Body Love spinoff- Skinny Shaming

RebeccaFlower · August 2014

I am petite. 5'2'' and 107lb and I've struggled with body image my whole life, slipping in and out of eating disorders all through college. I've finally gotten the treatment I've needed and I'm in a really good place. I've had three encounters in the last month or so with people telling me to eat more (my uncle I see 2-3 times a year), a woman in the grocery store looking at my cart telling me "no wonder I stay so thin" and a woman I know saw me running and said it's not like I need to loose weight. I also heard that new song "All About That Bass" and while I love the message, it says something about telling all those 'skinny bitches' something.

I'm not offended by these statements per say, it just makes me wonder since if I said anything on the flip side, they would be horrified.

I guess this turned into more of a vent than anything. How should I respond? I get all flustered!

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Yeah it pisses me off when anybody says anything about someone's body. Like "real women have curves." No, some women have curves. Not all. You're still a "real woman" for crying out loud.

The "skinny bitches" lyric comes after someone saying she's fat, so I'm thinking it's judgy people who are the bitches, not all skinny people.

LittlePeachBlossom · August 2014

This infuriates me to no end. Back in my leaner days, a coworker would slip in 'skinny minny' occasionally when referring to me. I ran out of patience and told her it was unacceptable, she shouldn't be discussing or judging my body and to stop projecting her insecurities on to me.

I get so ragey when I hear that now.

lurkergirl · August 2014

Body shaming is shitty and should not be done.

As a skinny person, if someone comments negatively on my weight, I assume they're jealous. Typically negative comments don't come from other skinny people.

When I carried more weight in middle school and people called me fat? I basically wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Nobody who's big is thinking anyone is jealous of them.

It's wrong to body shame in any way, but having experienced it from both sides, being heavier and getting made fun of hurt a lot more.

What's interesting now is that I have started working out a little bit to get toned (I may be small, but it's all soft!) and having friends say, "you don't need to work out!" Um, just because I am small doesn't mean I'm healthy. Yes, I do need to work out.

IDK, OP sounds like her issues run a lot deeper than mine, but that is my experience, FWIW.

cupcait927 · August 2014

I've always been thin and have dealt with the same comments my whole life. I grew up hearing rumors that I must be anorexic, that I was "too skinny", and seeing all these facebook posts that "real women have curves". I just got really good at brushing it off when people made those comments to me, and in some cases spoke up and defended my weight. It can be just as hard for people who are very thin as it is for people who are overweight. No one likes going to work and hearing that everyone is saying you have an eating disorder, that you must be sick because why else would you be that thin? Mind you, I was between 110 and 115 at 5'5" (put on maybe 10 pounds since FI and I started dating). I'm sorry that you're dealing with this as well. It sucks that no matter what a woman's body looks like, someone will judge her.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

I'm plus-sized, so maybe I'm posting in the wrong thread

. My sister went through an eating disorder and was even in a 6-week treatment program for it. So, I can say "from the other side" that I have seen what EDs can do to women and my heart goes out to y'all.

It was interesting, though - I visited my sister while she was in her treatment program and met some of the other women in treatment. I'm still FB friends with several of them. Based on what the "world" says ED looks like, they would probably never guess that these women were fighting one. Few of them were gaunt skinny. They just each had their own individual story and journey.

lurkergirl · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

I'm plus-sized, so maybe I'm posting in the wrong thread . My sister went through an eating disorder and was even in a 6-week treatment program for it. So, I can say "from the other side" that I have seen what EDs can do to women and my heart goes out to y'all.

It was interesting, though - I visited my sister while she was in her treatment program and met some of the other women in treatment. I'm still FB friends with several of them. Based on what the "world" says ED looks like, they would probably never guess that these women were fighting one. Few of them were gaunt skinny. They just each had their own individual story and journey.

Not everyone who is thin has an eating disorder. I don't think that's what you meant to say, but that's how I read the bolded.

jenna8984 · August 2014

It does suck. My best friend/ MOH is from Greece and her mom and sisters all have big curves and dark features. She is a stick figure (nothing wrong with that) with blonde hair. She gets so many comments about not looking like her family and "eat a cheeseburger". She struggles so hard to put on even a pound so it really hurts her feelings.

People can be such assholes. I've never been one to keep my mouth shut when I'm disrespected so I definitely would have said something to grocery store lady like "that was fucking rude, mind your business".

LittlePeachBlossom · August 2014

Sarahbear31 sorry to hear about your eating disorder. People are shitty and think they have a right to comment on your body. Just because someone's thin it doesn't mean it necessarily comes easy or that they're happy with their weight. Likewise, just because someone's overweight it doesn't mean they're not putting effort into being healthier or that they aren't happy with themselves.

Peaseblossom55 · August 2014

I'm 4'10" and about 85lbs, so I'm tiny and skinny. I've been like this my whole life. I've also danced most of it too. I've had issues on and off with body image and dancing too. I hate being told I need to eat more, or when people make comments about how much I eat. It's so annoying, I really wish people would just mind their own business.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

lurkergirl, I was actually speaking to @RebeccaFlower's ED. But I DEFINITELY agree that not everyone who is thin has an ED.

@LittlePeachBlossom, thanks. My sister is actually the one who was diagnosed with an ED and is now doing great. I just have shitty body image.

ElcaB · August 2014

I love All About That Bass.

If you listen to the lyrics, she says,"I'm bringing booty back/Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that/No I'm just playing I know you think you're fat." To me, the message of the song is all the women in all the sizes are perfect, just the way they are.

I am sorry to hear you struggle with body image. As for how to respond when people make disparaging comments about your size, I'd suggest letting them know it's impolite to comment on the eating/exercising habits of others. I doubt they even realize how rude they're being, which doesn't excuse it, but it's ignorance.

Jells2dot0 · August 2014

I am 5'3" and for most of my life, under 110 lbs. In the last 10 years, it's more around 120. In high school and college, I was constantly asked if I was anorexic. Even my XMIL said something to my mom the first day they met. My mom was super offended, as was I. I also punched a guy in high school over it. I felt like there was something was wrong with me and I had to come up with some explanation for it.

Due to my chemo, I'm now hovering around 140. I was told by all of my doctors to bulk up and I really feared dropping below 120, as everyone suspected I'd lose weight from the meds. I didn't want to get those comments again. Now, I'm fearing the overweight comments. There just isn't a "win" with any of it.

JCbride2015 · August 2014

I am about as medium-sized as you can get (size 6/8) and I still feel insecure sometimes. My mom is my weight but a few inches taller, and was even thinner when she was younger. I grew up always hearing her bash her body and noticing that she was thinner than me. So if he hated her own ass so much, what was she thinking about my jiggly tummy?

You can't win, seriously. Somebody always has something to say.

Bubblegum5586 · August 2014

I hear ya. I have been thin my whole life (and if you look at my dad and his mother I may always be thin). I have heard so many comments my whole life abut gaining weight etc. Legit... the only way I can gain weight is by working out building muscle.

Overall I am happy with my body (don't we all have something little we wish we could change) but it doesn't change how obnoxious comments can be sometimes or the rumors that can spread in my family...

My personal "favorite" is when one my co-workers comments on the "air sandwhiches" I eat.

LittlePeachBlossom · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

lurkergirl, I was actually speaking to @RebeccaFlower's ED. But I DEFINITELY agree that not everyone who is thin has an ED.

@LittlePeachBlossom, thanks. My sister is actually the one who was diagnosed with an ED and is now doing great. I just have shitty body image.

Ahhh... I seem to be sucking at reading comprehension this morning. I'm happy to hear your sister is doing so well.

hikebikebemerry · August 2014

One of my good friends is thin, and she always has been (I've known her since I was 5 and she was 8); people are always saying nasty things to her about how she's anorexic, she needs to gain weight, etc.

She just tells people that she's training for the National Hide and Seek team. They figured out from there that they were out of line.

I really don't understand why people care so much about how others look that they need to comment on it.

Senecaf · August 2014

I've been incredibly thin my whole life. I'm 5'3 is and 105. I thankfully stopped getting offended by skinny comments when I was in middle school. I realized I couldn't change it no matter what and often people think they are being funny and are not intending to be hurtful. So it stopped hurting.

Now I work out and lift heavy often to give my body shape. Otherwise I'm just skinny with a belly. Not cute. My real issues is my lack of breasts. It really bothers me and makes shopping depressing and difficult. I cannot wait till I can afford to buy myself a B cup.

ohmrs2014 · August 2014

I feel like too many people fat or skinny shame. To me, its about neither; its about being healthy and happy. I too suffered from an ED in high school, but not many people in my social circle know it. Luckily my DH does so when people comment that I've put on weight (even though I work out and eat right, sometimes it just happens) DH can see it bothers me but I've learned to just take it with a grain of salt. Even thought I'm slightly overweight, I am healthy for the most part and thats all that matters.

Cookie Pusher · August 2014

Peaseblossom55 said:

I'm 4'10" and about 85lbs, so I'm tiny and skinny. I've been like this my whole life. I've also danced most of it too. I've had issues on and off with body image and dancing too. I hate being told I need to eat more, or when people make comments about how much I eat. It's so annoying, I really wish people would just mind their own business.

I'm roughly your size. I've always had a very healthy appetite, and my mother used to constantly make comments about how I was going to eat them out of house and home, how I eat more than grown men, and would get asked things like, "Are you SURE you want to eat all of that?" My kid sister got a bunch of her friends to encircle me on the playground (we're 6 years apart) and moo at me. Literally, making cow noises. There were always comments about how I can't give anyone hand-me-downs because my clothes were too big, how only fat people have boobs (I was always on the busty side), etc. When I lost weight in college, I was suddenly too skinny, needed to eat a sandwich, bony, etc. I just... couldn't win with them. Choreographers and instructors were even more brutal - I mean, how many times can one person lose "that last 5 lbs" before they're finally thin enough for a part?

It took many years for me to finally get to a place where I was comfortable with my weight and how my body looked. My mom still makes comments about how squishy-looking I am, and I've learned to accept it. What I can't accept is when random ladies at the grocery store or the mall tell me I look sickly because I swear I don't!

Inkdancer · August 2014

Dear everyone, You are beautiful and I love you. That is all.

KatieinBkln · August 2014

Senecaf said:

I've been incredibly thin my whole life. I'm 5'3 is and 105. I thankfully stopped getting offended by skinny comments when I was in middle school. I realized I couldn't change it no matter what and often people think they are being funny and are not intending to be hurtful. So it stopped hurting. Now I work out and lift heavy often to give my body shape. Otherwise I'm just skinny with a belly. Not cute. My real issues is my lack of breasts. It really bothers me and makes shopping depressing and difficult. I cannot wait till I can afford to buy myself a B cup.

"Buy myself a B cup" is a delightful phrase. That is all.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2014

Unpopular opinion here, but I think many times people are just being overly sensitive to comments that are intended to be benign. That doesn't mean the comments aren't boneheaded and stupid, but the majority are not intended to be some type of shaming. if you feel someone has crossed a boundary and said something inappropriate to you, then speak up and politely let them know.

For the majority of my life I was rail thin- I am 5'4" and was 115lbs soaking wet and was hippy. If I would have had boobs I would have been an hourglass. I did not and have never had an eating disorder. I was just thin. I danced for about 15 years. People would make comments from time to time, about being skinny, I need to eat more- I ate like a horse actually- and they never bothered me. No one ever assumed or thought I was anorexic.

Guess what happens as you ages, ladies? Your metabolism slows down. So now I'm about 135lbs and while according to physicians and the BMI charts etc. I'm healthy, I personally don't like where the weight is distributed on my frame. . . except that I finally got some boobs!!! So at some point I need to get over my anger at having to work out now, and just go work out a little, lol!

Senecaf said:

I've been incredibly thin my whole life. I'm 5'3 is and 105. I thankfully stopped getting offended by skinny comments when I was in middle school. I realized I couldn't change it no matter what and often people think they are being funny and are not intending to be hurtful. So it stopped hurting. Now I work out and lift heavy often to give my body shape. Otherwise I'm just skinny with a belly. Not cute. My real issues is my lack of breasts. It really bothers me and makes shopping depressing and difficult. I cannot wait till I can afford to buy myself a B cup.

Yes, I always have to have dresses taken in at the bust because for some Goddamn reason designers just assume that if you are hippy you must also have huge boobs. Um, no!

I considered getting a boob job just to even me out a bit, but then I saw how nasty the recovery is and I found these "explants" at Vickies: https://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/lingerie-extras/shaping-inserts?ProductID=160251&CatalogueType=OLS

I also just got over giving a shit and I'm fine with having dresses altered at the bust. Plus big boobs get in the way with horseback riding. . . I have seen big breasted women ride and it isn't pretty ><

LadyMillil · August 2014

I've been skinny shamed for about 10 years by my sister and she has spent the last 10 years battling EDs. I started to eat more healthy, exercise and just generally take better care of myself when I moved away for university, and this was around the time that she was hospitalized for being so underweight the doctors were worried that her heart would just give up. When she was released from the hospital she would make all these comments about me making healthy choices because I wanted to lose weight, and she kept making food and baking goodies to try to fatten me up because I was too skinny. Pot meet kettle. It was a way for her to avoid dealing with her issues by focusing on my habits, and she got it into her mind that she wasn't "fat" if she was smaller than me.

cupcait927 · August 2014

@PrettyGirlLost I was pretty good about letting a lot of the comments go, like that I needed to eat more or that I looked "too skinny", as if something was wrong with me, but it crossed a line when people started speculating that I had an eating disorder. It made me feel like there was something so wrong with me and the only way people could understand it was to think that I was sick. My roommate from college was inundated with questions from people at home, asking if I was anorexic (we went to the same high school), and it happened again a few year later at a job that I had. Everyone whispering that I must have an eating disorder. That's body shaming and that hurt.

I think that comments about anyone's weight, regardless of what that number is, should be kept to one's self. Weight doesn't need to be discussed. I would never go up to an overweight person and tell them that they needed to stop eating because I know that's rude. I have no idea why they might be overweight. So it shouldn't then be okay to tell a skinny person to eat more or to put on more weight. You (general you) can't possibly know why a person is the weight that they are so it's not fair to make any kind of comment. You may never know what kind of emotional impact that it's making on a person.

JennyColada · August 2014

As a naturally thin person with a naturally not-thin mom, I do feel like I feel generally more confident with my body image and probably encounter less shaming. But it is hurtful to be referred to as "the anorexic looking girl", and I often get self conscious about looking TOO thin or TOO bony through no fault of my own.

smalfrie19 · August 2014

cupcait927 said:

@PrettyGirlLost I was pretty good about letting a lot of the comments go, like that I needed to eat more or that I looked "too skinny", as if something was wrong with me, but it crossed a line when people started speculating that I had an eating disorder. It made me feel like there was something so wrong with me and the only way people could understand it was to think that I was sick. My roommate from college was inundated with questions from people at home, asking if I was anorexic (we went to the same high school), and it happened again a few year later at a job that I had. Everyone whispering that I must have an eating disorder. That's body shaming and that hurt.
I think that comments about anyone's weight, regardless of what that number is, should be kept to one's self. Weight doesn't need to be discussed. I would never go up to an overweight person and tell them that they needed to stop eating because I know that's rude. I have no idea why they might be overweight. So it shouldn't then be okay to tell a skinny person to eat more or to put on more weight. You (general you) can't possibly know why a person is the weight that they are so it's not fair to make any kind of comment. You may never know what kind of emotional impact that it's making on a person.

the thing is that people do this. There are people out there who are FAT HATERS and they do this to people.

Its disgusting on both sides of the fence. Speculating about an eating disorder is abhorrent. Fat hating is abhorrent.

However, a lyric about telling skinny people that we are bringing curves back into the "attractive spectrum" is neither.

pinkshorts27 · August 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Unpopular opinion here, but I think many times people are just being overly sensitive to comments that are intended to be benign. That doesn't mean the comments aren't boneheaded and stupid, but the majority are not intended to be some type of shaming. if you feel someone has crossed a boundary and said something inappropriate to you, then speak up and politely let them know.

For the majority of my life I was rail thin- I am 5'4" and was 115lbs soaking wet and was hippy. If I would have had boobs I would have been an hourglass. I did not and have never had an eating disorder. I was just thin. I danced for about 15 years. People would make comments from time to time, about being skinny, I need to eat more- I ate like a horse actually- and they never bothered me. No one ever assumed or thought I was anorexic.

Guess what happens as you ages, ladies? Your metabolism slows down. So now I'm about 135lbs and while according to physicians and the BMI charts etc. I'm healthy, I personally don't like where the weight is distributed on my frame. . . except that I finally got some boobs!!! So at some point I need to get over my anger at having to work out now, and just go work out a little, lol!

Senecaf said:

I've been incredibly thin my whole life. I'm 5'3 is and 105. I thankfully stopped getting offended by skinny comments when I was in middle school. I realized I couldn't change it no matter what and often people think they are being funny and are not intending to be hurtful. So it stopped hurting. Now I work out and lift heavy often to give my body shape. Otherwise I'm just skinny with a belly. Not cute. My real issues is my lack of breasts. It really bothers me and makes shopping depressing and difficult. I cannot wait till I can afford to buy myself a B cup.

Yes, I always have to have dresses taken in at the bust because for some Goddamn reason designers just assume that if you are hippy you must also have huge boobs. Um, no!

I considered getting a boob job just to even me out a bit, but then I saw how nasty the recovery is and I found these "explants" at Vickies: https://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/lingerie-extras/shaping-inserts?ProductID=160251&CatalogueType=OLS

I also just got over giving a shit and I'm fine with having dresses altered at the bust. Plus big boobs get in the way with horseback riding. . . I have seen big breasted women ride and it isn't pretty ><

On the other hand, no matter the dress my boobs don't fit in it! It will fit everywhere besides the boobs. I get giant sizes to fit my boobs inside the dress and suddenly the dress is huge everywhere else on me.

cupcait927 · August 2014

@smalfrie19 oh I know that there are people who do fat shame. And it's awful. No one should be made to feel bad about their body, skinny or fat. Thin or overweight. It's just my opinion, and it may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel that there is a perception out there that it's "okay" to tell someone you think they're too thin, or that they need to gain some weight. That it's not this hot button issue like fat shaming is because being thin is seen as a "desirable" trait so how could anyone possibly be offended by hearing that they are too thin? But it is hurtful and it is shameful.

smalfrie19 · August 2014

cupcait927 said:

@smalfrie19 oh I know that there are people who do fat shame. And it's awful. No one should be made to feel bad about their body, skinny or fat. Thin or overweight. It's just my opinion, and it may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel that there is a perception out there that it's "okay" to tell someone you think they're too thin, or that they need to gain some weight. That it's not this hot button issue like fat shaming is because being thin is seen as a "desirable" trait so how could anyone possibly be offended by hearing that they are too thin? But it is hurtful and it is shameful.

i think this is the core of it. Who would ever get tired of hearing they are "too pretty" or "too attractive"

disclaimer: I am not advocating its right, just pointing out that there is a place where the mentality comes from.

I mean even MODELS don't look in real life, like they do on magazine covers. It's disgusting that this society has just made "perfection" unattainable. And there are still women who believe the skinnier you are the more attractive you are. And that's just not the case.

the whole body image thing is just revolting. And I too get so caught up in it. There are days I HATE my body. I mean for christ sake I am 5'1" and 153 or so.. I still weigh myself every day.. EVERY DAY. I am by no means skinny, but I am not fat either. I mean the other day I stepped on the scale and I was one pound up from the day before and it took every fiber of my being to not just go back to bed and say fuck it.. Christ people A POUND.. is that really what i should be worried about? NOOOO!!!

its fucked up that I logically know all of this and I still struggle with my feelings.

VulgarGirl · August 2014

I'm a skinny girl. I'm a short girl too. I've always been small. I also eat like a teenage line backer going through a growth spurt. And I'm always eating. I'm eating right now (PB cheerios and M&Ms, "trail mix") in fact.

I've heard it all. How I need to eat more or how I must be bulimic. Seriously, in elementry school I wouldn't go to the bathroom right after I ate because everyone would say I was throwing up my food. And now I get "Why do you bother with working out?" because I want to healthy. Or "Oh just you wait, your metabolism will slow down one day!" well based on my mom and dad...that day is way far off in the future as they haven't hit it yet. And why do people say that? Like "Oh, you'll get fat one day and I'm gonna be there to watch!!!" like it's some curse or something? If my metabolism slows, I'll eat less. If I gain some weight, whatever no big thing. I'll buy bigger pants.

Now despite being little, I got a booty. Definitely have a booty. So I also hear about how I have a big butt. And in elementary school those same kids that said I was bulimic also said I was fat because I had a big ass. Now...what?! How does that make sense? I'm fat and also skinny at the same time. Got it.

I love women. Yeah, yeah, FI is my one true love. I totally ship SoFi, it's my OTP in my life. But come on, I know ya'll check out other dudes, I check out other girls. I have been attracted to women who are tall, who are short, who are thin, who are big, who are black, who are white, who are Asian, who are Latina, who are butch, who are femme, who are gay, who are bi, and even some who are straight (seriously straight girl crushes suck). Because I love women. And I hate, and loath, and am disgusted by the fact that their exists the idea in this society that one kind of woman is better then another kind. It's bullshit. Total and complete bullshit.

Of course it shouldn't be "If someone else" loves us then we're good enough, attractive enough, because we are good enough and attractive enough regardless of who does or does not find us attractive.

I hate when I hear women say "I might be X, but that's never stopped me from landing a man", because what you're saying is "The way I look is acceptable because someone of the male gender wants to nail me", the way you look is acceptable because it is the way you look and that in of itself is acceptable, is good enough, no matter what anyone else says.

Body Love spinoff- Skinny Shaming

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