Invites and Paper

Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

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Re: Wedding Guest Pay for Their Own Dinner?

  • They are just saving a table for 30 people for us. I don't have to provide a final head count.  It is at the buzzard bar there.
  • They are just saving a table for 30 people for us. I don't have to provide a final head count.  It is at the buzzard bar there.
    Ok, let's back track a bit. Is there a certain option you like better? Let's work on one option.

    1. Formal apps/dessert reception immediately after the ceremony followed by informal (read, not in the invitations) word of mouth dinner (that you are not obligated to pay for). 
    2. Ceremony and just dinner (that you pay for).
    3. True private ceremony and party when you get home.
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    chicky1988southernbelle0915emanon321holyguacamole79
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer



    They are just saving a table for 30 people for us. I don't have to provide a final head count.  It is at the buzzard bar there.

    Ok, let's back track a bit. Is there a certain option you like better? Let's work on one option.

    1. Formal apps/dessert reception immediately after the ceremony followed by informal (read, not in the invitations) word of mouth dinner (that you are not obligated to pay for). 
    2. Ceremony and just dinner (that you pay for).
    3. True private ceremony and party when you get home.


    I think we need to know all this. Otherwise, it seems like you're just answering questions that are convenient.
    chicky1988
  • I think the word of mouth is better.  We are having cake too.  We already worked that out with my contact there.  That is to be served after dinner though.
  • There is no wrong time for cake.
    Quoted For Truth.
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    Jen4948dilewis
  • I think the word of mouth is better.  We are having cake too.  We already worked that out with my contact there.  That is to be served after dinner though.
    Can you ask them to serve it before dinner?  That way if people decline the "word of mouth" invite they can still have cake.  Is dinner in your contract??  Or does the contract only pertain to the ceremony and cake?
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  • They are just saving a table for 30 people for us. I don't have to provide a final head count.  It is at the buzzard bar there.
    They have pizza! why not order like 8-10 pizzas and a couple of jugs of soft drinks, maybe one or two of cocktails. should work out less than the $20pp you were willing to spend on them anyway! Everyone will be hosted properly and you dont have to break the bank

  • They are just saving a table for 30 people for us. I don't have to provide a final head count.  It is at the buzzard bar there.
    They have pizza! why not order like 8-10 pizzas and a couple of jugs of soft drinks, maybe one or two of cocktails. should work out less than the $20pp you were willing to spend on them anyway! Everyone will be hosted properly and you dont have to break the bank
    I think she was hoping to do $20 per family bill not per person.
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  • Pizza makes it sound like it a superbowl party...
  • Pizza makes it sound like it a superbowl party...
    I think the hardest part for any bride on a budget is finding something that meshes what they dreamed of with what they can afford.  I really think going with @manateehugger's plan would be a nice mesh of having dinner with your guests and not breaking the bank while still hosting something for them :)
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    AshleyProclaims
  • I don't think that my family or anyone would be really upset really.  I don't see them saying anything rude like that.  I guess you just have to know my family...

    I don't think cake can be served outside the restaurant, unless you book a conference room or something like that.  


  • Pizza makes it sound like it a superbowl party...
    Saying this makes it sound like it was you who wanted the big fancy wedding, not your in laws.
    Absolutely not. I just want something small with a small dinner with everyone afterwords. 
  • I don't think that my family or anyone would be really upset really.  I don't see them saying anything rude like that.  I guess you just have to know my family...

    I don't think cake can be served outside the restaurant, unless you book a conference room or something like that.  


    Have you asked them?  Many times resort guests can reserve a meeting room for free or at a reduced cost, this should be especially true since you are already having your wedding there.  I would talk to them first before ruling it out as an option.  I wouldn't think it would be too difficult to bump up the time they need to have the cake ready to serve.  If its that they won't physically serve the cake in another room, ask them if you can have them deliver the cake and plates to the room and have your MOH or aunt or whoever cut and serve the cake.
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    doeydo
  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    I don't think that my family or anyone would be really upset really.  I don't see them saying anything rude like that.  I guess you just have to know my family...

    I don't think cake can be served outside the restaurant, unless you book a conference room or something like that.  


    Call and ask! Say you want to make sure you treat your guests to an immediate reception. Just call and see what the coordinator can do for you. 

    And if your family would assume they'd be footing their own bill at your wedding, why would you need to word your invitations differently? You wouldn't. People expect to be hosted at a hosted event.

    Look, if nothing else, you love these people enough in the world that they are the only 20-30 people you want to witness your wedding. Fork over the cash for some cake and punch as a small gesture to say thank you for spending time and money and effort. I just cannot fathom thinking these people aren't worth the expense of cake and punch.

    If these kind of gestures didn't matter, hand back over your engagement ring and any other gift your FI has ever gotten you and say, "gestures and symbols of thanks and love don't matter!"
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    PineapplePopsiclesrajahmd
  • You have approximately four months to save up. Cut out the Starbucks, cancel your cable, join a carpool, and pay for your guests to eat dinner.
    southernbelle0915PineapplePopsicles
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    KBrodbeck8 - I live in the land of open bars and five course wedding receptions. I'd be very happy to attend a pizza party wedding, as long as the pizza was really good. Beats held over wedding banquet steak any day.
                       
    southernbelle0915MobKaz
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I don't think that my family or anyone would be really upset really.  I don't see them saying anything rude like that.  I guess you just have to know my family...


    I don't think cake can be served outside the restaurant, unless you book a conference room or something like that.  


    People in my family have done tacky things. I didn't say anything to them out of courtesy, but I still found it rude.

    Bottom line is - you are inviting your family and friends to travel to celebrate your wedding. You need to host them properly. There is NOTHING wrong with pizza. There is a LOT wrong with expecting them to pay their own way to celebrate you.
    doeydo
  • Pizza makes it sound like it a superbowl party...
    I would only think superbowl party if everyone was wearing jerseys and screaming at a TV. It sounds like you think hosting pizza is somehow below you. Wake up! You can't afford to host anything else (unless of course you cut our your big party later on - but you don't want to do that). There's nothing wrong with a budget wedding. There IS a lot wrong with being a crappy host.
    I don't think that my family or anyone would be really upset really.  I don't see them saying anything rude like that.  I guess you just have to know my family...

    I don't think cake can be served outside the restaurant, unless you book a conference room or something like that.  
    My family probably thinks I have no problem with cash bars, gaps, standing room only ceremonies, etc. They probably think I'm all "zomg B&G's special day - they can do whatever!!" 

    Most people will not tell you your idea for your wedding sucks to your face. ESPECIALLY if they're family or close friends. The fact that 100% of people who are uninvested in your event and giving objective advice think that it's not a good idea really should wake you up. 
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    chicky1988doeydo
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited August 2014
    Easy solution: Don't invite anybody. Then you don't have to pay for them.
    Jen4948
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    I think serving pizza at dinner is a great option. It meets all of the etiquette requirements. I wouldn't consider it tacky at all, especially if it was a small wedding for close family, which it sounds like it would be for you. 

    Rather than a rehearsal dinner (I didn't have a rehearsal), I did a welcome pizza party night before my wedding (all my guests were from out of town).  We had 25 guests and ordered 10 pizzas, soda, and iced tea.  Everyone loved it. Our hotel let us use their Great Room (breakfast room) for free of charge, as long as we kept somewhat quiet and didn't serve alcohol. It only cost us about $220 to properly host and feed 25 people.

     

    And it doesn't hurt to ask if you can have cake served right after the ceremony. Many venues try to be accommodating for guests, and especially for brides. If you aren't able to pay for some sort of meal for all guests at dinner, you really should do cake reception earlier, then informally invite guests to dinner.  And it's great that you already have reservation for everyone at dinner, as they will most likely all join you anyway.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    Weddings, birthdays, showers, whatever.  When you invite people to an event you need to host them.    I hope you would not invite kids to a party and not give them cake.  Well you should not do that for adults either.  


    Weddings do NOT have to be expensive.    A simple cake and punch reception during a non-meal time is perfectly acceptable.  If you have a little more funds, add in some light appetizers.    Have even more have a brunch or lunch reception.  Can even add more, have dinner.  It's really not that hard.  


    ETA - words are hard
    People have weddings under a grand all the time.  Surely you can figure out some way to host 25 people somehow.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    doeydosouthernbelle0915[Deleted User]Jen4948
  • I would be upset if I traveled for a wedding on Christmas day no less and still had to pay for my food. I would prefer pizza than nothing.

    Also, how is it an elopement package but you're having g 30 people attend? I am genuinely curious, not trying to be bitchy.


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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is completely backwards way to plan it, but since you are in this pickle here is how you can solve it:

    1.) Cancel your back home dinner- you can celebrate next year on your 1st anniversary when you saved up again for this. You HAVE to host something after your reception and you need to use that money on this.

    2.) Figure out how much money you have to spend on this dinner and your guest list. You MUST invite all bf/gf of invitees no matter how long the relationship. They are social units. The easiest way to cut a budget is to cut the guest list. Maybe only invite parents, siblings, and one or 2 close friends (you must invite all of these people's significant others/BF/GF/Partner whatever).

    3.) Divide the amount you have for dinner by the number of guests. Call the restaurant and ask if they can create a menu for you at this amount, even if it is a veggie lasagne or pasta buffet (which would be great!). Have a dry wedding, unless you want to pay for champagne/ beer or wine for everyone, have an alcohol free wedding. You do have to pay for soft drinks, however, it is fair to limit this to sodas, iced tea, lemonade, water etc.

    I am wary about the idea of doing an unhosted word of mouth dinner after cake and punch. I think the only way to pull this off would be to move your wedding to 2, cake and punch at 2:30-4:30 and then word of mouth dinner at about 7. Otherwise, if it goes straight into dinner from cake and punch, I would tend to assume it was hosted, especially as you are expecting your guests to travel.


    southernbelle0915holyguacamole79MairePoppy
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