I like how you said you needed to do this because you needed God's approval.
You think God didn't see what you did there? Like He didn't notice you were already married and in front of Him and all your loved ones, you lied? My guess is possibly in His house?
As a retired church organist, I played at a few Vow Renewals. They were family gatherings. The couple wore nice daytime clothing. They were very short and sweet. The couples were usually celebrating a milestone anniversary - like their 50th. I think they went out to a restaurant afterwards. I only played at one PPD that I know of, and I didn't learn until after the ceremony. It was a disaster. The people who didn't know it was a PPD were angry. The people who did know sort of shrugged their shoulders and rolled their eyes. The atmosphere was anything but religious. They wasted a huge amount of money! Most Protestant churches do not recognize the marriage ceremony as a holy sacrament. The Catholic church does.
I have spent far longer than I care to admit attempting to come up with a legitimate reason for a PPD.
Every possible thing I come up with, always has the ultimate response of "so, just throw a kick ass party".
"We had to get the paperwork signed before because reasons, now we're having our wedding". A wedding is where people get married. I've never known anyone argue that. The paperwork: that was your marriage certificate. So... You got married when y'all signed your marriage certificate along with your officiant (and possibly witnesses).
"But everyone wants to see us get married". You're already married. That point cannot be argued.
"We don't see ourselves as married". So why sign the papers? Benefits. Taxes, military, ICU, whatever benefits it is; you can "say" you're not married (liar) all you like, but an official wants to see that proof of marriage to check you're entitled to (benefit), and I guarantee it's out under their nose quicker than they can blink.
"We had to get married quick because reasons, but had honestly already planned/paid for our big wedding and it's too late to cancel". Fine. So cancel the ceremony portion, and throw your kick ass party.
"But our family really wants to see the ceremony" Too. Late.
"They don't need to know we already got married" No, I guess they don't. But they will find out. They will be hurt you lied. They will be pissed they paid out to attend a lie. You relationship will suffer.
"But I want everyone to see my dress". I'm sure they've seen pictures of your dress. Even if not, wearing the dress is something I find eye-roll-worthy at worst. If you wanna parade around in your poofy white gown, have at it.
If just one person could give me just one legitimate reason as to why a full-blown PPD is okay, I'd happily accept it. But no one ever can.
"God is always watching over me, God is everywhere, God is omniscient, God sees all.... except when I get married in a courthouse."
Classy.
going to have to save this one
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
Saying that your REAL wedding (you know, where you just signed some papers) isn't a real wedding is where it gets offensive.
My grandparents didn't have a big to-do, because they couldn't afford any more. My grandmother wore a pink skirt suit (the wedding was in the 50's), my grandpa wore one of his suits. Exchange of wedding bands, signed the papers, a couple of witnesses. No white dress. No flowers. No big ceremony or reception with lots of guests. My grandparents have now been married for coming on 55 years. Their "signing of the papers" (as the OP put it)- aka WEDDING- is no less legitimate than your "Normal/ Real/ Public/ Whatever" wedding.
37 years, 2 kids, both of them with MS, my dad now with strokes, and dementia.
THIS WAS VERY MUCH A REAL WEDDING. THIS IS THE THINGS THAT MARRIAGES ARE MADE OF.
And for you to imply that their wedding is somehow less valid than your production because she didn't wear a white dress is appalling.
I cannot love this post (especially that picture!!!) enough. What a lovely picture of the start of a strong marriage.
Thank you, the example they have set for me is one not many people get. They've been through a really REALLY crappy time - but they did it together.
Dad is 60 and at this point should really be in a long term care facility, but Mom can't do it. They've been together for over 40 years and she is having a really hard time just letting him go. They're one in the same and even though they quite often want to kill each other, they still want to be together every day.
For some of these special snowflakes to allude to the fact that their wedding is any less valid because it didn't have commercial trappings is ludicrous.
I really don't understand why people DD.
Why not just change your username if you are embarassed? Its not like the majority of the time the comment/post will be quoted.
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
Thank you so much for posting this!!! You've shown us the error of our ways and from here on out we will be telling everyone to do whatever they want, even if it includes lying to their loved ones, or mistreating their guests. Thank you for enlightening us all.
LOL "I'm entitled to an opinion, and therefore rules and manners don't apply to me!"
Why do people think opinions are infallible? You think you can't have a wrong opinion? Or that an opinion, especially one posted publicly, can't be replied to with multiple OTHER opinions?
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
It seems pretty different to me to be common law married (which generally just means you have lived together long enough in state X) than it is to have already gone and gotten married once and then do it again and call it a wedding. I don't think there is anything against etiquette in what you're doing, whatsoever. I also don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating a marriage that's already happened, I just don't love the idea of lying to people about an event or de facto insulting others weddings because they are not elaborate. The thing people have been responding to here is that the OP is insulting a certain type of wedding by saying it is not "real".
People get very upset on these boards. At first I got upset by things I saw. But then I kind of started to appreciate them for what they are. The truth is that your friends and family will not always tell you the truth if it means hurting your feelings. The people here generally don't care about your feelings and will tell you if you are doing something that might offend/hurt someone or damage relationships. If that is too much for you to handle, fair enough, but I think it's quite helpful. I don't think personal attacks are ok, but I do think if you post a question on an advice board and receive advice you've gotten what you asked for even if it's not what you wanted to hear.
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
Thank you so much for posting this!!! You've shown us the error of our ways and from here on out we will be telling everyone to do whatever they want, even if it includes lying to their loved ones, or mistreating their guests. Thank you for enlightening us all.
I want to not wear pants. Ever.
I still get to keep my job and not be charged with indecent exposure right?
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
Thank you so much for posting this!!! You've shown us the error of our ways and from here on out we will be telling everyone to do whatever they want, even if it includes lying to their loved ones, or mistreating their guests. Thank you for enlightening us all.
I want to not wear pants. Ever.
I still get to keep my job and not be charged with indecent exposure right?
Because Pants.
OMG!!! Totally don't wear pants in public. It's your crotch!!! You do what makes your crotch happiest. Everyone will totally understand because crotch comfort is so special and important!!
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
*********SITB*********
Whether or not someone is married is not an opinion. It's a fact. Either you are married, or you are not married. Married people cannot participate as a bride and groom in a wedding because they are already wed and they are a wife and a husband, respectively. Factually, whatever they do after they are married is NOT a wedding ceremony. That is not an opinion.
What if I held up a banana and I said to you, "I'm going to eat this apple." You'd be like, "Um, you can eat it if you want to, but that's not an apple. It's a banana." And I said to you, "Excuse me!!! How rude! This is an apple because I'm entitled to my opinion." You'd probably think I was delusional and you'd be right. Well, same thing. Once you are married, you can call it whatever you want, but it's not a wedding.
I'm not going call PPD on a common law marriage, but come on let's freaking find every teeny tiny loophole to justify it....FFS
For the record only a few states still recognize common law marriage. I for one think it BS that just bc you live with someone the stet can decide you are married...ever heard of roommates?? It's so archaic it's insane.
Common law marriage is allowed in a minority of states. A common law marriage is a legally recognized marriage between two people who have not purchased a marriage license or had their marriage solemnized by a ceremony. Not all states have statutes addressing common law marriage. In some states case law and public policy determine validity.
States With Common Law Marriage
Colorado: Common law marriage contracted on or after Sept. 1, 2006, is valid if, at the time the marriage was entered into, both parties are 18 years or older, and the marriage is not prohibited by other law (Colo. Stat. §14-2-109.5)
Iowa: Common law marriage for purposes of the Support of Dependents Chapter (Iowa Code §252A.3) Otherwise it is not explicitly prohibited (Iowa Code §595.1A)
Kansas: Common law marriage will be recognized if the parties are 18 or older and for purposes of the Divorce and Maintenance Article, proof of common law marriage is allowed as evidence of marriage of the parties (Kan. Stat. §23-2502; Kan. Stat. §23-2714)
Montana: Not strictly prohibited, they are not invalidated by the Marriage Chapter (Mont. Stat. §40-1-403)
New Hampshire: Common Law Marriage: “Persons cohabitating and acknowledging each other as husband and wife, and generally reputed to be such, for 3 years shall thereafter be deemed to have been legally married, until one of them dies.” (N.H. Stat. §457:39)
South Carolina: allows for marriages without a valid license (S.C. Stat. §20-1-360)
Not all state statutes expressly allow for common law marriages. In some states case law recognizes common law marriages, including Alabama and Rhode Island. Oklahoma's statute requires couples to get a marriage license; however case law has upheld common law marriages in the state.
I'm not going call PPD on a common law marriage, but come on let's freaking find every teeny tiny loophole to justify it....FFS
For the record only a few states still recognize common law marriage. I for one think it BS that just bc you live with someone the stet can decide you are married...ever heard of roommates?? It's so archaic it's insane.
Common law marriage is allowed in a minority of states. A common law marriage is a legally recognized marriage between two people who have not purchased a marriage license or had their marriage solemnized by a ceremony. Not all states have statutes addressing common law marriage. In some states case law and public policy determine validity.
States With Common Law Marriage
Colorado: Common law marriage contracted on or after Sept. 1, 2006, is valid if, at the time the marriage was entered into, both parties are 18 years or older, and the marriage is not prohibited by other law (Colo. Stat. §14-2-109.5)
Iowa: Common law marriage for purposes of the Support of Dependents Chapter (Iowa Code §252A.3) Otherwise it is not explicitly prohibited (Iowa Code §595.1A)
Kansas: Common law marriage will be recognized if the parties are 18 or older and for purposes of the Divorce and Maintenance Article, proof of common law marriage is allowed as evidence of marriage of the parties (Kan. Stat. §23-2502; Kan. Stat. §23-2714)
Montana: Not strictly prohibited, they are not invalidated by the Marriage Chapter (Mont. Stat. §40-1-403)
New Hampshire: Common Law Marriage: “Persons cohabitating and acknowledging each other as husband and wife, and generally reputed to be such, for 3 years shall thereafter be deemed to have been legally married, until one of them dies.” (N.H. Stat. §457:39)
South Carolina: allows for marriages without a valid license (S.C. Stat. §20-1-360)
Not all state statutes expressly allow for common law marriages. In some states case law recognizes common law marriages, including Alabama and Rhode Island. Oklahoma's statute requires couples to get a marriage license; however case law has upheld common law marriages in the state.
Also, an important note about common law marriage is the couple has to hold themselves out to the community as a married couple.
Why do people keep claiming that they got married but still want to have a "wedding"? Why not just say you want to say your vows in front of your family and friends and have a great party? If you were common law married, you might have promised to each other to be faithful in private but you never publicly recited vows. While an early vow renewal might be considered tacky if it's a whole blow out shebang, it's less confusing why a couple would have one of those after getting married at the JOP or holding themselves as common law married for whatever length of time. There's not really a good reason to call it a "wedding" if a marriage has already taken place.
You could have still had a big wedding in a hurry even with him in the military. I did. My first marriage we thought we had over a year to plan... all of a sudden he had deployment orders... guess what? Plan a big wedding for 350 people in May in 4 months. It was done. It can be done in a shorter amount of time. He left a month later for almost a year. Always kind of makes me wonder why people use the military thing as a reason for a PPD.
You could have still had a big wedding in a hurry even with him in the military. I did. My first marriage we thought we had over a year to plan... all of a sudden he had deployment orders... guess what? Plan a big wedding for 350 people in May in 4 months. It was done. It can be done in a shorter amount of time. He left a month later for almost a year. Always kind of makes me wonder why people use the military thing as a reason for a PPD.
BOX -
Agreed. I planned a wedding in 13 days. Makes no sense.
You could have still had a big wedding in a hurry even with him in the military. I did. My first marriage we thought we had over a year to plan... all of a sudden he had deployment orders... guess what? Plan a big wedding for 350 people in May in 4 months. It was done. It can be done in a shorter amount of time. He left a month later for almost a year. Always kind of makes me wonder why people use the military thing as a reason for a PPD.
Ditto. I have a friend who got married about ... I think it was three weeks after the engagement. They had a good 50-60 people there, white dress, bridal party, professional photography, flowers, cute decor, pretty much the whole nine yards.
Re: "Normal" wedding after a small legal ceremony / "PPD"
You think God didn't see what you did there? Like He didn't notice you were already married and in front of Him and all your loved ones, you lied? My guess is possibly in His house?
Good job with that one.
I only played at one PPD that I know of, and I didn't learn until after the ceremony. It was a disaster. The people who didn't know it was a PPD were angry. The people who did know sort of shrugged their shoulders and rolled their eyes. The atmosphere was anything but religious. They wasted a huge amount of money!
Most Protestant churches do not recognize the marriage ceremony as a holy sacrament. The Catholic church does.
Every possible thing I come up with, always has the ultimate response of "so, just throw a kick ass party".
"We had to get the paperwork signed before because reasons, now we're having our wedding".
A wedding is where people get married. I've never known anyone argue that.
The paperwork: that was your marriage certificate.
So... You got married when y'all signed your marriage certificate along with your officiant (and possibly witnesses).
"But everyone wants to see us get married".
You're already married.
That point cannot be argued.
"We don't see ourselves as married".
So why sign the papers? Benefits. Taxes, military, ICU, whatever benefits it is; you can "say" you're not married (liar) all you like, but an official wants to see that proof of marriage to check you're entitled to (benefit), and I guarantee it's out under their nose quicker than they can blink.
"We had to get married quick because reasons, but had honestly already planned/paid for our big wedding and it's too late to cancel".
Fine. So cancel the ceremony portion, and throw your kick ass party.
"But our family really wants to see the ceremony"
Too. Late.
"They don't need to know we already got married"
No, I guess they don't.
But they will find out.
They will be hurt you lied.
They will be pissed they paid out to attend a lie.
You relationship will suffer.
"But I want everyone to see my dress". I'm sure they've seen pictures of your dress. Even if not, wearing the dress is something I find eye-roll-worthy at worst. If you wanna parade around in your poofy white gown, have at it.
If just one person could give me just one legitimate reason as to why a full-blown PPD is okay, I'd happily accept it.
But no one ever can.
THIS IS THE THINGS THAT MARRIAGES ARE MADE OF.
Hello OP, I wanted to thank you for posting this. One thing you mentioned that I think gets lost when emotions are involved, is that brides should not be insulted for what they choose to do if it is what makes her and her husband happy. Everyone has different opinions. Yes, it's been shown that etiquette is not to have a ceremony after the legal marriage of signing the papers, but if you, your husband, family and friends had a wonderful time at your wedding ceremony I think that is the entire purpose of having a ceremony. Congratulations on you wedding!
While browsing for ideas for my wedding I've come to realize this may not be the best place for me to get advice. While I'm married by common law in my state, we don't have a marriage license, I haven't changed my name, and all parents involved are excited for the wedding ceremony. I think that's the part people miss. It's a ceremony, a celebration, and if the family involved wants to call it a wedding ceremony no insults should be thrown around.
I know I'm going to get insulted for posting this, and discouraged from having what every is going to call my PPD, so I'm outta here. Congrats again OP, and I hope that other posters in the forum can learn that while other brides might not do what they consider best, it's no reason to insult, degrade, and be negative about them. Let's face it, I don't think etiquette would support some of the things being said to those brides.
Why do people think opinions are infallible? You think you can't have a wrong opinion? Or that an opinion, especially one posted publicly, can't be replied to with multiple OTHER opinions?
Who cares about your terrible opinion?
Common law marriage is allowed in a minority of states. A common law marriage is a legally recognized marriage between two people who have not purchased a marriage license or had their marriage solemnized by a ceremony. Not all states have statutes addressing common law marriage. In some states case law and public policy determine validity.
States With Common Law Marriage
Why do people keep claiming that they got married but still want to have a "wedding"? Why not just say you want to say your vows in front of your family and friends and have a great party? If you were common law married, you might have promised to each other to be faithful in private but you never publicly recited vows. While an early vow renewal might be considered tacky if it's a whole blow out shebang, it's less confusing why a couple would have one of those after getting married at the JOP or holding themselves as common law married for whatever length of time. There's not really a good reason to call it a "wedding" if a marriage has already taken place.