Etiquette

Your friends are judging your etiquette mistakes.

2

Re: Your friends are judging your etiquette mistakes.

  • I actually love it when there are board games at a wedding. It gives people an option of something to do if they're not dancers, aren't allowed to dance (my in-laws are Baptists, so weddings on that side of the family tend to be very boring with the no music, no drinking policy) or have a hard time socially. Yes, we're all adults, but no, not everyone is comfortable in large group settings. My MOH's husband hates socializing and was a total whiner (he kept asking to go home because he didn't want to dance and didn't want her to dance if he wasn't dancing) most of the wedding until I sat him down with a beer (or four) and some cousins to play games. Lo and behold! He actually had fun.
  • Nymeru said:
    I actually love it when there are board games at a wedding. It gives people an option of something to do if they're not dancers, aren't allowed to dance (my in-laws are Baptists, so weddings on that side of the family tend to be very boring with the no music, no drinking policy) or have a hard time socially. Yes, we're all adults, but no, not everyone is comfortable in large group settings. My MOH's husband hates socializing and was a total whiner (he kept asking to go home because he didn't want to dance and didn't want her to dance if he wasn't dancing) most of the wedding until I sat him down with a beer (or four) and some cousins to play games. Lo and behold! He actually had fun.

    *SIB*
    You know why baptists don't have sex before marriage right?  It leads to dancing :)
    themuffinman16PrettyGirlLostTwilightSparkler
  • Seeing as how my husband is now willing to dance, I'd say that we did it right ;)
  • annathy03 said:
    My best friend managed to have a mostly etiquette approved wedding. Only she and the groom got champagne for the toast (which was weird), but that was it that I can remember. The hosted bar refused to serve shots, though I think that was the venue and had nothing to do with the bride and groom.
    However, she dictated her bachelorette, which led a to pretty big fight between the two of us, plus another bridesmaid. Luckily she apologized and backed off the planning, but it did sour my feelings for quite a while. Her bachelorette was a total shit-show in the end, but that was 100% the MOH's fault. Well, maybe 10% was alcohol's fault.
    Her now FIL also tried to not invite SOs to the rehearsal dinner, but she put her foot down and insisted. It was a little awkward when BF and I thanked him for the meal before leaving, but oh well.
    Was it available at the bar?  Some venues I looked at (especially consumption only bars) discouraged a champagne toast because so many people don't drink it and you end up with mostly full glasses of it going to waste.  As long as it was available at the bar (and hosted) for anyone who wanted it I don't see an issue with not pouring it for everyone.

    Oh, and it was probably the venue that refused shots.  Once when H was a groomsman and went to get a shot for the groom the bartender told him he couldn't serve shots because of their liability policy, and suggested he order a whiskey neat instead.
    Yeah, I figured the venue refused. It's was unexpected though, since the bride and groom love their shots!
    I actually have no idea if it was available at the bar. I never asked...I just drank my whiskey. If I have champagne, it's only during the toast. The few other weddings I've been to, the waiters have always asked me if I'd like champagne, so I guess that's just what I'm used to. Maybe my slight judgement was unwarranted. I may have also been annoyed at the bar not having Coke...I mean seriously no one drinks Jack and Pepsi!
    You know what? I'm just going to judge the bar.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    annathy03 said:
    My best friend managed to have a mostly etiquette approved wedding. Only she and the groom got champagne for the toast (which was weird), but that was it that I can remember. The hosted bar refused to serve shots, though I think that was the venue and had nothing to do with the bride and groom.
    However, she dictated her bachelorette, which led a to pretty big fight between the two of us, plus another bridesmaid. Luckily she apologized and backed off the planning, but it did sour my feelings for quite a while. Her bachelorette was a total shit-show in the end, but that was 100% the MOH's fault. Well, maybe 10% was alcohol's fault.
    Her now FIL also tried to not invite SOs to the rehearsal dinner, but she put her foot down and insisted. It was a little awkward when BF and I thanked him for the meal before leaving, but oh well.
    Was it available at the bar?  Some venues I looked at (especially consumption only bars) discouraged a champagne toast because so many people don't drink it and you end up with mostly full glasses of it going to waste.  As long as it was available at the bar (and hosted) for anyone who wanted it I don't see an issue with not pouring it for everyone.

    Oh, and it was probably the venue that refused shots.  Once when H was a groomsman and went to get a shot for the groom the bartender told him he couldn't serve shots because of their liability policy, and suggested he order a whiskey neat instead.
    Yeah, I figured the venue refused. It's was unexpected though, since the bride and groom love their shots!
    I actually have no idea if it was available at the bar. I never asked...I just drank my whiskey. If I have champagne, it's only during the toast. The few other weddings I've been to, the waiters have always asked me if I'd like champagne, so I guess that's just what I'm used to. Maybe my slight judgement was unwarranted. I may have also been annoyed at the bar not having Coke...I mean seriously no one drinks Jack and Pepsi!
    You know what? I'm just going to judge the bar.
    Sometimes venues have contracts with the vendors. I know my venue only allowed Pepsi products since they had a contract with Pepsi. It was disappointing since I'm a Coke girl, but I was happy enough with everything else about the venue that I wasn't going to let beverage brand get in the way.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    mysticl
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    adk19 said:

    ETA: an excerpt from their wedding website.  *sigh*

    Additional Information

    Cocktail Hour: 5:00pm
    Dinner: 6:00pm
    Dance: 7:30pm - midnight 


    The fact that it is worded "dance" gives me the vibe that this is a tiered reception too.  Most a holes that come on these boards defending it tend to call it the "dance portion" or something like that.  Good for you declining this mess.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • I'm not bothered by about 90% of the things that bother the masses, but as I've said before, charge me for a soda and I WILL INVOICE YOUR ASS! Also, make me play Jeopardy at your wedding and I will probably make loud snoring noises. Because, seriously?
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm not bothered by about 90% of the things that bother the masses, but as I've said before, charge me for a soda and I WILL INVOICE YOUR ASS! Also, make me play Jeopardy at your wedding and I will probably make loud snoring noises. Because, seriously?
    I am with you on this. If your budget is so strict you can't provide SODA, cut out something else. We picked up sodas at the grocery store the week of our wedding- for 8-packs of 8 oz cans, they were 2 for $5. At the same store, 2-liter bottles were 4 for $5. Seriously, cut SOMETHING OUT but I will slice you if I have to pay for a damn diet coke.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:
    I've mentioned in another thread that I'm bringing back the TY note in my family.  I have started writing TY notes for everything; when my aunt and uncle hosted a bunch of family members for the weekend of Grampa's funeral, when Gramma mailed me dollar coins from Grampa's coin collection, and I'll probably send one after our friends host us at a lunch this weekend.  I'm bringing them back.

    Also, I'm INCREDIBLY annoyed that I haven't gotten a TY note from my cousin.  Her wedding is tomorrow, but I shipped her a gift back in June.  She probably opened it at her shower over July 4th weekend, and I still have no idea if she received it.  If I had gotten a TY note, she would be getting a second gift from me for her wedding gift (the first being a shower gift), but since I've yet to discover if she's appreciative or not, she gets nothing more from me.
    I gave my cousin a wedding gift in April ($100) and I still haven't gotten a thank you. Add to that, she came to my wedding last week and didn't bring a gift. Not that I care that much, since I know gifts are optional, but it annoys me that she hasn't acknowledged mine or reciprocated. I got married a week ago and my thank you cards are about 90% done. I aim to have them finished this week.

    They don't take THAT LONG, people!
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    ladybird29[Deleted User]
  • DH and I went a wedding for a friend of his two years ago. We bought a gift of assorted kitchen items from their registry and spent $250. No thank you note was ever received. DH even brought it up by asking if they received our gift and his friend said they had and used the items routinely. We still talk about it and are annoyed. They sent us a wedding gift prior to the wedding and I mailed them a thank you note 2 days later. People notice and people care.
    image
    jenijoykindianaalum
  • DH was in a wedding about 10 years ago where we were split due to the head table and there was a cash bar for everything. However the wedding party had anything they wanted for free.

    You can bet that people at our table were talking about the rudeness of charging for a diet Coke but we didn't tell the couple and DH had no clue since anything he wanted was free. We really like the friends but I still remember that it was shitty 10 years later.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I went to a wedding with a cash bar and a dollar dance. I want to another reception that was basically a potlock at a park. I also never received a thank you note for any of the gifts I've given either. None of these times did I judge our hosts or think they were being rude or any of these horrible things. Why should I? Seriously, I'm not so entitled that I think that just because I'm a guest that suddenly the bride and groom have tons of money to spend on me. They invited me to share their enjoyment with them, to laugh and dance and take pictures and I had a blast. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to be offended and sometimes I wonder if the only reason so many people DO get offended over these things is because they read about it so much here and realize it's not proper etiquette when in reality the wedding isn't even about them and they need to get over it. 
    AroundTheBlock
  • falsarafalsara Northside of Chicago member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I went to a wedding with a cash bar and a dollar dance. I want to another reception that was basically a potlock at a park. I also never received a thank you note for any of the gifts I've given either. None of these times did I judge our hosts or think they were being rude or any of these horrible things. Why should I? Seriously, I'm not so entitled that I think that just because I'm a guest that suddenly the bride and groom have tons of money to spend on me. They invited me to share their enjoyment with them, to laugh and dance and take pictures and I had a blast. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to be offended and sometimes I wonder if the only reason so many people DO get offended over these things is because they read about it so much here and realize it's not proper etiquette when in reality the wedding isn't even about them and they need to get over it. 

    I don't believe that's true, yes the ceremony is about the bride and groom, however the reception is given as a "Thank You" to the guests who took the time to come and support the couple.  Many people are not offended by couples improperly hosting them, but they do think that there were other ways for the couple to orchestrate the event, so that people were hosted correctly.  A lot of guests spend lots of money to show up at weddings, and many of them do give gifts to the couple, even though the giving of a gift is optional.  Considering that this is the case, many people do not believe it is proper etiquette to make your guests pay for things like drinks or food.  Also potluck receptions are very difficult for those guests who come from out of town, and who don't have a kitchen in their hotel room to make a potluck item.

    Many people don't get offended, but they can feel a little put out by having to open their wallets for something as simple as a soda, after they may have spent close to a grand to show up to support the couple.  It is then that people start talking about how inconvenient it is for a guest who shelled out so much money also has to pay for something as simple as a drink.  This where the friends of the couple judge them about their choices.  the title of this thread contains the word judging not Offending

                                               

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    MGPJCbride2015PrettyGirlLost
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I went to a wedding with a cash bar and a dollar dance. I want to another reception that was basically a potlock at a park. I also never received a thank you note for any of the gifts I've given either. None of these times did I judge our hosts or think they were being rude or any of these horrible things. Why should I? Seriously, I'm not so entitled that I think that just because I'm a guest that suddenly the bride and groom have tons of money to spend on me. They invited me to share their enjoyment with them, to laugh and dance and take pictures and I had a blast. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to be offended and sometimes I wonder if the only reason so many people DO get offended over these things is because they read about it so much here and realize it's not proper etiquette when in reality the wedding isn't even about them and they need to get over it. 
    The bottom line for me is that when you host an event, you should put your guests' comfort first.  This doesn't mean you must have fancy food or an open bar.  But it does mean guests should not be hit up for money, either through the dollar dance, Honeyfunds, or a cash bar.  If alcohol isn't in the budget, just have a dry wedding.  Can't afford a honeymoon?  Wait and save up for it.  It's a celebration, not an ATM convention.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    PrettyGirlLost
  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    I tend to let most thing slides, but it is when the guests aren't properly hosted (like a cash bar) yet it is very clear that lots of money was spent on other things like ceiling drapery, lighting, flowers, dresses (especially multiple dresses for the bride!) that I get irked. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Since you can be a good host at any budget I have always and will continue to judge poor hosts.

    I will admit my parents are well off.   I learned how to be a good host from them.   They also learned how to be good hosts from their own parents.  All of which where from the depression era and poor to middle class.   I would say my maternal grandparents never made it up to middle class.   My paternal grandparents were firmly middle class.

    There was no such thing as being "invited to bring a dish" or being "invited to a cash bar".  On hell no.  Guests were the first through the food line, they were the ones who got the best seats,  they never had to lift a finger or open an wallet.   It didn't matter if it was a wedding or just at home party.  Guests were always, always, always taken good care of.

    I'm not saying that some very close family members and/or friends wouldn't OFFER to help with something.  The key word is OFFERED and that number was very small and limited to your sister or something.    For example, my aunt offered to make a salad for my sister's bridal shower. I took her up on the offer.  However, I did not send out invites to my other aunts and guests to bring a dish also.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    pinkshorts27Liatris2010PrettyGirlLost
  • I went to a wedding with a cash bar and a dollar dance. I want to another reception that was basically a potlock at a park. I also never received a thank you note for any of the gifts I've given either. None of these times did I judge our hosts or think they were being rude or any of these horrible things. Why should I? Seriously, I'm not so entitled that I think that just because I'm a guest that suddenly the bride and groom have tons of money to spend on me. They invited me to share their enjoyment with them, to laugh and dance and take pictures and I had a blast. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to be offended and sometimes I wonder if the only reason so many people DO get offended over these things is because they read about it so much here and realize it's not proper etiquette when in reality the wedding isn't even about them and they need to get over it. 
    I've been to weddings with cash bars too. When I was too young to buy alcohol they didn't bother me either. Then I got older and they did. The first wedding I went to as an adult that I had to pay for a soda, that literally cost pennies to the venue, and they charged $5 I will judge the B&G. Why? Because that is something that should be hosted. I get and understand the cost of alcohol and not being able to host that. But soda? That stuff is cheap and easily hosted. That would be like having salad, but not having any salad dressing. 

    As for the bolded, once you include other people in the wedding, i.e. invite guests, it is about them and their comfort and the do not need to get "over it." The B&G need to realize its not all about ME ME ME and make sure their guests are well taken care of. How do I know this? I took care of my guests followed the advice of the ladies on the Knot (again thank you!) and I still hear from them about how wonderful it was. ExH had his wedding where guests had to pay to enter the park, bring their lawn chair, were expected to help clean up afterwards, invite included honey fund info, etc. Mutual friends told me all about this and declined to go, I even saw their invite from one close friend. My kids were late coming home because they had to stay late to clean, dad was pissed because guests didn't stay to help clean (their words). 

    So yeah I guess your guests can get over it, or they may get over you and drop you as a friend. I know exH lost a few friends because of what he did. You can't expect to be rude and not pay the consequences of it. 
    downtondivaPrettyGirlLost
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Hi! Sorry to randomly resurrect this post but I needed to vent, and also agree with OP! This board has helped me so much, and I think it’s the best thing for a bride or groom to be to visit the etiquette board on TK.

    I’ve been to some weddings with pretty bad etiquette slips. Cash bar, dollar dances, gaps… but this one is hitting a few extra spots and it is coming from a good friend! And I’m in the thing!

    I love my old college roommate dearly. She got engaged around the holidays and asked me to be a BM for their Sept 2014 wedding. Shortly after the engagement, her FI left his job and didn’t have health insurance for a while. My friend and he decided to get married in a courthouse but only told close family and friends.

    They are still doing the Sept 2014 “wedding” including a full mass, vows, etc. I would say about half of their guests know they’re married and the other half do not. On top of that, her mother still threw a bridal shower a few weeks ago and the couple registered for it! My friend also asked me to plan the bachelorette party because her MOH (childhood best friend) was too busy. At first she was mentioning a weekend-long OOT party, but I had to let her know I didn’t have the funds to do such a thing. As it was, I wasn’t really thrilled that her MOH couldn’t do this, but I planned it anyway to be a good friend, and it ended up being a fun, yet casual night out.

    I didn’t realize this either until the shower came along but she some of her other bridesmaids doing little things here and there to help her (one doing programs, one helping with the hotel welcome bags, etc.). She picked out our BM dresses which were over $200 not including alterations, and ugly- though that’s besides the point.

    But wait there’s more! After we watch them say their fake vows in an hour-long mass that means nothing, we have to wait 3 hours before the cocktail hour starts. Awesome! And since I’m a BM, that means I get to take pictures/watch the B&G take pictures for hours while my lovely date/FI gets to sit by himself in a random bar in a strange town.

    It is, without any doubt, my dear friend’s PPD next month, and I have to stand by her with a smile plastered to my face all day and say not a peep about the etiquette no-nos she’s committing. Give me strength, knotties.  Xoxo

    PS--- Oh and the favors? B&G’s name and wedding date on koozies.

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    PrettyGirlLostthisismynickname2
  • I wonder if your friend has actually talked to her priest? I doubt any priest would perform this ceremony as they are already married. I assume you are talking about the Catholic Church and if that's the case they would actually need to have a convalidation and most priests will only do those if the couple had broken with their church but were seeking to return to the faith. She might be in a bit of a pickle there.

    MGPwrigleyville
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    IndyJane -- they have... their church is in a very touristy town where it's a fortune to get married. Their ceremony (with musicians) costs upwards of $1,000 so I'm thinking that you can be two devil-worshipers and still get married there if you're willing to pay the fee.
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  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    I wonder if your friend has actually talked to her priest? I doubt any priest would perform this ceremony as they are already married. I assume you are talking about the Catholic Church and if that's the case they would actually need to have a convalidation and most priests will only do those if the couple had broken with their church but were seeking to return to the faith. She might be in a bit of a pickle there.

    I said this in another thread but tons of Catholic Churchs do the convalidation for PPDs without many questions.

    image
  • I wonder if your friend has actually talked to her priest? I doubt any priest would perform this ceremony as they are already married. I assume you are talking about the Catholic Church and if that's the case they would actually need to have a convalidation and most priests will only do those if the couple had broken with their church but were seeking to return to the faith. She might be in a bit of a pickle there.

    I said this in another thread but tons of Catholic Churchs do the convalidation for PPDs without many questions.
    I think so too. The Catholics belief is that a marriage doesn't count unless it is in a catholic church. I can get married 100 times in a courthouse, and still get married in a catholic church BUT if I ever get married in a catholic church, I can NEVER remarry in a catholic church again (unless it is annulled--which is hard to do).

    As a very religious person, the most important thing to ME was getting married in the church. The rest was just icing on the cake..

    so I PERSONALLY (and understand others wouldn't agree) would totally not sideeye somone who goes to courthouse gets married, and then still wants to get married in the catholic church so that the church recognizes their marriage.

    I am not for deceit of guests of course, but I don't sideye people who follow up with church masses as it is very important to many people.


    holyguacamole79
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I wonder if your friend has actually talked to her priest? I doubt any priest would perform this ceremony as they are already married. I assume you are talking about the Catholic Church and if that's the case they would actually need to have a convalidation and most priests will only do those if the couple had broken with their church but were seeking to return to the faith. She might be in a bit of a pickle there.

    I said this in another thread but tons of Catholic Churchs do the convalidation for PPDs without many questions.
    I think so too. The Catholics belief is that a marriage doesn't count unless it is in a catholic church. I can get married 100 times in a courthouse, and still get married in a catholic church BUT if I ever get married in a catholic church, I can NEVER remarry in a catholic church again (unless it is annulled--which is hard to do).

    As a very religious person, the most important thing to ME was getting married in the church. The rest was just icing on the cake..

    so I PERSONALLY (and understand others wouldn't agree) would totally not sideeye somone who goes to courthouse gets married, and then still wants to get married in the catholic church so that the church recognizes their marriage.

    I am not for deceit of guests of course, but I don't sideye people who follow up with church masses as it is very important to many people.



    There was a poster a while back who planned to do the courthouse wedding soon so that she and her S/O aren't "living in sin" and then follow up with a convalidation / PPD. I'd side-eye the shit out of that. I've personally never seen a convalidation that was PPD-ish. The one I attended was during the 11:00 Mass at our parish. She wore a lavender dress and he had a suit. It was very tasteful and appropriate.
    beharringtonOliveOilsMom




  • I wonder if your friend has actually talked to her priest? I doubt any priest would perform this ceremony as they are already married. I assume you are talking about the Catholic Church and if that's the case they would actually need to have a convalidation and most priests will only do those if the couple had broken with their church but were seeking to return to the faith. She might be in a bit of a pickle there.

    I said this in another thread but tons of Catholic Churchs do the convalidation for PPDs without many questions.

    I think so too. The Catholics belief is that a marriage doesn't count unless it is in a catholic church. I can get married 100 times in a courthouse, and still get married in a catholic church BUT if I ever get married in a catholic church, I can NEVER remarry in a catholic church again (unless it is annulled--which is hard to do).

    As a very religious person, the most important thing to ME was getting married in the church. The rest was just icing on the cake..

    so I PERSONALLY (and understand others wouldn't agree) would totally not sideeye somone who goes to courthouse gets married, and then still wants to get married in the catholic church so that the church recognizes their marriage.

    I am not for deceit of guests of course, but I don't sideye people who follow up with church masses as it is very important to many people.




    Some of what you b said I think isn't true. If you were married and divorced and then wanted a Catholic wedding to a different man, I think you'd still need an annulment. The Church believes that the marriage may not have been a Catholic Union but it presumes it was valid.
    OliveOilsMomholyguacamole79
  • We just went to a wedding where there was a dollar dance that went on for twenty minutes, a cash bar,champagne for only the newlyweds and their parents, and mismatched caked (the right people got the wedding cake which was different flavors and fillings, I got a hunk of yellow sheet cake).

    I wouldn't have been so miffed if they hadn't paid a LOT for a party bus for the wedding party, a candy bar, and fancy table linens. But at least the thank you card came quickly.

    My friend doesn't know this, but her wedding was so bad that it's the wedding I judge each and every other wedding off of. Yep, your friends really won't tell you how much your wedding sucked.
    hotel 45 minutes from church
    3-hour long gap where the guests were not allowed inside any buildings (and it was in the 90's)
    Tea, water, and lemonade were provided (kind of. The tea and lemonade were taken away right after dinner, and someone had to stay at the table at all times to keep staff from removing the water).
    Dry food that the staff kept trying to take away while I was still eating.
    "And guest" for unmarried people
    And I heard some things about the way she treated members of the bridal party. Yeesh.

    Her shower was better than the wedding. That same girl did some pretty damn rude shit at her MOH's wedding.
    I'm out.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We just went to a wedding where there was a dollar dance that went on for twenty minutes, a cash bar,champagne for only the newlyweds and their parents, and mismatched caked (the right people got the wedding cake which was different flavors and fillings, I got a hunk of yellow sheet cake).

    I wouldn't have been so miffed if they hadn't paid a LOT for a party bus for the wedding party, a candy bar, and fancy table linens. But at least the thank you card came quickly.

    My friend doesn't know this, but her wedding was so bad that it's the wedding I judge each and every other wedding off of. Yep, your friends really won't tell you how much your wedding sucked.
    hotel 45 minutes from church
    3-hour long gap where the guests were not allowed inside any buildings (and it was in the 90's)
    Tea, water, and lemonade were provided (kind of. The tea and lemonade were taken away right after dinner, and someone had to stay at the table at all times to keep staff from removing the water).
    Dry food that the staff kept trying to take away while I was still eating.
    "And guest" for unmarried people
    And I heard some things about the way she treated members of the bridal party. Yeesh.

    Her shower was better than the wedding. That same girl did some pretty damn rude shit at her MOH's wedding.
    First bolded:  Priorities, people! My God!  
    Second bolded: Can anyone in the service industry explain this phenomenon? I'm going to be really ticked off if our servers clear food before people are even finished eating.  When meals are perfectly timed you don't even notice, but when they're poorly timed, guests are left parched or to starve. 
    ________________________________




  • We just went to a wedding where there was a dollar dance that went on for twenty minutes, a cash bar,champagne for only the newlyweds and their parents, and mismatched caked (the right people got the wedding cake which was different flavors and fillings, I got a hunk of yellow sheet cake).

    I wouldn't have been so miffed if they hadn't paid a LOT for a party bus for the wedding party, a candy bar, and fancy table linens. But at least the thank you card came quickly.

    My friend doesn't know this, but her wedding was so bad that it's the wedding I judge each and every other wedding off of. Yep, your friends really won't tell you how much your wedding sucked.
    hotel 45 minutes from church
    3-hour long gap where the guests were not allowed inside any buildings (and it was in the 90's)
    Tea, water, and lemonade were provided (kind of. The tea and lemonade were taken away right after dinner, and someone had to stay at the table at all times to keep staff from removing the water).
    Dry food that the staff kept trying to take away while I was still eating.
    "And guest" for unmarried people
    And I heard some things about the way she treated members of the bridal party. Yeesh.

    Her shower was better than the wedding. That same girl did some pretty damn rude shit at her MOH's wedding.

    First bolded:  Priorities, people! My God!  
    Second bolded: Can anyone in the service industry explain this phenomenon? I'm going to be really ticked off if our servers clear food before people are even finished eating.  When meals are perfectly timed you don't even notice, but when they're poorly timed, guests are left parched or to starve. 


    Unless guests leave the table and their plate unattended this should not happen with even partially decent service staff. Water though sometimes gets cleared early after dinner but as long as the bar has water or the table has a pitcher it is normal not an issue.

    * observations based on my 2 years as a banquet captain*

  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    danamw said:

    I have not been to a wedding with a cash bar. If there was free soda I wouldn't care because I don't drink.

    But I am really a dinosaur when it comes to thank you notes. I don't even mind if they are not handwritten to me personally, mentioning my gift. I just want a small card to come in the mail, acknowledging my gift.

    I have been set straight by a lot of people 1. You give a gift out of love, and should not want thanks. 2. It is too time-consuming, expensive and PITA. 3. No one wants them. They get thrown in the trash immediately.

    Those are crap excuses for not writing a thank-you note. 
    1. Of course you give a gift out of love and don't need a thank-you but when you are giving a gift you say thank-you. It's rude not to. 
    2. Writing thank-you notes is not that hard, people took the time to pick out a gift you can take the time to write a note which probably takes less time than picking out the gift. 
    3. The thank-you note might get get thrown away but they are always appreciated

    **STUCK IN BOX**

    I actually KEEP thank you notes for a bit - I tack them on my fridge!
    I sent one to my FILs the weekend after FMIL did our engagement pics. It was a cute puppy-dog Hallmark card, nothing fancy. I did spend a fair chunk of time on the note itself, but the weekend had been a blast, FMIL had put a lot of thought, time, and money into making our pictures perfect, and they took us to a Mystery Dinner Theatre thing afterwards, so I felt a fair chunk of time was worth it to acknowledge the gratitude I had for their thoughtfulness. I expected them to maybe glance at it and then chuck it.

    Over a month later when we went to visit for a little while, that card was on their mantelpiece. I teared up a little.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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    birdybride2014[Deleted User]BrandNewJluckysnorkel
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