Tough Talks: "Honey, I love you- but this dish tastes like crap."

hikebikebemerry · September 2014

Okay, okay.. I'm not THAT harsh.

Warning- FWP.

This is one of the few places where FI and I butt heads. He'll make something that he thinks is fine, and it will make me want to gag (usually because of the texture).

For example.. today he took some stir fry vegetables and added black beans. Not what I was picturing together, but whatevs.. I can be strange with my food preferences. The black beans are still a tiny bit hard, which I hate. And the vegetables weren't cooked properly so they are flavorless and squeaky. (Squeaky is the best word I can think of.. it's strange)

I love him, and I respect that he's trying.. but I don't want to encourage him to make shit that I just don't want to eat. I try to be careful with the calories that I do consume (aka saving it for wine, beer, and sweets) so I really hate eating something that is not worth it.

My options are to:

1) Not make a point to say anything about me not liking it, but to not eat it; where I kind of have to bean dip when he points out that there are leftovers in the fridge. He does get a little butthurt with this.

2) Tell him that I'm not eating it because I don't like it. Big chance that he will get butthurt, and I don't want to discourage him from cooking.

3) Suck it up and just eat it.

Have there been dishes that your SO has made that are just BLECH? How did you deal with it?

ETF: Typo

penguin44 · September 2014

We have "on your own nights" where we make whatever we want for dinner. Usually I will have an egg sandwich and he'll have some leftovers or a quesadilla. We usually like the same things, but this is our solution for those things we can't agree on.

Now to actually answer your question, when DH makes something I don't prefer I usually tell him things that could be better. Like you could tell your FI the way you like your veggies cooked for next time.

raissyrais · September 2014

Actually that happens to us a lot and I mean A LOT. FI is a terrible cook and throughout the 8 years that we have been together he got a tad better. He couldn't make a bechamel for the life of him, even though I explain to him every single time. But do you know how he got better? Because I would GENTLY give him little tips and pointes. For example I would tell him what goes with what and what you can mix together. I also told him about absolute culinary no-nos. I've never been a bitch about his cooking. So he took my pointers and applied and he got better. His food still doesn't taste that awesome and he can't bake for shit but it's much better than what it used to be. Also, cooking together helped a lot.

Inkdancer · September 2014

I don't know how to answer this one. FI is an excellent cook... he can just whip up things I'd never even think of.

larrygaga · September 2014

I would never tell FI that I don't like a dish he cooks. You should just suck it up and eat it. Marriage is about taking a hit for the team. Next time volunteer to help him and then you can sort of manipulate it to something more edible.

Once a week or so FI makes me omelettes, and the notion is lovely but they are always brown and full of pepper and salt and grease. I force them down and I do like 95% of the cooking. He doesn't need to know it's terrible. I just need to eat it once a week because he is kind and making me breakfast!

As for the calories, well, do a physical activity together!

I like to give all of the relationship advice. I have been with FI more than half of my life.

Ndelible · September 2014

FH is doing most of the cooking these days and he hasn't really messed up anything. But I have. I knew it and he still ate it. He just won't take a lot or have seconds.

If I think I'm not going to like something, I take just a little bit and then say I'm full. Usually works.

FutureMrsN3312 · September 2014

H never cooks. And I'm still getting the hang of it. My rule is if you don't like it speak up. I won't be mad. I need to know. I can revamp the recipe or not make it again.

BreMR · September 2014

I wish my fiance cooked me gross food... because that meant he is cooking me ANYTHING

i do think his creation of black beans and stir fry veggies is kind of... unique.. Maybe you could start providing him with recipes sayin that you bet he could make it amazingly. My bff's husband does all of the cooking and he's great at it, but she'll still send him recipes of things that she would prefer.. and it's not an insult to his cooking.

JaxInBlue · September 2014

I do 99% of the cooking; DH's idea of cooking is toasting the bread before making a sandwich. In the nine years we've been together, I've missed on a couple of things: the jambalaya that never worked, a lentil dish, and my only attempt to cook steaks under a broiler. Each time, I've known the dish probably wasn't a winner and DH has only confirmed that it didn't work.

He is, however, a texture person; he can't eat dried fruits, sundried tomatoes, Jell-O - all because of how they feel when he eats them. So I do my best to avoid them but everyone once and a while I make something knowing it might not be what he likes because it satisfies something I like, such as the blueberry crisp I made last weekend.

I think the goal is to be gracious, to always try something out, and to make your criticisms in a way that are either about you and your preferences or can be helpful - "I'm afraid this is too spicy for me." "Next time, let's add a pinch of cumin." DH is always careful with this criticism because he knows being chief cook (thankfully he's chief bottle washer) adds time to my night that is more work than fun.

Beyond that, if it's really an issue for you, I'd get more involved in the meal planning and cooking so you can both learn more about how each other thinks about food.

loveislouder · September 2014

My fiancé does most of the cooking because this one time he asked me to make pancakes, it was our first week living together, and I set our griddle on fire and we had to evacuate the building. He's an amazing cook. Our neighbours did not like us after that lol

beethery · September 2014

I do most of the cooking. FI will eat damn near everything I make. When he cooks, he will make us frozen pizza, my style pizza (it only took 2.5 years to learn!) or grilled cheeses for us. It comes in handy when I'm sick.

theartistformerlyknownas · September 2014

Was it frozen stir-fry veggies? Those always turn out squeaky (I know exactly what you mean). I'd maybe just try to give him constructive ideas rather than criticism, like "this would be really good with fresh bell peppers and some cumin" or something like that.

I do most of the cooking, and I feel bad because FI has this impression that I won't like whatever he cooks for me. But I love just the thought that he's MAKING SOMETHING FOR ME, so even though some of his methods aren't what I would choose, I eat that shit up graciously.

huskypuppy14 · September 2014

My husband doesn't cook. I make 99% of the food, and DH cleans.

I've made some things that DH didn't like, and he tells me. I usually know it didn't come out right. We are very honest with each other and are blunt. No hard feelings.

bethsmiles · September 2014

SO is a fantastic cook so the most I've ever had to complain about is a little to much lemon in the salmon vermicelli he made for Valentine's Day. But I think honesty (kindly put) is the best policy here. You don't need to say "This is so disgusting, I'm not eating it!" But you can put it nicely (maybe only mention one thing about it instead of a whole list). Maybe offer to cook with him or find new recipes you want to try together?

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

I've learned to be honest with DH regarding cooking. He is a good cook, so I don't say things often, but there are times when he'll overseas on things or overlook things. He takes it well. And he has also told me that my chili gave him the shits.

Knottie37373131 · September 2014

My Fiance is a chef so I really have never had anything terrible from him. Anytime he makes something I am not so fond of I am able to let him know without hurting his feelings. He generally feels the same way about it. However, being that he always cooks at work and works from 10am to 10pm or midnight, he is never home to cook. I am always making spaghetti O's, pizza, mac and cheese. When you are with someone who cooks all the time at work, they never want to cook at home.

JennyColada · September 2014

Fi is an awesome cook and cooks about 95% of the time. The dishes of his that I don't like are still perfectly tasty, I just don't prefer them. Really the only thing is his gnocchi. He makes it more like a pasta and I just don't care for it. I have never told him this and usually just nibble at my dinner. He LOVES it and loves that he can make huge batches and store it.

I'm unsure if I'll ever tell him that I don't like it.

hikebikebemerry · September 2014

Thanks for the input everyone! FI and I have opposite work schedules, so cooking together is really tough. He can cook quite well with recipes, it is making up his own stuff that gets whacky. I am just not going to eat it, and be honest if he asks why (in a constructive way).

chasseuse · September 2014

Thank god, my FI is an excellent cook. I'm terrible. He disliked just about everything I have made for him (with the exception of tomato sauce). I've even triggered his gag reflex twice! Do I feel bad that he didn't like it? Honestly, yes, a little. But I'd rather feel bad briefly in the moment than make him eat something he doesn't like.

Look at it this way: It's lovely that you want to make a small sacrifice and spare his feelings, but wouldn't he rather you not have to?

jenna8984 · September 2014

I'm in the camp that also cooks 95% of the time. I have a handful of designated dishes for FI to make so that he feels like he contributes once in a while. It's just pasta or crockpot that he cannot fuck up.

He eats every single bite that I serve him, and if it's something new that he didn't like he will then afterwards say something like "yea, I wasn't crazy about that, it probably shouldn't be a regular meal". I kinda like that, he respects my effort enough to eat it all before speaking up lol. But it doesn't hurt my feelings at all, I just go back to the tried and true recipes and don't try a new one for a while. Maybe if yours make a few meals that you really like, you can buy the groceries for those and say how much you like those and he will get the hint to only make those.

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

I'm going to go against the grain a little and flip the situation... I would be really bummed if H didn't like someone I made and didn't tell me and I continued to make it.

We eat very differently. I'm a soup and baguette girl/plate of pasta as big as my face and he's meat and potatoes guy, so I make dishes that aren't always our individual preferences but they're cooked well.

Maybe you should cook together or you can gently give tips.

ElcaB · September 2014

Sometimes FI makes odd dinners. He's not very good at creating balanced meals, either, but can be a really good cook. His biggest problem is over-seasoning things.

Sometimes when he makes a dish I don't love, I flat-out let him know. I say, "Babe, I really appreciate you making this meal for me, but it's a little too [spicy/over-seasoned/insert negative thing here] for me. If you don't mind, I'm going to whip up a salad and have that, instead."

He's never offended.

I'd be honest with him, but not in a mean way.

wandajune6 · September 2014

FI can make a few things but follows (and asks for!) directions well. I do the majority of the cooking for health reasons- everything he makes is hideously unhealthy. He grew up on tasty but very salty/fatty (but yummy) foods with no veggies so we try to keep it to a minimum. Plus, his mom still cooks that way and constantly drops food at our house so we always have a ton at the house.

emmaaa · September 2014

I cook the majority of the time. FI helps with cutting vegetables (because I suck at it) and doing the dishes. When FI does cooks, it is usually amazing but I always cook because I enjoy it.

I think you should be honest with your future husband. Why lie about something so trivial as not liking a meal he cooked? You could just tell him that something about it wasn't quite right and it may have been better with fresh veggies (like Lolo said) and no black beans.

RebeccaFlower mentioned that she would be upset if she cooked something multiple times only to find out that her H didn't like it, and I definitely agree with her. I understand you don't want to upset him or discourage him from cooking, but this is one of those situations where I would be honest.

alpacalunch · September 2014

Place me squarely in the "cooks 95% of the time" camp.

FI will occasionally make a weekend breakfast, or if I'm just not up to cooking for whatever reason, but he would always rather get takeout than cook. And given he's just awful at it, that's fine with me.

Note: scrambled eggs, coconut milk + provolone are not a great combo. Duh, you say? Tell my FI that.

When we don't care for the other's food, we'll give it a good try, be polite, but then "I wasn't really into that. I appreciate eating food I didn't cook, but can we not have this a regular dish?"

climbingsingle · September 2014

I know exactly what you mean about vegetables being squeaky.

FI and I split the cooking 50%. Everything he makes is good. I've had a couple of dishes end up a little too flavorless. And FI told me that. I appreciated his honesty. If something doesn't taste good, or if the dish can use some tweaking, I'd like to know. So, if FI made something that I didn't like, I would tell him.

flyingfoxes · September 2014

FI does 99% of the cooking, because he works much shorter hours than me, and he's good at cooking. He does enjoy it when I cook because it gives him a break, and he will eat whatever I make for him without complaint (24 years in the Army, he'll eat whatever's placed in front of him). He's made some things that were a little tough or something, but I usually eat it anyway - he knows when things could be better. The kids for damn sure will tell him anyway, lol.

abbyj700 · September 2014

Luckily for me FI went to culinary school. We often cook together. (First guy ever I've allowed in the kitchen with me on a regular basis!) I'm a vegetarian -so I always ask about the quality of the meats I make because, well, I can't taste it!

I'm of the mindset that you shouldn't *bitch* when someone else is making you food. They are being thoughtful and trying -because they love you! BUT I also don't want to continue cooking food 1/2 of us thinks is crap. Working together, subtle hints and things of that nature is what I've always felt best about.

pinkshorts27 · September 2014

I think you have to tell him (nicely) what you don't like. He's an adult and should be able to take constructive criticism. I strongly disagree with any suck it up and eat it attitude. I tell FI that I don't like the way he cooks chicken and that he needs to visit my dad before he ever thinks about touching a steak again. But I was nice about it.

I do most of the cooking because I'm pickier and I count calories

Senecaf · September 2014

H and I spilt the cooking and we are equally bad. Our poor children. But we are cheap and don't like to pay for fiod. And we eat healthy/cleanish 90% of the time. It really is quite sad.

jennyleigh16 · September 2014

I do about 95% of the cooking in the house and I like to try new recipes. FI and I are very vocal about our rule "In the kitchen, like in the bedroom, if you're only pretending to like something, you're only hurting yourself." It's a good rule, and everyone gets what they want.

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