Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wording for Groom Speech at Reception.

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Re: Wording for Groom Speech at Reception.

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just watned to add that I've also never seen a groom give a speech or a toast at a wedding. 

    Also, I think it was really wrong of you and your FI to ask both your parents and his parents for money. I can understand why your FFIL was upset. Your FI owes him an apology. 
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.

    image
  • My DH gave a toast at our reception. It was basically a thank you for coming type of thing but he did mention my parents and how much we appreciated all of their help.
    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLost
  • melbensomelbenso Hoth, apparently member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    DH and I jointly stood up to briefly thank our guests after my brother gave the only (brief) toast at our wedding. DH actually did the talking, since I had said a quick thank you to all of our RD guests, which included out of town friends and family. The "speech" went something like this: "We'd like to thank you all for coming today. Having so many people we love with us made our wedding even more special. We'd especially like to thank our families for all of their love and support. We love you all."
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I feel like people are skimming the information. I do agree that I was vague with what happened with my parents and his, but that's because it was supposed to be vague because that's not the question I was asking. That was just general background information.  This entire conversation exploded way more then even made sense. 

    My grammar was pretty abysmal and I definitely missed out on several commas and misspelled some things, but I was pretty exhausted when I wrote the original post so hopefully that can be forgiven. 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.

    Equally inappropriate.



    [Deleted User]RebeccaFlowerSars06MNVegas
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Viczaesar said:

    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.

    Equally inappropriate.
    I was only trying to help the OP in things she could have said. I would like to know what would have been more appropriate to say in a situation where you need your parents help for a wedding.  I'm planning my own, and I would truly like to know what the best way is to go about getting help financially from your parents with a wedding etiquette wise.  Disclaimer: no snark intended, just looking for constructive help. :)
    image
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited August 2014


    Viczaesar said:



    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.


    Equally inappropriate.


    I was only trying to help the OP in things she could have said. I would like to know what would have been more appropriate to say in a situation where you need your parents help for a wedding.  I'm planning my own, and I would truly like to know what the best way is to go about getting help financially from your parents with a wedding etiquette wise.  Disclaimer: no snark intended, just looking for constructive help. :)


    I stand by my original statement. If anybody wants to help fund your wedding, they will make it known without you bringing it up. My aunts and uncles figured out how to mail me checks for my birthday years ago without me ever asking.

    Always plan the wedding you and your FI can afford, no more. If you are planning on having extra money from any source, wait til you have it hand. Every week here, there are stories of brides who have been promised money, only to have it fall through.

    ETA knotting on mobile = FUBARed post
    Anniversary

    image
    plainjane0415wrigleyvilleSars06
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Viczaesar said:

    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.

    Equally inappropriate.
    I was only trying to help the OP in things she could have said. I would like to know what would have been more appropriate to say in a situation where you need your parents help for a wedding.  I'm planning my own, and I would truly like to know what the best way is to go about getting help financially from your parents with a wedding etiquette wise.  Disclaimer: no snark intended, just looking for constructive help. :)
    You don't ever bring it up or ask for it. Full stop.

    IF parents offer. You may accept if you wish.

    You plan a wedding that you and your FI can afford. If anyone offers - FABULOUS! (maybe) because remember that money has strings attached.
    plainjane0415msuprincess04
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:

    I totally get wanting to discuss budget with your parents when you start to plan a wedding.  I think everyone does it, and yes sometimes it can be awkward (it was a little for me) but coming right out and asking how much they would like to contribute just isn't the right way to ask.  You could have asked(when the subject of wedding planning came up)  if they would like to help with anything such as decorations, flowers, favors, things like that.  Even though that is essentially helping you with the cost of things, its not coming right out to say "hey, give me some money" and if you knew your FI's dad had a tendency to be flaky and that he may not be in the position to help financially, I'm not sure I would have even asked in the first place.  I hope all of this makes sense, and I would definitely have your FI apologize to his dad.  It's tough when people are suffering financially, and his dad would want to know that his son cares enough to say I'm sorry about putting you in a bad spot.

    Equally inappropriate.
    I was only trying to help the OP in things she could have said. I would like to know what would have been more appropriate to say in a situation where you need your parents help for a wedding.  I'm planning my own, and I would truly like to know what the best way is to go about getting help financially from your parents with a wedding etiquette wise.  Disclaimer: no snark intended, just looking for constructive help. :)
    You wait for them to approach you and offer help.  You don't need your parents' help for a wedding - all you need for a wedding is you and your FI, an officiant, a license, and possibly witnesses.  Everything else is frosting.  The only people responsible for paying or doing anything for your wedding are you and your FI.  If nobody offers to help, you throw the wedding you can afford.  If they do offer help, remember that money comes with strings.



    plainjane0415
  • edited August 2014
    The only time I've heard of a groom giving a speech at a wedding was the one Kanye West gave when he married Kim Kartrashian and it was 20 minutes long. So yeah, if Kanye West is the one setting the standard, just don't do it.

    ETF typo
    plainjane0415climbingsingle
  • Viczaesar said:
    In regards to your speech question, I say do whatever you want. I've seen groom speeches before and they do turn out very nice. I guess speech is a bad word too, it's more like a toast. Just something simple thanking everyone for coming. If your groom is not comfortable doing this, he doesn't have to. You two could also do something together. I think when it comes to toast at weddings, the phrase "it's my wedding and I'll do what I want" can apply. As long as you don't have like ten toasts and they're all like ten minutes long. Then, yeah that'd be annoying. Just be mindful of how many toasts you have and their length and you should be good :)
    And I think that phrase should be stripped from the English language and burned in effigy.
    Okay, I wasn't saying that phrase should be used all the time. I'm well aware of the fact it can lead to major etiquette faux pas. But when it comes to things that really have nothing to do with etiquette, and more so personal opinion like - toasts, center pieces, colors, yadda yadda then that phrase can be used.
  • The only time I've heard of a groom giving a speech at a wedding was the one Kanye West gave when he married Kim Kartrashian and it was 20 minutes long. So yeah, if Kanye West is the one setting the standard, just don't do it.

    ETF typo
    I'm as against Kim and Kanye as the next person, but they weren't the first couple to ever have a groom's toast at a wedding. By this standard, bride's shouldn't wear white dresses anymore because Kim did.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • DH gave a quick toast thanking everyone for being a part of our special day. Most guests don't like to sit through multiple speeches, so we tried to keep them short and sweet. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    PrettyGirlLost
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 2014
    I was only trying to help the OP in things she could have said. I would like to know what would have been more appropriate to say in a situation where you need your parents help for a wedding.  I'm planning my own, and I would truly like to know what the best way is to go about getting help financially from your parents with a wedding etiquette wise.  Disclaimer: no snark intended, just looking for constructive help. :)

    *Stuck in the box*
    You plan whatever you can afford. If people want to help, they will.

    We had a feeling H's parents were planning to contribute, as they'd mentioned something to H before he met me, but we didn't bring it up. Situations can change; plus, it's rude.

    So, we budgeted what we could afford, and when his parents asked what our plans were, we told them about our venue, the food, and so on. They said, "Oh, we set aside some money, so if you want to get more flowers or something, we can help." We left it at that and didn't ask how much they were planning to give us. H simply said, "Thanks, we appreciate that, but it's not necessary."

    We stuck with our budget, and then, about a month later, they sent us a check for $1000. Once we had that money in hand, we added it to the wedding budget. We used it to upgrade our appetizers and invite a few more people (close friends of his parents). We also sent them a thank you card the second I put the check in the bank.

    Bottom line: Don't plan on the funds until you actually have them, and don't bring it up. Parents are smart enough to know that any money helps, and if they have it, and want to, they'll offer it. :)
    plainjane0415[Deleted User]
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    The only time I've heard of a groom giving a speech at a wedding was the one Kanye West gave when he married Kim Kartrashian and it was 20 minutes long. So yeah, if Kanye West is the one setting the standard, just don't do it.

    ETF typo

    "Ima let you finish, but Beyonce had the best Weddig of all time!"



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    bmydesigner
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