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Etiquette

Meal that is not rehearsal. How do we inform guests they need to pay without sounding bad

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Re: Meal that is not rehearsal. How do we inform guests they need to pay without sounding bad

  • Yes everyone knows we are already married. It is Facebook official and everything.
  • lashack said:

    Yes everyone knows we are already married. It is Facebook official and everything.




    I'm sure other members of the lgbt community must be utterly thrilled that their years of fighting for marriage equality have finally resulted in your Facebook official marriage status.




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  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    Yes everyone knows we are already married. It is Facebook official and everything.
    I'm sure other members of the lgbt community must be utterly thrilled that their years of fighting for marriage equality have finally resulted in your Facebook official marriage status.

    I don't think this is fair. I took it to mean simply that the OP was assuring us that YES, everyone knows and there is no secret or attempt to lie. People often make comments about stuff being Facebook official. They don't get snarked at for it. Is that because they are straight? Why does her sexuality need to come into play regarding the FB comment? Her saying it here has no bearing on the LGBT community, IMO.
    I agree with Addie. I believe OP was just reaffirming that yes everyone knows that she and her wife are married.

    My advice is the same as everyone else has said. Just have it be a vow renewal and party your asses off. No need for a rehearsal.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





    newvalley[Deleted User]
  • AddieCake said:



    lashack said:

    Yes everyone knows we are already married. It is Facebook official and everything.




    I'm sure other members of the lgbt community must be utterly thrilled that their years of fighting for marriage equality have finally resulted in your Facebook official marriage status.



    I don't think this is fair. I took it to mean simply that the OP was assuring us that YES, everyone knows and there is no secret or attempt to lie. People often make comments about stuff being Facebook official. They don't get snarked at for it. Is that because they are straight? Why does her sexuality need to come into play regarding the FB comment? Her saying it here has no bearing on the LGBT community, IMO.

    Well i was kind of being sarcastic, but you're probably right. I am wearing pms pants and wrote that impulsively. I know it's a sensitive subject, and I never want to offend!





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    SachaBee[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    @lurkergirl‌ I won't hold it against you. :)
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    lurkergirlSachaBee
  • Rehearsals happen every day for performances, ceremonies, speeches... why would a vow renewal be the one time that word merits the Dread Side-eye? Do y'all expect her guests, who as she's stated MULTIPLE TIMES are all aware that she and her wife are married (congratulations by the way, lashack... I'm sure the LGBT community IS thrilled for you), are going to hear the word "rehearsal," get confused, and start thinking they're rehearsing a first wedding?
    AddieCakelashackAroundTheBlock
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    BigGrouch makes a good point.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]
  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    @lashack

    Welcome Lashack! Congratulations for one year with your wife. 

    Since you are not hosting the dinner after the tour, I think it's best that the invitations you send only mentions the tour which you are paying for. You can allow information about going to dinner afterwards spread via word of mouth. If your family is anything like mine the word will spread through the grapevine rather easily!

    Also, I totally understand what you mean by the term,"last hurrah" The phrase is very common in my family and used to reference the last exciting moment before returning to normalcy. (i.e. labor day weaken is the "last hurrah" before returning to school, etc.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    lashack
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    missax said:
    I think maybe people are assuming that having a rehearsal means they are also having a bridal party and all of those wedding things that are not appropriate for a vow renewal. 
    Considering she calls it a wedding and says their first wedding was not romantic enough and people can have as many ceremonies as they want, this was also my assumption.  I will stand corrected if I was wrong.  And be happy about it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    ashley8918newvalley
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Call it a vow renewal.

    I don't side eye this for a second.

    Some of my friends were married years ago in CA when same sex marriage became legal. It very quickly stopped being legal within a couple months so I understand the feeling of needing to get married IMMEDIATELY once you could this next time around.
    huskypuppy14pbi9994chibiyuinewvalley
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    I don't care if people have bridal parties for vow renewals. There. I'm officially out about that.
    Yes, this doesn't bug me either but let's call them attendants since there is no bride?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    lc07 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I don't care if people have bridal parties for vow renewals. There. I'm officially out about that.
    Yes, this doesn't bug me either but let's call them attendants since there is no bride?

    Meh. Semantics. I don't care what they are called. Their function is still the same, regardless.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    lashackSuperSweet2014
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    lc07 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I don't care if people have bridal parties for vow renewals. There. I'm officially out about that.
    Yes, this doesn't bug me either but let's call them attendants since there is no bride?

    Meh. Semantics. I don't care what they are called. Their function is still the same, regardless.
    I don't care too much about PPDs as long as everyone knows they're already married.
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    It was a gay marriage. But it is more about what our families want. They are asking for it. We were only allowed to have 8 people present at our ceremony. My wife is filipino and her family is HUGE. BOTH of our families have asked for this.
    I got married at the Courthouse, yesterday in fact.  It was just me and H, none of our families.  There was a limit on number of people we could have too, so we didnt invite anyone.  Our families want to celebrate with us, so we'll be having some type of party, though certainly not a re-do wedding.

    There is nothing wrong with having a party. "Come celebrate us getting married"!  But having a re-do ceremony?  And a fake rehearsal?  weird, tacky, and rude.
    @freebread03 Congratulations!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Congrats, @freebread03‌ !
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Thanks ladies!  And it was, in fact, romantic.  

    Seriously OP, don't do something for someone else (your family)-sure, have a party, but you already had an awesome wedding!  You're married!  That's pretty effing awesome.
    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomnewvalley[Deleted User]
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2014
    The pleasure of your company is requested as
    Partner #1's full name
    and
    Partner #2's full name
    affirm their marriage vows
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State

    See?  No "wedding", no "bride".  A proper vow renewal does not have a wedding party (bridesmaids), since it is NOT a wedding.  An officiant is not necessary, since nothing legal is happening.  You can recite your vows to each other.  Here is another wording:

    Partner #1
    and
    Parner #2
    were united in marriage
    Date
    City, State

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate their marriage
    Day, date (etc.)

    This wording allows for a celebration party without the vow renewal.  I, personally, prefer this, since many people might side-eye your re-do vows so close to your wedding.
    As for a rehearsal dinner, no wedding party should be involved.  Vows are spoken (renewed) between the two of you.  No rehearsal is necessary,  Save your money for the big party!
    http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/



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    LDay2014OliveOilsMomnewvalley[Deleted User]

  • We are having attendants as well as performing some traditional filipino ceremonies which involving people having to do things that they normally don't do which merits a rehersal. I have seen many vow-renewals which involved attendants and such. And an officiant proceeding over them. Thank you everyone for the advice on my original question. I am definitely going to go that route. Then no need to worry.
    biggrouchchibiyui
  • Three words: TACKY RUDE PPD
  • lashack said:
    We are having attendants as well as performing some traditional filipino ceremonies which involving people having to do things that they normally don't do which merits a rehersal. I have seen many vow-renewals which involved attendants and such. And an officiant proceeding over them. Thank you everyone for the advice on my original question. I am definitely going to go that route. Then no need to worry.
    Just because you have seen other people do something, doesn't mean that it is correct etiquette, or a good idea.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    holyguacamole79LDay2014[Deleted User]
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