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October 2014 Weddings

Stressing out...need to vent.

So I have 55 days until my wedding, and a week and a half ago I had one of my parents pass away, very very suddenly, she was only 50.  She was also like a father to me, my mom is a complete mess, and I have no desire to do any of the little details of my wedding.  Last week I was supposed to get my invites in the mail, but now they're being delayed and I'm working on them now.  The RSVP date is Sept. 8th and I'm afraid that's not enough time for my guests to RSVP...but whatevs.  I'm dealing with a whole host of emotions right now and I'm not sure how to deal with them.  I'm super stressed out of with the little details, I'm grieving, dealing with the shock of losing a parent who wasn't sick and was only 50! And I'm dealing with my mom who's falling to pieces and doesn't want to even think about wedding details.  I'm not sure how to make my wedding happy, when all it's going to do is bring up super sad memories that my parent isn't there to see me get married.  UGH! This is not okay.  I thought about postponing our wedding, but we'd lose out so much money at this point, and she wouldn't have wanted that.  :-( This is not fair and not okay!!! 

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with any of this??? :-( I've resigned myself to the fact that my guests will understand the tardy-ness of the invites, so I'm not super super stressed about that, but I know it has to get done ASAP.  I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with everything else.  my mom was going to walk me down the aisle to begin with, but I was going to have a Poppy/Daughter dance (with her) and a father/daughter dance with my biological father.  I'm not sure how to do a father/daughter dance with my dad without making everyone super sad and bawling.  :-( How do I make my wedding a joyous occasion and not another funeral full of sad memories???
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Re: Stressing out...need to vent.

  • I'm so sorry for your loss @ashwise.  I've never been in your shoes, but here are some things that might help:
    1. see if your bridal party or any other relatives can help with the invites so you aren't worried about them
    2. delegate any last minute details to your other half... they may also be grieving, but not in the same way.  helping you with wedding tasks may help them feel like they are supporting you during this time.
    3. are you close with your biological father?  would they be upset if you opted not to do a dance with them, in order to avoid rousing anyone's emotions?  
    4. in another 2-3 weeks, when you've actually had even a minute to grieve, maybe consider another way to honor your parent who has passed... a song in their honor, a mention in the ceremony where you can sneak a moment away afterwards if it makes you emotional, etc.  something happy, and something you can warn your other guests about so they can help make it happy, would be great.
    5. what is on the to do list but isn't needed for you to end up married to the person you love at the end of your wedding day?  toss it.  
    6. do you have/ can you afford to splurge on a day-of coordinator? they may help take over some of these little details.

    I can't imagine how you are feeling, but I hope you are able to enjoy your wedding day when it comes.  it sounds like you had a great relationship with your parent, and I'm sure they would want you to enjoy your day.  

    sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

    and if you don't get other ideas here, I would suggest posting to Chit Chat, where more people might see your post and have suggestions based on similar experiences.
  • I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.  I definitely agree that utilizing your BM to the utmost would be wise, as well as your FI.  Not that you have that much time to get to a better emotional state, but just know that it will get better with time and for your wedding day you will be able to find many joyous moments that day, even if there is still sadness and grief.  Just remember that everyone understands what you will be dealing with and I'm sure will be very supportive and understanding, so try not to get overwhelmed with all of the little wedding details that can drag even the most calm bride down with emotion and stress.  Use your supports...allow them to help you.  Sometimes people aren't used to letting people help them.  If you're this way, this is the time to let that go and let people in who want to be there for you.  **HUGS**
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Does your employer happen to offer counseling sessions (EAP)?  If so, they can match you up with a grief counselor and at least you'd have somebody to talk to. 

    You have a lot going on, your bridal party should be able to help support you. 

    If you need to postpone the wedding, don't look at the cost, look at your own personal health.  Money can always be re-earned.

    As far as the father/daughter dance, if you still want one, pick a song that's not super emotional.  I came across this if you want to look at it or even pass it along to your father to pick one: http://offbeatbride.com/2007/06/non-sappy-fatherdaughter-dance-songs

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