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Wedding Etiquette Forum
melissamusic
member
Fiancé dead set on a Honeyfund
I've learned from here that Honeyfunds are a faux-pas, and although I don't personally mind them ( I like buying Honeyfund gifts for friends' weddings!), I'd really rather not have one at mine. I'm just too worried that someone will judge me. My fiancé is completely set on having one, though. Like, non-negotiable. I've tried every way to convince him (including telling him that some people will probably still give us cash anyway and finally just asking him to pretty please just do it for me), and it's a no-go. I suppose this isn't really a question, because the issue is no longer even up for discussion, but...I dunno. Just thought I'd share.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Fiancé dead set on a Honeyfund
I'd present not having one as a way to make money since you will get the whole amount of a guest's gift. And I'd remind him it's perfectly acceptable to not registry for something else as an alternative, and to spread the word through family/friends/known gossips that people who ask what to get you can be told that you are saving for your honeymoon.
Show him these comments.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Door #2
Haha, it's satisfying to think about, but that 's just not my personality.
FI: "I don't feel like paying for the honeymoon if we have this totally perfect option to have others contribute to it.
You: "You do realize how immature and irresponsible it makes us look to have to ask other people to pay for OUR vacation, right? Our honeymoon is not a charity and I refuse to let people think we're so broke that we can't afford our honeymoon on our own."
FI: "I talked to all of my friends and they think the idea of a Honeyfund is way better than going shopping in a store for something off a registry."
You: "Well your friends can just give cash to us directly then. Honeyfund takes a percentage from each donation, so we don't even get the full amount of what they're giving us."
You: "Actually, the company just gives us a check for an amount after they take their cut. If we want to do extra things, we're going to pay for it ourselves."
FI: "I don't care what you say, the discussion is closed, we're having a Honeyfund."
You: "Well, doing something that makes us look like tacky, rude, broke people is absolutely not up for consideration so if this is the hill you want to die on, I'd think long & hard about that because I'm not interested in letting you make decisions for me that make me look bad. We'll be having a whoooole new discussion if that's the road you wanna go down."
Those are my personal suggestions for how to handle this with your FI. Seriously, don't let him tell you he's putting foot down on something that's so ridiculous and not worth putting before his future wife's comfort.
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Well, it kinda does have to do with personality. Putting my foot down and saying "end of discussion" is something I never do. I prefer to try to convince the other person of the logic of my position, and failing that, either keep my mouth shut or, if it's really important, to ask them to do it as a favor. But just laying down the law and saying "this is how it's gonna be" just isn't me.
But are you willing to have your FI lay down the law on things you prefer not to do throughout your whole marriage?
You are going to be judged just as heavily as your FI by your guests for the honeyfund. I don't think it is fair that he is willing to have people think you are rude and tacky simply because he wants to ensure that he gets cash gifts.
I love birthday hats, my husband finds them humiliating. I do not force him to wear them even though I think they are awesome and fun because he feels embarrassed by them. I think being embarrassed by a hat is stupid, but since I am not a jerk, I don't push the issue.
The trouble is, he doesn't believe that people will judge. That's what I most wish I could convince him.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."