Reception invite help!

Re: Reception invite help!

• misshart00 member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  So me and my fiancée are deciding to make the wedding reception BYOB. How would I go about telling people that? I already ordered my save the dates and didn't want to add it on the invitation

  Don't tell people. Just provide what you can. That's enough.

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• lurkergirl member

  

  September 2014

  
  

  princess146 said:

  So me and my fiancée are deciding to make the wedding reception BYOB. How would I go about telling people that? I already ordered my save the dates and didn't want to add it on the invitation

  Please read this thread to see how people feel about what you are planning: CLICK
  
  (Hint: It's a bad idea.  It is incredibly rude to not fully host your guests.  Have a dry wedding if you can't afford booze.  End of story.)
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  
  If they're like this for every event, then they'll know already.

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• lurkergirl member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  SO are you only having your family at the wedding?  If it's like that for every event, then why would they expect alcohol? 
  
  Also, just because your family does it doesn't mean it's okay.  If you're family belches loudly in public, do you still think it's okay just because that's what they do?  Or would you be embarrassed by their rudeness?
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  September 2014

  So you're planning a money dance AND a BYOB reception? What ARE you paying for at this shindig?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• lurkergirl member

  

  September 2014

  AddieCake said:

  So you're planning a money dance AND a BYOB reception? What ARE you paying for at this shindig?

  Oh, sorry, I think she answered you in her other thread asking for advice on how to be rude.
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  AddieCake said:

  So you're planning a money dance AND a BYOB reception? What ARE you paying for at this shindig?

  I didn't come to this site to be harassed by people, I came for ideas. FYI i'll be paying for everything else but the alcohol.
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  SO are you only having your family at the wedding?  If it's like that for every event, then why would they expect alcohol? 
  
  Also, just because your family does it doesn't mean it's okay.  If you're family belches loudly in public, do you still think it's okay just because that's what they do?  Or would you be embarrassed by their rudeness?
  

  It will be my family and my fiancée's family.
  

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• lurkergirl member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  SO are you only having your family at the wedding?  If it's like that for every event, then why would they expect alcohol? 
  
  Also, just because your family does it doesn't mean it's okay.  If you're family belches loudly in public, do you still think it's okay just because that's what they do?  Or would you be embarrassed by their rudeness?
  

  It will be my family and my fiancée's family.
  

  Look, it's not a rainbow and skittles crowd around here.  The general consensus is that not properly hosting your guests and asking for money is rude.  Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to be rude.
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  SO are you only having your family at the wedding?  If it's like that for every event, then why would they expect alcohol? 
  
  Also, just because your family does it doesn't mean it's okay.  If you're family belches loudly in public, do you still think it's okay just because that's what they do?  Or would you be embarrassed by their rudeness?
  

  It will be my family and my fiancée's family.
  

  Look, it's not a rainbow and skittles crowd around here.  The general consensus is that not properly hosting your guests and asking for money is rude.  Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to be rude.
  

  On how to be rude? well sorry not everyone has money to host a huge fancy wedding. There is nothing wrong with having a money dance, I don't know where you are from, but around where im from it's quit common. And not one of you know me or my family, I know how my family is, they won't care if it's BYOB. Hell, most of them would probably rather have it that way so they know they'll have alcohol they like.
  

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  lurkergirl said:

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  SO are you only having your family at the wedding?  If it's like that for every event, then why would they expect alcohol? 
  
  Also, just because your family does it doesn't mean it's okay.  If you're family belches loudly in public, do you still think it's okay just because that's what they do?  Or would you be embarrassed by their rudeness?
  

  It will be my family and my fiancée's family.
  

  Look, it's not a rainbow and skittles crowd around here.  The general consensus is that not properly hosting your guests and asking for money is rude.  Nobody here is going to give you advice on how to be rude.
  

  On how to be rude? well sorry not everyone has money to host a huge fancy wedding. There is nothing wrong with having a money dance, I don't know where you are from, but around where im from it's quit common. And not one of you know me or my family, I know how my family is, they won't care if it's BYOB. Hell, most of them would probably rather have it that way so they know they'll have alcohol they like.
  

  
  Then why bother asking? If you're going to do stuff anyway, why ask? And lots of money has nothing to do with properly hosting a wedding.

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  Im asking for song ideas and how to tell people it's BYOB. Not asking "oh hey what do you think about the money dance or BYOB weddings" and being criticized on my wedding choices.

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  julybride2015 said:

  
  

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  My friends are a BYOB group.  It's an unwritten rule basically.  When someone has a party, the host provides water, soda, mixers, then everyone brings their alcohol/wine/beer of choice.   This is fine for parties and picnic were close friends are gathering just to have fun; this is not OK for a wedding or an event where you're hosting people for a particular purpose.    

  
  

  A wedding reception is a celebration to honor your wedding, but it's also a thank you to your guests. They are getting dressed up to attend your event and are probably giving you a gift.  Wedding are events were you hosting people other than your own immediate/extended family.   Your hosting your in-laws, their family and their friends.  Just because your family thinks this is OK doesn't mean that everyone else does and the action can come across as rude.   When you're hosting an event were there is mixed company  (not just your closest friends/family), it is best to provide everything they needed.  

  Not much of my fiancée's family will be there, as they all live out of state. so it will just be his close family, like his mom, dad, brother, and maybe a cousin and couple friends.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  OP, it is not possible for us to help you with wording because your plans are very rude.  There is no proper way to word such an invitation.  Please listen to us and change your plans.  There is nothing wrong with an alcohol free reception.
  

  

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• AddieCake member

  

  September 2014

  If you asked me what kind of car to use as a getaway car after you rob a bank, I'm going to try to talk you out of the plan for robbing the bank even though you didn't ask what I thought about the plan.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• jacques27 member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  Perhaps you need to understand what IS a wedding reception.
  
  A wedding reception is a party that you host to RECEIVE your guests for the first time as a married couple and THANK them for attending your wedding ceremony.
  
  A wedding reception is not a party where your guests are just there to bask in your glory and do your bidding.  It is not a party like a Labor Day BBQ or a Memorial Day picnic or an everyone bring a dish Thanksgiving.
  
  Because the wedding reception is a THANK YOU, it is very rude to make your guests work for their thank you or open their wallets.  Take the wedding aspect out of it for a second.  Say someone does something nice for you and you are going to buy them a thank you card and/or present.  Would you tell that person "Gee, for the very nice thing you did for me, I want you to take $20 out of your own wallet and buy yourself something nice as my thank you to you"???  Because that is what you are doing when you are telling them to bring their own beverages (ETA: or make their own dinner since you also mentioned not getting a caterer and having family cook).  Would you tell that person "Gee, for the very nice thing you did for me, I'm going to let you open your wallet and hand over a wad of cash to me and I'll even dance a little with you while you do it as my way of saying thank you to you"???  Because that's what you're doing when you have a dollar/money dance. 
  
  Please, please tell me that you knew the answer to both of those questions was "NO!"  You wouldn't do that.
  
  So if you wouldn't do that in your everyday life, why would you do it at your wedding?
  
  Finally, you could benefit from lurking, particularly on the budget and etiquette boards.  Your crying destitute and saying you can't afford a nice wedding does not pardon your being rude.  I'll wager that the majority of the people in this thread were able to properly host their guests on a budget.  You and your situation aren't that special or unique as to make it ok for you to play by different rules.  If you can't afford to host alcohol, that's fine.  Then you just don't have it and it's perfectly fine to not have alcohol at your wedding.  But you don't get to push the costs off on your friends and family because you want it and can't afford it.  You instead, have the following options:
  
  1.  Have the wedding you can afford.  If alcohol is really important to you, then you cut your guest list until you're at a number you can afford and make cuts elsewhere (like not having flowers, buying a used dress or wearing something you already own, having a sheet cake instead of a "wedding cake", etc.).  If having all of your family and friends present is really important to you, then you have a dry wedding, or host your wedding at a non-meal time and host a cake and punch reception instead of a full meal and alcohol, or have your wedding on a Friday or Sunday and off of peak wedding season to take advantage of cheaper rates, or have a brunch reception where the food will likely be cheaper and your alcohol tab will be much lower since most people don't do a lot of drinking mid-morning and you can get away with just hosting mimosas and bloody marys probably.  But you need to be a grown-up and make compromises on what you want for your wedding to ensure you are properly hosting and thanking your guests.
  
  2.  Wait until you can afford the wedding you want.  That should be pretty self-explanatory.  If you're not willing to compromise on the things you want at your wedding, then you'll have to compromise on when the wedding will take place so that you can save up enough money to pay for the things you want.
  
  Those, really, are your only two options.  Thanking your guests by making them open their wallet is never an option.
  

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  princess146 said:

  Im asking for song ideas and how to tell people it's BYOB. Not asking "oh hey what do you think about the money dance or BYOB weddings" and being criticized on my wedding choices.

  Take the $$ you are spending on music and buy booze for your friends.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• MobKaz member

  

  September 2014

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  If EVERY party event is BYOB, then no special instruction will be needed.  However, in your OP, you said, "So me and my fiancée are deciding to make the wedding reception BYOB."   It doesn't seem as if there should have been anything to decide, or instruct, if this is the standard procedure for your family.  Stating that you and you FI have made this decision makes it sound as if you are doing something OUTside the norm.
  
  You could state: "We're rude, so bring something brewed."  "You can dine, but bring your own wine". 
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  MobKaz said:

  princess146 said:

  Our family has been like this for every party event. Everyone usually BYOB and we never hire a caterer. Family does the cooking. I just want them to know its BYOB instead of not having something stating it and them coming and expecting alcohol.

  If EVERY party event is BYOB, then no special instruction will be needed.  However, in your OP, you said, "So me and my fiancée are deciding to make the wedding reception BYOB."   It doesn't seem as if there should have been anything to decide, or instruct, if this is the standard procedure for your family.  Stating that you and you FI have made this decision makes it sound as if you are doing something OUTside the norm.
  
  You could state: "We're rude, so bring something brewed."  "You can dine, but bring your own wine". 
  

  Love it! think i'll do that!
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  sarahbear31 said:

  princess146 said:

  Im asking for song ideas and how to tell people it's BYOB. Not asking "oh hey what do you think about the money dance or BYOB weddings" and being criticized on my wedding choices.

  Take the $$ you are spending on music and buy booze for your friends.

  We actually have no money put into a DJ My grandfather is one, and he was offended when I tried to get a different one.
  

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• CMGragain member

  

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  I would be delighted to help you plan a lovely wedding!  There are four basic types of weddings.  Which one you have depends on your budget, your guest list, and time of day.
  
  1.  Private ceremony.  This can be done at a courthouse or some other location.  Requirements are simple:  bride, groom, officiant, license, legal witnesses.  No reception is necessary.
  
  2.  If you want to have guests, you will need a venue, invitations, and a reception is required.  Cake and punch is perfectly proper.  This kind of wedding is usually held in the afternoon.  Options include wedding dress, bridal party, flowers, music, photography.  My own wedding was like this.
  
  3.  A brunch or lunch reception usually follows a morning ceremony.  Dancing is OK.  This costs much less than a full dinner reception, but offers your guests a full meal.  My daughter did this.
  
  4.  The most expensive kind of wedding is the evening ceremony with full dinner reception.  Tuxedos may be worn.   Dancing is expected.  If you are restricted by a tight budget, you should consider one of the other times and styles.
  
  A wedding is not the same as a family get-together.  The host is expected to provide the food and drink.  Pot luck and BYOB might be fine at a reunion, but they are rude at a wedding reception.
  
  Alcohol is NEVER required at a wedding, but most people will expect it at an evening, full dinner (barbecue or otherwise) reception. 
  It sounds like you have planned your wedding backwards by first deciding your reception, and then looking at your guest list and budget.  Perhaps you should rethink it.
  
  
  

  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  September 2014

  I have yet to meet a bride that didn't have a budget. Many of us have had low budget, but properly hosted weddings. You don't have to provide booze. Dry weddings are acceptable, as long as you and your fi provide the soft drinks. If your family assumes that all special events are BYOB, then they will automatically do that. It's never acceptable to request that guests provide any of the refreshments for the wedding reception.

                     

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  September 2014

  Don't you think she's a troll by now?

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2014

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  Don't you think she's a troll by now?

  
  I'm still not convinced. I'm thinking just dense.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2014

  Zomg everyone is so mean!!!! Obvi the best way to tell people when you're doing something tacky is by using poetry. So like..... Here's an example:
  
  "We've prioritized things other than you,
  So please, make sure you bring your own brew!"
  
  Be sure to add smiley faces and exclamation points because that makes everything seem cuter and less rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  PrettyGirlLost said:

  Don't you think she's a troll by now?

  I'm a troll? Nice.
  

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• princess146 member

  

  September 2014

  Since im a troll, ill take all of my RUDENESS elsewhere. I sure as fuck won't be back on this site.

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• lurkergirl member

  

  September 2014

  
  

  princess146 said:

  Since im a troll, ill take all of my RUDENESS elsewhere. I sure as fuck won't be back on this site.

  
  

  
  
  
  

  
  

  
  

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• JoanE2012 member

  

  September 2014

  Oh for the love of god.  Her whole wedding is a shit show.

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