Are registries rude?

thesummersky · September 2014

I'd love to hear what you think. Since it's rude to ask or talk about gifts you'd like, and since gifts are never required, is it rude to have a registry?

CMGragain · September 2014

No. Registries have been around for nearly 100 years. It is fine to register for gifts that you would like to receive.
There are etiquette rules about gift registries.
1. Never ask for cash.
2, Honeymoon registries are rude. It is the same as asking for cash.
3. Never include anything about your registry in your invitation. (Shower invitations are an exception to this rule.) You may put registry information on your online wedding website. If someone asks, it is fine to tell them where you are registered, but only if they ask.

As a guest, I find registries are a great convenience. I can just order over the phone or online, and have the gift wrapped and sent. It saves me a huge amount of time!

thesummersky · September 2014

@CMGragain you always give such wise and practical advice and responses. ]You are a class act, and the ladies here on TK are lucky to have you!

RebeccaFlower · September 2014

Not rude. Though check out the 'what do you side-eye on a registry' thread for guidelines!

weddingcactus · September 2014

I agree that as a guest I really appreciate people registering. I like to give gifts and a registry insures that I'll get the recipient something they actually want. I like it when the couple has a website with information and includes the convenient registry link(s).

That said, I am feeling guilty over the idea of registering as well. I will be having a very small (less than 20 guest) destination wedding and I am torn on whether to register at all or if I do, whether to list the registry on the website. I feel guilty knowing people are spending money to go to our destination wedding and don't want them to feel obligated to buy a gift. Yet as a wedding guest I usually love registries. Argh!

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

weddingcactus said:

I agree that as a guest I really appreciate people registering. I like to give gifts and a registry insures that I'll get the recipient something they actually want. I like it when the couple has a website with information and includes the convenient registry link(s).

That said, I am feeling guilty over the idea of registering as well. I will be having a very small (less than 20 guest) destination wedding and I am torn on whether to register at all or if I do, whether to list the registry on the website. I feel guilty knowing people are spending money to go to our destination wedding and don't want them to feel obligated to buy a gift. Yet as a wedding guest I usually love registries. Argh!

I to am having a less than 20 guest destination wedding, so I don't in any way, shape or form expect gifts. I still did a small registry at Macy's. We only need a few things so I did it for the registry star rewards and the completion discount. I fully expect to buy most of what's on there myself.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

short+sassy · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

Although I totally agree with you. And would have rather had none of our guests buy us gifts. My DH and I did register because it's just "what's expected". I certainly knew that pretty much all our guests would want to give us gifts and so I saw it as a courtesy to them to have a registery at a few places set up.

And with all that said, I myself would never go to a wedding without bringing or sending a gift, lol.

Gifts for a wedding couple is just one of those things that is a long standing tradition in most cultures across the world. It would be nice in the current day and age to turn that tradition around because I also think it is no longer necessary, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

thelastdreamer · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

While I totally get what you're saying, I do think this is also a circle thing. I've been to seven weddings this year and only one couple had been living together for a few years. All the others were right out of college, first place of their own type things.

esstee33 · September 2014

thelastdreamer said:

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

While I totally get what you're saying, I do think this is also a circle thing. I've been to seven weddings this year and only one couple had been living together for a few years. All the others were right out of college, first place of their own type things.

I think it's sort of an arbitrary line in the sand to say that couples who are living together already need fewer things than couples who aren't, because that's not always true, either. One of my best friends had been living with her FI before they got married, but they had almost nothing because she was supporting both of them in an expensive apartment on a teacher's salary when the job he was supposed to have fell through and he couldn't find another. They had next to nothing and were super grateful for everything people purchased for them. One of my coworkers is sort of pseudo-living-with her FI, and they also have basically nothing. They bought what they absolutely needed to have, but no extras. Not everyone fully stocks their home as soon as they move in together.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

As far as gender norms go, in my household the kitchen is his domain and home improvement stuff is mine. We just bought a house last week and I'm making him set up 'his kitchen' while I shop for curtains and curtain rods and install them.

For the OP, I like a registry just because I like knowing what colors and styles the couple likes. But I have a friend who, as a rule, purchases a handmade serving bowl from a local craftsman for every wedding they attend. They check the registry for colors and styles, the purchase the bowl off registry according to what they've seen.

MyNameIsNot · September 2014

I think about it in terms of non-wedding context.

It would be rude as hell for me to send my grandma a Christmas card and include a list of things I want. But if she calls and asks what I'd like, I'm going to give her a couple of suggestions. I feel like a registry is the same thing. It's a list of gift suggestions for people who inquire about getting you something.

twitterbird · September 2014

I struggled with this. My fiancé was very much anti-registry as he saw it as asking for gifts (which I suppose it is) and we'd rather have money anyways. We agreed to have a small registry mostly for the shower.

kimberly0315 · September 2014

While I tend to agree with most of the other posts that registries aren't rude, I'm not a fan.

I think it also depends on where you are from. In the US they are very common and people don't bat an eye. Where I currently live, it's almost unheard of. Most people would never dream of creating a list of things you want as a wedding gift/shower gift. It's looked at as tacky and rude. Guess it all depends.

We have family and friends in the US who have asked us where we are registered and when we tell them we aren't, they are surprised. No one here has even asked the question.

Jen4948 · September 2014

Registering isn't in and of itself rude, but neither is not registering. There is no requirement that the couple do a pre-selection of gifts. People can give you gifts without registries.

That said, there are still some guidelines that should be followed to keep your registry on the up and up:

1) Don't put any registry information in your wedding invitation. That suggests that you have an expectation of gifts, which while possibly realistic is rude.

2) Don't register for the following:
-Cash/cash only/gift cards
-Honeymoons
-Anything for someone other than the bride and/or groom (e.g. kids, pets, etc.)
-Charitable contributions. If you want to donate your own funds or property to charity, that's great, but don't expect your guests to do it for you. They have their own causes to support, which may not be the same as yours.
-No gifts (this is illogical)
-Anything really expensive that the majority of your guests can't afford
-Anything illegal

And if you get gifts that are not on the registry, you still owe the giver a graciously worded, timely written thank-you note.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

esstee33 said:

thelastdreamer said:

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

While I totally get what you're saying, I do think this is also a circle thing. I've been to seven weddings this year and only one couple had been living together for a few years. All the others were right out of college, first place of their own type things.

I think it's sort of an arbitrary line in the sand to say that couples who are living together already need fewer things than couples who aren't, because that's not always true, either. One of my best friends had been living with her FI before they got married, but they had almost nothing because she was supporting both of them in an expensive apartment on a teacher's salary when the job he was supposed to have fell through and he couldn't find another. They had next to nothing and were super grateful for everything people purchased for them. One of my coworkers is sort of pseudo-living-with her FI, and they also have basically nothing. They bought what they absolutely needed to have, but no extras. Not everyone fully stocks their home as soon as they move in together.

You're both right, of course--there's nothing to say that the couple who's been together forever doesn't "need" household stuff, nor that "most" people have been together for a long time. I guess I was framing it more in terms of what I would do, personally. I don't side-eye other people for having registries regardless of whether they're getting married out of college or in their 40s and combining households. For me, though, it feels a little off somehow, since A. I have more than enough, and B. I take a certain pride in buying it myself. But that's all definitely "me" stuff, and not anything that I would expect others to abide by (or even agree with!).

I think my main reservation about it is that we only "accept" registries for 2 things: Weddings and Babies (and even then, only the first baby). So my immediate question when one thing Isn't Like The Others is to ask why that is--what makes it okay to post a Wish List for your wedding and your baby, but not for your birthday, or Christmas, or Wheneverthefuck? I'm not sure I have a good answer for that question, and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe this is just one of those etiquette things that is acceptable because large cultural forces deem it so (these things are few and far between, and no, "My region totally loves dollar dances!" isn't one of them!). But the question still rattles around in my brain and I haven't come across a truly satisfying answer yet.

huskypuppy14 · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

esstee33 said:

thelastdreamer said:

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

While I totally get what you're saying, I do think this is also a circle thing. I've been to seven weddings this year and only one couple had been living together for a few years. All the others were right out of college, first place of their own type things.

I think it's sort of an arbitrary line in the sand to say that couples who are living together already need fewer things than couples who aren't, because that's not always true, either. One of my best friends had been living with her FI before they got married, but they had almost nothing because she was supporting both of them in an expensive apartment on a teacher's salary when the job he was supposed to have fell through and he couldn't find another. They had next to nothing and were super grateful for everything people purchased for them. One of my coworkers is sort of pseudo-living-with her FI, and they also have basically nothing. They bought what they absolutely needed to have, but no extras. Not everyone fully stocks their home as soon as they move in together.

You're both right, of course--there's nothing to say that the couple who's been together forever doesn't "need" household stuff, nor that "most" people have been together for a long time. I guess I was framing it more in terms of what I would do, personally. I don't side-eye other people for having registries regardless of whether they're getting married out of college or in their 40s and combining households. For me, though, it feels a little off somehow, since A. I have more than enough, and B. I take a certain pride in buying it myself. But that's all definitely "me" stuff, and not anything that I would expect others to abide by (or even agree with!).

I think my main reservation about it is that we only "accept" registries for 2 things: Weddings and Babies (and even then, only the first baby). So my immediate question when one thing Isn't Like The Others is to ask why that is--what makes it okay to post a Wish List for your wedding and your baby, but not for your birthday, or Christmas, or Wheneverthefuck? I'm not sure I have a good answer for that question, and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe this is just one of those etiquette things that is acceptable because large cultural forces deem it so (these things are few and far between, and no, "My region totally loves dollar dances!" isn't one of them!). But the question still rattles around in my brain and I haven't come across a truly satisfying answer yet.

For Christmas my aunt, grandma, and mom always ask what we want. One year I made an amazon wish list and emailed it to my Mom when she asked.

I think the key part is only give it out if someone asks, which unless it's a shower, you shouldn't try to solicit gifts from people anyway.

APDSS22 · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

esstee33 said:

thelastdreamer said:

KatieinBkln said:

I know that the World has agreed that registries aren't rude. I know that many people (myself included!) really appreciate having the option of seeing what a couple wants before buying a wedding gift. But I definitely have some reservations about the entire notion--it seems a bit antiquated in this day and age to give gifts that "start up a household" when the reality is that many people who get married do so well after they've already bought their own damn stemware, ya know? There's definitely a part of me that feels like it's even a little bit problematic on a gender level (buy her a mixer so she can bake cookies! Wives love bakin' cookies!).

On the other hand, people do bake cookies, and who's to say it's just the wife in a heterosexual couple? Just because lots of people still think so doesn't make it true (this wife-to-be doesn't bake for shit, but my FI loves to, for example). So why blame the registry?

I don't know, I find it all a little hard to justify, but I definitely don't think it's rude. I just don't love it as a concept. I haven't decided whether I will have a tiny registry or none at all.

While I totally get what you're saying, I do think this is also a circle thing. I've been to seven weddings this year and only one couple had been living together for a few years. All the others were right out of college, first place of their own type things.

I think it's sort of an arbitrary line in the sand to say that couples who are living together already need fewer things than couples who aren't, because that's not always true, either. One of my best friends had been living with her FI before they got married, but they had almost nothing because she was supporting both of them in an expensive apartment on a teacher's salary when the job he was supposed to have fell through and he couldn't find another. They had next to nothing and were super grateful for everything people purchased for them. One of my coworkers is sort of pseudo-living-with her FI, and they also have basically nothing. They bought what they absolutely needed to have, but no extras. Not everyone fully stocks their home as soon as they move in together.

You're both right, of course--there's nothing to say that the couple who's been together forever doesn't "need" household stuff, nor that "most" people have been together for a long time. I guess I was framing it more in terms of what I would do, personally. I don't side-eye other people for having registries regardless of whether they're getting married out of college or in their 40s and combining households. For me, though, it feels a little off somehow, since A. I have more than enough, and B. I take a certain pride in buying it myself. But that's all definitely "me" stuff, and not anything that I would expect others to abide by (or even agree with!).

I think my main reservation about it is that we only "accept" registries for 2 things: Weddings and Babies (and even then, only the first baby). So my immediate question when one thing Isn't Like The Others is to ask why that is--what makes it okay to post a Wish List for your wedding and your baby, but not for your birthday, or Christmas, or Wheneverthefuck? I'm not sure I have a good answer for that question, and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe this is just one of those etiquette things that is acceptable because large cultural forces deem it so (these things are few and far between, and no, "My region totally loves dollar dances!" isn't one of them!). But the question still rattles around in my brain and I haven't come across a truly satisfying answer yet.

In my family, apparently it's expected to keep your registry open after you marry and if there's something you didn't get at the wedding and maybe still can't bring yourself to purchase it just for yourself (usually extra serving ware or something that's not a "need"), the family might get it for you as a Christmas gift. Personally, even though my husband and I had lived together for awhile before the wedding, I was grateful that we could set up a registry to replace our Walgreens kitchen appliances and plastic plates.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Knottie27273946 said:

@KatieinBkln
I say why not have one for whatever occasion (xmas, birthday, wedding, etc) and if someone asks (they probably don't think it's rude to have one) why not just have one just in case, so you can give it to them?

I found Pegas.us.com and have been playing with it. They cater to weddings, but I can make a couple of different lists (xmas, bday, wedding, etc), but a lot of different stores. I'm going to try it with my FI (or anyone that asks me for a wish list) during xmas first.

I can guarantee that none of my family members expect anyone to have a Christmas registry lying around for "just in case."

And I think there's a huge difference between making a list that your Mom/Grandma requested and actually...registering for gifts. I'm standing firm on that one: non-Wedding, non-shower registries are tacky.

thesummersky · September 2014

MyNameIsNot said:

I think about it in terms of non-wedding context.

It would be rude as hell for me to send my grandma a Christmas card and include a list of things I want. But if she calls and asks what I'd like, I'm going to give her a couple of suggestions. I feel like a registry is the same thing. It's a list of gift suggestions for people who inquire about getting you something.

I think this is why I struggled with it so much at first. I love giving gifts, and registries definitely help the person gifting know what the recipient likes best and would use. On the other hand though, gifting it as the giver's discretion, and I did not at all like the idea of having a registry, since I felt like we were telling people we wouldn't appreciate their gift unless it was on that list.

We ended up going with one because his mom advised, like others have said, that creating a registry simply makes it easier for the giver. Lots of good points here, though.

kimberly0315 That's so interesting! I love learning about wedding norms, traditions and etc. from other countries and cultures.

bananasplit472001 · September 2014

To all the PP's that said that they have a registry for stuff like christmas and birthday gifts I agree with you. However, only if your family asks for something like this should it be done. My family does this as well and it is just custom for everyone. Everytime someone gets married they are expected to open up a registry for the engagement party and people know to purchase gifts for every occasion until after the wedding. This is due to the fact no one moves in together before they are engaged and they usually have nothing. Household items come in the form of hand-me-downs and gifts from the registry. It is really not strange or tacky to set-up a registry after you get engaged and people buy stuff off of it for your birthdays. My grandma even does this and she is very traditional. The past year and a half i've only received stuff from my registry for all holidays. My family sees it as why waste money on stuff they don't need when they need a house full of items.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

bananasplit472001 said:

To all the PP's that said that they have a registry for stuff like christmas and birthday gifts I agree with you. However, only if your family asks for something like this should it be done. My family does this as well and it is just custom for everyone. Everytime someone gets married they are expected to open up a registry for the engagement party and people know to purchase gifts for every occasion until after the wedding. This is due to the fact no one moves in together before they are engaged and they usually have nothing. Household items come in the form of hand-me-downs and gifts from the registry. It is really not strange or tacky to set-up a registry after you get engaged and people buy stuff off of it for your birthdays. My grandma even does this and she is very traditional. The past year and a half i've only received stuff from my registry for all holidays. My family sees it as why waste money on stuff they don't need when they need a house full of items.

I just think there's a difference between your family using the wedding registry you set up to continue to buy you Christmas/birthday presents off of, versus setting up a general registry for your life.

I'm also from a family that is much more likely to give cash than presents, so maybe that's part of it. My mom will ask what I want for Christmas sometimes, and then I just...tell her? It isn't that complicated. I kind of feel like if you (general) start expecting so many gifts for your birthday/holidays that you need a registry to manage it all, you might need to realign some priorities.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I love my amazon wishlist. My family uses it for Christmas, and I use it the rest of the year. I hate shopping, so I only shop online. I do online research, read reviews, and select the best item and put it on my wishlist. I then keep track of the cheapest price at which amazon sells the item. And when I really want something, I'll look in brick and mortar discount stores like TJ Maxx or Marshalls to see if they have something similar for even cheaper than amazon's cheapest amount. Now that we've bought a house, I expect our families to buy us something off my wishlist if they get us anything as a housewarming gift. I have curtains, bathmats, and beer glasses that would be good for us as a couple, and I have coats and books that are just for me.

bananasplit472001 · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

bananasplit472001 said:

To all the PP's that said that they have a registry for stuff like christmas and birthday gifts I agree with you. However, only if your family asks for something like this should it be done. My family does this as well and it is just custom for everyone. Everytime someone gets married they are expected to open up a registry for the engagement party and people know to purchase gifts for every occasion until after the wedding. This is due to the fact no one moves in together before they are engaged and they usually have nothing. Household items come in the form of hand-me-downs and gifts from the registry. It is really not strange or tacky to set-up a registry after you get engaged and people buy stuff off of it for your birthdays. My grandma even does this and she is very traditional. The past year and a half i've only received stuff from my registry for all holidays. My family sees it as why waste money on stuff they don't need when they need a house full of items.

I just think there's a difference between your family using the wedding registry you set up to continue to buy you Christmas/birthday presents off of, versus setting up a general registry for your life.

I'm also from a family that is much more likely to give cash than presents, so maybe that's part of it. My mom will ask what I want for Christmas sometimes, and then I just...tell her? It isn't that complicated. I kind of feel like if you (general) start expecting so many gifts for your birthday/holidays that you need a registry to manage it all, you might need to realign some priorities.

I agree if it is a registry for just your life thats crazy. My family starts the registry when someone is engaged and immediately stops after the wedding. There is no need after that. If the couple wants something that was on the registry just buy it themselves. Heck I even bought stuff off of my own registry just because I needed it now. Also Macy's has an amazing program that when someone (yourself or guest) purchases something off the registry the couple will get 10% back in a giftcard so whenever I need something I put it on the registry and buy it myself to get the perk. But it is only after the wedding that you get this.

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

We have Amazon wish lists too. Mom and MIL insist on it. I actually have 2, one that's private I use to keep track of stuff I intend to buy myself eventually and one public one that's mostly for MIL and mom. I don't care who here thinks it's rude, I doubt any of you are going to be in the market to buy me a gift anyway. I only mention it if someone asks. I never expect gifts and I am the biggest user of my own wish list.

That's what wish lists are for, they are wishes, not commands!

My only complaint is MIL insists we keep ours up to date, but won't create one herself!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

We have Amazon wish lists too. Mom and MIL insist on it. I actually have 2, one that's private I use to keep track of stuff I intend to buy myself eventually and one public one that's mostly for MIL and mom. I don't care who here thinks it's rude, I doubt any of you are going to be in the market to buy me a gift anyway. I only mention it if someone asks. I never expect gifts and I am the biggest user of my own wish list.

That's what wish lists are for, they are wishes, not commands!

My only complaint is MIL insists we keep ours up to date, but won't create one herself!

My mom is the one that won't create one for herself. So I keep one for her. Every time I go to her house and she doesn't have something we'd like to use while we're there, I add it to my gift idea list for her. Last year I send several items on that list to my sister and brother-in-law because they also had no idea what to get my mom. Since I keep a running list, I had enough things to buy her myself and could also pass along a few to them.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

We have Amazon wish lists too. Mom and MIL insist on it. I actually have 2, one that's private I use to keep track of stuff I intend to buy myself eventually and one public one that's mostly for MIL and mom. I don't care who here thinks it's rude, I doubt any of you are going to be in the market to buy me a gift anyway. I only mention it if someone asks. I never expect gifts and I am the biggest user of my own wish list.

That's what wish lists are for, they are wishes, not commands!

My only complaint is MIL insists we keep ours up to date, but won't create one herself!

This reasoning sounds an awful lot like "None of you people are invited to my wedding anyway!" Which goes over like a fart in church around here, usually.

I don't personally care what people want to do with their own immediate family. I just find it on the wrong side of good taste for anyone outside of family, and plain unnecessary for family. I mean, I have some "wish lists" on various sites that are not shared, just for my own personal use/to track when things go on sale, etc. If my mom says, "what do you want for Christmas?" it's just as easy to send her a link to The Thing I Want as it is to have her access a shared list that has all my wishes on it. The bigger the list grew the more embarrassed I would be even having her access it--she's given me plenty over the years; subjecting her to a list that is full of the last 100 or so Nice Things I have my eye on feels like an expectation to me, whether or not it's intended to be so.

luckysnorkel · September 2014

adk19 said:

I love my amazon wishlist. My family uses it for Christmas, and I use it the rest of the year.

I do the same thing. I keep an Amazon wishlist for myself during the year, and my parents, brother and husband know about it and shop from it during Christmastime. Of course I would NEVER EVER EVER publicize it to anyone outside my immediate family, and really could care less whether anyone buys from it. My family just seems to find it easier that way.

Fairyjen1 · September 2014

KatieinBkln said:

Fairyjen1 said:

We have Amazon wish lists too. Mom and MIL insist on it. I actually have 2, one that's private I use to keep track of stuff I intend to buy myself eventually and one public one that's mostly for MIL and mom. I don't care who here thinks it's rude, I doubt any of you are going to be in the market to buy me a gift anyway. I only mention it if someone asks. I never expect gifts and I am the biggest user of my own wish list.

That's what wish lists are for, they are wishes, not commands!

My only complaint is MIL insists we keep ours up to date, but won't create one herself!

This reasoning sounds an awful lot like "None of you people are invited to my wedding anyway!" Which goes over like a fart in church around here, usually.

True, it does. The difference, though is I do care about etiquette at my wedding. Not so much about my Amazon wish list no one but immediate family and people stalking me on Amazon are ever going to see.

If having one is rude I'll own it and take my place in hell where they send people with public wish lists. At least I won't be lonely!

I'm also feeling snarky today so hinting people who do have one are rude is annoying me. Tomorrow I may feel differently.

KatieinBkln · September 2014

Fairyjen1 said:

KatieinBkln said:

Fairyjen1 said:

We have Amazon wish lists too. Mom and MIL insist on it. I actually have 2, one that's private I use to keep track of stuff I intend to buy myself eventually and one public one that's mostly for MIL and mom. I don't care who here thinks it's rude, I doubt any of you are going to be in the market to buy me a gift anyway. I only mention it if someone asks. I never expect gifts and I am the biggest user of my own wish list.

That's what wish lists are for, they are wishes, not commands!

My only complaint is MIL insists we keep ours up to date, but won't create one herself!

This reasoning sounds an awful lot like "None of you people are invited to my wedding anyway!" Which goes over like a fart in church around here, usually.

True, it does. The difference, though is I do care about etiquette at my wedding. Not so much about my Amazon wish list no one but immediate family and people stalking me on Amazon are ever going to see.

If having one is rude I'll own it and take my place in hell where they send people with public wish lists. At least I won't be lonely!

I'm also feeling snarky today so hinting people who do have one are rude is annoying me. Tomorrow I may feel differently.

Nah, it's cool. I feel like the cranky old bat in this thread today! Get off my lawn, registers!

lavenderfields13 · September 2014

Would it be weird to register even though I don't want a shower? If I'm invited to a wedding but not the shower then I usually just give a check as a wedding gift. I feel the same was as @KatieinBklyn and think that showers are antiquated - for most couples these days anyway. I think they should really only be for couples who haven't lived together or on their own yet and really need the basics for their home. FI and I have been living together for about 3 years now and have crappy stuff and only the absolute basics. I would love newer and more things but we chose to live together before we were married and having a shower doesn't feel right to me. But I know many guests will want to give us a gift and I'm wondering if we should have a small registry so if someone would like to buy us a physical gift they have something to go off of. If we did I would just put the info on our website and people would see it there or find out through word of mouth if they asked anyone close to us if we were registered anywhere. Although I'm nervous if I did this then FMIL would throw me a shower even though I have told her at least 20 times I absolutely do not want one. I think most guests that would like to give a gift will just give us cash or a check since we're not registered but I didn't know if it could be helpful? ETA: TK ate my paragraphs

Are registries rude?

Re: Are registries rude?

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