We're calling it a bridal shower...

bridesontherun · August 2014

southernbelle0915 said:
Why must you be so single minded about this? You asked how to word it so it wouldn't come across that you're asking for presents and you got solid answers. You don't like them. Your problem - not anyone else's. No one is going to support calling it a bridal shower because these words literally mean "gift giving event". You're just being stubborn and single minded (ironically as you accuse everyone else as being) so I don't think there is help for you if you ask for suggestions, hate all that are given and refuse to take advice... Yea sorry. Nothing else people can do for you...

I'm very sorry you misunderstood me. I will repeat. The title of my event is not up for debate. I am searching for the best way to advise my friends no presents. This would need to be something on the invitation. This is our wedding, and our choice of how to celebrate with our friends. Your input and approval is not needed. Feel free to disagree. Your opinion has been noted. I am not asking for advice on the name at all. If it ever came across that this was what I was asking for, I apologize for the miscommunication. I am looking for what wording to include in the invitation. I am not single minded, but I do know what I want. That has been very unwavering, because I am aware I am going against etiquette, and I'm pretty sure I've reiterated several times I don't care for what's socially acceptable. If I offend my friends by having this party - oh well. If they talk about me afterwards - I don't care. These are friends that I've had for over a decade, they will be friends long after my marriage.

So speaking of single minded... Do you have any advice for wording on the invitation that can convey gifts are not necessary? Because you haven't managed to answer the question yet.

chibiyui · August 2014

bridesontherun said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Why must you be so single minded about this? You asked how to word it so it wouldn't come across that you're asking for presents and you got solid answers. You don't like them. Your problem - not anyone else's. No one is going to support calling it a bridal shower because these words literally mean "gift giving event". You're just being stubborn and single minded (ironically as you accuse everyone else as being) so I don't think there is help for you if you ask for suggestions, hate all that are given and refuse to take advice... Yea sorry. Nothing else people can do for you...

I'm very sorry you misunderstood me. I will repeat. The title of my event is not up for debate. I am searching for the best way to advise my friends no presents. This would need to be something on the invitation. This is our wedding, and our choice of how to celebrate with our friends. Your input and approval is not needed. Feel free to disagree. Your opinion has been noted. I am not asking for advice on the name at all. If it ever came across that this was what I was asking for, I apologize for the miscommunication. I am looking for what wording to include in the invitation. I am not single minded, but I do know what I want. That has been very unwavering, because I am aware I am going against etiquette, and I'm pretty sure I've reiterated several times I don't care for what's socially acceptable. If I offend my friends by having this party - oh well. If they talk about me afterwards - I don't care. These are friends that I've had for over a decade, they will be friends long after my marriage.

So speaking of single minded... Do you have any advice for wording on the invitation that can convey gifts are not necessary? Because you haven't managed to answer the question yet.

I'm starting to think you're a troll playing the long game.

Because none of this makes any sense. IF you don't care about etiquette, or any sort of social mores, you wouldn't be asking how to word invitations. You'd just write "no gifts please" or a tacky ass poem if tacky ass poems are your style and be done with it. You wouldn't care if there's a proper way to indicate you don't want gifts. You wouldn't be continuing to ask for guidance as in this case you wouldn't care. You said you've seen pictures on pinterest of the "bridal bonfire", surely invitations stating no gifts were also on there.

bridesontherun · August 2014

I haven't checked there for invitations, but that is an excellent suggestion. Thanks

JoanE2012 · August 2014

There is no polite way to convey gifts are not necessary on a Bridal Shower invitation. You might as well just keep it short and simple and say "no gifts". No amount of cutesy wording is going to change the fact that what you're doing is rude.

I find it sad that you are so stubbornly stuck on calling it a Bridal Shower (or Bridal whatever) that you don't give a shit how your friends and family who are not invited to the wedding will feel. Classy.

bridesontherun · August 2014

Thanks. I've been reading that "no gifts, please" is more effective to those aiming to be rude and shitty. That's likely what I'll go with.

JoanE2012 · August 2014

bridesontherun said:

Thanks. I've been reading that "no gifts, please" is more effective to those aiming to be rude and shitty. That's likely what I'll go with.

You do know that the whole point of a Bridal Shower is to shower the bride with gifts, right? So what you're planning doesn't even make sense. Your guests are going to be confused and wonder why you titled it a Bridal Shower if they aren't supposed to bring gifts.

I feel like we're being punk'd.

MairePoppy · August 2014

We've given you good advice, you don't like it because you think you're immune to conventional etiquette. Do what you want. Why should we waste our time answering your questions?
@KnotPorscha could you assign a moderator to this board?

bridesontherun · August 2014

It'd be great if this thread could be closed. No one is offering advice to the main post. I've thanked the people that were helpful, and thanked the people that were at least nice about it. Then there's just the willful obtuse that refuse to read either the original post or the thread - I see no other reason I'm still getting... "OMG I can't believe you're being so rude, why are you so stubborn when you've been given advice to not be rude?"

I've tried responding thanking them too for their dissenting opinion and asking this thread be moved back on track, with not much luck. Luckily, after offering sarcastic advice one person gave me an idea to look off these boards for the answer, since this board was of very little help after two pages. It's a darn shame that a person looking for wedding advice, and even advice specifically related to what this board is called "Pre-Wedding Parties" can not be answered by the one place it should.

I have been taught a valuable lesson that is to first look elsewhere for my answers. There was even a MOD on this board helping to rial up this post, with no help to get it back on topic. Shame on you The Knot.

Thank you again to all the people who came here and attempted to be helpful, I do appreciate that.

Perhaps that's what "don't let the door hit you on the way off these boards" meant... That person knew no one here was going to be able to offer helpful advice and I was going to have to go elsewhere for answers... I'm thinking the rudeness of the majority of this board's post, for sure, should have been my first clue not to take any of their advice.

Until, or unless it's closed please no more comments needed. I found my answer off these boards. I will be going ahead with my Bridal Shower Bonfire and on the invitation it will simply say, No Gifts, Please. My friends will come and they will shower me with love and we will all be happy in our real lives.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

bridesontherun said:
It'd be great if this thread could be closed. No one is offering advice to the main post. I've thanked the people that were helpful, and thanked the people that were at least nice about it. Then there's just the willful obtuse that refuse to read either the original post or the thread - I see no other reason I'm still getting... "OMG I can't believe you're being so rude, why are you so stubborn when you've been given advice to not be rude?"

I've tried responding thanking them too for their dissenting opinion and asking this thread be moved back on track, with not much luck. Luckily, after offering sarcastic advice one person gave me an idea to look off these boards for the answer, since this board was of very little help after two pages. It's a darn shame that a person looking for wedding advice, and even advice specifically related to what this board is called "Pre-Wedding Parties" can not be answered by the one place it should.

I have been taught a valuable lesson that is to first look elsewhere for my answers. There was even a MOD on this board helping to rial up this post, with no help to get it back on topic. Shame on you The Knot.

Thank you again to all the people who came here and attempted to be helpful, I do appreciate that.

Perhaps that's what "don't let the door hit you on the way off these boards" meant... That person knew no one here was going to be able to offer helpful advice and I was going to have to go elsewhere for answers... I'm thinking the rudeness of the majority of this board's post, for sure, should have been my first clue not to take any of their advice.

Until, or unless it's closed please no more comments needed. I found my answer off these boards. I will be going ahead with my Bridal Shower Bonfire and on the invitation it will simply say, No Gifts, Please. My friends will come and they will shower me with love and we will all be happy in our real lives.

Lol! You weren't thankful or polite to anyone so playing the victim isn't going to work. Sorry. You were snarky and rude to anyone who didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. SURPRISE! People aren't falling over themselves to help you.

And you don't get to tell people how or whether to post... so sorry about that too.

chibiyui · August 2014

bridesontherun said:
It'd be great if this thread could be closed. No one is offering advice to the main post. I've thanked the people that were helpful, and thanked the people that were at least nice about it. Then there's just the willful obtuse that refuse to read either the original post or the thread - I see no other reason I'm still getting... "OMG I can't believe you're being so rude, why are you so stubborn when you've been given advice to not be rude?"

I've tried responding thanking them too for their dissenting opinion and asking this thread be moved back on track, with not much luck. Luckily, after offering sarcastic advice one person gave me an idea to look off these boards for the answer, since this board was of very little help after two pages. It's a darn shame that a person looking for wedding advice, and even advice specifically related to what this board is called "Pre-Wedding Parties" can not be answered by the one place it should.

I have been taught a valuable lesson that is to first look elsewhere for my answers. There was even a MOD on this board helping to rial up this post, with no help to get it back on topic. Shame on you The Knot.

Thank you again to all the people who came here and attempted to be helpful, I do appreciate that.

Perhaps that's what "don't let the door hit you on the way off these boards" meant... That person knew no one here was going to be able to offer helpful advice and I was going to have to go elsewhere for answers... I'm thinking the rudeness of the majority of this board's post, for sure, should have been my first clue not to take any of their advice.

Until, or unless it's closed please no more comments needed. I found my answer off these boards. I will be going ahead with my Bridal Shower Bonfire and on the invitation it will simply say, No Gifts, Please. My friends will come and they will shower me with love and we will all be happy in our real lives.

Troll suspicion confirmed.

JoanE2012 · August 2014

bridesontherun said:

It'd be great if this thread could be closed. No one is offering advice to the main post. I've thanked the people that were helpful, and thanked the people that were at least nice about it. Then there's just the willful obtuse that refuse to read either the original post or the thread - I see no other reason I'm still getting... "OMG I can't believe you're being so rude, why are you so stubborn when you've been given advice to not be rude?"

I've tried responding thanking them too for their dissenting opinion and asking this thread be moved back on track, with not much luck. Luckily, after offering sarcastic advice one person gave me an idea to look off these boards for the answer, since this board was of very little help after two pages. It's a darn shame that a person looking for wedding advice, and even advice specifically related to what this board is called "Pre-Wedding Parties" can not be answered by the one place it should.

I have been taught a valuable lesson that is to first look elsewhere for my answers. There was even a MOD on this board helping to rial up this post, with no help to get it back on topic. Shame on you The Knot.

Thank you again to all the people who came here and attempted to be helpful, I do appreciate that.

Perhaps that's what "don't let the door hit you on the way off these boards" meant... That person knew no one here was going to be able to offer helpful advice and I was going to have to go elsewhere for answers... I'm thinking the rudeness of the majority of this board's post, for sure, should have been my first clue not to take any of their advice.

Until, or unless it's closed please no more comments needed. I found my answer off these boards. I will be going ahead with my Bridal Shower Bonfire and on the invitation it will simply say, No Gifts, Please. My friends will come and they will shower me with love and we will all be happy in our real lives.

Ahh, yes.....perhaps you should visit Wedding Bee. They will validate your rude plans! I mean, really.....who cares about etiquette and what your family and friends think and feel......it's YOUR wedding, right? Screw 'em!

jimandpam87 · August 2014

Seriously? If you don't care about etiquette then why even ask the question, other than to stir up drama? We're not dumb, we understand what you were asking. Here are your two options:

I don't want gifts at the party.

Option 1: Follow etiquette and don't call it a bridal/shower anything.
Option 2: Don't follow etiquette and write "no gifts please" on the invite.

It's really not hard.

jimandpam87 · August 2014

bridesontherun said:

It'd be great if this thread could be closed. No one is offering advice to the main post. I've thanked the people that were helpful, and thanked the people that were at least nice about it. Then there's just the willful obtuse that refuse to read either the original post or the thread - I see no other reason I'm still getting... "OMG I can't believe you're being so rude, why are you so stubborn when you've been given advice to not be rude?"

I've tried responding thanking them too for their dissenting opinion and asking this thread be moved back on track, with not much luck. Luckily, after offering sarcastic advice one person gave me an idea to look off these boards for the answer, since this board was of very little help after two pages. It's a darn shame that a person looking for wedding advice, and even advice specifically related to what this board is called "Pre-Wedding Parties" can not be answered by the one place it should.

I have been taught a valuable lesson that is to first look elsewhere for my answers. There was even a MOD on this board helping to rial up this post, with no help to get it back on topic. Shame on you The Knot.

Thank you again to all the people who came here and attempted to be helpful, I do appreciate that.

Perhaps that's what "don't let the door hit you on the way off these boards" meant... That person knew no one here was going to be able to offer helpful advice and I was going to have to go elsewhere for answers... I'm thinking the rudeness of the majority of this board's post, for sure, should have been my first clue not to take any of their advice.

Until, or unless it's closed please no more comments needed. I found my answer off these boards. I will be going ahead with my Bridal Shower Bonfire and on the invitation it will simply say, No Gifts, Please. My friends will come and they will shower me with love and we will all be happy in our real lives.

*facepalm*

AddieCake · August 2014

Definitely a troll if you ask me.

maiorielloam6 · September 2014

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

Viczaesar · September 2014

maiorielloam6 said:

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

No. There should be no mention of gifts or registries at all on your invitation.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

maiorielloam6 said:

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

Nope. The reason is because hosts should never "expect" gifts. And when you say "no gifts" it's like saying "I'm expecting you to bring me presents so I'm telling you not to." I'd be SUPER confused if I got a "Bridal Shower" invitation that said "no gifts".... because "Bridal Shower" = gift giving event.

It's a lot more clear to just not call it a Bridal Shower, since people see those words and think "gifts". I still don't get why the OP refused to call it a Bon Voyage Bonfire. So perfect....

sbar58926 · September 2014

bridesontherun said:

scribe95 said:

Regardless if it's a shower or engagement party etc she then has to invite these people to the wedding.

Ummm no I don't, and I won't. I think you missed the part about not really caring about etticate. Did you even read the full original post?

Clearly you don't care about etiquette enough to even learn how to spell it.

A bridal shower is to shower the bride and groom with gifts, that is literally the purpose of the event. And it is rude to specify 'no gifts' because it implies that you were expecting gifts in the first place. Just call it an engagement party and be done. Even if it is right before the wedding, it fits what you want the party to be about better than a shower does.

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

No one is giving you the answer you want because there is no way to mention presents on an invitation that's not for a shower that would be polite. I'm not sure why you came here if you only wanted to hear one answer. If you are so sure no one will be offended do what you want, no one here will give you a ticket or jail you. We are just warning you that there is potential for your loved ones to talk behind your back for the etiquette breach. or even end a friendship over it.

We are having an immediate family only wedding. Part of making that decision is that you don't get engagement parties or bridal showers. If you want all the trappings you need to do a larger wedding. If you want to have an AHR before you leave just call it something else, a Bon Voyage party works. No one will bring you presents and I guarantee everyone will know why you are having it.

Some of my theater friends want to have a bachelorette party for me. I declined because our wedding is immediate family only. So they are calling it 'girls night out' and won't have any Bride or penis items or anything else that usually goes with a bachelorette party. We are going to get dinner and have a drink or two. I've satisfied etiquette by asking them to call it something else, but every girl there will know it's really to celebrate my getting married.

joey2831 · September 2014

You could try something like this "the couple would like to have you at their celebration, please no gifts as your presence is all that is required". Hope this helps. You can always try Google, that's my go to for most things.

But if I were you, I wouldn't say anything on the invite. I don't think it's necessary. I know you don't want your MOH to be getting calls from people, but once she tells a couple of people, word of mouth will spread that no gifts are necessary. If your friends want to bring you something they will even if you or the MOH say not too.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Unless you state it on the invitation "no gifts," people will bring gifts because that's the point of a shower--to "shower" you with gifts. If you (oddly) refuse to change the title, then something chliched (though bad etiquette as people put it on wedding invitation implying gifts were expected) like "Your presence is present enough" would work.

Viczaesar said:

maiorielloam6 said:

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

No. There should be no mention of gifts or registries at all on your invitation.

And you are actually allowed to put registries on the shower invite, since that's the point of a shower. It is just not allowed on wedding invitations (or anywhere else other than wedding website/shower invitations). Trust me, I've read like a dozen wedding etiquette books.

Jen4948 · September 2014

Angelaandyitzi said:

Unless you state it on the invitation "no gifts," people will bring gifts because that's the point of a shower--to "shower" you with gifts. If you (oddly) refuse to change the title, then something chliched (though bad etiquette as people put it on wedding invitation implying gifts were expected) like "Your presence is present enough" would work.

Viczaesar said:

maiorielloam6 said:

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

No. There should be no mention of gifts or registries at all on your invitation.

And you are actually allowed to put registries on the shower invite, since that's the point of a shower. It is just not allowed on wedding invitations (or anywhere else other than wedding website/shower invitations). Trust me, I've read like a dozen wedding etiquette books.

I wouldn't do the bolded.

If anyone doesn't want gifts, then they should decline a shower or any party with that name, since showers are by definition for giving and opening gifts.

Viczaesar · September 2014

Angelaandyitzi said:

Unless you state it on the invitation "no gifts," people will bring gifts because that's the point of a shower--to "shower" you with gifts. If you (oddly) refuse to change the title, then something chliched (though bad etiquette as people put it on wedding invitation implying gifts were expected) like "Your presence is present enough" would work.

Viczaesar said:

maiorielloam6 said:

I think you can just write "no gifts please" on your invite.... Right? Or something like "your presence is the only present desired", which I totally just stole off another forum...

No. There should be no mention of gifts or registries at all on your invitation.

And you are actually allowed to put registries on the shower invite, since that's the point of a shower. It is just not allowed on wedding invitations (or anywhere else other than wedding website/shower invitations). Trust me, I've read like a dozen wedding etiquette books.

That's true, I forgot this thread was about showers. I wouldn't just trust you without knowing which wedding etiquette books you've read, however, as some of them are full of crap. I don't think putting "no gifts" on the invitations for a shower when you don't want gifts at your shower is the right solution, however.

grumbledore · September 2014

bridesontherun said:

scribe95 said:

Regardless if it's a shower or engagement party etc she then has to invite these people to the wedding.

Ummm no I don't, and I won't. I think you missed the part about not really caring about etticate. Did you even read the full original post?

That's cute.

Wait, I meant gross. That's gross. And misspelled.

lovedryn · October 2014

Why not just say your vows at the bonfire party and skip all the rudeness? Then enjoy a fantastic honeymoon at your initial location. Problem solved.

Knottie98123708 · November 2014

Oh my goodness some people got very rude on here very fast! Nontraditional weddings are becoming more popular every year!

Anyway let’s forget about all the negative Nancy’s out there! You are getting married to the love of your life! You want a nontraditional way to share this excitement with your friends and family!

1. I have heard of people doing parties like this for destination wedding. In my experience even though they were not at the actual wedding, extended friends and family were thrilled to be invited to celebrate the love of two people they care for.

2. I have seen invitations that say “We have everything we need but would love you help to send us on the trip of our dreams.” (honeyfund.com) I also saw one that was pretty awesome. It was an invitation for a couple living together and instead giving gifts they encouraged people to donate to their favorite local charity. (Pinterest... if its on Pinterest you know it's not totally uncommon)

Just some ideas! Enjoy your big day!

chibiyui · November 2014

Knottie98123708 said:

Oh my goodness some people got very rude on here very fast! Nontraditional weddings are becoming more popular every year!

Anyway let’s forget about all the negative Nancy’s out there! You are getting married to the love of your life! You want a nontraditional way to share this excitement with your friends and family!

1. I have heard of people doing parties like this for destination wedding. In my experience even though they were not at the actual wedding, extended friends and family were thrilled to be invited to celebrate the love of two people they care for.

2. I have seen invitations that say “We have everything we need but would love you help to send us on the trip of our dreams.” (honeyfund.com) I also saw one that was pretty awesome. It was an invitation for a couple living together and instead giving gifts they encouraged people to donate to their favorite local charity. (Pinterest... if its on Pinterest you know it's not totally uncommon)

Just some ideas! Enjoy your big day!

So you can't read and you use the term "Negative Nancy" unironically. You must be fun at parties.

AddieCake · November 2014

Well, if it's on Pinterest, that changes EVERYTHING! I'm so glad this thread was resurrected so more bad advice could be added. OP's wedding is only a couple weeks away, so the ship has sailed, folks.

plainjane0415 · November 2014

Knottie98123708 said:

Oh my goodness some people got very rude on here very fast! Nontraditional weddings are becoming more popular every year!

Anyway let’s forget about all the negative Nancy’s out there! You are getting married to the love of your life! You want a nontraditional way to share this excitement with your friends and family!

1. I have heard of people doing parties like this for destination wedding. In my experience even though they were not at the actual wedding, extended friends and family were thrilled to be invited to celebrate the love of two people they care for.

2. I have seen invitations that say “We have everything we need but would love you help to send us on the trip of our dreams.” (honeyfund.com) I also saw one that was pretty awesome. It was an invitation for a couple living together and instead giving gifts they encouraged people to donate to their favorite local charity. (Pinterest... if its on Pinterest you know it's not totally uncommon)

Just some ideas! Enjoy your big day!

Welcome to TK! May I suggest you find your way over to the "etiquette" board? They have some pretty good ideas over there too!

We're calling it a bridal shower...

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