I am not a girl.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

Well, okay. I am.

But I feel like I missed a whole hell of a lot of shit that girls "ought to know". Like, for instance, how to wear heels without completely destroying your feet. I have weird feet. I'm 97% sure I need to just get a personal shoemaker to make all my shoes. They are stupid. But that fact notwithstanding, I cannot figure out how to keep my feet where they actually GO in heels and keep them on my stupid feet.

- The heel part flops around like a dying fish whenever I walk

- At the same time, my toes get shoved so far into the toe box that it's like uncorking wine when I go to take them off.

- At the SAME time, I have a shitshow trying to walk because between the crammed-in toes and the flopping heels, I look like a complete idiot.

I can't figure out my damn size either. A 7.5 should be okay for both feet, right? Except sometimes a 7.5 is too small for ONE foot (but not both) and sometimes it's too BIG for one foot (but AGAIN, not both). I can't cram the other foot into a 7 to save my life, and the 8 looks like a clown shoe.

I'm just sick of this. Anybody got any tips on how to solve this? It's not like I buy cheap shoes - the new heels I'm wearing today are Nine West, and they're leather. And my mom got them for me for my birthday and I just want to WEAR THEM DAMMIT.

And now I'm sitting here frustrated at my desk and crying because that's what I do when I'm frustrated. I need vodka or anti-crazy pills or something.

Liatris2010 · September 2014

I have all of those problems. I blame the shoes, not myself

Inkdancer · September 2014

Some people have mismatched feet. And that is okay.
Get insoles for your heels. Those will help keep your feet from sliding forward. Also get the heel liners that are meant to keep you from getting blisters on your heels- for people with narrow heels like me, they keep my heels from popping out of the shoe. You might also consider heels with t-straps or a Mary Jane style. That will also help keep your feet in the shoes.

Senecaf · September 2014

Yeah the shoes are to blame. Not you. Most people have one foot bigger than the other. I always try shows on both feet and buy to fit my left. They make these grip things that go in the heel to keep them from slipping. As long as the shoe isn't way to big they help. You can also get inserts for the one that is too big. And as far as walking in them once you fix the issues all it takes is practice!

That doesn't mean they will be comfortable, some are, some are not.

kat1114 · September 2014

I grew up a huge tomboy, so wearing heels was a challenge for me. One thing that helped was buying those anti-slip things you stick in the back of your heel, so you are slipping out every step you take. Don't quote me on this, but I also think they make a similar product to keep your foot from sliding forward too much.

As far as sizing, I would go with the bigger size and use those anti-heel slip thingies to keep your foot from moving around too much. I had a bunionectomy last year, because at the ripe old age of 25, I developed a bunion. The doctor said one thing that could have caused it was wearing shoes with too small of a toe box. I had spent the previous year training for a half marathon in running shoes that were about a half size too small because I was too cheap to buy new ones. So yes, go with the bigger size.

I have also found that you should not equate expensive heels with meaning they will fit well. The most comfortable heels I own are from Payless-no joke. Granted, they aren't super high heels, but I can usually wear them a day at work without hating life. I even managed to make it through an entire night of clubbing in Vegas with them on. That to me is victory.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

I'm your girl! I worked in shoes all during college.

First read this. I was trying to find a picture to explain how I rig up my shoes but this whole blog post nails it. http://www.alterationsneeded.com/2011/04/secrets-my-high-heels-are-hiding.html

If your toes are crammed and the heel is loose, use a toe pad first. That will push the whole foot backwards in the shoe. If the heel is still flopping, try adding a heel liner. If that doesn't work, the shoe is definitely too big.

As for size: go to a department store and ask to have your feet measured. Really. Most adults never have our feet measured, but our shoe size can change a bit over time.

Different size feet: Me too. My left foot measures as a 5.5, the right as a 5, and both are a little wide. Because of the width, I buy a 6 and use toe pads. If the different sizes are bothering me, I'll add a heel liner to just the right foot. This is totally normal, lots of people have different size feet.

If your feet are REALLY different, google "single shoes." Nordstrom sells single shoes in some styles, meaning you can buy the 7 in one and 7.5 in the other. https://secure.nordstrom.com/services/nqcsingleshoes.asp

gladyscf · September 2014

I struggle with heels too but I have old people feet. I had a bunionectomy at 18.

The "fix your hair and makeup" gene missed me too. Can't figure out how to put my own hair in a bun, can't figure out how to make my eyes look pretty so I stick with eye liner and mascara only.

I need help.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

Everything JC said. These are nice and sticky so your foot doesn't slide forward. I'm using them in my wedding shoes plus the cushy heel liners because they're too big. http://www.walmart.com/ip/Dr.-Scholl-s-For-Her-Ball-of-Foot-Cushions/10418717

steph861 · September 2014

Aww, hugs.

Yeah, I blame the shoes, not you.

I have a hell of a time with them as well. I try to only wear heels with a relatively thick heel (think mid-heel oxfords) since it distributes the weight better than a stiletto.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

All the advice on fit is spot-on--I would also suggest practicing walking! Walking in heels isn't like walking in normal shoes; you have to lean your weight back into the heels. You will need to walk more slowly, especially at first. Think about your heel-toe, heel-toe, and remind yourself to relax your shoulders and lean your weight back. It'll feel REALLY WEIRD, especially at first, and you'll think you must look like a total goof. You might, for a second, while you figure out the optimal "lean back" mode, but once you do, things get WAY easier, and you will look like a hot mamma who is strutting in her Louboutins instead of an ex-tomboy who'd be happier in Adidas. (I am said ex-tomboy, minus the ex. I'm annoyed I'm not wearing Adidas right now).

Good luck! And if all else fails, cute flats are great. So are wedges, which I find I can pretty much run sprints in.

wandajune6 · September 2014

JCbride2015 said:

I'm your girl! I worked in shoes all during college.

First read this. I was trying to find a picture to explain how I rig up my shoes but this whole blog post nails it. http://www.alterationsneeded.com/2011/04/secrets-my-high-heels-are-hiding.html

If your toes are crammed and the heel is loose, use a toe pad first. That will push the whole foot backwards in the shoe. If the heel is still flopping, try adding a heel liner. If that doesn't work, the shoe is definitely too big.

As for size: go to a department store and ask to have your feet measured. Really. Most adults never have our feet measured, but our shoe size can change a bit over time.

Different size feet: Me too. My left foot measures as a 5.5, the right as a 5, and both are a little wide. Because of the width, I buy a 6 and use toe pads. If the different sizes are bothering me, I'll add a heel liner to just the right foot. This is totally normal, lots of people have different size feet.

If your feet are REALLY different, google "single shoes." Nordstrom sells single shoes in some styles, meaning you can buy the 7 in one and 7.5 in the other. https://secure.nordstrom.com/services/nqcsingleshoes.asp

Thank you! I knew of some of these products but not all. Scouring Amazon now!

chibiyui · September 2014

I suffer from slightly large then average toes and narrow heels. I work the shit out of Mary janes and t-straps.

And wedges. Wedges give you height with balance and stability.

Everyone else has great advice/tips/tricks too.

raissyrais · September 2014

I don't have the anti crazy pills but I'll bring the vodka.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

WOW so many fans of heel/toe pads. I'll have to look into getting some.

I have a pair of New Balance tennis shoes that if I could convince Bossman to let me wear, I would wear EVERY DAY. I'm thinking about getting some nice-looking neutral Toms, or something. But for some reason I always feel much more put together in heels even though I almost never wear them.

@JCBride2015, that article is great. I pretty much spend my life wondering how other people wear these things all the time when I can't feel my toes after an hour, and now I have an idea of how that works.

msstaticfancypants said:

I struggle with heels too but I have old people feet. I had a bunionectomy at 18.

The "fix your hair and makeup" gene missed me too. Can't figure out how to put my own hair in a bun, can't figure out how to make my eyes look pretty so I stick with eye liner and mascara only.

I need help.

I missed the hair/makeup gene too. I fix my hair for a few days, and then I just ... quit. Don't care, it's naturally a curly that looks put together even though I essentially blow-dried it via car window. Makeup? HA! I don't even wear eyeliner, and you're lucky to get mascara.

misshart00 · September 2014

I saw this today. Not sure if it'll help. http://www.bustle.com/articles/33359-how-to-walk-better-in-heels-in-9-easy-tips

CMGragain · September 2014

I am a victim of 1950s orthopedic medical practice. My feet were confined to shoes with steel arches for 9 years. The result was a generation of people with weird, twisted feet bones. They always hurt. Always.
High heels have always been impossible. Hush Puppies used to make a shoe called "Angel II", and they are still being made. These are the closest thing I can wear to heels.

http://www.zappos.com/soft-style-angel-ii-bone?ef_id=UTQ3dwAAATsjTWOO:20140902185321:s

I wore them to daughter's ceremony, but changed to my old lady go-to S.A.S. shoes for the reception.

http://www.sasshoes.com/dress-shoes/easier-0128-013

Some of us just weren't meant to wear fashionable shoes. Once you try SAS, you'll never wear anything else.

When we bought the hot tub spa a few weeks ago, I selected it for the foot jets and leg jets that massage my feet. DH doesn't understand.

wandajune6 · September 2014

I never learned any of this stuff. My mom wore makeup and heels for work events and weddings. Even now, makeup is only for occasions and heels require an event. I never tried anything beyond lipgloss until college.

Not knowing/caring or having the instinct for hair and makeup isn't terribly uncommon.

iloveotters2014 · September 2014

you should try a mary jane. your feet cant come out of those

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

I think I'm gonna play around with shoes the next time I end up shopping for them. I just hate that the ones I have don't really do much for me, since I really like them.

It'll be okay though!

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · September 2014

Awwww it's okay. the only thing that saved this tomboy is walking on my tippy toes as a little gal. Because of that, I can work that fuckin' runway!

But some shoes are more 'user friendly. Like Ankle straps:

And booties:

I would not recommend chunky heels or platform heels. They are asking for trouble.

This is the WEBSITE I got the pictures from.

There's a dressy shoe for everyone, no worries!

(This isn't an ad for shoes, I just honestly love high heels)

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

I LOVE ME SOME BOOTIES. My calves are too fat for real boots (sad face) but I love them. Issue being that booties are just not good in the summer. BUT FALL IS COMING YAYAYAYA! So excited.

goldchocobo said:

Awwww it's okay. the only thing that saved this tomboy is walking on my tippy toes as a little gal. Because of that, I can work that fuckin' runway!

But some shoes are more 'user friendly. Like Ankle straps:

And booties:

I would not recommend chunky heels or platform heels. They are asking for trouble.

This is the WEBSITE I got the pictures from.

There's a dressy shoe for everyone, no worries!

(This isn't an ad for shoes, I just honestly love high heels)

CMGragain · September 2014

True story:

My then teenage son, who is 6'3", decided to dress up for "gender bender day" , part of the high school homecoming celebration. He bought a black sheath cocktail dress at a thrift shop, and found size 15 high heels at Payless! He was the marching band drum major, and he discovered that walking in high heels was similar to the backwards marching step he was familiar with. He shaved his hairy legs and wore queen size pantihose. He wore my pearls (without asking me) and created a sensation in the cafeteria, carefully carrying his lunch tray without missing a step. He insisted on riding the bus that day.
He didn't win the prize. He lost to a black football player dressed in his cousin's hot pink satin bridesmaid's dress and rhinestone tiara and chandelier earrings.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

CMGragain said:

True story:

My then teenage son, who is 6'3", decided to dress up for "gender bender day" , part of the high school homecoming celebration. He bought a black sheath cocktail dress at a thrift shop, and found size 15 high heels at Payless! He was the marching band drum major, and he discovered that walking in high heels was similar to the backwards marching step he was familiar with. He shaved his hairy legs and wore queen size pantihose. He wore my pearls (without asking me) and created a sensation in the cafeteria, carefully carrying his lunch tray without missing a step. He insisted on riding the bus that day.
He didn't win the prize. He lost to a black football player dressed in his cousin's hot pink satin bridesmaid's dress and rhinestone tiara and chandelier earrings.

BAHAHAHA those are TWO very comfortable boys, hahaha.

One year my brother dressed up for gender bender in one of my mom's short skirts, a hot pink tank top that was basically a midriff shirt on him (he's 6'2" himself, and was already 5'9" or so), and blew up balloons to shove in the tank top. I think he was the only boy who dressed up that day...

CMGragain · September 2014

Well, nobody was gonna mess with Tanardo! He loved every minute, but his cousin wanted to die of embarrassment.. My son didn't care what other people thought about him. (He's very straight.) His photo was in the yearbook.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

Seriously, @CMGragain, that is the best ever.

How is your eye (are your eyes...? Didn't I read you were having issues with the other one as well?)?

CMGragain · September 2014

Yes, I am recovering from two eye surgeries, a cancerous tumor in my left eye socket, and now a detached retina in my right eye, so I can't drive, or see very well. I'm bored and lonely! I can't read well. DH is fussing over me, and driving me crazy. I can't post for very long without resting my eyes. Aughhhh!!!!! BORED!

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

Send him to get some audiobooks from the library! Gets him out of your hair, gets you something semi-fun to do, and will give him a little peace of mind that you aren't going to explode of boredom? I dunno, my suggestions suck...

I'm glad you're recovering though!

lc07 · September 2014

What would we do without each other, you guys? JC FTW that is such awesome help! I can walk in heels like a champ. IDK why. So I can't help there. But I have vodka AND anti-crazy pills! (Although, I think it's a felony to give you the pills..)

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

lc07 said:

What would we do without each other, you guys? JC FTW that is such awesome help! I can walk in heels like a champ. IDK why. So I can't help there. But I have vodka AND anti-crazy pills! (Although, I think it's a felony to give you the pills..)

Ooooh, fair point.... just send the vodka, ahaha.

I can actually walk in them really well if I can actually wear them - I did ballet long enough to handle it - but I can't if they hurt. I look like a walking horse or something.

lc07 · September 2014

I like sling backs the best. They help keep my heel in alignment. I also have great luck with BCBG shoes for some reason comfort-wise on the ball of my foot. They seem to last forever, too. ETA: I also like sling backs since they don't seem to rub my heel or have my heel lifting out of the shoe on the back.

Inkdancer · September 2014

lc07 said:

I like sling backs the best. They help keep my heel in alignment. I also have great luck with BCBG shoes for some reason comfort-wise on the ball of my foot. They seem to last forever, too. ETA: I also like sling backs since they don't seem to rub my heel or have my heel lifting out of the shoe on the back.

I love slingbacks. My cat also loved them... he would eat all the elastic in them. Little jerk.

I am not a girl.

Re: I am not a girl.

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