What have people assumed during your planning?

mrscaty · September 2014

Oh boy. I have had a lot of people assume a lot of things about me and my wedding. I'm not upset about any of them, but they did make me stop and think when they happened.

1. When I told the jeweler that I couldn't wear my ring at work she said "oh, are you a nurse?" She looked at me like I had 5 heads when I told her that I'm a chemist.

2. When making my dress fitting appointment, the consultant asked me if I was a teacher and would be needing a fitting before school started.

3. When we went to get our marriage license, the older woman that was helping us just handed me the name change paperwork for the social security office.

4. My coworker casually mentioned that my parents must be spending a pretty penny when I mentioned where my wedding is being held. My parents (and my IL's) are certainly helping but we planned the wedding we could afford ourselves.

So, what have people assumed about you/your wedding?

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

The biggest assumption for me was that I was marrying for money. DH and I are 17 years apart, so I get that "gold digger" look. People also assume I'm not very intelligent because of the age difference. I met DH at work and we happen to have the same job title, not to mention I am higher on my org chart. I have as much, if not more, earning potential, so clearly not about the money.

Ndelible · September 2014

That I know what the hell I'm doing.

luckya23 · September 2014

1. My sister and BFF haven't been asked but assume they are bridesmaids (and my nephew the ringbearer) no matter how many times I said I wasn't sure about having a bridal party since we don't know if SO's brother will make it. They send me dress ideas.

2. While dress shopping, I said I would probably wear flats and the lady said, "Oh is your fiance short?" (He is not, but I just don't wear heels.)

3. My FMIL apparently cut back dramatically on the guest list in her mind when I mentioned my parents weren't paying for the wedding. (That has probably changed but I don't really want those guests back on! Hopefully my mom doesn't mention anything about money when we go meet them next weekend...)

4. Oh I guess the biggest one, everyone assumed it would be in my hometown, where we live, but actually it will be in his (about 3 hrs away).

mrscaty · September 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

The biggest assumption for me was that I was marrying for money. DH and I are 17 years apart, so I get that "gold digger" look. People also assume I'm not very intelligent because of the age difference. I met DH at work and we happen to have the same job title, not to mention I am higher on my org chart. I have as much, if not more, earning potential, so clearly not about the money.

Because of course, who would want to marry for love?!?!

smichek said:

People assume I'm having some OTT wedding and my dad shits money. Um, no. My dad gave us a modest budget and I actually managed to come in 2k under budget because I am thrifty and prone to saying "oh HELL no, I can make this myself for much cheaper" and "oh HELL no, this is an unnecessary thing/cost we can skip"

Local engaged friends (who assume we're spending a metric shitton of money on the wedding) ask me for recs/advice and then automatically disregard my recs/advice because they assume my wedding costs so much more than theirs. THEN WHY DID YOU ASK FOR RECS/ADVICE?

My mom assumes I have no clue how to plan anything and sends me excessive texts about every little damn thing. And of course she can't just send one text. It has to be "part of my first thought..." "second part of my first thought..." "another partial thought..." "second part of another thought..." JUST. SEND. ONE. TEXT.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

Some people assumed that I was trying to get married before my brother. They had been engaged for 6 months when DH proposed, but they hadn't set a date. Shortly after we got engaged, they set their date. I didn't care about the timing of their wedding, and we ended up getting married 3 months after them.

mrscaty · September 2014

alucky23 said:

1. My sister and BFF haven't been asked but assume they are bridesmaids (and my nephew the ringbearer) no matter how many times I said I wasn't sure about having a bridal party since we don't know if SO's brother will make it. They send me dress ideas.
2. While dress shopping, I said I would probably wear flats and the lady said, "Oh is your fiance short?" (He is not, but I just don't wear heels.)
3. My FMIL apparently cut back dramatically on the guest list in her mind when I mentioned my parents weren't paying for the wedding. (That has probably changed but I don't really want those guests back on! Hopefully my mom doesn't mention anything about money when we go meet them next weekend...)
4. Oh I guess the biggest one, everyone assumed it would be in my hometown, where we live, but actually it will be in his (about 3 hrs away).

hehe. Also, I LOVE your siggy.

sarahbear31 said:

Some people assumed that I was trying to get married before my brother. They had been engaged for 6 months when DH proposed, but they hadn't set a date. Shortly after we got engaged, they set their date. I didn't care about the timing of their wedding, and we ended up getting married 3 months after them.

'Cause, you know, it's a competition.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

I try not to talk about the wedding too much and thus not open the door to too many unsolicited opinions. But I recently posted that my grandmother assumed our wedding would be only family, no friends! That was funny.

I've had numerous people assume my dad must be paying for at least some of the wedding (including my grandma-- yes, my dad's mom).

Oh, here's a good one. I recently got on a little kick to get in shape and have lost around 5 pounds. Several friends have assumed I'm losing the weight for the wedding. Nope! I look damn hot in my dress. I just want to be healthier.

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

Another big one for me- people assumed they'd be invited. After the shitshow that was my first wedding (family drama), I would never open myself up to that again. So, I shocked them all with my elopement.

hikebikebemerry · September 2014

People assume that FI is just being dragged through all of this, because obviously women force men into marriage.

Gag.

pinkshorts27 · September 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

People assume that FI is just being dragged through all of this, because obviously women force men into marriage.

Gag.

THIS. or that things were my decision, when they absolutely were not.

mrscaty · September 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

hikebikebemerry said:

People assume that FI is just being dragged through all of this, because obviously women force men into marriage.

Gag.

THIS. or that things were my decision, when they absolutely were not.

YES. We're having a harpist. I was firmly on the "no" side of that one. But here we are. (I'm sure the harpist will be nice but I would have preferred a pianist or classical guitarist)

Cookie Pusher · September 2014

People very wrongly assumed that I was the one who desperately wanted a wedding when, in reality, DH is the one who insisted that we have the whole big to-do.

People also assumed a lot of things about our finances. Some assumed we were spending more than we were, others less. Some assumed we make more than we actually do, others less. Why the hell does it matter so long as everyone has a seat, food, and drinks?

beethery · September 2014

pinkshorts27 said:

hikebikebemerry said:

People assume that FI is just being dragged through all of this, because obviously women force men into marriage.

Gag.

THIS. or that things were my decision, when they absolutely were not.

YUP. FI has left a lot of decisions up to me, but there are some big things that we're doing for him. I don't mind, because he needs to be happy with the wedding too.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

Close extended family assuming they're invited. My immediate family is huge, for one thing, and for another, I can't really stand my mom's side of the family. My dad's side I love, but unfortunately if it got back to my mom's SIL that I'd invited my dad's side and not my mom's, I'd be essentially dead. Sadly, it's my dad's side making the assumptions. It's breaking my heart.

Assuming that I'm excited about the wedding. At this point, no. We're 13 months out. I'm stressing because the October 2015 board is all full of these girls listing what all they've done already, and I've got exactly nothing done. I'm ecstatic to be married to FI, but I'm not even a little excited about the party part. If it weren't for our moms, we'd go to the courthouse.

blabla89 · September 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

Another big one for me- people assumed they'd be invited. After the shitshow that was my first wedding (family drama), I would never open myself up to that again. So, I shocked them all with my elopement.

Yep, we've got plenty of that going on.

Also FMIL assumes she gets a say. And I'm like LOL no, I'm the one paying.

wrigleyville · September 2014

1) When I said we were getting married in Vegas, everyone assumed Elvis was going to perform our ceremony. (Elvis did not perform our ceremony.)

2) When I wore flats to my dress fitting, the seamstress said, "Ah, you have a small fiance, yes?" (H is only 3" taller than me, but my main reason for wearing flats was that heels are super uncomfortable and we were going to do a TON of walking up and down the Strip.)

3) When I drank milk during our reception, several people came up to whisper, "Are you pregnant?" (I was not pregnant. I always drink milk with dinner and dessert. I drank alcohol later in the evening.)

falsara · September 2014

1. People assume I'm getting married in the next 6 - 12 months. No. I want time to plan this shit.

2. People assume I know how to plan a wedding. I hope it looks like that. Because most days I have no clue.

3. People assume the wedding is the only thing going on in my life right now. So far from true.

4. People assume that because of my age, me and FI will be getting divorced, or that we're only getting married to make babies, or that my parents are paying or that me and FI are irresponsible 20 somethings who don't know enough about life to get married.

These are all from random people/ vendors who really don't know me or FI.

beethery · September 2014

My mom assumed that all-in-ones would be cheaper and have more options than if we planned from the ground up.

FMIL assumed that we would put 'cash gifts only' on the invitation.

FSIL assumed we wanted to have a barn wedding.

jdluvr06 · September 2014

Everyone assumed that we would cancel the wedding and run off to Vegas. Idk why but people have just started telling us this since we got back from out honeymoon.

beethery · September 2014

smichek said:

beethery said:

My mom assumed that all-in-ones would be cheaper and have more options than if we planned from the ground up.

FMIL assumed that we would put 'cash gifts only' on the invitation.

FSIL assumed we wanted to have a barn wedding.

EVERYONE ASSUMES WE'RE HAVING A PINTEREST BURLAP/LACE/MASON JAR WEDDING! Because it's trendy and we're southern. HELL NO. I specifically told one of the ladies from my venue who did my consultation last month NO BURLAP, LACE, OR MASON JARS. She made a note of it. Yesterday I'm emailing with another lady from the venue and she says "we can put your baby's breath in mason jars, that's so on trend right now! We also have vintage vases wrapped in burlap for your ranunculus." I emailed back "oh, I guess you didn't see Georgia's note from the consult. I actually don't want any mason jars or burlap. Or lace. I'd love whatever you have that isn't a mason jar and will make the baby's breath look full, and maybe something taller for the ranunculus since they tend to have longer stems."

Mason jars are for drinks, not decor.

CMGragain · September 2014

This was a long time ago, but people assumed that we would be having a huge expensive wedding. DH came from a wealthy family, and his sister was married less than a year before us. It was the biggest wedding the city had ever seen!
Vendors were falling over themselves to do my wedding. The florist came rushing out of the office when he learned my FI's name, saying, "Oh, I want to do YOUR wedding PERSONALLY! We did a lovely job for his sister last year!" He was SO disappointed to learn that it would be a simple church ceremony with cake and punch. My FILS did not contribute to our wedding budget. Why should they? My FMIL was dead set against the marriage, and did everything she could to make trouble.
Result? Married 38 years.

Sugargirl1019 · September 2014

On the thought of nurses not wearing their rings: I wear both, sorry not sorry. I take precautions with them for gloves and its been fine for the year and a half so far.

Its a conversation piece and I'm proud of my rings. DH did a perfect job. I want to wear them, dammit. Judge me all you want.

steph861 · September 2014

I guess the biggest assumption has been that there was a proposal and that it was really romantic. Couldn't be further from the truth, and neither of us would have been comfortable with a romantic proposal.

A lot of vendors have assumed that we've been engaged for much less time than we actually have. Others have been surprised that we were together for so long before getting engaged.

wandajune6 · September 2014

FI's family and friends all assumed a church wedding. My family is assuming something far more lavish (we refuse to go into debt for a wedding).

Vendors regularly assume that I have strong opinions about everything. I keep telling them that I'm clueless and would like recommendations based on their experience.

I told my BMs to wear black dresses. I wanted them all similar lengths and let them decide that as a group. Everyone expected me to change my mind and make requirements. We're less than a month away and I still don't care. Ditto on the shoes and hair. (Though I kinda wish FSIL chose something that I wouldn't wear to work...)

And, since I find it annoying, FMIL thinks I want approval on her dress. We have opposite tastes in dresses and I just want her happy. Shopping is getting painful. My mom doesn't want her in the same color if possible but even that doesn't really matter.

Exhausting...

mrscaty · September 2014

smichek said:

@wandajune6, not only are we date twins, it sounds like we are planning twins. I've taken the chillzilla approach and people think it's weird. It's like they want me to be bossy/picky/super opinionated. I said "short marine dress that doesn't look like it belongs in da club" and all the girls insisted I shop with them and give them opinions on every single dress. I would say "I love this one" "this is nice but I still like the second one the best" etc. I told them all "get something that you feel amazing in with a price tag that doesn't make you nauseous." LOL

Same deal with my mom. THREE. FULL. DAYS. of dress shopping. I didn't even have three full days of dress shopping. I went to DB one night and a couple other shops the next day. I bought the third dress I put on at DB.

I went shopping with my mom but we have totally different tastes. I told her which one I liked (and she told me she didn't like at all) and she ended up buying that one because "it's whatever the bride wants." I feel bad about it because I want her to be happy and like her dress and I feel like she thinks I'm being a controlling bridezilla when I'm not. It's been very frustrating.

BreMR · September 2014

I love these!

People assume that my FI is not the father of my daughter since we're getting married next year and my daughter is 6, he is in fact the father and we've been together since high school.

My BFF assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid/maid of honor and still hasn't let it go that I'm not having a bridal party

Because we're having a destination wedding my family assumes we'll be having an at home reception, nope. That's why I'm getting married in Mexico, because I will not have an event that I can't properly host, and I can't afford to properly host the amount of people who would want to come.

wandajune6 · September 2014

smichek said:
@wandajune6, not only are we date twins, it sounds like we are planning twins. I've taken the chillzilla approach and people think it's weird. It's like they want me to be bossy/picky/super opinionated. I said "short marine dress that doesn't look like it belongs in da club" and all the girls insisted I shop with them and give them opinions on every single dress. I would say "I love this one" "this is nice but I still like the second one the best" etc. I told them all "get something that you feel amazing in with a price tag that doesn't make you nauseous." LOL

Same deal with my mom. THREE. FULL. DAYS. of dress shopping. I didn't even have three full days of dress shopping. I went to DB one night and a couple other shops the next day. I bought the third dress I put on at DB.

Oye. My mom bought her dress online. Nordstrom sent out their annual sale email, she saw the dress in the ad, then bought it in 3 sizes. She showed it to me when I came over. The only point where she asked my opinion was on shortening.

I tried on 7 dresses at DB. This was the second. I would have bought it right then if it wasn't so much more than I planned to spend. My mom and sister convinced me that I was being stupidly cheap and I bought it on the first trip--- I just needed to try on a few cheaper dresses for a perspective check.

I did get yelled at by FSIL (FI's SIL, whatever you call that) who is a BM. Last night she gave me crap about not asking for help. It turns out there is one thing I do get crazy on- my craft projects have to be just right.

NavyBlue143 · September 2014

My parents assumed they were paying. Nope.

In that vein, mom assumed she had a say. Nope.

Mom assumed that not her style/ different = tacky

Most people assumed it was the wedding I wanted and that my wealthy parents paid for it. It was the wedding H wanted because I didn't care so long as we followed etiquette, and we paid for it ourselves.

People assumed I'd get pregnant on the honeymoon. Two years tomorrow, and still childless, not even trying yet.

People assumed I wouldn't actually keep my last name and wouldn't go through with wearing a red dress, because I didn't want those things, I just said I did to be rebellious. Wrong.

We had a very etiquette board approved, laid back offbeat wedding that people still tell us was the best they've been to. Nobody expected that.

KytchynWitche · September 2014

FILs assumed church wedding. Even after I told them, repeatedly, that I couldn't do that. I do get where they're coming from, especially having a priest in the family and everything, but it's just not who I am. Or who FI is, for that matter.

Both families assumed it would be a large, "family reunion" type event. I don't have the budget or the patience for that.

Many people assumed I want the wedding and FI's just going along with it. I would've preferred eloping, but I want FI to be happy.

BSC SM assumed a lot of things: that she'd be doing the flowers (which we aren't having, thanks to allergies), that her daughters would be my flower girls (I'm not having any), that she would be a "guest of honour", whatever the heck that is...

FMIL assumed we were planning a traditional main table with parents, despite the shaky (at best) relations between mine.

Loads of people assumed they would be invited (thank you, small town living). Other assumptions: that we'd have a large BP, that it'd be a black tie dinner-dance, that we'd have a cash bar (seriously, WTF?), and that we'd have two ceremonies - one in FI's town and one in mine. That I'd be a bridezilla because I am a control freak. That we'd have a full-on theme wedding because we're massive geeks. And that, because I am DIYing almost everything, it's going to be a tacky, half-assed shit-show.

Our intimate, slight-nod-to-vintage, semi-book-themed, laid-back, mid-morning civil ceremony with lunch reception is going to surprise a lot of people.

vulpiepop · September 2014

My dad offered to pay for the wedding (FI and I originally wanted to elope). I've had a lot of assumptions that we didn't have a budget because my dad is apparently rich (he most certainly is not).

There have been a couple of people who expected us to pay for their flights and hotel accommodation.

I've had people getting really angry with me for not receiving an invitation (I have not yet sent invitations).

I think the funniest assumption was when we were checking out reception venues. FI couldn't make it because of work so his dad tagged along. The coordinator showing us around assumed FFIL was FI even though I had told her he was FFIL (I guess she assumed I was lying?).

What have people assumed during your planning?

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