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Did I screw up with thank you notes?

wandajune6wandajune6 member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
I was under the impression that wedding gifts cannot be used before the wedding but the thank you notes should be sent out right away.

When I asked my mother about this, she wasn't sure. For the first few gifts we received, I sent them out right away, just to play it safe.

I mentioned sending the thank you's at work this morning to my 2 coworkers and both ladies were appalled. According to them, thank you's shouldn't be sent until the wedding has happened.

On top of that, I have my shower this weekend. I assume that I should send thank you notes for shower gifts immediately following the shower.

Here's the issue: my great aunt sent a gift last week. She will also be attending the shower this week (I had previously thought she was not attending). I sent her a thank you for the gift right away. Assuming that this gift (which was extremely generous) was both a wedding present and a shower gift, should I write a second note thanking her for attending the shower?

I'm worried now that I screwed up! Tell me what to do!

(Sorry for posting here. I'm a bit scared of the drama on the etiquette board...)
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Re: Did I screw up with thank you notes?

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think you can ever go wrong with thank you notes. Seriously. You got a gift, you thank the person. Etiquette rules be darned, I would always lean towards sending notes right away.  

    Maybe some people are superstitious?  Maybe there's the "what if" if you call off the wedding?  If that happened, they'd be at least thanked before you have to send the gift back!

    Yeah this is just weird. I think you're doing the right thing! 
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    You didn't screw up.  It's polite to let people know their gift was received and not leave them to wonder if it was lost or stolen. 

    I wouldn't send your aunt another thank you note unless she shows up with another gift.  You can thank her for attending in person.  
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  • bucksgirl414bucksgirl414 member
    10 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I I would send them out right away your co workers are weird if it bothered them that much to say something and make you feel uncomfortable about it
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Definitely send them now. We received our first wedding gift from someone who won't be attending the wedding (he actually returned his save-the-date which was weird, but we are still sending him an invite). I thanked him for the specific gift we received and it turns out (according to him) that the wrong gift was shipped! Not sure where we go from here now but I'm glad I sent a thank you right away and haven't used the gift yet!


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  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I almost just posted this same question in the etiquette room! My FI thinks I'm crazy for sending the thank-you notes right now. We're just starting to recieve gifts (our wedding is still two months away) but before even sending the invites I stocked up on thank you notes and set up an impromtu TY card station on an end table in the living room. Assuming that the day a gift arrives, we open it, giggle like huge nerds over our new stuff, and then immediately proceed to the TY card table, where I have my invite address list, a bunch of stamps, my TY cards and a pen. It makes no sense to have guests wonder if we ever recieved their gift, and waiting to do them all at once after the wedding sounds like such an insane chore! FI still thinks I'm doing it wrong, but I said I'd happy defer if he would like to take over the task of actually writing them all, he miraculously let the issue go.
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  • mschristie123mschristie123 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    You're fine! Definitely send them now because it also serves as a confirmation that they received the gift. Just don't use anything until after the wedding and don't say on the thank you note how much you love using x, y, or z. For my showers I said something like, "Thank you so much for the ____, we can't wait to use it!" or something to that effect.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're good.  I still haven't received thank you notes for most of the weddings I attended in the last year.  You're doing much better than my friends / family.




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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I feel so much better now! I was starting to think I committed a huge faux pas.

    Quite relieved- and off to write a note for another gift that just arrived!
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You're fine!

    Another helpful tip is to make a list/spreadsheet of the gifts you received, who it was from, the date it was received and when you put the thank you in the mail.  That helped me know that I didn't miss anyone as things got crazy closer to the wedding.
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  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ditto PPs on doing notes as they come in.

    I did mine that way, and it cut down a lot on things I had to do right after our wedding.

    I am still waiting on a TY note from a dear friend who got married last December- I sent her a crock pot off her registry right before Thanksgiving, and we gave them a card with a gift certificate to their favorite chain restaurant the night of their wedding. 

    She has vented to me how she wanted to include photos from the wedding in the notes, but HER PHOTOGRAPHER LOST 98% OF HER PHOTOS WHEN THE PHOTOG'S COMPUTER CRASHED.

    She's otherwise a total sweetheart, but it will take some convincing for me to send her a baby gift immediately when they do eventually have children.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    AprilH81 said:
    You're fine!

    Another helpful tip is to make a list/spreadsheet of the gifts you received, who it was from, the date it was received and when you put the thank you in the mail.  That helped me know that I didn't miss anyone as things got crazy closer to the wedding.
    I did this too, in Google Sheets so I can access it from anywhere. Unlike a friend of mine who kept it on a sheet of paper (in her defense, this was years ago before Google Sheets was a thing, but recently enough that computers were a thing) and LOST THE SHEET OF PAPER. She just found the list, 7 years later, and realized they didn't send thank you notes to most of her H's family. I convinced her to send them now with a profuse apology.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your coworkers are wrong. What a stupid thing to be appalled about. You're supposed to be appalled when you don't receive a thank you note, not that you got one too early.

    It makes things a lot easier to do them as you go anyway. 

    We had half of the thank you notes from gifts/checks we received at the wedding itself, done 3 days after the wedding.

    The other half were done sporadically within one month of our wedding. It gets harder and harder to do them the longer you wait.

    I will be married 2 months tomorrow, and I don't understand why it takes people 2-3 months (or more) to get out their thank you's. Since my wedding, my husband and I moved, set up our entire house, went on vacation, and worked full time. We still had time to write all our thank yous. 



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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    lolo883 said:


    AprilH81 said:

    You're fine!

    Another helpful tip is to make a list/spreadsheet of the gifts you received, who it was from, the date it was received and when you put the thank you in the mail.  That helped me know that I didn't miss anyone as things got crazy closer to the wedding.

    I did this too, in Google Sheets so I can access it from anywhere. Unlike a friend of mine who kept it on a sheet of paper (in her defense, this was years ago before Google Sheets was a thing, but recently enough that computers were a thing) and LOST THE SHEET OF PAPER. She just found the list, 7 years later, and realized they didn't send thank you notes to most of her H's family. I convinced her to send them now with a profuse apology.

    I've been keeping a spreadsheet that has the giver, gift, and thank you note status. I never thought to add dates. Great idea!
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Shower TYs were sent within a week of both of my showers.

    Wedding TYs are about 95% done, three weeks after the wedding.

    I can't stand not getting a TY note in a timely manner. THAT is rude.
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  • kristinick2014kristinick2014 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I wouldn't worry about what they say. I would do the same thing because my luck, I would wait and forget to send them a thank you all together. So send away girlfriend...don't worry about what others say. :o)

     

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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I had my shower yesterday and she gave us a second piece of All-Clad!

    I'm feeling better about having sent the thank you note already. Tonight I begin thank you's for the shower gifts!
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