Long story short: I live on one end of the country, my mom on another end, and my FI, most of our family and all our friends live smack dab in the middle. Because of this, we chose smack dab in the middle for our wedding location. I knew when I chose to move out here that FI and I would probably get engaged soon and that I'd end up planning my wedding without any family or close friends around, and I was fine with that - it's nobody else's deal but mine and FIs. Once we got engaged, I just assumed that because of logistics nobody would offer to throw me a shower or anything, and again, I was fine with that. That's part of the package when you move so far from home.
Shortly after FI and I got engaged my mom talked to me and said that she'd been talking to my grandma and aunt about throwing me a shower a few weeks before the wedding. It would be held at my grandma's house, and the plan was that both my mom and I would fly in for the weekend to have the shower and take care of a few other wedding things. Cool. I was really excited and so grateful my grandma wanted to host.
Two weeks ago the invitations were sent out. This week I started looking at plane tickets, and eesh. They are so high. Back when I accepted the shower, it was totally within my budget to fly out there. But two of my best friend's got married in July and I had to fly for both of them, and between the two weddings I easily spend $2,000. FI and I are also paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves (my parents kindly gave us some money to use how we wish) and are trying to save to buy a house, etc. With all of this taken into consideration, it's REALLY not in my budget to fly back there again for the shower. I realize I should have worked this out before the invitations were sent out - stupid me! (They were sent out during one of the other two wedding trips, so I was distracted and not really thinking). I talked to my mom a little bit and she was basically like "Do what you have to do but this is very embarrassing for your grandmother and aunt and what are you going to do if they've already been planning ..."
My plan is to call my grandmother and aunt and apologize profusely, explain the situation, and offer to repay them for any items they've purchased for the shower that cannot be returned. I also will offer to contact each guest myself to tell them that it's MY fault and nobody else's. I know that FMIL especially is going to be bummed/pissed, and telling all of FI's family in general will be super awkward, but I'm prepared to do this because I know I have to deal with the consequences of my screw ups.
Any thoughts? Any thing I should be approaching differently?
Re: Cancelling my Bridal Shower
If not, I make sure to exhaust every possible airline around you - I'd probably even look at the super discount ones before cancelling. I would also look at whether something like the train, bus or that Megabus thing would also get you there. I would only cancel if you can't drastically reduce the cost of the ticket.
Doing this will give you a reputation as an inconsiderate jerk who puts family last. Is that really what you want?
How did you not already plan for the weekend off from work? So you can't really add the lost income in because you were planning on attending. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you screwed up and I think that you need to make it work now (meaning you need to be at the shower.)
Planning a shower for someone takes a lot of effort and energy and love and to cancel last minute would be hurtful. Use a credit card if necessary...
Lolo said it perfectly. Your friends and family members have budgeted time and money to attend your shower. The shower invitations have gone out, FFS. You should do what it takes to get there. Get a credit card, charge your plane fare and pay it off to build credit.
Personally, I do have a CC that I just put gas on and pay off each month, but I do understand that if someone feels like they can't control their spending with that card burning a whole in their pocket, they might want to stay away from it completely.
Seriously? I absolutely wasn't. I'll be the first to admit I should have planned better for the circumstance. Some unexpected expenses and extra time off came up between when the shower was scheduled and the shower that threw me off, but in no way would I ever accept a shower planning to bail on it.