Caught in a pickle

Knottie81969606 · August 2014

My Fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years and finally started to plan our wedding. (We decided to be enaged for a year before actually planning, then once we planned, found out we were expecting. our little guy's 1 1/2 yo)

There are many things that I am stressing about that I probably shouldn't be stressing over:

1) The place we were planning on having our recepetion "over booked" and wanted to know if we'd be able to change our date. Mind you, we had placed a deposit 3 months before and there were absolutely no issues.

2) We already booked the caterer for that particular date (6/20/15) Considering he gets booked pretty fast and didn't even ask us for a deposit (close family friend) I'm not going to ask him to go out of his way to accommodate me for someone else's mistake.

3) Because in my heart and my gut is telling me so, my sister is "kicked out" of the bridal party. She lives in Louisiana and I don't feel as though she's taking her role as a bridesmaid at all seriously. That's just a whole different story all on it's own.

4) The entire wedding itself is being paid for by both my Fiance and myself. My in laws wouldn't lift a finger to even by my son a pack of diapers or gallon of milk, so I don't expect them offering anything to us. ( not that I did) My parents can't afford to, but I'm keeping a few of their suggestions in mind only because they really do do a lot for my Fiance and I, especially our son.

5) I'm the youngest out of 5 and the FIRST to get married, so it's sort of a big deal for my parents although I am pretty good with standing my ground on what I want.

Needless to say, we are once again on the search for a venue and I'm over thinking things that can easily be handled. If anyone knows of a simple hall (because I'm a simple girl) that allows outside catering and has a liquor licence and would like to share, that would be AMAZING!!!

penguin44 · August 2014

1) That really sucks! Have you looked at your contract to see what the terms were? Did you get your deposit back?

Have you looked at your parks and rec department, community centers, vfw halls, historical buildings?

2) That's awesome that you already have a caterer. If its a family friend, could you talk to him about the issues with the date?

3) The only role a bridesmaid has is to show up in the dress on your wedding day sober. What else are you expecting her to do? Do you really want to cause a huge ordeal with your sister? This could seriously hurt your relationship with her.

4) No one is responsible for paying for your wedding except for you and your fiance.

5) Those who pay get the say. Whether that be your or your parents.

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

marryc8589 said:

My Fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years and finally started to plan our wedding. (We decided to be enaged for a year before actually planning, then once we planned, found out we were expecting. our little guy's 1 1/2 yo)
There are many things that I am stressing about that I probably shouldn't be stressing over:
1) The place we were planning on having our recepetion "over booked" and wanted to know if we'd be able to change our date. Mind you, we had placed a deposit 3 months before and there were absolutely no issues.
Tell them no, that you've already booked your vendors and they need to fix their own problem. (In the meantime, check with your caterer if they have a different date available and would be willing to switch. If the reception venue comes back and says their hands are tied, tell them you'd be willing to switch to XX date and forget this massive oversight if they discount your package by XX%; upgrade your bar; etc.).
2) We already booked the caterer for that particular date (6/20/15) Considering he gets booked pretty fast and didn't even ask us for a deposit (close family friend) I'm not going to ask him to go out of his way to accommodate me for someone else's mistake.
See #1. You might have to. Mistakes suck but they happen and you need to find solutions or you'll drive yourself nuts. Work it to your advantage and ask for a discount from the reception venue.
3) Because in my heart and my gut is telling me so, my sister is "kicked out" of the bridal party. She lives in Louisiana and I don't feel as though she's taking her role as a bridesmaid at all seriously. That's just a whole different story all on it's own.
Kicking someone out of your bridal party will seriously damage, if not end the relationship. You're willing to accept that with your SISTER? What do you mean her "BM role"?
4) The entire wedding itself is being paid for by both my Fiance and myself. My in laws wouldn't lift a finger to even by my son a pack of diapers or gallon of milk, so I don't expect them offering anything to us. I'm sorry, but why should your FILs buy your son diapers and/or milk? He's your kid. ( not that I did) My parents can't afford to, but I'm keeping a few of their suggestions in mind only because they really do do a lot for my Fiance and I, especially our son.
This is normal. Weddings are the responsibility of the B&G - no one else's. If someone offers to help (without asking/prompting), that's great. If not, oh well.
5) I'm the youngest out of 5 and the FIRST to get married, so it's sort of a big deal for my parents although I am pretty good with standing my ground on what I want.
I don't get why you'd need to stand your ground. If you're paying for stuff, it's none of their business what you book. If you decide to involve them and they complain, then don't involve them anymore.

Needless to say, we are once again on the search for a venue and I'm over thinking things that can easily be handled. If anyone knows of a simple hall (because I'm a simple girl) that allows outside catering and has a liquor licence and would like to share, that would be AMAZING!!!

If you're on the hunt another venue, post to your local board. If you have confidence that this is a one time oversight, you might consider sticking with this venue and using the mistake to your advantage.

PineapplePopsicles · August 2014

marryc8589 said:

My Fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years and finally started to plan our wedding. (We decided to be enaged for a year before actually planning, then once we planned, found out we were expecting. our little guy's 1 1/2 yo)
There are many things that I am stressing about that I probably shouldn't be stressing over:
1) The place we were planning on having our recepetion "over booked" and wanted to know if we'd be able to change our date. Mind you, we had placed a deposit 3 months before and there were absolutely no issues.
2) We already booked the caterer for that particular date (6/20/15) Considering he gets booked pretty fast and didn't even ask us for a deposit (close family friend) I'm not going to ask him to go out of his way to accommodate me for someone else's mistake.
3) Because in my heart and my gut is telling me so, my sister is "kicked out" of the bridal party. She lives in Louisiana and I don't feel as though she's taking her role as a bridesmaid at all seriously. That's just a whole different story all on it's own.
4) The entire wedding itself is being paid for by both my Fiance and myself. My in laws wouldn't lift a finger to even by my son a pack of diapers or gallon of milk, so I don't expect them offering anything to us. ( not that I did) My parents can't afford to, but I'm keeping a few of their suggestions in mind only because they really do do a lot for my Fiance and I, especially our son.
5) I'm the youngest out of 5 and the FIRST to get married, so it's sort of a big deal for my parents although I am pretty good with standing my ground on what I want.

Needless to say, we are once again on the search for a venue and I'm over thinking things that can easily be handled. If anyone knows of a simple hall (because I'm a simple girl) that allows outside catering and has a liquor licence and would like to share, that would be AMAZING!!!

Why is your sister kicked out?

Where are you located? This is an international forum - you'll have to be more specific with requests for venues.

Why are you the one that has to give up your reception date if you booked first? Push back & say no!!

lyndausvi · August 2014

She lives in Louisiana and I don't feel as though she's taking her role as a bridesmaid at all seriously.

I do not know what that even means.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

Two things, OP:
1). Kicking your sister out of your bridal party was not cool. The only justifiable reason for this would be if she slept with your FI or something equally terrible. Your wedding is in 10 months; she has nothing to "take seriously" at this point.
2). You ask for suggestions for a nice hall. We don't know where you live. I suggest posting on a board for your location to get some advice.

climbingsingle · August 2014

You kicked your sister out of your wedding because she's not taking her role seriously? Please for the love of god - tell me you are joking.

Knottie81969606 · August 2014

I'm fully capable of taking care of my son's diapers and such. I brought up my in laws because they're very "suggestive" on how I should do the wedding. I'm Cambodian and my Fiance is Guatemalan, so there's a big cultural difference. I honestly don't expect anyone to pay anything AT ALL. But it would be nice for them to understand that we are trying to keep both families traditions in mind.

We did get our deposit back, because instead of offering a different date at a lower price, the guy said "we can give you a different date, but if you really want that one, we'd need the $700 deposit by Friday" (3 days later)

I live in Rhode Island.

I kicked my sister out because we are not on good terms and no matter how hard I try to talk to her about it, she just argues. I also feel as though she's trying to make the wedding about her and keeps making me feel bad about every decision I make. I've also told her I'd prefer for her to be the translator for the wedding. (so she's technically still part of the wedding) The only role I asked her to do was to find a Cambodian seamstress in Mass. I was planning on having a traditional Khmer dress for my wedding. We don't have any good seamstresses in Rhode Island to make a khmer dress. I asked her to do it because I'm not as fluent in Cambodian as she is. I would ask my mom, but she just keeps sending to these women that (I think) aren't good.

She also invited HERSELF to be my bridesmaid and that I HAD to have her in it.

rooz103 · August 2014

I'm sorry you have to go back to venue searching, and I agree with PP about posting on your local board for better luck. In general, I had better luck googling for "party hall rental" than when looking for wedding stuff--I got a lot of hits for smaller, simpler places that were friendlier towards my budget and catering requirements.

How much older is your sister and does it matter to her (or your parents) that you're getting married before she is? If so, that might account for some of the negativity that you're getting. As for the seamstress, you might be better off looking on your own based of referrals from friends of friends or online. That way you can see first hand what their work is like, as opposed to hoping your sister has the same standards as you.

By the way, I'm sending you wishes for the best in planning a inter-cultural wedding. People can get crazy about this kind of stuff, so hopefully it works out smoothly for you.

zitiqueen · August 2014

marryc8589 said:

I'm fully capable of taking care of my son's diapers and such. I brought up my in laws because they're very "suggestive" on how I should do the wedding. I'm Cambodian and my Fiance is Guatemalan, so there's a big cultural difference. I honestly don't expect anyone to pay anything AT ALL. But it would be nice for them to understand that we are trying to keep both families traditions in mind.

We did get our deposit back, because instead of offering a different date at a lower price, the guy said "we can give you a different date, but if you really want that one, we'd need the $700 deposit by Friday" (3 days later)

I live in Rhode Island.

I kicked my sister out because we are not on good terms and no matter how hard I try to talk to her about it, she just argues. I also feel as though she's trying to make the wedding about her and keeps making me feel bad about every decision I make. I've also told her I'd prefer for her to be the translator for the wedding. (so she's technically still part of the wedding) The only role I asked her to do was to find a Cambodian seamstress in Mass. I was planning on having a traditional Khmer dress for my wedding. We don't have any good seamstresses in Rhode Island to make a khmer dress. I asked her to do it because I'm not as fluent in Cambodian as she is. I would ask my mom, but she just keeps sending to these women that (I think) aren't good.
She also invited HERSELF to be my bridesmaid and that I HAD to have her in it.

So you want to kick your sister out of your wedding because you're a doormat?

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

I'm really sorry to hear about your venue. I don't know anyone in RI for any recommendations either. Try your local board for ideas.

As far as kicking your sister out if an honorary guest role and then giving her a job you'd normally PAY someone to do (translate - gee that sounds fun!).... I just. Ugh. No wonder she's pissed at you. I don't get why you didn't just stop talking to her about your wedding if she was argumentative... And you probably know this but finding a seamstress is YOUR job. If I were your sister and you'd treated me like it sounds like you've treated her, I wouldn't help you for beans. If she's still willing to help you and work for you (translate) you're lucky and should be thanking her. Not bitching about her.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

So let me get this straight.... You and your sister are at odds. Sister invites herself to be in your bridal party. You ask her to find a seamstress for you (which would have been a favor, not a responsibility, btw). You kick her out. And you still want her to be a translator? Shit , if I were that sister, I would be totally mistranslating things to eff up the ceremony. But that's just me.

zitiqueen · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

So let me get this straight.... You and your sister are at odds. Sister invites herself to be in your bridal party. You ask her to find a seamstress for you (which would have been a favor, not a responsibility, btw). You kick her out. And you still want her to be a translator? Shit , if I were that sister, I would be totally mistranslating things to eff up the ceremony. But that's just me.

Yeah, like that sign-language interpreter at Nelson Mandela's funeral.

climbingsingle · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

So let me get this straight.... You and your sister are at odds. Sister invites herself to be in your bridal party. You ask her to find a seamstress for you (which would have been a favor, not a responsibility, btw). You kick her out. And you still want her to be a translator? Shit , if I were that sister, I would be totally mistranslating things to eff up the ceremony. But that's just me.

Word.

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