. and gets a teaching job at a university (and there are just tons of those available).  
    yep.  

    I know a lot of college grads who work in the industry.   Most really enjoy the industry.   

     Then you have those who think of it as a fluff or filler job.  Those types often make career types like chefs, cooks, managers, etc jobs harder because they just do not take the job seriously.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • For many years here in SA there was a loophole in the labour law that allowed waitstaff to be employed for no wages (ie. their ONLY income was from tips). AFAIK the law has changed and they get minimum wage like everyone else, but I still tip just in case. Unless their service is really, truly shocking or the food completely inedible (in which case I'll tip my server directly so I can be sure it's going to them and not being absorbed by management or whatever). 10% is the norm, but I have no issues leaving a 0.05 tip if the service sucks, and no problem tipping as high as 50% if I've had a really good experience. My mom has been known to tip 100% for excellent service and food.
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