Suprise Wedding--does anyone do this?

kritterton · September 2014

Ya'll need to calm down! If they want to turn their stag & doe into their wedding, then that's their choice - keep in mind - if it's truly a surprise wedding, then nobody will have wedding gifts for them. It's not like they're charging you money to attend their wedding - and who knows, maybe they'll forego the "paid admission at the door" part.

At the end of the day - it's up to the bride and groom how they want to celebrate their day. My Fiancee and I almost had a surprise wedding this Christmas because we have many cultural hurdles to jump and we thought it would be the easiest way to do it with the least amount of stress.

Samanthab90: this has nothing to do with you. Either be happy for them and attend - or don't.

slothiegal · September 2014

kritterton said:

Ya'll need to calm down! If they want to turn their stag & doe into their wedding, then that's their choice - keep in mind - if it's truly a surprise wedding, then nobody will have wedding gifts for them. It's not like they're charging you money to attend their wedding - and who knows, maybe they'll forego the "paid admission at the door" part.
At the end of the day - it's up to the bride and groom how they want to celebrate their day. My Fiancee and I almost had a surprise wedding this Christmas because we have many cultural hurdles to jump and we thought it would be the easiest way to do it with the least amount of stress.
Samanthab90: this has nothing to do with you. Either be happy for them and attend - or don't.

....that's exactly what a Stag and Doe is.

wrigleyville · September 2014

moonpowder said:

I don't understand why everyone is so negative about this.

It's your wedding you do whatever you want to do.

I think it's it's a perfect way to skim people that are not 100% enthusiast.

I would NEVER do this and think it's CRAZY, however if you want to do a surprise wedding. Do a surprise wedding. If you want to do a cash bar. Do a cash bar.

But deal with it afterward because it's clear that granny won't be happy.

Um, no. If someone invites me to a random backyard BBQ, I might try to be there, but I might skip it for a variety of reasons.

If it's a wedding, a very important day in someone's life, then I'm going to do everything in my power to be there.

I would be sad if I skipped the BBQ because I was tired and found out it was their wedding instead. I would attend a wedding if I were tired because it's so important to the couple and I really want to be there.

That's one of the reasons this is a bad idea. Of course people can have a surprise if they want, as long as it's properly hosted (food, etc); we're listing possible repercussions of that decision.

beethery · September 2014

Ticketed surprise wedding: fuck no.

Surprise wedding that was low-key and had guests expecting a party with food/etc: fuck yes.

beethery · September 2014

moonpowder said:

I don't understand why everyone is so negative about this.

It's your wedding you do whatever you want to do.

I think it's it's a perfect way to skim people that are not 100% enthusiast.

I would NEVER do this and think it's CRAZY, however if you want to do a surprise wedding. Do a surprise wedding. If you want to do a cash bar. Do a cash bar.

But deal with it afterward because it's clear that granny won't be happy.

CASH BAR IS BAD. DO NOT DO IT.

slothiegal · September 2014

wrigleyville said:

moonpowder said:

I don't understand why everyone is so negative about this.

It's your wedding you do whatever you want to do.

I think it's it's a perfect way to skim people that are not 100% enthusiast.

I would NEVER do this and think it's CRAZY, however if you want to do a surprise wedding. Do a surprise wedding. If you want to do a cash bar. Do a cash bar.

But deal with it afterward because it's clear that granny won't be happy.

Um, no. If someone invites me to a random backyard BBQ, I might try to be there, but I might skip it for a variety of reasons.

If it's a wedding, a very important day in someone's life, then I'm going to do everything in my power to be there.

I would be sad if I skipped the BBQ because I was tired and found out it was their wedding instead. I would attend a wedding if I were tired because it's so important to the couple and I really want to be there.

That's one of the reasons this is a bad idea. Of course people can have one if they want, as long as it's properly hosted (food, etc); we're listing possible repercussions of that decision.

SIB

Gah, thank you @wrigleyville. That's what I've been trying to articulate, but have been unable to.

short+sassy · September 2014

Ugh! That does make it so much more awful and lame. Not to mention, when I think I'm about to embark on a 14-hour drive and then it is suddenly...nope, surprise, we're all not leaving for quite awhile...I would also be a seriously unhappy camper.

grumbledore · September 2014

samanthab90 said:

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago about her daughter's wedding. She said that the stress had gotten to her and so they were turning their Stag and Doe into a wedding but weren't going to tell anyone about it. Now don't get me wrong I have no issue with a Stag and Doe but I would be pretty miffed if I went and it turned out to be your wedding that I just had to buy a ticket for. Has anyone heard of this before?

I wouldn't mind a surprise wedding, but I would very much mind having to buy a ticket to attend it. What a load of bullshit.

Stag&Doe fundraisers are already bullshit.

MandyMost · September 2014

LittlePeachBlossom said:

I think they're lame. I agree with PPs about preferring to be prepared to attend a wedding. A casual get together and a casual wedding are not the same thing. The wedding aspect changes the ambience of an event and it could leave the guests confused as to how to behave.

I think that's the point. The people who have surprise weddings don't WANT the ambiance of a wedding.

I would be bummed if I was invited and didn't go to something that I thought was a regular party and it turned out to be a wedding. But I get the sense that most surprise weddings have a way to actually get all of the people they want to be there, to be there. It's their wedding, and they're hosting their guests properly...it's not about your hurt feelings because you didn't get to emotionally prepare or whatever.

csaville · September 2014

ive never heard of a stag and doe party but now that ive read the definition of one all i can think is TACKY. So by inviting people to a stag and doe party to ask for help to pay for their wedding are those same guests invited to the wedding they paid for and also expected to bring a gift? Yikes...

Ndelible · September 2014

There was a surprise wedding on the season finale of Mistresses this week. It didn't turn out well...

[Deleted User] · September 2014

See, here's my problem on the issue...

Stag and Does are common in my stomping grounds (referred to as "wedding socials"...gee, does that make it better??) and FTR, I have ZERO interest in arranging one. Just because it's common in my area, doesn't make it ok, lurkers!

Anywhoo, the "Socials" I know are molded around booze booze and more booze. Why would you want this to turn into a wedding? Crap, I've known people to get sauced BEFORE going to the Social/S&D...would you want people under the impression this was a boozing crazy event, and possibly hammered at your wedding ceremony? I wouldn't. The merriment and social lubrication in my neck of the woods happens well after the dance floor has opened. I'd horribly side-eye anyone who showed up hammered to the ceremony. Not just mine and FI's but ANY ceremony...

Suprise Wedding--does anyone do this?

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