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I Need Some Good Feels and Gifs Over Here :(

Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
in Chit Chat
.. Because I'm going to wring DHs neck.. I'm just so mad at him and I really need to calm down and feel better.

He made some bullshit budget to prove that can can afford to buy a Mercedes for 50,000.. And there were forgotten bills in the budget, gross under estimates on other bills, and over estimates on income.

I laid out what I thought was our true budget, pointedly underscoring how little money we have judging by the red numbers that pop up every so often. He is standing by his decisions that his budget is right and mine is wrong and that yes, if I would just "suck it up and work more" then we could buy his Mercedes.

I ask for more days. I get turned down because its a hospital and you know, patient-nurse staffing ratios have to be financially feasible, and they just don't need someone extra every single one of my days off.

So I'm hurt and angry that he won't get his head out of his ass and just admit that we cannot get this damn vehicle.. He's been going about this car for like 4 weeks now...

We raised voices at each other - so please make me feel better so I can start feeling bad about yelling at him and storming off. :(

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Re: I Need Some Good Feels and Gifs Over Here :(

  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Show him copies of the bills at their average, and their most expensive. Show him your average and highest paystubs, and his. Build a budget based on numbers only, so that there's not room for anyone to be right or wrong, it's just what it is. Approach it as a logical, factual look at feasibility in your current means. Building a budget from your estimates is not the most unbiased idea, you know?

    Also: ask him why you should work more to pay for his dream car. I mean, both of you working more would be one thing, but only one of you shouldn't have to work for something the other wants. 

    It's gonna happen sooner or later, honey. Nobody gets along without a few arguments. 

    GIF TIME:
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    Cats are my favorite. >^.^< 

    Feel better, go apologize, and ask if you can revisit it a little later, using actual concrete numbers instead of each of your "best estimates". I mean, really, you might find more money than you thought, which you could put back towards getting the Benz in the future. 
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    smalfrie19 said:
    Why doesn't HE work more hours for his fucking Mercedes? Jesus! You work what you are given and ask for more. That's out of your control. And guess what, him wanting a new toy is not your responsibility! He's being a shithead.
    So much this! Why can't he work more to pay for HIS car. I'm not helping because I think you should be pissed.


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  • SenecafSenecaf member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah, that is absurd. I'd be pissed too. If you need to pick up hours to help cover bills that is fine, I get it. BUT you should not be expected to do so to help buy him a silly overpriced sedan.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    If it were me, I would come up with some toy that he would be completely un-interested in that costs that much, and then demand he work extra hours to buy it for me. I would not tell him this example, I would literally go online and find some bullshit object that he would think is stupid to have, work out the whole budget and tell him that he just work more to get it. 

    If he doesn't see what he is doing to you, then you two got some serious problems to work out. 

    IMO your problem here is not that he is unrealistic with the budget, but that he is literally willing to fight you over how many hours you are working for a completely selfish and childish reason.

    Don't try to feel better about it. It sucks. What he is doing sucks. Be mad and fight for yourself and your relationship.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Has he factored in "hidden costs"? I drive a BMW and know there is more to it than the MSRP. While maintenance is covered for 4 years with BMW, tires are not. My tires are $225/each. On my previous Bimmer, I had run flats. New tires were close to $2k! Once your warranty runs out, be prepared for overpriced oil changes!

    There is also premium gas. You can't put regular gas in those cars.

    Then there is registration. It varies by state, but in AZ, the more expensive the car, the higher the registration. When my car was new, the annual cost was around $700. I think it's now $500. Not cheap!

     







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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Does he want a sugar momma that can buy him all the pretty things he wants?  Because he is asking you to work more to buy him this fancy car that will depreciate in value like you won't believe.  
    If you do end up buying a car, I would suggest buying used.  Some people buy a new car every year, it seems, so you can get some really nice ones without paying a ridiculous price that goes down as soon as you drive it off the lot.
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited September 2014
    He works two jobs already because we have to pay off wedding debts and have our down payment ready for our house.

    I fell asleep before he came to bed last night, but he kissed me before he left for work. So we're fine, but I'm still not okay with the car payment and insurance increase. It's a used 2011, and diesel. (What is it with boys and diesel). He's trying to play to my mommy side by saying hrs thinking of our family future and this can hold lots of babies and suitcases and puppy dogs (its some crossover model). Beautiful car, but the numbers just aren't feasible right now... But he won't back down. Little boy wants his toy NOW.

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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    FI wanted some 18k Corvette on Craigslist. I told him "sure! We'll just need this $300k house with the 3-car garage to park it in." No more Corvette talk.
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  • bahamabride2015bahamabride2015 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    He knows you can't afford it, he's just acting like a petulant child.  
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    He's acting like a total ass. 50k is a lot to spend on a car, especially when you have bills and other debts to pay down. 
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    FI wanted to get a Cayenne. I told him I want Tony Conway to plan the wedding and I want a $35,000.00 Birkin first. No more Cayenne talk.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    beethery said:
    FI wanted to get a Cayenne. I told him I want Tony Conway to plan the wedding and I want a $35,000.00 Birkin first. No more Cayenne talk.
    I think a Birkin would be a fair trade here. Get yourself on the list, once you're chosen Birkin is ready and available, and you've paid for it in full, then he can get his car. 

    What? He thinks that's a crazy amount of money? YES IT IS. And still $15.000 less than the car.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    Cars are something I have a hard time justifying spending a lot of money. They will just continue to decrease in value. Purchasing such a high end car should come after every other financial goal you have set for your self has been accomplished.

    Sounds like you are planning n buying a house and babies in the future.... think of all those added costs. You can't buy this car now, and it sounds like it will only get harder to afford after babies and a house! UGH BOYS can be so annoying sometimes!

    ETF: Can't to can!!

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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    lolo883 said:
    Sugargirl1019 said:
    He works two jobs already because we have to pay off wedding debts and have our down payment ready for our house. I fell asleep before he came to bed last night, but he kissed me before he left for work. So we're fine, but I'm still not okay with the car payment and insurance increase. It's a used 2011, and diesel. (What is it with boys and diesel). He's trying to play to my mommy side by saying hrs thinking of our family future and this can hold lots of babies and suitcases and puppy dogs (its some crossover model). Beautiful car, but the numbers just aren't feasible right now... But he won't back down. Little boy wants his toy NOW.
    Well the beautiful thing about used cars is if that really is a good deal, it'll sell pretty quickly and he'll have to get over it. If it doesn't, you can say "but darling if that was really such a good deal, it would have sold by now. Must be something wrong with it." At least that's how FI talks me out of houses. :)
    Yep. Good deals get bought, crap deals get ignored. Also - weird question - what model Benz is it?
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I don't remember.. Its the crossover with only one back row of seats - mk some crazy numbers.. Sorry..

    Hes being slightly annoying because I tried to compromise with him and say, okay, you need a new car because your truck might crap out? Let's find another similar car for less" - NO its doesn't have cooled seats or headlight washers or this cool color leather or this kind of touchscreen head display or a giant sun roof...

    Cooled seats are the bane of my existence. He turns down every car BECAUSE it doesn't have cooled seats. Wtf

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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Yeah, you're right to be mad. Like, I get it, nice things are nice. But nice things are for people who have already paid their other giant debts, so your honey gotsta chill.

    I do know, though, that it gets rough when you're in constant "do not spend" mode. It can be depressing to feel like you're doomed to a ramen noodle existence when you just. Want. Something. Nice! I would suggest doing a mini-splurge on something that makes you both (key word: BOTH) feel decadent and special, so you don't go down the "I'm poor and miserable" rabbithole. A couples' massage, or a weekend away, or a really nice dinner out. 

    Obviously you'll have to discuss all this with him, but I feel like if you say, "DH, it's just not feasible. And frankly, all the talk of how good the car is for children just stresses me out more, because I know we'll be even deeper in the hole from the car and then to have a baby on top of it is an even bigger expense. But that said, I know it's been hard to be on spending shutdown for so long. What do you think about doing [X nice thing] for ourselves as a little treat? We can table the car for now; there will be plenty of Mercedes when we have more money, but I have to put my foot down on buying a luxury car on credit, paid for with shifts I actually cannot get."
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    I'm sorry. Guys can be so damn stubborn when it comes to their toys! Here is a cute gif to hopefully make your day better!

     

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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Aw! I love all these animals.

    @KatieinBkln‌ you got it.. We have spent absolutely nothing since June. Gas is the only thing we have bought... He eats ramen at work very frequently. We never see each other because he works both jobs on my days off. I didn't see him at all thus labor day weekend. I know he's stressed too

    Im sad because I have to be the bad guy. I wish I could say Yes my love go buy this awesome car so we can live happily ever after! I want him to be happy. .

    This is a used car, and he said he has looked all over the nation online and this exterior color with this interior leather and all of these specific options is the only one. So he wants it before it disappears.

    I just want to be supportive and nice but he frustrates me so much because he can't see that I am not comfortable with that car payment. I want savings - he says yea we need to save but then he goes and spends the savings.

    Frustration.

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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Unless he's willing to earn the status symbol, he doesn't get the status symbol.

    According to Kelley Blue Book, an ML350 Bluetec crossover in my area with 30,000 miles in good condition is not worth $50K. It's worth less than $30K, if you're purchasing from a private seller. The ML63 AMG crossover (the most expensive one on the market) is worth $55K. Granted a dealer is going to mark it up some, but no reputable dealer should be marking up a $30K value to a $50K lot price, because he knows that people do their research.
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  • flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you guys are saving up for a house and paying off the wedding and still having to ask for more hours or work two jobs, then there ain't no way in hell you need a $50k car. 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Sugargirl1019 said:
    Aw! I love all these animals. @KatieinBkln‌ you got it.. We have spent absolutely nothing since June. Gas is the only thing we have bought... He eats ramen at work very frequently. We never see each other because he works both jobs on my days off. I didn't see him at all thus labor day weekend. I know he's stressed too Im sad because I have to be the bad guy. I wish I could say Yes my love go buy this awesome car so we can live happily ever after! I want him to be happy. . This is a used car, and he said he has looked all over the nation online and this exterior color with this interior leather and all of these specific options is the only one. So he wants it before it disappears. I just want to be supportive and nice but he frustrates me so much because he can't see that I am not comfortable with that car payment. I want savings - he says yea we need to save but then he goes and spends the savings. Frustration.
    Ugh, I hear you. And I am not unsympathetic to him, either! But...when you're in a "poor phase" (as I like to call it), you just...don't get to buy luxury cars. Like, this is why I don't even go inside Saks--I know I can't really afford designer stuff, so it's not worth the risk to fall in love.

    Good luck. Hopefully he comes around without a huge blowout, but I do think you're within your rights to say, "Honey, now is not the time in our life when we get to buy luxury cars with cooled seats. That time will come! But now isn't it. I am happy to write down an actual plan, and when we've reached the parameters that work, we will buy a fancy car. And I want your input in writing that plan, but what I can't do is agree to the budget you've written, which has holes in it, objectively." (I agree with others that you probably have to get hard numbers to back you up on this, rather than the estimates you gathered originally).

    Money shit is hard. :(
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  • luckya23luckya23 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    Since I'm guessing you don't have the $50k laying around, I would suggest signing up for creditkarma.com and just for fun seeing what taking on that kind of loan would do to your credit scores....

    And then see if you tried to add a mortgage, should you get approved for one.

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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    alucky23 said:

    Since I'm guessing you don't have the $50k laying around, I would suggest signing up for creditkarma.com and just for fun seeing what taking on that kind of loan would do to your credit scores....

    And then see if you tried to add a mortgage, should you get approved for one.

    The car loan would be on his credit only, since I've been pre-approved for our mortgage on my credit only (his wasn't good enough).

    At least he understands that I cannot help him getting approved for a loan since I have the house, and I was told not to finance anything until the house closes so I don't lose the mortgage.

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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Not gonna lie, when I see guys driving "luxury" SUVs and trucks, I assume they're over compensating for something, be it physical or mental.

    But yeah, he needs to suck it up and get over it. Didn't you both end up working extra shifts and jobs because of over spending? Why would he want to continue that?
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Sugargirl1019 said:

    Since I'm guessing you don't have the $50k laying around, I would suggest signing up for creditkarma.com and just for fun seeing what taking on that kind of loan would do to your credit scores....

    And then see if you tried to add a mortgage, should you get approved for one.

    The car loan would be on his credit only, since I've been pre-approved for our mortgage on my credit only (his wasn't good enough). At least he understands that I cannot help him getting approved for a loan since I have the house, and I was told not to finance anything until the house closes so I don't lose the mortgage.
    Interesting. Yeah, he might very well get shot down by the bank/car dealership in this case. Personally, I'd rather hear it from my spouse that I can't afford something than from a lender, but maybe he'll have to learn this the hard way...

    On the other hand though, depending on your state, his credit and your credit may very well be the same thing at some point (I think this has to do with marital property and not just how you file your taxes, but I may be way off base here). So even though "you" have the house and "he" would have the car, if either of you were to default, I'm pretty sure they could come after the other person for the funds. So he can't make financial decisions willy nilly without taking into consideration that it may affect you. All of which is a long way of saying: You're married; you are a unit, and your finances are not individual anymore in the eyes of the law/banks/the state (depending on the state). You have to take each other into account when you buy big ticket items.
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