What's in a name?

emmaaa · August 2014

I'm okay with losing my maiden name because like you said, my maiden name (or any name for that matter) does not define me. I go by my middle name and as much as I hated my first name growing up, I can't get rid of it. It is both of my grandmother's first names so I guess that is more of a family name than my last name. I will be First Emma FIsLast.

Someone mentioned a while ago that they identified more with the name their parents CHOSE rather than the one she was given by default...I liked that explanation.

LadyMillil · August 2014

My plan was to have 2 last names. In the province I live in you have two options upon marriage - keep maiden or change to married name - anything else requires a legal change of name which involves changing your birth certificate. In the province I was born in you can do anything but move maiden to middle without having to do a legal name change. I'm pissed off by the rules here, and I really don't want to change my birth certificate, so I have no idea when I'll make the legal change. I am using DH's last name socially, my last name for legal stuff, and either maiden name or both last names at work depending on the situation.

timewellwasted93 · August 2014

I hate my maiden name.

My name looks Middle Eastern. No one pronounces it correctly. People stare at me when they hear it or see it, trying to figure out why this white-as-can-be little girl has a name like that. I've even been referred to as a terrorist, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not.

I have to educate (polite) people on how my name is actually Irish. I know what it is in Gaelic, I know where it came from, and I know what it means.

The racist assholes don't get the time of day.

I can't wait til the day I get to drop it.

morphemes · August 2014

I never understand why "having the same last name as my children" is the reason why some women change their names. Women shouldn't need to validate their decision, and there's also no reason why children have to take the father's last name. If those kids are coming out of me, they are getting my last name!

raissyrais · August 2014

I don't know about all of you but I ABSOLUTELY despise my current last name. It's long and ethnic and I hate it. So much. I'm totally changing my name to FI last name, which is short, sweet, crisp and to the point.

Belthil · August 2014

I moved my maiden name to a second middle name. I don't regret it. My mom told me how she struggled for months to figure out who "Mom MarriedName" was after she got married. My maiden name was unique in my area so I miss being one of a kind. My married name is much more popular and I have a very common first name. Its the only time I have a tiny pang of longing for my maiden name

southernbelle0915 · August 2014

morphemes said:
I never understand why "having the same last name as my children" is the reason why some women change their names. Women shouldn't need to validate their decision, and there's also no reason why children have to take the father's last name. If those kids are coming out of me, they are getting my last name!

This. I kind of roll my eyes at that reasoning too. If you (general you) want to change your name, change it. And if you CHOOSE to give your kid the father's name fine. But those aren't the only options.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

emmaaa said:
I'm okay with losing my maiden name because like you said, my maiden name (or any name for that matter) does not define me. I go by my middle name and as much as I hated my first name growing up, I can't get rid of it. It is both of my grandmother's first names so I guess that is more of a family name than my last name. I will be First Emma FIsLast.

Someone mentioned a while ago that they identified more with the name their parents CHOSE rather than the one she was given by default...I liked that explanation.

I think that was me!

The last name thing came up in my family recently, actually...my male cousin's wife was grumpy about having been left out of a get together, and in her lashing out against her SIL/my female cousin said "you're not even a real (Smith) anymore, you're a (Jones) now! If anyone should be invited to a (Smith) function, it should be me!" Oh honey. No. We (Smiths) are family to the core of our being, no matter what last name we may take. You can earn your place among our ranks, but it takes more than legally changing your name to ours to make that happen.

So I'm happy to be a (Smith) by genetics and history, and happy to become a (Brown) by marriage and continue to earn my place among them. The name is just a label.

ohmrs2014 · August 2014

I recently had this discussion on this board and I decided to hyphenate because professionally I still want to be known by my maiden name, so I figured hyphenated would be the easiest for me. Went to SS today and now I get to wait two weeks to get the new card and then I get to change everything over. I also dropped my middle name to just the first letter because on all my legal documents its just the initial anyway. So my new name is: OhMrs2014 A. Maiden-DH. Its a mouthful but hey, LOL.

In terms of email addresses, I have my personal, work, and my personal business emails. I will not be changing those. I agree, its a hassle because I've had those emails for so long.

theartistformerlyknownas · August 2014

Oh I should add...a friend of mine had two middle names (given at birth) AND two last names (birth and step/adopted) and it nearly got her arrested. She had gotten a speeding ticket, but when she tried to pay it they couldn't find her in the system. Fast forward a few months and there was a warrant out for her arrest because the ticket WAS still there, but despite her telling the cop that she had two middle/last names he put them in the system wrong so that was why the court couldn't initially find her. She's had some other problems with it too. So be careful!

huskypuppy14 · August 2014

I didn't change my name. I am at the top of the alphabet, no way am I going to the bottom

My husband and I have decided that our future kids will have his last name, and most likely my last name as a middle name. We've already picked a name if we have a daughter, and it just goes so much better with his last name.

I would never hyphenate because I would have a 20 letter last name. No thank you.

I feel sad for you girls that feel that you didn't want too change your name, but did anyway, because it was easier, or you want the same name as your kids.

Also, I have no problem being called Mrs. Smith socially, even though legally I'm Ms. Brown.
If my future children's friends want to call my Mrs. Smith, that's fine by me. I'm just not legally or professionally that name.

steph861 · August 2014

I like my current last name, but also want to take FI's last name. It's important to me to have his name, but I'm not prepared to get rid of my maiden name. My maiden name is important to me too. What I'm going to do is put his surname after mine (i.e., Jane Doe Smith). I'll keep my current middle name. Technically, my maiden name will be a second middle name, but I'll still consider it a surname. I'm not going to insist on people using both last names when addressing me. They can call me Ms. Doe or Ms. Smith or Ms. Doe Smith. Doesn't matter to me. If FI felt strongly about me only having his last name, I know I would mourn the loss of my maiden name. But he doesn't, so I don't foresee a problem. ETA: TK eated my paragraphs

Nymeru · August 2014

I really wasn't comfortable with the idea of giving up my last name, so decided to hyphenate. This way I can go by one or both and it doesn't matter. My former students are having a hard time with the idea of me with a new name, so I'm still Miss Maidenname to them, but my new students just choose either name to call me. I'm learning to respond to both.

steph861 · August 2014

We also have a friend whose first name is my last name and he has the same last name of FI. We couldn't possibly disappoint him by getting rid of my maiden name entirely.* *No, this did not factor into my decision :P

RebeccaB88 · August 2014

My name is a huge deal to me. It is very defining of who I am, and I see no good reason to change it. Especially if it's because someone else wants me to. There is no such thing as 'just a name' to me. Under no circumstances would I ever change it, and no one gets a say in that decision but me. I can't even grasp having someone else's name. Uh uh. My name is my name and it stays the same. End of conversation.

emmaaa · August 2014

lolo883 said:

I'm okay with losing my maiden name because like you said, my maiden name (or any name for that matter) does not define me. I go by my middle name and as much as I hated my first name growing up, I can't get rid of it. It is both of my grandmother's first names so I guess that is more of a family name than my last name. I will be First Emma FIsLast.

Someone mentioned a while ago that they identified more with the name their parents CHOSE rather than the one she was given by default...I liked that explanation.
I think that was me! The last name thing came up in my family recently, actually...my male cousin's wife was grumpy about having been left out of a get together, and in her lashing out against her SIL/my female cousin said "you're not even a real (Smith) anymore, you're a (Jones) now! If anyone should be invited to a (Smith) function, it should be me!" Oh honey. No. We (Smiths) are family to the core of our being, no matter what last name we may take. You can earn your place among our ranks, but it takes more than legally changing your name to ours to make that happen. So I'm happy to be a (Smith) by genetics and history, and happy to become a (Brown) by marriage and continue to earn my place among them. The name is just a label.

Of course it was

I should have known.

And for people discussing email, I feel like that really creepy/clingy girl who already secured my married name's email address. No way I was letting that slip by me.

The reason I didn't want four names was mainly out of convenience. I don't have a super long name and already have trouble signing my name inside the box the give you for you driver's license. I also didn't ever want to or consider hyphenating but the fact both of our last names start with a "G" made me definitely not want to, it just didn't sound right.

Inkdancer · August 2014

emmaaa said:

I'm okay with losing my maiden name because like you said, my maiden name (or any name for that matter) does not define me. I go by my middle name and as much as I hated my first name growing up, I can't get rid of it. It is both of my grandmother's first names so I guess that is more of a family name than my last name. I will be First Emma FIsLast.

Someone mentioned a while ago that they identified more with the name their parents CHOSE rather than the one she was given by default...I liked that explanation.

Are you me? I hate my first name, but it was my great-great aunt's name (she died as a child) and so I can't really part with it. So I will be First Inkdancer DadsLast FIsLast.

Junebug2015 · August 2014

I really appreciate reading everyone's perspectives on here. I am not changing my last name, and it has been somewhat of a sticking point between FI and me. Ultimately, he is supportive but he's not exactly thrilled about it.

I think what bothers me most about this name-changing business is that women often have to justify why they are or are not changing their name. More often, we must justify NOT changing it or hyphenating. Multiple people have asked me why I'm not changing mine and seem relieved when I have "a legitimate reason" for keeping it (my only brother passed away in the past three years, and it's sort of my version of a tattoo since I can't deal with needles). But regardless of the why, it's your name - you should be able to keep or change it for any reason or no reason at all.

KatieinBkln · August 2014

JCbride2015 said:

lyndausvi said:

chibiyui said:

I have no attachment to my maiden name. But you will pry chibiyuimaidenname@gmail.com from my cold dead hands. FWIW, I would have had skipped the name change had I forsee the hassle it was. Is it really hard, no I'm just super lazy.

LOL - Again this is so me. I've had this email for 20 years. I am NOT changing it for anyone. Never even considered changing it. Funny how I'm more attached to an email address than my maiden name.

Too funny! I am just the opposite. My name change story involves email, and it just wouldn't feel fully changed if I kept my old email address.

So, I was very undecided. I made MyfirstFilast@gmail.com just to try it out. Then I deleted it bc I didn't want Fi to find it and get his hopes up when I wasn't sure. So last month I went to play around with the emails again, and apparently once you delete a gmail username, that same name can't ever be used again. It's gone. I even called Google to rescue it-- nope.

I bawled after I hung up the phone with Google. For like a straight five minutes. And I realized that yep, Myfirst Hislast is supposed to be my name. So I made MyfirstMIHislast@gmail.com and did not delete it this time.

Just created a gmail account with his last name. It looks WEIRD, but I will keep it based on your story! I have no idea whether I will change my name. I don't feel particularly strongly about it. The thing that I feel most passionate about is being lazy--do I really want to change my SSN, license, passport, credit cards, magazine subscriptions, work email, and everything else I'm forgetting? I just...don't wanna!

But obviously that is not a good reason not to do something. I will have to make a call at some point that has something to do with reasons that aren't "because lazy."

mrsmorales2be · August 2014

I'm definitely looking forward to taking FI's name. I have no attachment to mine whatsoever. If I had my mom's name instead of my dad's, that might be a different story. I've always preferred my mom's name, which is weird because I have no connection to her family.

RedJacks25 · August 2014

I'm only hesitant to change my name because my last name dies with me. My sister changed her name when she got married, my mom remarried, my little sister has different last name... I am the only tie to my dad now, and it makes me sad to think about no longer being a [maiden name] now that my dad is gone.

But I am starting a new life with a new man, and I will take his name to make a family of our own. I'll find other ways to stay connected to my dad.

Simky906 · August 2014

Hi date twin! I've never been super attached to my last name, probably because I'm not extremely close to my dad, so it was a pretty easy decision for me. That said, I've had a couple moments when I think of myself with a different last name and it freaked me out a bit. But now I'm really excited.

@sarahbear31 How difficult was it to get your name legally changed? I've always gone by a nickname totally unrelated to my first name. (I started calling myself this name when I first learned to speak and everyone else followed my lead.) Let's say my real name is Penelope but I go by Patty, so people frequently assume my first name is actually Patricia. Since I never use my first name I've been thinking about this seriously.

@emmaaa You're not alone with the email! I got my FI's last name email locked down about 6 months ago and I'm excited that I can start using it soon.

mrsmagicgeek · August 2014

Sadly but not surprisingly, MyFirst.DHLast@gmail.com was already taken (his last name is fairly common) Putting my middle initial in there didn't help, nor did putting the initial of my maiden name in there. I did get First.Maiden.DHLast which is a bit of a mouthful (none of the names are long tho) so I may stay with that for personal use. Work will remain First.Maiden though since I've had it 14 years now.

falsara · August 2014

I don't really care for my last name. Even though it dies with me and my sister (if she decides to change it when she gets married) I'm looking forward to having FI's last name. I'm keeping my middle name as is though. I like it and it sounds good even with FI'S last name behind it.

If, when I change it, I feel sad about it then I'll just use it as a pen name for one of the book genres that I plan on publishing in. It works better that way, since I'm writing several novels but not all of them are in similar genres.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

@Simky906‌ , it was quite a pain. I had to go to the courthouse and file a petition, then I had to appear before a judge. I'm glad I did it, though. Nobody ever called me by my legal first name, and it was a pain to correct them all the time.

caitlinmca · August 2014

I'm taking FI last name. For me I had no hesitation in my maiden as it's long, people butcher it, and I'd be going to something shorter and i grew up knowing that ladies took on their FI last name after the wedding (every female in my family has changed their name).

I not once thought about moving my maiden name to my middle name as my first and middle name has been passed down from my grandma, my mom to me so I refuse to get rid/move/hyphenate them.

What's in a name?

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