Registry and Gift Forum

If the Emily Post Institute says so ...

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Re: If the Emily Post Institute says so ...

  • seeanddon said:
    Geez, you ladies are awful, and incredibly busy on these WEDDING boards considering you've all been married for years. I'm curious as to why the only individuals who have responded to me have over a thousand posts.

    Can I hear from a newbie? 
    I think you just want to hear from someone who agrees with you - it wouldn't matter if they were married, single, divorced, old, young, reg, newbie... It seems you only want to listen if people agree with you.

    Try looking at it this way: Say you're going to buy a car and you want the new Escape. Would you rather take advice from someone who had already gone through the car buying process to benefit from their lessons learned or someone who had never purchased a car? Since you're buying the Escape, do you want advice from someone who owns an Escape? Or someone who has never owned a car? 
    seeanddon said:
    Nah. The only thing I've learned from this post is that the advice of you "wives" is worthless. 

    /over and out.

    Are you mature enough to get married? If you are female and planning to get married, you'll be a wife at some point. By your logic, once you are your advice will cease to have any importance whatsoever. Better start giving it all now, while you know still everything....
    Yes, the lack of logic here is amazing. 
    Is there some kind of magical expiration date on good judgment or manners that suddenly expires the day you get married?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    seeanddon said:

    Geez, you ladies are awful, and incredibly busy on these WEDDING boards considering you've all been married for years. I'm curious as to why the only individuals who have responded to me have over a thousand posts.


    Can I hear from a newbie? 
    Wow. You're a peach!

    I'm not married yet (47 days to go). I've been on my own for 14 years. FI owns a house. Between the two of us, we have more than enough. In fact, we have too much.
    We didn't register. Not for a traditional registry and not for a tacky as fuck honeymoon registry.

    Things like honeyfund essentially steal from you in fees. You're not getting an experience. You're not even getting 100% of what someone gives you.

    If you're an adult, you can afford your own honeymoon. Just don't register and if your guests want to give you a gift, they can give you cash.

    ohannabelleashleyepmego2708
  • I'm not married yet, so here's the advice you've been craving: 

    If you don't want "things" as gifts for your wedding, don't register anywhere.  Leave it to the guest to decide what they want to annoy you with.  Honeymoon registries are a rip-off and you are ripping off your guests.  Much better to just get their annoying gift and return it...and at least you will be getting their entire money's worth!

    southernbelle0915
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    seeanddon said:
    Geez, you ladies are awful, and incredibly busy on these WEDDING boards considering you've all been married for years. I'm curious as to why the only individuals who have responded to me have over a thousand posts.

    Can I hear from a newbie? 
    I'm getting married in a month. Had a 1.5 year engagement so excuse the 1-year mark on my profile, ok?

    Honeymoon registries are a rip-off and if you don't understand that a $100 check made out to you is better than $95 to you and $5 to a website, go back to the third grade and learn some math. If you also don't understand the difference between fees and taxes, go back to junior high. 

    One friend of mine made a no-fee honeyfund that allowed me to print a certificate for an excursion and hand them a check. However, she accepted the cards and checks at her shower, which was really boring to watch, and this example opens a whole other ball game of shower etiquette faux-pas.  I gave her a second check in a card at her wedding.  

    If you don't want boxed gifts and people want to give you boxed gifts, that's their problem. Just get the word out of, "Oh, we're saving for the honeymoon / down payment and have all the stuff we really need, but any gift is appreciated!"
    ________________________________


    chibiyuiashleyep
  • We had a decent sized registry. Not that we needed most of it, but we upgraded to quality stuff. I still got plenty of cash. And I didn't have to ask for it to get it.
    Anniversary
  • I don't know how many posts I have... so I don't know if I qualify as a "newbie" but... I still have a few weeks to the wedding and I've only been on here since I got engaged. 

    Some things are definitely a personal preference- I despise giving gift cards, cash, and even registries.  My FI loves the idea of gift cards. When we went to a wedding recently we got one item off their registry (which I used a coupon for so they still didn't know what I spent :) ) and then matched it with some other items that went with it from another store and the bride LOVED the surprise more because they didn't have things like that up there. Don't know why I felt the need to keep what I spent a "secret"... maybe it's my southern upbringing that talking about or knowing about money spent is rude. 

    I do understand though that other people like the guidance.  FI and I have both owned our own homes for a long time and when we moved in just got rid of stuff... even still we were able to register at 3 places- one chain store people go shop in, one online registry, and... Home Depot... which was a pain, the store associates can never find it and for my shower people gave us gift cards. When people called my MOH and asked where we were registered (she threw the shower) she told them and then said... "but they'd love to be registered at the wine or ABC store".  She also let them know the real reason for the shower was not to set up house but just to celebrate the fact that we were "finally" getting married and have fun chatting about it and making me wear the super silly Bride to Be things. The best gift they could give us was to show up with a great story. 

    All that said... the practical side of me and my FI (who likes gift cards)... would really hate a Honeyfund... it screams give us money and the fact that they take a percentatge is also gross.  (Of course I am also turned off by the crowdfunding requests on Facebook for everything from Charities, to Funerals, and medical Procedures.  Not that I don't donate to things... but please... make it a personal request not a mass FB post.)

    So there you go... if I count as newbie and I am definitely still a current bride to be... I think Honeymoon funds are 1) a waste of money and 2) rude but to each his own.  If I was invited to a wedding and that was all they were registered for I'd bring a gift of my choosing and not contribute to it on principal.  So you'd get a nice alcohol gift set of some kind or something else consumable and generic that would be ok to be duplicated. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Wow...harsh!

    We're not going to have a registry either. I've owned the house we live in for almost 10 years. FI moved in 2 years ago, bringing the contents of his fully furnished condo with him. There's only so many copies of The Matrix one house hold needs. And we're not even going to discuss how many coffee pots we own. Gevalia gives those things away like pancakes at IHOP All You Can Eat.

    FI's mom got remarried a few years ago. Did the JOP route with a full-meal reception after. They didn't register for diddly-squat, and somehow people were intelligent enough to know to give cash, and not one person was butthurt about it. With that cash, it helped fund their little honeymoon to Vegas.

    We're taking a page out of their book (except the part about Vegas...that's reserved for our Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend, we've decided on Jamaica for the honeymoon). It seemed to work well for them. I say just do what works for you. People will generally do/give what they want to anyway.

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    headhurt said:

    Wow...harsh!

    We're not going to have a registry either. I've owned the house we live in for almost 10 years. FI moved in 2 years ago, bringing the contents of his fully furnished condo with him. There's only so many copies of The Matrix one house hold needs. And we're not even going to discuss how many coffee pots we own. Gevalia gives those things away like pancakes at IHOP All You Can Eat.

    FI's mom got remarried a few years ago. Did the JOP route with a full-meal reception after. They didn't register for diddly-squat, and somehow people were intelligent enough to know to give cash, and not one person was butthurt about it. With that cash, it helped fund their little honeymoon to Vegas.

    We're taking a page out of their book (except the part about Vegas...that's reserved for our Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend, we've decided on Jamaica for the honeymoon). It seemed to work well for them. I say just do what works for you. People will generally do/give what they want to anyway.


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    You FMIL was polite and proper by not registering at all. You have proved the point that if you don't register then people will realize that you would prefer cash - without being told to give cash - as it is RUDE to ask for cash!

    Just don't register and if people ask where you a re registered, say "we are saving up for a honeymoon in Jamaica." If you don't register than you are being polite and proper. The issue arises when you register for a money or tell people you only want cash or gift cards.

    eta stupid quote boxes!!!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    chibiyui
  • headhurt said:

    Wow...harsh!

    We're not going to have a registry either. I've owned the house we live in for almost 10 years. FI moved in 2 years ago, bringing the contents of his fully furnished condo with him. There's only so many copies of The Matrix one house hold needs. And we're not even going to discuss how many coffee pots we own. Gevalia gives those things away like pancakes at IHOP All You Can Eat.

    FI's mom got remarried a few years ago. Did the JOP route with a full-meal reception after. They didn't register for diddly-squat, and somehow people were intelligent enough to know to give cash, and not one person was butthurt about it. With that cash, it helped fund their little honeymoon to Vegas.

    We're taking a page out of their book (except the part about Vegas...that's reserved for our Bachelor/Bachelorette weekend, we've decided on Jamaica for the honeymoon). It seemed to work well for them. I say just do what works for you. People will generally do/give what they want to anyway.

    Did you read the thread? The bolded is exactly what everyone is telling OP to do. If you have everything you need and you just want money, just don't register at all. People will give cash. Use the money for whatever you want (including a honeymoon).

    What OP is talking about is a honeymoon REGISTRY. This is where someone registers for cash gifts and a company (e.g. Honeyfund) takes a cut of that money.

    It's rude to ASK for money (i.e. a honeymoon registry). It's NOT rude to simply decide not to register at all. 
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