Would this be bad form?

mimivac · September 2014

And unless I knew the specifics of the situation, it would never occur to me that the host would want to prohibit alcohol. I would assume it wasn't included for cost reasons.

photokitty · September 2014

mimivac said:

photokitty said:
So if you had to attend a hosted work lunch at a 5 star restaurant and it didn't include alcohol, would you actually get up from the private room and go to the bar area and purchase a drink?? No, you wouldn't because it would be rude.

The OP is having a meal, not a DJ and dancing. She cannot help that the restaurant she is hosting her guests at has a bar in the main area.

You don't have to go out and pay for your own wine, in fact your shouldn't. You should be a gracious guest and have the meal as served. She is not "allowing" them to go out to the bar and buy it, she is hoping they won't...if her guests are well mannered then she has no reason to worry.

I would never order a drink as soon as I got there, I would go to the private room, take my seat and wait for the meal to be served.

A work lunch is not even in the same realm as a wedding reception or meal. I would view this as a cash bar and get my glass of wine.

I think it is in the same realm in that you would not risk offending the host by buying your own drink. Unless your boss said, "There's a cash bar out in the main area."

To be at a properly hosted event and go buy alcohol is rude. I get that we all agree the OP is within her etiquette rights not to serve it, but I am troubled by the underlying push to get her to offer it just because she is hosting a 5 star meal. People should be happy withe the 5 star meal and not grumble about "something missing" as for a great number of people, for various and sundry reasons, nothing would be missing without the wine.

I'm not trying to pile on, I just don't think people should keep trying to convince the OP to serve alcohol. She doesn't need to and shouldn't feel guilty about opting not to serve it

TheGrimReaper · September 2014

I think it's more odd to have a 5-course meal at 2-3pm than it is to not serve alcohol.

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

I've stated before on other threads that this attitude that you HAVE to offer alcohol is why so many cash bars abound. Everyone seems to agree that the OP is within her etiquette rights to not provide alcohol, yet the underlying tone for many posters is that her wedding will be somewhat inferior because she's not providing the booze.

With a guest list so small, probably everyone will know why alcohol isn't provided. we are having from 16-18 people and if I weren't serving alcohol (I'm hosting beer, wine and soda) everyone there knows I don't really drink much and they would all be okay with it. It helps I'm having a lunch time wedding. There's a full bar in the hotel, but I seriously doubt any of my group is going to feel they need a cocktail with their lunch!

I think as long as the the attitude remains that dry weddings are inferior we are going to see cash bars. I know you can cut the guest list or serve less expensive food, but then you get people complaining they aren't invited (they choose having booze over me!) or that the food wasn't good.

mimivac · September 2014

photokitty said:

To be at a properly hosted event and go buy alcohol is rude. I get that we all agree the OP is within her etiquette rights not to serve it, but I am troubled by the underlying push to get her to offer it just because she is hosting a 5 star meal. People should be happy withe the 5 star meal and not grumble about "something missing" as for a great number of people, for various and sundry reasons, nothing would be missing without the wine.
SIB:
Oh I would be happy about being at the event, but would still find it odd that they are not only not providing alcohol, but also prohibiting (or wanting to) guests from getting it themselves. It would be different from a dry reception at a venue because this is a restaurant and they serve alcohol.
But, I would definitely be fine with a multi-course meal at 2-3 in the afternoon. Bring it on.

photokitty · September 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

I think it's more odd to have a 5-course meal at 2-3pm than it is to not serve alcohol.

It's a meal at 5 Star restaurant, not necessarily 5 courses.

TheGrimReaper · September 2014

photokitty said:

TheGrimReaper said:

I think it's more odd to have a 5-course meal at 2-3pm than it is to not serve alcohol.

It's a meal at 5 Star restaurant, not necessarily 5 courses.

Oh I'M SORRY, I misread. Thanks for the correction. haha In my brain, it's still Monday.

I still find a full meal at 2:30 - 3:00 odd, but way less odd than a 5 course meal at that time

cowgirl8238 · September 2014

If this is a small group, I would guess most people know about the recovering alcoholics that will be invited, and will understand your reasoning. I still think offering wine/beer would be nice, but it is certainly not necessary! Also, if one of your guests is actively fighting the temptation to "fall off the wagon" I think you are making a good call.

As covered, we always preach to host what you can afford, and that dry weddings are okay, and you are most certainly doing your best to provide a fantastic meal to your guests. Would wine be nice, Sure! But it is in no way necessary. I think providing your coffee, sodas and spritzers will be just fine for a nice late afternoon meal.

upstartcrow · September 2014

I would also find having to pay for my own drinks in this setting strange.

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

kkitkat79 said:

sarahbear31 said:

jnrsgirl said:

We are having a small reception following the JOP ceremony with close family / friends at our favorite local five star restaurant. We have a special menu for our party, and of course we will be covering all dinner expenses. However our menu does not include alcohol. Guests will instead have soft drinks, tea, coffee bar, and several non-alcoholic spritzers to choose from. The servers for our room know that selections can only be made from the pre-selected menu, but the restaurant does have a full bar just outside the room. I'm concerned that guests will stop by the bar for alcoholic beverages and then feel slighted if the drinks are not covered. Is it rude for us to not include liquor on our menu even though it is readily available at the restaurant? We have a couple recovering alcoholics in our guest list. FI and I didn't want to upset / cause difficulties for them, and thus decided to forego alcohol and instead have a fantastic five course dinner followed by wedding cake. I don't want my guests to be shelling out money at our reception... Is it rude to not include the bar costs at the reception?

Technically you're fine. When I go to a hosted event at a restaurant, I order beverages from the servers in that room. Personally, if I was invited to a reception at a five star restaurant and alcohol wasn't included, I would be side-eyeing things (unless I knew the couple / family had religious reasons). But you know your guests better than we do. One of my friends is a recovering alcoholic and seemed to have a fine time at our wedding.

Why would you side-eye reception at a five-star restaurant without alcohol? What is wrong with that and what does religion have to do with it?

I know quite a few people who don't drink alcohol because of their religious beliefs. I have been to several weddings that were dry for that very reason. I'm a faithful Catholic, and I respect people who are also faithful to their religious beliefs. I also attended a wedding recently where the groom is a recovering alcoholic. There was no alcohol at the reception (which was held in a more budget-friendly venue than a five star restaurant), and I had a great time.

I said "technically you're fine" because there is nothing that the OP is doing that is an etiquette blunder, and I wanted to be totally clear about that.

I personally associate a glass of wine or a spirit of some sort with meal at a five-star restaurant (especially dinner). If I was invited to a reception at a five-star restaurant and alcohol was not included, I would be surprised and would be a bit put-out that I had to pay my own way. The most common reason for not including alcohol is budgetary. If someone can afford to host a meal at a five-star restaurant, it would seem that they would be able to provide alcohol (even if it is just beer & wine).

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

photokitty said:

TheGrimReaper said:

I think it's more odd to have a 5-course meal at 2-3pm than it is to not serve alcohol.

It's a meal at 5 Star restaurant, not necessarily 5 courses.

Oh I'M SORRY, I misread. Thanks for the correction. haha In my brain, it's still Monday.

I still find a full meal at 2:30 - 3:00 odd, but way less odd than a 5 course meal at that time

OP said "we will be covering all dinner expenses", so I came to the conclusion that the reception was a dinnertime meal.

speakeasy14 · September 2014

As everyone else has stated, it is perfectly acceptable to not host alcohol. If you are concerned about guests spending money though, I would include something (even if it is only 1 bottle of wine per table) so then you do not have to worry about any of your guests spending money.

I was just about to post and saw the time frame. No one needs to drink from 2-3pm. That being the case, you do not have to worry about alcohol at all.

perdonami · September 2014

jnrsgirl said:

We are having a small reception following the JOP ceremony with close family / friends at our favorite local five star restaurant. We have a special menu for our party, and of course we will be covering all dinner expenses. However our menu does not include alcohol. Guests will instead have soft drinks, tea, coffee bar, and several non-alcoholic spritzers to choose from. The servers for our room know that selections can only be made from the pre-selected menu, but the restaurant does have a full bar just outside the room. I'm concerned that guests will stop by the bar for alcoholic beverages and then feel slighted if the drinks are not covered. Is it rude for us to not include liquor on our menu even though it is readily available at the restaurant? We have a couple recovering alcoholics in our guest list. FI and I didn't want to upset / cause difficulties for them, and thus decided to forego alcohol and instead have a fantastic five course dinner followed by wedding cake. I don't want my guests to be shelling out money at our reception... Is it rude to not include the bar costs at the reception?

In response to the bolded: Something that I considered for my wedding was opening a tab at the downstairs bar for everyone who wanted hard liqour since I was only hosting wine and beer.

If you are trying to be an extremely gracious hostess and wish to provide those with alcohol but not bring it directly to the table in the form of a wine bottle, maybe this could be an option for you.

Would this be bad form?

Re: Would this be bad form?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards