Just desserts vs. evil irony

nancieraven · July 2014

I think the issue has gotten a little confused. Ovespending on our guests is not an option, as the overwhelming priority is the well-being our children. So, the true question is whether people would be more ticked off at not being fully fed and inconvenienced or at not being invited at all.

As a marketer, I'd kill to conduct a survey of potential and likely attendees. Oh well. I'll just keep seeking feedback of candid strangers.

ethelbeavers · July 2014

You're dessert reception sounds awesome!! Go for it!!

speakeasy14 · July 2014

I would not be bothered if I knew in advance that there would not be a meal. On the other hand, I would not be offended if I was not invited to a wedding of someone I was close with if they were doing family only. Personally, I think the dessert bar is a great idea.

Since the goal is to keep the budget low, the real decision is if you want all friends & family or just family in attendance for your wedding. If you would prefer to invite friends & family, then I would do the evening ceremony & dessert bar. If you want only family, then having an earlier ceremony with a dinner reception is a better option.

Another suggestion would be to have a brunch/midday ceremony & reception. It would not go over a meal time (except perhaps lunch), but a dessert bar would still be sufficient for this time.

larrygaga · July 2014

I wouldn't expect dinner then even though I eat dinner around 8pm every night. You are fine!

sarals24 · July 2014

Your best friend is right, unfortunately. As others have noted, getting ready and out the door to make a wedding at that time means I might get a quick bite in, but not really dinner. I would definitely expect to be fed at that time of night.

We had a Catholic ceremony (not a full mass) at 7:30 and served a full dinner after. Trust me, people ate the food.

If you can't afford to feed everyone over a mealtime, you need to cut costs elsewhere or trim the guest list, sorry! Otherwise you are going to have a bunch of people take one look at the dessert bars and head for the doors to find real food.

bananasplit472001 · July 2014

In my area brunch/lunch/dinner would be expected no matter what time of day the wedding is. That just wouldn't fly around here and you would have people RSVP "no" if they were not being feed. You also need to understand that people are taking time to come to your wedding (including getting ready and travel time) and will most likely give you a gift. While it is ok , etiquette-wise to have a dessert reception I would start your ceremony even later to give your guests ample time to grab dinner and get to your ceremony. I like the idea of starting after 8.

Knottie9310365 · July 2014

I think it will be fun. The banana split bar is epic! I hate "Hor Devours" receptions at mealtime...mean people mound hundreds of meatballs on their tiny plates and leave the rest of us with celery and mini carrots. Thanks, asshole.

OnceUponAVine · July 2014

For a 7:30 ceremony I could go either way on serving dinner. If dessert is what you can afford to host then just put "Dessert Reception to Follow" on your invites and voila - proper hosting!

StitelME · July 2014

Personally, I think the timing is fine. So long as it is obvious to the guests (on invitations and any wedding websites, etc.) that there will be a dessert reception and not a full meal, I think you will be okay. I agree with the individual who posted that it doesn't matter what time the reception is, you will be overlapping with SOMEONE's normal meal time. So long as you give plenty of advanced notice, people should be able to find a way to adjust their normal meal schedule for one evening.

Honestly, I think a lot more people would be offended to not be invited in the first place rather than if they were invited but needed to move their normal meal time ahead a little bit.

nancieraven · July 2014

StitelME said:
Honestly, I think a lot more people would be offended to not be invited in the first place rather than if they were invited but needed to move their normal meal time ahead a little bit.

Thanks. That's the biggest question that weighs on me, because, as I mentioned, to cut the list down for a decent meal, I'd be eliminating FAMILY: aunts, uncles, and cousins, not distant cousins, but cousins with whom we share holidays, kids' birthdays, etc.

StitelME · July 2014

nancieraven said:

StitelME said:
Honestly, I think a lot more people would be offended to not be invited in the first place rather than if they were invited but needed to move their normal meal time ahead a little bit.

Thanks. That's the biggest question that weighs on me, because, as I mentioned, to cut the list down for a decent meal, I'd be eliminating FAMILY: aunts, uncles, and cousins, not distant cousins, but cousins with whom we share holidays, kids' birthdays, etc.

You are welcome. I know it can be hard to figure out the balance. I have divorced parents so we essentially have three sets of family invited to the wedding. When i did the math on the guest list, we came in at about 110 people to invite, with 80-90% being family. When my father looked at the food costs, (this was before invites were sent out at the time) he wanted to cut headcount but we didn't want to offend any family because we would have had to cut some to get the estimated cost in his range. In the end, he decided to just resign himself to some larger than he would like food costs (we are also doing a full dinner reception as well) for the sake of not insulting anyone. We've worked on cutting costs through our food choices as best we could. But insulting family is not the best course if you can avoid it.

Nymeru · July 2014

6:30-7:30 is dinner time for us, but if it was clear from the invitation that you were only having desserts, I'd be fine with that. However, as much as I do love sweets (and boy, do I love them), it would be lovely for you to have some cheese and fruit platters as well so that people could have something a little more substantial.

ShadeofGreen816 · July 2014

I feel like if you TELL them there's no dinner, and they can't possibly find a way to eat before they come to your 7:30 wedding - at least enough to hold them over until DESSERT... the best part of dinner - then I think you've killed two birds with one stone: You get to invite them AND you don't have to pay for them to attend!

Maybe its the shift worker in me, but eating at 6 in order to go to a friend's wedding is just not that hard.

kmmssg · August 2014

I would be fine attending a 7:30 wedding/dessert reception as long as it was stated in the invitation that it is dessert. If nothing was mentioned I would be expecting a meal and would be hungry.

I really do encourage you to have some savory items available for your guests. Not everyone can or wants to load up on sugar (I feel sorry for those people) only. Cheese and crackers, veggies, etc. 2 of my DDs chose to have antipasta platters at their weddings. Those suckers were inhaled! We made them ourselves which helps with the cost (and we had an amazing caterer who was open to that idea - very rare).

nancieraven · August 2014

My mom is a diabetic, so I was certainly going to have options in the "dessert" idea, but that would be the fruits/fruit kabobs placed near the chocolate fountain. I just like that visual so much better than a fruit platter. I think I found an extremely reasonably-priced venue, so I may be able to have a smallish guest list with hors d'oeuvres and expand my "just desserts"/ "just deserts" theme. I'm still in the very early stages, so I appreciate all the helpful feedback.

Nymeru · August 2014

If your mom is diabetic, the fruit has a huge amount of carbs/sugars in it, which might make it just as hard on her as eating real desserts. My brother has Type 1 (not sure if your mom has type 1 or 2), and he has to deal with this all the time. While the fiber in fruit does negate the sugar a bit, large amounts of fruit are still unhealthy for him. You might want to have other foods that she can eat without worrying about the sugar spikes and increased need for insulin that fruit would cause.

mrsbrueske3 · August 2014

I don't mean to threadjack. I think a desserts only reception is a neat idea. When I was invited to a wedding when I was 8 months pregnant with DD2 I was not only not invited to the ceremony, I was only invited to the last half of the reception. Everyone had already eaten, the cake was cut and served and the dancing was over. The invitation I got was a DIY postcard that stated the reception was from like 6pm to 8 pm or something. When I got there and noticed this I was a bit put off but now that I am planning (yet again) my own wedding I find this behavior very rude. Again, don't mean to threadjack. Just wanted to put out there that it is very helpful and considerate to inform guests ahead of time that something is not going to be what they would expect.

Just desserts vs. evil irony

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