NWR random hills to die on

PrincessOfHavoc · September 2014

My big one - car seat safety. I was first on scene to a collision where the baby had a loose harness from an insert and the toddler was in a booster only. Totally preventable deaths. I became a CPST, despite not having kids. Any kids here will be restrained to at least Swedish standards.

Anyone else got random hills to die on?

themuffinman16 · September 2014

When I have kids, they will not be allowed to play in another kid's house if parents have guns. I once knew a guy who was shot by his best friend. They were both 8. The father was a police officer and was cleaning his weapon. The phone rang, the father got distracted, and forgot to lock up his gun. His son found the gun and was playing with it. He accidentally shot my friend in the back. Since that day, he was a quadriplegic . He had some movement in his arms, but it was involuntary and spastic. He could not move anything else from the neck down. And he told me he wished he couldn't feel anything, but instead, he felt pain all the time, instead of being numb. He said it was like electricity running through his body. Scarred me for life

BrandNewJ · September 2014

My hill to die on is making sure my parents don't drive themselves when it's not safe anymore. My mom won't be a problem, but I know my dad will. I lost the battle with grandma and he let her drive well into her 90s when the car should've been taken away a decade earlier. She still doesn't remember how she lost her bumper. It's so incredibly scary for me to think my parents could get hurt or hurt someone else fatally by driving. I'll win the war though and keep my parents safe from their own car accidents.

kimberly0315 · September 2014

I am with the first two posts about car seat safety and going to houses with guns.

I get crap all of the time about when we will forward face our daughter. She will be 2 this week and everyone thinks that because it's legal to forward face them at 1 we should. I tell them that because it's legal doesn't mean it's safe. When I tell them that we are hoping to rear face her until she's 4, they always tell us they feel sorry for her. Ass holes.

I will also ask if there are guns in the home before my daughter is allowed over. I have zero tolerance for this.

beethery · September 2014

Most of my family members are gun users, and have at least one in the house. You wouldn't know it, because they are all locked and stashed safely out of reach (or even in an unknown spot to anyone who isn't the gun owner).

Gun safety is INCREDIBLY important to me.

If I have children, I want them to have a good relationship with food. My mom gave me some really fucked-up self esteem issues that have led to binge eating disorder, and I do not want to do that to any future kids I might have, and I don't want her to do that to them either.

LDay2014 · September 2014

When I was pregnant with my first, I told my parents they were welcome to come see the baby but we would not set foot in their home. As lifelong heavy smokers I wasn't exposing baby lungs to a house fill of second hand smoke.

They quit.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

- Kids wearing seatbelts in the car.

- Kids (or people who suck at swimming) wearing lifejackets in boats.

- Operating under the influence. This includes cars, ATVs, boats, motor bikes, etc. and any type of recreational drug.

Inkdancer · September 2014

1. Smoking around kids. It's fine if you wanna fuck up your own lungs, but the poor kids don't deserve it.

2. If you want to drink or do drugs in your own house, that's your choice. I may not agree but whatevs. But keep it off the roads, people. Do NOT drive impaired.

3. Vaccines. For fuck's sake, get your damn kids vaccinated. In this day and age, no kid should have to go through the horrible experience of measles or rubeola. I got scarlet fever as a child and was sure I was going to die. I will not do that to my future babies.

AprilH81 · September 2014

No kids here (yet anyway). How does rear facing seats work as their legs get longer? Especially up until the age of four? I'm not trying to be snarky, but I just picture the kids having to sit all bunched up because there is nowhere for their legs to go.

LakeR2014 · September 2014

Vaccines! Vaccines! Vaccines!!!

I didn't invite one of my friends to my wedding over this. She's a huge and very opinionated non-vaccinator. Her kids were old enough to have vaccines and went to daycare without vaccines. I had babies at my wedding who were not old enough to be vaccinated. It's her choice, I get it, but it's also my choice to keep those I love safe and that includes away from the un-vaccinated if I can help it. (Youngest at wedding was 6 months and many, many, very pregnant women).

JCbride2015 · September 2014

So many good ones. I would die on most of the hills mentioned (car safety, driving under the influence, vaccines...)

Gun safety: I will never have a gun in our home, but I understand that plenty of people are responsible gun owners. For me it would have to come down to trust and I wouldn't take that lightly.

Side note, parents: have you ever asked your kids' friends' parents if there are guns in the home, or have you ever been asked? Is this an awkward conversation?

Big hill I'm willing to die on: texting and driving. Not okay under any circumstances.

Really random hill that I will die on: not allowing FILs to call us up last minute and change all our plans. They are really bad planners and often will invite us to something the day before, when in fact we've had plans for weeks. Boundaries are hard for them. We just don't want to set a precedent that we are available to them at the drop of the hat.

chibiyui · September 2014

I will most definitely vaccinate my kids, and if I find out one of their classmates is not vaccinated and is not immuno compromised (I don't think thats the right term) I will not let my kid go over to their house.

I will also not spank my kids. I have anger issues, and generally I'm okay and don't lash out, but with my kids I don't want to give myself the chance to go too far. Besides, almost all the research points to spanking as being an ineffective means of discipline/more damaging then good anyway.

HaileyDancingbear · September 2014

My hills to die on are that I'm taking a page out of Fi's book- I'm not going to let people around me say those stupid, socially acceptable racist/sexist comments like "I'd never date a black chick" or "I can't help it, I'm just a dude" or "I just can't be friends with chicks/dudes because they all (Insert bullshit sexist stereotype)" without getting a ton of shit. I hate confrontation so I usually just don't even respond, but fuck it. If Fi can respond with "Wow, that's really racist/sexist/horrible" without the world imploding, so can I.

Teddy917 · September 2014

chibiyui said:
I will most definitely vaccinate my kids, and if I find out one of their classmates is not vaccinated and is not immuno compromised (I don't think thats the right term) I will not let my kid go over to their house.

I will also not spank my kids. I have anger issues, and generally I'm okay and don't lash out, but with my kids I don't want to give myself the chance to go too far. Besides, almost all the research points to spanking as being an ineffective means of discipline/more damaging then good anyway.

H and I were both spanked as kids. My mom would spank me whenever she thought I did something wrong (most of the time I didn't) but wouldn't tell me what I did wrong. So definitely wasn't effective. H had buns of steel so he just laughed it off. Also not effective. So I won't be spanking my kids either.

hellosweetie1015 · September 2014

All of the above. Especially the texting and driving.

In fact, a hill I'm likely to die on is letting my dad drive his future grandchildren. He just isn't a very attentive driver. He texts, goofs off, and has been known to doze off. He fiddles with the radio constantly, doesn't wear his seatbelt (until a cop drives by when he scrambles and swerves trying to get it on). Every time I ride with him, I hold on to the "Oh Shit Handle" the whole time. I HATE riding with him in traffic because he doesn't pay attention and brakes really suddenly, he jumps out in traffic when it's not safe, and is just generally a cause of ulcers when I ride with him. So that's a hill I'll die on - until he can be a safe, responsible driver and I feel safe in his car, and he puts the phone down and doesn't drive like a raving maniac, he's not driving his grandkids, and if I find out he does he's gonna get supervised visits.

climbingsingle · September 2014

Spanking kids. I got into a huge argument/discussion on FB about this the other day. I don't believe in EVER hitting kids, for any reason.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

About the gun thing, we own guns. Mainly for shooting clays and recreation.

We have a solid steel gun safe (NOT a locked display case) and even in the safe, the guns are unloaded. Since it's also a fire safe we keep passports, expensive jewelry, etc. in there too. If we have kids, they will absolutely not have the combo. There's nothing in there they need access to.

levioosa · September 2014

So many good ones.

I agree with most of the above.

Vaccinations, seatbelts (I won't start the car if anyone refuses to wear a seatbelt) and driving under the influence.

Driving under the influence is a huge hill for me. I will literally call the cops on your ass if you leave my house drunk when I've offered to drive you or call a cab or let you crash. Your stupidity shouldn't cost others. It's also my make or break for our relationship. Driving drunk shows a lack of maturity, responsibility and respect for others in a way that is astounding.

I do have to say I think spanking is okay sometimes. All the times I was spanked as a child I totally deserved it.

msuprincess04 · September 2014

JCbride2015 said:

So many good ones. I would die on most of the hills mentioned (car safety, driving under the influence, vaccines...)

Gun safety: I will never have a gun in our home, but I understand that plenty of people are responsible gun owners. For me it would have to come down to trust and I wouldn't take that lightly.

Side note, parents: have you ever asked your kids' friends' parents if there are guns in the home, or have you ever been asked? Is this an awkward conversation?

Big hill I'm willing to die on: texting and driving. Not okay under any circumstances.

Really random hill that I will die on: not allowing FILs to call us up last minute and change all our plans. They are really bad planners and often will invite us to something the day before, when in fact we've had plans for weeks. Boundaries are hard for them. We just don't want to set a precedent that we are available to them at the drop of the hat.

Agreed with texting and driving. DH does it all the time and I freak out on him every time he pulls out his phone behind the wheel. I always take it out of his hand and ask him what he wants to type, or tell him to just call. He hates it, but it scares the crap out of me as a passenger.

Education. I'm not saying my future kids need to go to college. They can go to trade school, apprenticeship, whatever, but they need to do something beyond high school.

beethery · September 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

About the gun thing, we own guns. Mainly for shooting clays and recreation.

We have a solid steel gun safe (NOT a locked display case) and even in the safe, the guns are unloaded. Since it's also a fire safe we keep passports, expensive jewelry, etc. in there too. If we have kids, they will absolutely not have the combo. There's nothing in there they need access to.

Same at our house, with the exception of the handgun in a locked drawer in FI's nightstand. We had to add the lock ourselves, but that MF is secure.

lurkergirl · September 2014

I agree with a lot of what's been said already. Vaccines, any type of irresponsible driving (kids not properly restrained, texting, drunk, etc...)

We also own guns. Most of them are locked in a safe, but we do both sleep with handguns in or on our nightstands. That will obviously change when we have children, but they will be exposed to firearms and firearm safety early on. Currently we never have children in our home, so it's not a concern.

Another big one is that I think marijuana should be fully and completely legalized for all purposes. I have never heard one single valid reason to keep it illegal.

sarawifenow · September 2014

Totally on board with the vaccines and safe driving!

One hill that I will die on is that my kids have to try new foods. If they decide that they do not like something, they don't have to eat it, but they have to at least try. I was brought up with a very extensive palate and I want to make sure that my children are able to see all of the wonderful food options out there.

Sugargirl1019 · September 2014

I will never let DH have a motorcycle. As a nurse, I see the horrible ways these people die and injure themselves. I almost lost him when he was hit by a DWI - and that was in his pickup truck with ranch-hand bumpers and tail gate!

Vaccinations. Vaccinate your kids!

I believe in spanking.. My mother spanked us and I believe she used it effectively. It was rare, only for things like crossing the street without looking. You know, the things you could die or get hurt from. I will never use a belt though. That's messed up. The rest of the time for punishment, I was sent to the corner and I was DEVASTATED and so shamed by the corner. That worked for me.

southernbelle0915 · September 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

I will never let DH have a motorcycle. As a nurse, I see the horrible ways these people die and injure themselves. I almost lost him when he was hit by a DWI - and that was in his pickup truck with ranch-hand bumpers and tail gate!

Vaccinations. Vaccinate your kids!

I believe in spanking.. My mother spanked us and I believe she used it effectively. It was rare, only for things like crossing the street without looking. You know, the things you could die or get hurt from. I will never use a belt though. That's messed up. The rest of the time for punishment, I was sent to the corner and I was DEVASTATED and so shamed by the corner. That worked for me.

I'm actually anti-spanking. My parents spanked me - I guess it was effective because I was afraid of getting spanked....

I don't know if anti-spanking is a hill I would die on, but I might. I just don't believe hitting kids (call it what you want, but it's striking a child), is the best long-term way to teach what's wrong and right...

Sugargirl1019 · September 2014

When I was spanked for running out into the street when a car was coming, it taught me to NEVER do that again! It made an impact on me!

We were not spanked past the age of 4 I think, and again, only once in a blue moon when something we did could have killed us and needed a string statement made against it.

It's pointless to spank kids once they begin to think and fight back against the spanking. if your child knows to call a child abuse line and report you for spanking, they are too old to be spanked!

steph861 · September 2014

I agree with all of the obvious ones (car seats, seat belts, vaccines, driving while distracted / under the influence, smoking around children, spanking, bigoted remarks around children). I don't think I'd go so far as to question parents about possession of firearms in their homes. If I knew somebody had a gun in their home, I might inquire about their security measures. If I lived in the US, I'd probably be more concerned.

I think my other OH HELL NO would be other people using disciplinary methods that I strongly disagree with on my children.

slothiegal · September 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

My hills to die on are that I'm taking a page out of Fi's book- I'm not going to let people around me say those stupid, socially acceptable racist/sexist comments like "I'd never date a black chick" or "I can't help it, I'm just a dude" or "I just can't be friends with chicks/dudes because they all (Insert bullshit sexist stereotype)" without getting a ton of shit. I hate confrontation so I usually just don't even respond, but fuck it. If Fi can respond with "Wow, that's really racist/sexist/horrible" without the world imploding, so can I.

"Boys will be boys" is a line that will guarantee a ragey slothie.

JCbride2015 · September 2014

I was spanked and I only remember it making me scared and angry. It wasn't effective and it made me afraid of my father. He also had some anger problems and yelled a lot, so that compounded it.

What WAS effective for me was standing in the corner. It totally worked, no pain required. My mom wouldn't hesitate to put me in a corner in public, either. That was embarrassing and I cut out the behavior real quick. I will probably use this method on Hypothetical JC Kids.

steph861 · September 2014

JCbride2015 said:

I was spanked and I only remember it making me scared and angry. It wasn't effective and it made me afraid of my father. He also had some anger problems and yelled a lot, so that compounded it.

What WAS effective for me was standing in the corner. It totally worked, no pain required. My mom wouldn't hesitate to put me in a corner in public, either. That was embarrassing and I cut out the behavior real quick. I will probably use this method on Hypothetical JC Kids.

On a side note, one time when my sister was little, she put herself in the corner because she said she felt like she was about to do something bad. It was hysterical.

wandajune6 · September 2014

I agree with the PPs on all of the above stuff. I'm on the fence about spanking. I didn't grow up with it but FI did. I think it can be done correctly but am not sure that I'm capable of that.

I would also push my kids into sports and/or jobs. I never played sports and blame that (in part) for my lack of competitive spirit. I work for myself and towards my goals but I think I would be further in my career if I had more of a killer instinct. I worked as much as possible growing up because I liked the money and responsibility. It taught me a lot about how to manage money and make responsible decisions.

I see the value of working from a young age more now that I have FSS in my life. He doesn't want a job because his mom gives him money whenever he asks- and he now has the idea that he doesn't need to work for anything. Because there's no value to the money, he'll frequently blow it on junk before he even has a chance to buy what she gave him the money for--- he recently blew $40 on junk on his walk home from school after his mom gave him the money to go with some friends to an amusement park. He now just assumes that FI and I will pay for it (which is hysterical because he went to his mom after we said no due to recent bad behavior).

I think that I'd be comfortable with sports as an alternative to a job if it provides a similar amount of discipline.

loveislouder · September 2014

I won't spank my kids. My parents did (only for us 2 older girls, never the younger ones), well past the point where it was spanking and was just hitting us. It ended when I hit my mother back when I was 16. I'm actually really ashamed of that. I am SO against disrespecting (good) parents. That being said, I had a cousin who punched his mom, so I knocked him out.

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