Wedding Woes

BACHELORETTE PARTY DISASTER

Looking for a little feedback on a situation I encountered this past weekend.  I was invited to a bachelorette party for the fiancé of my fiancé's cousin and was less than thrilled with how things panned out.  I am trying to stay calm and not create animosity with his family but we are both upset with the situation and I'm unsure of how to handle it at this point.  The MOH (sister of the bride) contacted everyone about a party bus to take us to several wineries and then a hotel stay after.  Being that the bachelor party is the same evening, I figured I should be the one to go home and take care of our animals and let my fiancé enjoy himself with his family.  I promptly text the sister that I'd accompany them on the bus and spend the day with them but would not be staying overnight and sent in my money.  Cut to two days before the event, I receive a text informing me that I'm no longer able to ride the bus due to an overbooking and several people changing their minds.  I am encouraged to drive myself an hour + to the wineries and then follow the bus while we winery hop.  I inform the MOH that this situation puts me in a pickle since I won't be able to drink (I am a major lightweight) and safely drive me and my future sister in law safely to which she informs me that it's my decision whether or not I care to drink and that we were asked not to ride the bus since we're not spending the night.  She agrees to give us all but $5 of our money, the $5 being to accommodate the bride and whatever beverages she might want throughout the day(which more than upsets my fiancé). I understand that I am not going for the sole purpose of drinking and that I'm going for the benefit of the bride but the bride has never been friendly or warm towards me in the past and I don't particularly like the idea of driving so far only to feel uncomfortable and unwanted.  I text the MOH and bride to let them know I won't be attending the winery portion but will drive an hour to join them at dinner instead.  MOH again has snotty reply but the bride seems to understand and gives me the time and location for dinner.  My future sister in law and I drive out to dinner and end up waiting over an hour for them to show up.  We angrily decide to order and are nearly finished eating when the bachelorette party shows us and passes right by us without even noticing our presence.  They don't text/call or even attempt to look for us, simply order their food and continue socializing amongst themselves.  As we're paying our tab, a cousin spots us and comes over to chat.  After realizing that the bride has yet to greet us, the cousin goes to fetch her.  The bride is friendly but after 5 minutes states that her food has arrived and that we should come say goodbye before we leave.  She doesn't thank us for coming or invite us to join them, just walks away to her dinner.  Obviously irate, we leave.  How am I supposed to handle this?  To top everything off, I'm out $30 for a bus I wasn't allowed to ride and had agreed to attend a bridal shower for her the upcoming weekend.  Am I being petty?  Should I be brushing this off and chalking it up to poor planning?  Appreciate your input, just don't see how things went so wrong.

Re: BACHELORETTE PARTY DISASTER

  • Get your money back.  Let the rest go.  I'd still go to the bridal shower, it should be better planned.  You really don't know what went on for all this disaster to happen, so don't assume the worst of the bride.  
  • Unfortunately I do know that the bride had a hand in some of it.  It was her call to cut us from the bus but never the less, you're right and that is probably the best solution.  Thanks VarunaTT.
  • i'd attend the shower if it wasn't too late to back out, but i would say to be wary of invitations like this in the future. I'm not sure why you were attending this event if you don't even like the bride all that much. I'm all for family unity and such, but how much interaction will you be having with your FI's cousin and his wife in the future? I haven't even met most of my H's cousins - and we've been married for almost 8 years and together 10+. 
  • The fiancé thought it would be good if I attended the bachelorette party and made an effort to bond with the bride.  His family is very important to him.  We will see his cousin and his bride to be at just about every holiday, usually ends up being 6-8 times a year with birthdays and what not.
  • Get money back, don't attend shower or wedding. Fuck that.
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  • Get your money back, and let the rest go - in the future I'd just decline on invites to things like Bach parties because of drama like this.

    As for the shower next weekend, suck it up and go.  That doesn't mean you need to purchase the expensive gift of course.  Passive-aggressive, most likely, but the only thing you can control is your response to the situation. So they were an hour late and forgot to call you, by that point they were likely drunk anyway and didn't stop to think.  It is who they are, YOU can't change them, the only thing you can change is your reaction.  Be cordial, but decline their invites as much as possible in the future...

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