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Chit Chat
climbingsingle
member
I need to vent about my FMIL.
climbingsingle
member
in Chit Chat
And please - add your own vents!
I love her. I really do. But sometimes she makes it hard to love her.
She is overly concerned about my grey hair. Seriously. She's made comments to me in the past about how I should dye my hair for the wedding. This was actually my plan, but she didn't know that. I haven't dyed my hair in over 10 years. And honestly, the greys didn't bother me THAT much. But they're so noticeable since my hair is so dark, and I did want to get rid of them.
I had a hair appointment yesterday. FI must have told her. Now I'm getting 35 questions this morning about how my hair looks. "How's your hair? Did she do a good job? Are all the greys gone? Did she cut it too? Does FI like it? Are you going to get it dyed again before the wedding? Did she do your trial?"
I also had my first dress fitting this week. Now, FMIL was with me when I picked out the dress. She's seen it. She has 500 pictures of it on her phone. When the dress first came in in June, I went to the shop to see it and try it on again. Since I planned on losing more weight (and I did! Woo hoo!), they didn't want to do my first fitting until August. FMIL knows this. So literally, the dress looks EXACTLY the same as it did in June.
The questions. "How did the dress look? Did you try it on with your shoes? You still like it, right? How did it fit? It is still too long? Did you take any more pictures? Did they do the bustle yet? Was the shop crowded? You remember they're closed on the 25th and 26th, right? When is your next fitting?"
She's driving me bananas. I purposely don't share things with her so that she doesn't ask questions. But thanks to FI, some things slip through. I'm honestly a really private person and I hate being asked questions like this. Argh!
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Re: I need to vent about my FMIL.
I'm marrying into a Mexican-American family where most of the folks adhere to pretty strict gender roles. We as a couple are much more flexible/egalitarian. So it drives me fucking crazy when she expects me to jump up and fix a plate of food for FI at every single family dinner.
She calls to my FSILs and I to cook, feed the men, and cleanup at every family event. Even when they're held at our house (where all family events on their side happen).
FI tells her that the guys can make their own plates. He tells her that he's taking care of the cleanup after the party and wants me to go have fun too. But she always tries to get the women to work during events.
She's incredibly sweet and helpful so I try to avoid making a big deal of it but it drives me crazy. FI tells me to just ignore it but I hate feeling like a slacker in my own home. When FI tries to help instead of me, she just sends him away.
But she's nothing but supportive about wedding planning, helps out with the dog when we travel, and feeds us the most delicious homemade Mexican delicacies we could ask for. Small price to pay.
She is one of those people who just asks you the same questions over and over until you agree to it. At our wedding, she was insisting that we take photos on the altar at church. I kept telling her we didn't want to- the church is 70s "modern" architecture and our reception venue was this gorgeous plantation and we wanted our photos there. But she asked us about it so many times I just agreed and we snapped a few.
We had a table FULL of desserts - cookies, petit fours, 3 different types of cupcakes, and a very small cake that I only got because I wanted to use a cake topper that 4 generations of my family has used. She pulled my mother aside AT THE RECEPTION and asked where the cake was. My mom pointed to the table and said that it was full of desserts. She actually told my mom that a wedding isn't complete without a cake and that SOMEONE SHOULD GO GET ONE.
My mom looked at her and said- Sarah and Mike have been planning this wedding for months. This is what they wanted. There is more than enough for everyone, we are not buying a cake.
But seriously, woman AT THE RECEPTION? Was my mom supposed to leave, go get a cake, and come back? You mean we can't celebrate without a cake but my mother is expendable?
I won the lottery when it comes to my FMIL. She is seriously the nicest, sweetest woman I have ever met. She's always so positive and sweet, and tells me that I'm beautiful all the time (good ego boost for me!) and isn't intrusive in our lives at all. Very laid back, easy going and I'm so happy that FI takes after her so much.
FFIL on the other hand is another story. He's a good man that loves his family and is a good friend to those he meets but for the past 6 months, he's been pissing me off for a few reasons.
First, he's one of those people that doesn't always think before he speaks so he's constantly putting his foot in his mouth. He used to talk about FI's ex (who he dated for 9 years, on and off, mostly on) all the time and after 2 years of dating, I was done hearing about. So FI said something to him and ever since, FFIL has been snarky with me and takes little jabs at me. It's gotten to the point where I don't like hanging out with his parents (which we used do ALL the time, because generally they're good people and we have fun with them) because I get uncomfortable being singled out. He started to bring up a story that involved FI's ex about a month ago and stops mid-sentence to say "oh but we can't talk about THAT anymore" with a serious attitude towards me. Of course this was after FI walked away so I did the uncomfortable laugh and said "oh no, it's okay, you can tell the story, I'm fine".
FFIL is also one of those people that just has to be contradictory. You say you're cold, he'll say that it's not cold outside. You say you like a beer, he'll say that he hates it. He's also a one-upper, which is obnoxious. And he's LOUD.
All in all I shouldn't complain because his parents do SO much for us and his mom really is so lovely but nonetheless, I'm seriously annoyed with FFIL lately. I have talked to FI about it and he's understanding.
The whole thing is odd since I grew up in a family where my dad did most of the cooking and laundry and my mom handled the rest of the chores. Nothing was gender-specific and they were very equal. We're a bit more gendered in our household but only because of our preferred jobs-- he's a horrible cook so we're both much happier if I make dinner while he mows the lawn!
Sorry OP, sometimes our personal patience to deal with someone else's personality does not last very long. I know mine is about as long as "hello" most days
Me and FMIL are on pretty good grounds. When FI was still living at home (we both went to community college in our hometown and he lived with his parents and I lived with mine) she worked all the time. She has her doctorate is nursing and is in charge of all the nurses in the OR department of the biggest hospital in Northern AZ. So I never saw her much, since she was always so busy.
She seems very happy about me and FI getting married, but we've never really spent much one on one time together. Now that we live across the country I doubt that that's going to happen much.
The only thing that bugs me is her opinions about FI's chosen degree, and career field. FMIL is always on his back about going into nursing, or something equally medical. Back in AZ he was an EMT for almost a year, he doesn't want to do that in Chicago because its kind of dangerous and they don't pay them that well. FI is a standup comedian he goes to Open Mics all the time, gets great feedback from other comedians. His mom does not support him in this even though he's still going to school for a regular degree that will get him a day job after he graduates. She's tried to tell me to push him into the medical field "oh you should really encourage him to do something else, he just wont be successful, I don't think he should even be trying to do that 'clown stuff'" No FMIL I refuse to say that to your son.
What really frustrates me is that I am super organized--I make lists with questions I have, then call her once and ask her all the questions at one time. She can't seem to do that. She calls the second she needs something, so she calls very frequently. I am done. DONE.
My FIL drives me NUTS, though. He complains about everything. For example, we took them out to dinner recently. The restaurant is a burger joint that specializes in unique burger toppings (SO yummy). He looked at the menu and immediately started bitching that he just wanted a plain burger with mustard, tomato, lettuce and onion. DH & I told him that he can order whatever he wants and they are really flexible. FIL kept bitching until the waiter arrived and confirmed that, yes, he can have the burger he wanted. He also complained because he thought that they didn't have his favorite beer (Shiner Bock). Um, hello - this is a burger joint in Texas. The beer list is 4 pages long, and there is a neon sign over the bar with the Shiner logo. Once DH & I pointed out where Shiner was on the menu, he started bitching that the menu was too long and that he didn't care about the other random craft beers.
ugh.