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Bridal Shower & Private Wedding

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Re: Bridal Shower & Private Wedding

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    OP, if you're worried about cancelling the shower because people have been invited that were not invited to the wedding.... Don't worry. Take it from me, people will get over it. My FMIL tried to throw a shower and roped my mother into planning it with her, even though my mother insisted I didn't want it. I was thisclose to going through with it just to please her, but FI put his foot down and told his mother to stop planning. Yes, she was upset. Yes, she felt like she was letting down her family that wanted to come. Has she gotten over it? Also yes. It's very poor etiquette to invite people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding, and you must stop this in its tracks. But, it'll be fine in the end.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie43581280 said:
    My goodness... Retract the claws people!  This is not a huge deal.  This is the kind of stuff that makes big weddings a complete and total disaster.  If you want to have a small wedding, do it, if your family wants to throw you a shower, let them.  Just be sure to send a thank you card for all gifts. In my experience people don't really get too terribly hung up on "wedding etiquette" anymore, and if they do, then they have too much time on their hands.
    Actually it is a huge deal.  It is incredibly rude and offensive to invite people to a gift-giving event (shower) without inviting them to the actual wedding.  People are allowed to care about how other people treat them (aka "wedding etiquette"), and it says absolutely nothing about how much time they have on their hands.



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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    To the poster who claims it's no huge deal to be invited to a shower when you aren't invited to the wedding:  Oh yes it is. It's a very big no-no, and you are going to get judged for having a shower if you are not inviting the shower guests to the wedding.

    OP, it's totally appropriate, and necessary, to tell your mom and aunt that there is to be no shower because their guests will not be invited to the wedding.  You need to either do that or invite the shower guests to your wedding.  But you can't have the shower and not invite the guests to the wedding.  It just comes off as a very big ungracious gift-grab if you do that, and guests will be justifiably offended.
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  • katiebelle2882katiebelle2882 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Its super rude and awkward. I would say that if your mother was upfront with the guests that they wouldn't be coming to the wedding bc it was private you could get away with it and then she seems rude and tacky and people can take that as they may.

    It would be acceptable if you were throwing a party for everyone after the private wedding. You could always just invite them to a celebration after the ceremony on whatever day and do a backyard BBQ. something has to be done for the people who are invited to a bridal shower though.

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