Kind of upset....

aleighc3 · September 2014

My fiance and I have been together almost 4 years and have a son together. He proposed to me on our 3 yr. . He gave me his mom's engagement ring from when his parents got engaged and my fingers are tiny. The ring is too big and he keeps buying crap ( small flying drone, bike chans) (I know he sounds like he's 12) and I really want to wear my ring. We live paycheck to paycheck but we are not poor by any means. I feel if he really wanted to truly marry me, he would have cleaned the ring up, and make it presentable. I'm not "working" right now but I get child support from my son's biological father, but I don't feel that "I' have to pay for my ring to get fixed so I can actually wear it....What should I do?

decembergrl2014 · September 2014

Can you take it to a local jewelry store to get sized? They don't cost a lot to do, and depending on the place you could get it all done in one day

aleighc3 · September 2014

I checked it only costs about $30, which we have. He keeps buying this stupid shit when we could get the ring fixed. He has not even brought it up...just makes me feel like he was just asking for nothing.

kaitlynmichelle · September 2014

Have you asked him to get it sized? He might not have thought about it. I would have taken it myself to get it sized a long time ago if he hadn't.

aleighc3 · September 2014

He knows it does not fit...I don't think it is something "I" have to pay for....

lyndausvi · September 2014

I would take it in and then hand him the bill.

i have to say I find these stand-offs to be juvenile. All they ever do is harbor bad feelings. The longer they go one the more mad you get until you explode (general you).

Sometimes you have to be the on to get certain things done in a relationship. Not saying you need to do EVERYTHING. But I find in my own relationship I have to be the one who does certain things. DH is the go to person on other things.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

Well, I'm guessing he's not a mind reader. Knowing it doesn't fit and knowing what needs to happen to make it for are two different things. That being said, I think you're being really childish about this. You're questioning whether he really wants to marry you over 30 bucks? It's all about to be both your money, if it means so much to you just go do it yourself. Or go and give him the bill when you get home, or tell him the next pizza is on him. It's not something he can go do by himself; your finger needs to be there. To sit there and pour over it for so long is really ridiculous.

bride2b71614 · September 2014

Wow...so this is clearly not about the ring. It's an issue of how he spends money and that you're unable to communicate your needs to him effectively. People aren't natural mind readers. You should ask for him to get it sized, especially if you don't want to pay for it. Also it sounds like you are upset about not getting a new ring. You need to sit down with him and have a discussion about the ring and maybe a budget.

AddieCake · September 2014

Either say something or pay for it yourself.

jenajjthr · September 2014

Then talk to him. If you have been together for four years, I'm sure "your" funds are "our" funds at this point. There really shouldn't be a "yours" and "mine". You may not have a job that brings home a paycheck, but if you are a stay at home parent, then you are working. You still do a lot to take care of the home.

And you are right, child support should not go to resize your engagement ring. Other funds should pay for that. So tell him that the next free day you have together the two of you are going to a jewelry store and getting it taken care of so you can wear your ring.

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

I do think he should have paid a little more attention to making sure you were happy with the ring. I understand why you are upset. But, we're talking $30 here. I realize that everyone has different finances, but if you are upset over $30 that you feel you shouldn't have to pay for, then what happens with the larger stuff once you're married? When we got married, I paid for 99% of the wedding. It was OUR wedding, but I paid for almost everything with my own money from my own account. It's just what we agreed upon and it also allowed me to do what I thought was best (we were living in different states and I had to make decisions without him.) I realize the ring was just for you, but with most things in relationships, there can't always be a his and hers. There has to be compromise and I would just go and get it fixed without even talking to him about it.

aleighc3 · September 2014

I love the ring I got, the fact that he gave it to me is amazing! I just feel like he doesn't realize how much it means to me and don't want to be that nagging wife. Besides that, everything is wonderful!

aleighc3 · September 2014

I just wanted to say that I love my ring and I would not rather have another... I guess what is upsetting me is that he had this ring sitting on a frame of his passed away father (father son holy spirit) , it was up there for years...when he gave it to me it had dust on it, has not been cleaned for years... I was just hoping he would put a little thought into it to not give me a dusty ring...really how would you feel?

aleighc3 · September 2014

Thank you for giving me your advice...I don't really have any friends in real life...it's kinda sad actually...

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

aleighc3 said:
I just wanted to say that I love my ring and I would not rather have another... I guess what is upsetting me is that he had this ring sitting on a frame of his passed away father (father son holy spirit) , it was up there for years...when he gave it to me it had dust on it, has not been cleaned for years... I was just hoping he would put a little thought into it to not give me a dusty ring...really how would you feel?

Does he normally pay a lot of attention to details like that, or does he sometimes dress your son in mismatched socks and a pajama tshirt? If not, I wouldn't take it personally.

I clean my ring in a bowl of warm water and a little dish soap. Let it soak, then a light brush with a soft toothbrush.

aleighc3 · September 2014

I know, and everything is equal between us...what I'm saying is....I would like to wear my ring and not have it in a box...lol...really i'm just venting...

aleighc3 · September 2014

but how would you feel if your got purposed to with a dusty ring? Honestly. I love my babe and he loves me I know...it just kind of makes me sad and I wanted to talk to "someone: about it...

aleighc3 · September 2014

@lolo also wanted to apologize to you. I know that we have not exactly gotten along on here, but I am happy that you maybe saw behind my craziness...and if you haven't that is ok too...sorry for what I said to you...it wasn't right.

climbingsingle · September 2014

My FI proposed to me with a ring that his dad made for his mom in the 70s. It wasn't dusty, but it hadn't been cleaned in years. And it was too big. I can't tell you that I gave any of these things a thought. I slapped a band-aid on the ring until I had time to get it sized. I took it - I didn't demand my FI to get it done. I think he might have paid for it, but I can't remember.

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

aleighc3 · September 2014

I love my ring...I tried to wear it but one of the prongs are not right so I don't want to wear it and lose the diamond...I guess it just makes me sad because i want to wear it and I can't

climbingsingle · September 2014

So go get it fixed. Am I missing something?

lyndausvi · September 2014

Bottom line is he can't have it re-sized himself. You need to be there. Many places you do not pay until after you get it back. It normally takes a few days up to a few weeks.

So go have it re-sized and when it's ready send him to pick it up or ask for the $30. You are really making this much harder than it needs to be.

aleighc3 · September 2014

you are right...I will get it fixed tomorrow...

steph861 · September 2014

I agree with PPs who have said this isn't truly about the ring.

I know what it's like to feel like some things are so obvious that you shouldn't have to tell people to do them (like shine a dusty ring before proposing). But people aren't mind readers, no matter how much we want them to be.

Communication is always key in a relationship. Bringing something like this up with him now will almost certainly have a better outcome than if you let it fester.

aleighc3 · September 2014

ya that's the thing...I have said I will go get it sized and nothing happens...

aleighc3 · September 2014

thank you for your advice, truly....

misshart00 · September 2014

aleighc3 said:
ya that's the thing...I have said I will go get it sized and nothing happens...

Well if you say you're going to get it sized, then you actually have to take it for something to happen.

lyndausvi · September 2014

My DH basically told me on a smelly work loading dock that he asked off of work in 5 months to ask my parents for their blessing for us to get married. He had not met them yet.

5 months later he did met them and asked for their blessing then he handed me the ring. Now the ring fit because it was custom made. But yeah, some of us don't get the fairy tale.

steph861 · September 2014

aleighc3 said:
ya that's the thing...I have said I will go get it sized and nothing happens...

Have you tried asking him to come with you? Maybe stop off at the jewelry store when you're running other errands together?

And does he know you're upset about this?

doeydo · September 2014

I guess I don't understand why he didn't at least clean it and get it resized to fit you before proposing to you with the ring? FI gave me his grandmother's ring, which was cleaned, sized, and had a bit more white gold added so it would be more "me". Can you open up a conversation about this without worrying that you are being "the nagging wife"?

aleighc3 · September 2014

but I want him to bring it up on his own...i know that won't happen so i will do it myself.

Kind of upset....

Re: Kind of upset....

Choose Another Board

Search Boards