How much is too much to ask bridesmaids to pay?

Re: How much is too much to ask bridesmaids to pay?

• lc07 member

  

  August 2014

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  So I am having slight money tensions with one of my bridesmaids and I was just wondering if maybe what I was expecting was way off base, so I thought I'd get some input here.  First of all, obviously I know my bridesmaids' finances much better than y'all do, but bear with me.  I guess I was just coming here wondering if there is any sort of "norm" for how much bridesmaids stuff should cost, total.  

  
  

  The dress I picked was $300.  The shoes are $50.  The jewelry (necklace and earrings) is $34.  I obviously did not straight-up ask my bridesmaids how much money they have in the bank accounts so I can't say for certain whether or not this was realistic to ask of them (I am not asking them to pay for anything beyond those three things, so that is the sum-total of their financial "responsibility" towards this wedding).  As far as I know, we are all relatively in the same situation financially at this point in our lives, so I based my choices on what I thought would be fair for me to pay for someone else's wedding.  Also please note, I never presented anything as "OMG I'm in love with this y'all have to get it".  We everything I picked, I asked them to message or call me if they had any concerns with the price.  Needless to say, no one did, and yet here with are and I'm now finding out one of my maids was not happy with how much the dress cost and is being very difficult about purchasing the accessories.  

  
  

  So just curious- have I way overstepped some unspoken rule about how much these things should cost?  Lay it on me- what's done is done (the dresses are ordered so no going back on this one) and I feel a little miffed that my bridesmaid is now being snarky when she had plenty of opportunities to be a mature adult and straight-up tell me what I was asking was not doable for her, so I'm just wondering if I'm justified in feeling that way. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  OMG THE BOX TK!!!!

  
  

  The appropriate thing to do is to ask each bridesmaid privately what her budget is for a dress. Then, you shop within the budget of the person who's number was lowest. 

  
  

  If specify shoes and accessories required they are paid by you.

  
  

  You say that you know your BMs finances, but then that you don't. You are assuming. Trust me, even if you are my BFF you have NO CLUE what my debt or weekly expenses for medication, other healthcare, college loans, IRA savings etc. are. 

  
  

  And no, the fact that I just took a vacation does not mean that I have money coming out my wa-zoo. My dad just paid for me to go on a vacation and the reasons for that are no one's business.

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  Oh no I would never reproach one of them for other things they chose to prioritize spending over my wedding, that's not an issue here.  Also I didn't say I definitively KNOW their finances, I said "as far as I know" their finances are similar to mine... and I completely agree that what I was assuming could be way off base.  

  
  

  I did ask the bridesmaids up front what price range we were looking at and all around got a response of "let's look at dresses first and go from there".  This is the first wedding in our social group so going in my bridesmaids had just as little idea of what these sorts of things cost and I believe that's why they wanted to see what was out there rather than giving me a hard budget.  And like I said, I did say once we found that particular dress (and all others we were considering), to please let me know if they had any concerns about the cost.  

  
  

  I had always heard that the only thing it was acceptable to expect bridesmaids to pay for is their attire for the day, so I thought that included the accessories and shoes.  I suppose this may be the sort of thing where their are different definitions of what "attire" includes... but perhaps I committed a faux pas on that count.  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  August 2014

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  Oh no I would never reproach one of them for other things they chose to prioritize spending over my wedding, that's not an issue here.  Also I didn't say I definitively KNOW their finances, I said "as far as I know" their finances are similar to mine... and I completely agree that what I was assuming could be way off base.  

  
  

  I did ask the bridesmaids up front what price range we were looking at and all around got a response of "let's look at dresses first and go from there".  This is the first wedding in our social group so going in my bridesmaids had just as little idea of what these sorts of things cost and I believe that's why they wanted to see what was out there rather than giving me a hard budget.  And like I said, I did say once we found that particular dress (and all others we were considering), to please let me know if they had any concerns about the cost.  

  
  

  I had always heard that the only thing it was acceptable to expect bridesmaids to pay for is their attire for the day, so I thought that included the accessories and shoes.  I suppose this may be the sort of thing where their are different definitions of what "attire" includes... but perhaps I committed a faux pas on that count.  

  No one will notice their shoes and jewelry and frankly shoes are super personal and therefore picking a specific one is likely to be uncomfortable for some, most, or even all of your bridesmaids. If they haven't yet purchased these things, tell them they do not have to and can wear whatever jewelry and shoes they would like.

  
  

  Also $300 is ridiculously high for a bridesmaid dress that one will likely never wear again. But again, your mistake was not getting numbers individually beforehand (and 'these sorts of things' can cost as much or as little as one wants to spend--you don't have to go to a bridal salon; some of my bridesmaids got their dresses from department stores) because by going shopping and picking a dress, all of them are going to of course feel pressured to agree even if they don't want to spend that much.

  
  

  Can you afford to assist with the price at all?

  

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  I have the money to pay for all of those things, but I think those prices are absurd for a dress I'd never wear again and stuff YOU picked out. You are being extremely inconsiderate of your bridesmaids. You should care what their opinion is.

  
  

  Also, "let's look" means looking together, not just you picking all this crap and sending them a bill. 

  
  

  The only thing you can require is the dress and mild direction in shoes. Don't pick their own shoes... ever tried on an adorable pair that just hurt your feet? It's bound to happen when you pick someone elses shoes and seriously, no one will notice matching jewelry. PS- jewelry is a really crappy bridesmaids gift. 

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• lilacck28 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  I believe two of my bridesmaids bought their dress (navy shift dress, short, scalloped hem) at marshall's for $20. The other bought her very similar dress (scalloped at hem and neck/ arms) from JCrew on sale  for $80. The average bridesmaid dress price seems to be in the $100-200 range, but obviously much lower than that is easy to find (as is much higher). 

  
  

  $300 is a lot for a bridesmaids dress. And I say this coming from a wealthy area. I have a lovely Diane Von Furstenberg dress that I bought for myself for $400, but I would never expect my bridesmaids to pay for something like that when they didn't get to really pick it for themselves. (ETA: And I would NOT want to shell out that amount of money for a dress to be in anyone else's wedding either!) But what's done is done. Your bridesmaids bought their dresses. 

  
  

  What you CAN change is your error regarding accessories. So, just call them up and say "never-mind guys, buy whatever shoes and jewelry you want. Or no jewelry. Definitely wear some shoes though " You can give a little guidance with shoes though, like giving them an easy to find color, like silver or black or nude. 

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  Agree with PPs. Your first step should have been to privately ask each member of your party what she was willing to spend. But since that ship has sailed, you're left trying to adjust any other spending. Apologize for having an All-Powerful Bride Moment and change what you can. If you want specific shoes or jewelry, buy them yourself for them. (And not as a gift.) If not, let go of those things matching and let everyone wear shoes they already own in some neutral color and jewelry they already have (no one will notice or care).
  
  I personally would not spend $300 on a bridesmaids dress. And while I might spend $50 on shoes and $34 on jewelry, I would only do that if they were things I would get a lot of use out of in a variety of ways. And while that's not a lot of money to "save" your bridesmaids compared to the $300 dollar dress, it's something.
  
  ETA: Paragraphs. 
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  August 2014

  The etiquette for this situation is this:

  
  

  - ask each BM privately for their budget for a DRESS (not shoes, not jewelry)

  - take the lowest budget and find a dress UNDER that budget (some may need alterations, etc.)

  
  

  If you require certain types of shoes/jewelry/accessories/hair/nails/make-up, you offer to pay for it/provide it. BMs can always say "no thanks, I have my own shoes/necklace" or "no thanks, I'd like to do my own hair/nails/make-up".

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  artbyallie said:

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  Oh no I would never reproach one of them for other things they chose to prioritize spending over my wedding, that's not an issue here.  Also I didn't say I definitively KNOW their finances, I said "as far as I know" their finances are similar to mine... and I completely agree that what I was assuming could be way off base.  

  
  

  I did ask the bridesmaids up front what price range we were looking at and all around got a response of "let's look at dresses first and go from there".  This is the first wedding in our social group so going in my bridesmaids had just as little idea of what these sorts of things cost and I believe that's why they wanted to see what was out there rather than giving me a hard budget.  And like I said, I did say once we found that particular dress (and all others we were considering), to please let me know if they had any concerns about the cost.  

  
  

  I had always heard that the only thing it was acceptable to expect bridesmaids to pay for is their attire for the day, so I thought that included the accessories and shoes.  I suppose this may be the sort of thing where their are different definitions of what "attire" includes... but perhaps I committed a faux pas on that count.  

  No one will notice their shoes and jewelry and frankly shoes are super personal and therefore picking a specific one is likely to be uncomfortable for some, most, or even all of your bridesmaids. If they haven't yet purchased these things, tell them they do not have to and can wear whatever jewelry and shoes they would like.

  
  

  Also $300 is ridiculously high for a bridesmaid dress that one will likely never wear again. But again, your mistake was not getting numbers individually beforehand (and 'these sorts of things' can cost as much or as little as one wants to spend--you don't have to go to a bridal salon; some of my bridesmaids got their dresses from department stores) because by going shopping and picking a dress, all of them are going to of course feel pressured to agree even if they don't want to spend that much.

  
  

  Can you afford to assist with the price at all?

  Woah woah, give me some benefit of the doubt people :P!  We did all of our shopping (for dresses, shoes, whatever) online and with everyone pulling ideas of what they liked- the dress I went with was one that one of the bridesmaids found.  So this definitely WAS NOT a case of, as one other poster said, "I picked all this crap and sent them a bill."  It was a collaborative effort done over the course of weeks and I specifically chose to do this online specifically to avoid an issue of anyone having in-store pressure to agree to something in the moment.

  
  

  And to reiterate one more time, I DID ask them all privately and individually what their budget was and across the board no one gave me a straight answer other than to say "let's just see what's out there and find something we all like".  So I don't really feel it's my fault that I didn't have any hard numbers to work with...

  
  

  But to answer your question, yes I can afford to help out with the cost of the dresses- I actually purchased the dress myself for bridesmaid in question (with the expectation that she pay me back)... I just wish if it were out of her budget she had just said something!  We're all supposed to be adults here and I find it strange that she couldn't simply say "We need to look for something less expensive", especially given all the opportunities I gave her to do so.

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  RebeccaFlower said:

  I have the money to pay for all of those things, but I think those prices are absurd for a dress I'd never wear again and stuff YOU picked out. You are being extremely inconsiderate of your bridesmaids. You should care what their opinion is.

  
  

  Also, "let's look" means looking together, not just you picking all this crap and sending them a bill. 

  
  

  The only thing you can require is the dress and mild direction in shoes. Don't pick their own shoes... ever tried on an adorable pair that just hurt your feet? It's bound to happen when you pick someone elses shoes and seriously, no one will notice matching jewelry. PS- jewelry is a really crappy bridesmaids gift. 

  I don't really agree that I am being inconsiderate and I think that's a bit presumptuous of you to say, though maybe I didn't provide all the relevant info up front so I will take the blame for that one.  Picking the dress was completely collaborative and I solicited their input at every step of the process.  I did it online so that no one would feel pressured in store/in person to agree to something and asked at multiple different points for all of my bridesmaids to privately share any concerns about their budget with me.  So I feel I've been extremely considerate on that count at least.  

  
  

  That being said, the overwhelming response here seems to be that I shouldn't have asked them to buy shoes and jewelry, which luckily no one has purchased yet so I can still address that issue.  That was on me for not knowing, so my bad!

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  JaxInBlue said:

  Agree with PPs. Your first step should have been to privately ask each member of your party what she was willing to spend. But since that ship has sailed, you're left trying to adjust any other spending. Apologize for having an All-Powerful Bride Moment and change what you can. If you want specific shoes or jewelry, buy them yourself for them. (And not as a gift.) If not, let go of those things matching and let everyone wear shoes they already own in some neutral color and jewelry they already have (no one will notice or care).
  
  I personally would not spend $300 on a bridesmaids dress. And while I might spend $50 on shoes and $34 on jewelry, I would only do that if they were things I would get a lot of use out of in a variety of ways. And while that's not a lot of money to "save" your bridesmaids compared to the $300 dollar dress, it's something.
  
  ETA: Paragraphs. 
  

  Appreciate your advice but I definitely don't think I have anything to apologize for here.  As I stated, I did ask them for their personal budgets, to no avail.  So that was my first step, and even subsequently I asked multiple times for more input in terms of the cost... so I definitely was not having "an all powerful bride moment".  Yeesh, people really seem to assume the worst on here!  So let's just take my word for it that I was being extremely considerate throughout the process, with the exception of two points:

  
  

  1. I didn't realize that it is considered inappropriate to include jewelry and shoes in the "attire" that is required to be purchased and will rectify that by offering to buy it for them, if they would like (for the record, they all seemed to assume from the get-go that these things would match).

  
  

  2.  I didn't realize that apparently $300 is considered a lot for this kind of purchase.  

  
  

  I wouldn't say either of those are really examples of not being considerate so much as not knowing the norms.  But now I know!

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• manateehugger member

  

  August 2014

  
  

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  JaxInBlue said:

  Agree with PPs. Your first step should have been to privately ask each member of your party what she was willing to spend. But since that ship has sailed, you're left trying to adjust any other spending. Apologize for having an All-Powerful Bride Moment and change what you can. If you want specific shoes or jewelry, buy them yourself for them. (And not as a gift.) If not, let go of those things matching and let everyone wear shoes they already own in some neutral color and jewelry they already have (no one will notice or care).
  
  I personally would not spend $300 on a bridesmaids dress. And while I might spend $50 on shoes and $34 on jewelry, I would only do that if they were things I would get a lot of use out of in a variety of ways. And while that's not a lot of money to "save" your bridesmaids compared to the $300 dollar dress, it's something.
  
  ETA: Paragraphs. 
  

  Appreciate your advice but I definitely don't think I have anything to apologize for here.  As I stated, I did ask them for their personal budgets, to no avail.  So that was my first step, and even subsequently I asked multiple times for more input in terms of the cost... so I definitely was not having "an all powerful bride moment".  Yeesh, people really seem to assume the worst on here!  So let's just take my word for it that I was being extremely considerate throughout the process, with the exception of two points:

  
  

  1. I didn't realize that it is considered inappropriate to include jewelry and shoes in the "attire" that is required to be purchased and will rectify that by offering to buy it for them, if they would like (for the record, they all seemed to assume from the get-go that these things would match).

  
  

  2.  I didn't realize that apparently $300 is considered a lot for this kind of purchase.  

  
  

  I wouldn't say either of those are really examples of not being considerate so much as not knowing the norms.  But now I know!

  1. Push back and tell them you at least need a "I'd like to spend less than $X" number. I've told the bride budget wasn't an issue before because I was too nervous to be the one who couldn't afford the dress. Just gently push back and say it's important to you to get a number.
  
  2. Matching shoes and jewelry is a waste of everyone's time and money because no one cares. Specify a basic shoe color or buy their shoes for them.
  
  3. $300 is studpidly expensive for a bridesmaid dress that will likely never be reworn. Can I ask what designer you are looking at? Chances are you could find a similar dress in the same fabric for half the price. If you expect me to pay $300 for some polyester blend I will never wear again, I will judge you. Seriously - what is this dress?
  

  

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• lilacck28 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  @ElizabethAdeline91

  
  

  I'm glad you're going to switch your stance on jewelry and shoes! I think your bridesmaids will very much appreciate that, especially the ones who know etiquette. Good on you for admitting mistakes. We all make them. 

  
  

  I just had a bit of a run around with my bridesmaids about matching/ pricing as well. It can be difficult to hammer out how everyone feels, but PP are correct: a little more "really, tell me what you want to stay under. $300? $150? $50?" usually gets the job done. And I'm sorry one of your bridesmaids was not upfront with you. 

  
  

  ps- if that is your full name, I would change your screen name. internet safety and all that. 

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  Don't worry, not my full name! And yes, if I could go back in time I would definitely have tried to push back more to get a more definite answer but alas, I guess I just took them too much at their word that they didn't have any set budget in mind. To answer PDKH- the dress is from weddingtonway. One of the secondary reasons I chose to try to purchase online was because my main color is burnt orange, and it was very difficult for me to find dresses in that color in stores. It's a dupioni silk dress and in my opinion is highly wearable again- all my bridesmaids look great in/have expressed great enthusiasm for the color, and other than that it's a super simple dress (strapless, sweetheart neckline, knee-length). But of course, the re-wearability is always to some degree a matter of opinion. I don't really know how to say this without sounding rich and snobby, which none of us are, but this is a group of girls who loves Lilly Pulitzer and Diane Von Furstenberg... so the average sun dress or shift dress that we buy probably costs $200... which I think is why $300 for a special occasion dress didn't seem absurd to me. But you all are right, there's a difference between spending money on something you picked out versus something you didn't, regardless of whether or not you had input in the decision.

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• lilacck28 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  Yeah, two of my bridesmaids wear Lily Pulltizer and Jcrew and DVF etc etc etc on the regular (one of them is, through family, totally rich, and she's doing quite well with her own income. Though, she is sheltered enough to not realize it--she's the one wearing a marshall's dress!, the other one is not wealthy, solidly in the middle, but has expensive taste and spends her budget on clothes she loves) But they did not want to spend more than $150 for a bridesmaid dress, because that just isn't on their terms, even though all I really did was pick a color and length. And I completely understood. Also... I know there are wealthy people who do NOT want to spend their money on clothes or cars, let alone on a dress that's basically for someone else. 

  
  

  Anyway, it's all done. Good luck with your wedding! 
  

  
  

  
  

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  August 2014

  Okay, so let's back track then... Go to your BMs and tell that that you really need a solid figure to look for bridesmaids dresses. I know I might spend more if I love something, but you need to have a general idea (within like $50). 

  
  

  That said, I still think in any world that $300 for a bridesmaids dress they will likely never wear again is absurd. 

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• mysticl member

  

  August 2014

  It could be that the price didn't hit her until she totaled everything up.  She may have had a sudden change in her financial situation.  She may have found out what alterations will cost.  The alterations for the last wedding I was in were over $100 and that was for a hem and to take in the dress a little.  Nothing fancy.  

  

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  RebeccaFlower said:

  Okay, so let's back track then... Go to your BMs and tell that that you really need a solid figure to look for bridesmaids dresses. I know I might spend more if I love something, but you need to have a general idea (within like $50). 

  
  

  That said, I still think in any world that $300 for a bridesmaids dress they will likely never wear again is absurd. 

  
  

  AAH I can't get out of the box!  But anyway, sorry if it wasn't clear from my previous posts- the dresses are already ordered so there's really nothing to do about it now.  I mean, I guess I could say "lesson learned" but then again, this is a lesson I will hopefully never have need to apply again :P.

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  I'd like to remind you that you asked if you had overstepped and requested that we give it to you straight. Not that we wouldn't do that anyway.

  1. You should have insisted the bms each give you a figure. But they didn't. Each chose dresses they liked. You should have gone with the least expensive choice and then asked for a yeah or ney and not moved forward until you got answers from everyone. If you want to make it right, offer to offset the cost of the dresses you have ordered. Pay the difference between the lowest cost dress and the $300 dress.

  2.Each bm is responsible for her own attire. That doesn't mean the bride gets to choose all the accessories. Pick a neutral colored shoe and tell the bms to pick their own. That gives them control over the cost and comfort factors. I have never heard of a bride requesting bms purchase jewelry (and I've known a few ridiculously demanding brides.) In my experience, brides that wanted matching jewelry paid for it. And that doesn't count as part of their attendants gift.

    3. I'm not one to talk about my personal finances. So my dearest friends and family members would never know if money is tight for me. I do the best I can and don't complain. So don't assume your bms are in the same position as you. $300 is a lot of money to spend on a dress that will be worn once.

  4. Other things bms shouldn't be required to pay for: professional hair and makeup, mani-pedis, bp and shower. For many brides, their own wedding will be the first they are involved with, so mistakes are made. It's great that you're open to suggestions from the community.

                     

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  August 2014

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  RebeccaFlower said:

  Okay, so let's back track then... Go to your BMs and tell that that you really need a solid figure to look for bridesmaids dresses. I know I might spend more if I love something, but you need to have a general idea (within like $50). 

  
  

  That said, I still think in any world that $300 for a bridesmaids dress they will likely never wear again is absurd. 

  
  

  AAH I can't get out of the box!  But anyway, sorry if it wasn't clear from my previous posts- the dresses are already ordered so there's really nothing to do about it now.  I mean, I guess I could say "lesson learned" but then again, this is a lesson I will hopefully never have need to apply again :P.

  Good grief darling, you keep leaving out seriously pertinent information from your posts. Why are you asking now if the dresses are already ordered? 

  
  

  I absolutely think you need to buy the shoes. Seriously, skip the jewelry. Matchy matchy bridesmaids looks very 1980s and jewelry YOU for YOUR wedding picked is a crappy bridesmaid gift. 

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• lilacck28 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  @rebeccaflower

  
  

   I think it was pretty clear that they had already been ordered. A few posters (including myself) even mentioned that. 

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• BMoreBride6 member

  

  August 2014

  
  

  mysticl said:

  It could be that the price didn't hit her until she totaled everything up.  She may have had a sudden change in her financial situation.  She may have found out what alterations will cost.  The alterations for the last wedding I was in were over $100 and that was for a hem and to take in the dress a little.  Nothing fancy.  

  This.  I bought a dress for my best friend's wedding.  We all went and picked them out together, but we did it in a group so I felt a bit akward saying the dress everyone loved was a bit more than I was thinking.  But I could afford it so it was ok and I really loved the dress.  Come to find out of I was pregnant (will be 7 months by the time of the wedding).  I had to order the dress in an extra length which they charged WAY too much for but it was my only option.  I also had to order it really big because this is my first child and when we ordered I wasn't showing yet so I had NO idea how big I would get.  Now I have the dress and will need some serious alterations.  All in all the extra length and alterations have added about $150 extra to the already pricy dress.  This was no one's fault, but keep in mind, the original sticker price is probably not what they will end up paying in the end.
  
  Also, although they are not required, they may elect to throw you a shower and/or bachlorette party which will be more money sent.  Again, this is completely optional for them, but I honestly think maybe she didn't realize the extra expenses she would incur by the end of everything. 
  
  And for the record, the friend who's wedding I bought the dress for would have let me show up in a burlap sack if it meant I could be in the wedding. 
  

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  ElizabethAdeline91 said:

  So I am having slight money tensions with one of my bridesmaids and I was just wondering if maybe what I was expecting was way off base, so I thought I'd get some input here.  First of all, obviously I know my bridesmaids' finances much better than y'all do, but bear with me.  I guess I was just coming here wondering if there is any sort of "norm" for how much bridesmaids stuff should cost, total.  

  
  

  The dress I picked was $300.  The shoes are $50.  The jewelry (necklace and earrings) is $34.  I obviously did not straight-up ask my bridesmaids how much money they have in the bank accounts so I can't say for certain whether or not this was realistic to ask of them (I am not asking them to pay for anything beyond those three things, so that is the sum-total of their financial "responsibility" towards this wedding).  As far as I know, we are all relatively in the same situation financially at this point in our lives, so I based my choices on what I thought would be fair for me to pay for someone else's wedding.  Also please note, I never presented anything as "OMG I'm in love with this y'all have to get it".  We everything I picked, I asked them to message or call me if they had any concerns with the price.  Needless to say, no one did, and yet here with are and I'm now finding out one of my maids was not happy with how much the dress cost and is being very difficult about purchasing the accessories.  

  
  

  So just curious- have I way overstepped some unspoken rule about how much these things should cost?  Lay it on me- what's done is done (the dresses are ordered so no going back on this one) and I feel a little miffed that my bridesmaid is now being snarky when she had plenty of opportunities to be a mature adult and straight-up tell me what I was asking was not doable for her, so I'm just wondering if I'm justified in feeling that way. 

  Lol yeah I did actually state this in the original post, but I understand how sometimes you're just skimming through and overlook something!

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• RebeccaFlower member

  

  August 2014

  Okay, I suck at reading but I still think you handled this poorly. 

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  Umm okay that's a really constructive response...

  
  

  I feel like I've owned up to being off base with my expectation that bridesmaids were responsible for paying for all aspects of their attire (not just their dress) and have stated that I'm rectifying that.

  
  

  I have also already stated that in retrospect I should have demanded a solid budget from my bridesmaids rather than just taking them at their word that they didn't feel like that was a big concern.  

  
  

  Soooooo not really sure what else you want me to say.

  
  

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• lc07 member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  OP, I think you are handling this thread really well. So thanks for sticking with us and being open minded and cool. I know it's not easy to be criticized, warranted or not. I'm a really straight forward person, online and IRL. Thing is, I get into this weird place where if I COULD afford the $300 dress everyone loved, I'd feel bad saying no. Because I can afford it, even though I would rather not pay that much. That being said, when you asked me privately (kudos to you for thinking to do that) I'd have given you a straight up answer. Also, high five for offering to pay for shoes and jewelry or just telling them to pick anything.

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• lc07 member

  

  August 2014

  Also, for the love of God, TK. WHYYYYY do you not let us write paragraphs anymore?

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• themosthappy91 member

  

  August 2014

  Thank you so much Ic07 for saying that. I don't know if some of the ladies on here realize when they are coming across a little strong but I really do try to assume the best of people and your kind words definitely made me feel better about this whole posting experience .

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• mellyD2014 member

  

  August 2014

  @elizabethadeline91 I just wanted to second LC07's words. It's so rare that people are willing to change their opinions, so kudos! I think it's wonderful that you're reconsidering the shoes/jewelry. I also wanted to say that your BM dresses sound just gorgeous! I hope you'll post pics sometime

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• djfivenine member

  

  August 2014 edited August 2014

  Just came here to say - yay for Weddington Way! I am obsessed with that service and it blows my mind more people don't talk about it here.  I see so many times brides complaining that they can't get all their girls together to bridesmaid dress shop.. and WW totally solves that.  Plus you can filter by price too, so if the budget is "under $200" or whatever you don't even have to see dresses that are more than that!
  
  Also, just my 2 cents about matching wedding jewelry - unless it's a real pearl necklace or something like that (for $30, doubt it) it's a waste of your money and theirs.  I have been in 5 weddings and have 5 sets of silver earrings I never, ever wear.  So just let them wear what makes them feel beautiful, that will show up better in your photos than them all being in matchy matchy jeweley! 
  

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• jakeiaf member

  

  August 2014

  I caught a lot of slack for a similar post like this. I took what everyone said into consideration and instead of going to all of my bridesmaids and asking them how much money they had for a dress. So I created an anonymous survey (I know it sounds silly but all my bridesmaids responded and I got the idea of what they wanted) I asked questions about rather or not they wanted to wear their own shoes, how much did they want to spend, if they wanted to get their makeup professionally done etc. They appreciated it and a couple even admitted they wouldn't have admitted what they wanted and just went what everyone else said. So now I know the wants of my bridal party and now I will have all my bridesmaids happy standing next to me. If you don't want to do the survey i would say just text everybody and ask if everyone wants to/can afford to buy the accessories and shoes. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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