Invites out! Guests adding plus ones :(

jerkyanne · August 2014

Pepperally said:
I consider a relationship to be more than just having started dating. If you asked me to pinpoint a specific amount of time of being in an actual relationship, I would have to say I would need to consider the couple in question, rather than just make a solid rule that I must follow. I do believe that you should base it on each individual situation and not a solid line that doesn't allow for individual circumstances as they arise. I totally get why people have to sometimes draw a line.

But it is not your place to define someone else's relationship. It is theirs. If they consider themselves in a relationship, as a host (and friend) you should to.

Eta: The post posted before I was done. Ugh

Dignity100 · August 2014

Honestly - when I was planning a local wedding, I was planning on giving all my single guests a +1 because I prefer not to go places alone even if I know quite a few people that will be there. I would not want my relationship to have been judged because there were a lot of 'oddities' about it when we first started dating. Our relationship has moved slower than many of those around us because we had things we wanted to (and in some case needed to) accomplish first.

Let's face it we all probably have a friend where if they were in a relationship for 3 months we would say 'I' do not want to give X a plus one because I know the pattern and I don't see this relationship lasting' while other people you know may have been dating and you say 'Wow, this is getting pretty serious' -- let's be honest, we've probably had those thoughts - but it's really not up to us to judge the relationship because we're not involved.

beachyone15 · August 2014

So, my FI was in a wedding for one of his good friends a few years back. FI and I had been together for about 1 week and we attended together. Now that we are engaged I am friends with all of his friends that I first met at this wedding.

You can't say that just because someone "just started dating" someone else that the relationship isn't valid. My FI and I are a prime example.

hkda2003 · August 2014

I don't think anyone is trying to say that a one week long relationship isn't valid... But not everyone's budget allows for their guests to get a plus 1. I feel like the easiest solution is to either allow everyone, or no one to bring a guest along. Then no one can complain it isn't fair... Who has the time to figure out everyone's relationship status when they are busy planning a wedding? This is obviously not always the case, but the truth is, a one week long relationship could be over between the time that invites go out, and the wedding. Are you then going to take back their plus 1, and say, "since your no longer with that person, you can't just bring someone else along for the hell of it!" .? I truly am curious. What would happen in that situation? I just allowed everyone to have a plus 1 so I wouldn't have to deal with it!! The one restriction I made was that if you were still young, and you are coming with your parents, there is no need to bring a guest. However, I did have an 18 year old's parents request that their son bring a date... I just said ok. Don't want to be bothered anymore!!

Dignity100 · August 2014

@hkda2003 - I'm not doing a traditional wedding, so it's hard for me to answer knowing 100% what I'd do. I just feel that if I invited my friend John and his friend Jane (where I'm close to John but only know Jane in passing) and they broke up and now John wants to bring Mary - I'd be ok with that. However if John could not go and Jane was able to - I would not expect Jane to say 'Hey, I still want to come but John can't make it so can I please bring Mary since it doesn't change your guest count' - I'd be uncomfortable with that (if that makes sense).

beachyone15 · August 2014

Basically a relationship doesn't have anything to do with a "plus one".

Those who have a bf/gf should be invited as a social unit.

Guests who are truly single may be offered a "plus one" (basically anyone who they want to bring) or not.

I think it really means a lot to find out the relationships statuses of your nearest and dearest and try your best to honor them.

jerkyanne · August 2014

beachyone15 said:
Basically a relationship doesn't have anything to do with a "plus one".

Those who have a bf/gf should be invited as a social unit.

Guests who are truly single may be offered a "plus one" (basically anyone who they want to bring) or not.

I think it really means a lot to find out the relationships statuses of your nearest and dearest and try your best to honor them.

Exactly. This.

Obviously if they get into a relationship after you send out invitations, that is not your fault. However, yes as a host you should not be "too busy planning your wedding" to honor your guests' relationships because that should be part of planning your wedding.

hkda2003 · August 2014

I'm thinking of my FIs distant cousins who we only speak with once a year at the most. They are invited, but we didn't reach out to them and ask them about their current relationship status because we just let everyone bring a guest. If we had to pick and choose who could bring a guest along, we would have had to ask everyone, sure, But I might feel strange asking a distant cousin who we don't speak much with, about their relationship status. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I'm completely wrong!?

jerkyanne · August 2014

It really wasn't that awkward for me. But I am in general not an awkward person.

But luckily for you, you had room in your budget to give everyone a plus one. So, no harm, no foul. You did nothing wrong in that sense. If they had a significant other they can bring them. But technically they should be invited by name. Though I think most people would not mind not doing this too much.

I was just speaking more in general of how people should be invited.

Invites out! Guests adding plus ones :(

Re: Invites out! Guests adding plus ones :(

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